Slowly he opened his eyes, rubbing them with his hands, he looked at his surroundings. The living room. His house. The sun shining through the window.

Then he remembered the night before. The painful memories. The crying and the scars that had never really healed.

Ring

That had been what had woken him up. Standing up slowly and running his fingers across his sore neck, he made his way towards the telephone by one side of the couch.

"Huh?"

"You just woke up?" the voice at the other end ask.

"Uh. Yeah." he still wasn't complete awake and he was dead tired. Crying himself to sleep always did that to him.

"You ok?" concerned obvious in his voice.

"Yeah Nick, I just woke up. That's all."

"You sure?"

"What did you call for anyway?" he knew he was being harsh to the younger man, but he wasn't in the mood to be questioned about it. That was the less thing he wanted at the moment.

"Well, I was hanging with Matt yesterday and we thought that maybe we could all go to this club he's in. That is if you want to." He said tentatively. He knew Kevin was pissed. Why? Better not ask.

Kevin stood silent for a moment. He wanted to be with Matt, even if it was just for a moment and not even near him. But then again, after last night, he didn't know if he was in the mood to be with the guys at all. All the wanted at the moment was to stay in his house sleeping. Or at least laying in the bed. Looking at the clock he realized why Nick had been surprise that he had just woken up. It was 9.20. He had to be at practice in 40 minutes and he hadn't even shower.

"Kev?"

"Uh... yeah... sure, why not?"

"Cool. Bring your swimming trunks. He said there's this very cool pool."

"Ok."

"We're going right after practice. They'll meet us there."

"See you there." He said as he hung up, not even waiting for Nick to answered back.

He knew he was afraid. Terrified was an underestimated. Not only for the fact that he didn't know if he could face Matt and be cool around him knowing how he felt for him. Sure, he hadn't said the words aloud, but he knew how he felt. He knew he loved him. How could he love him in such a short time? He didn't know. Maybe it was the way they had talked the first day. Or how at ease he had felt when they had talked about his studies and his family. He knew Matt hadn't told him everything about his family. They hadn't known each other that longer either. But he felt different when he was with the younger man.

He also didn't know if he could pretend with the guys around. Having short flashbacks of that night was one thing. But reviving it all was something else. He could have swore that he was there. That Greg was next to him last night. The fear and pain had been multiply by a thousand by the time he had woken up from the memories.

Stop this. It isn't helping.

He was right, thinking about it and getting lost in his own torture wasn't good. Specially since he only had 35 minutes to get ready for practice.

With no other choice, he stood up and made his way towards the bedroom.

May as well just get over with it. He thought

*****

I sighed. I had been trying to continue with this book for what seemed like ages, but I hadn't even finished the page. God knows I read quick enough, but this time I just couldn't focus on what was written in there.

Looking at the door for the thousand time in just half an hour I rested my head against the cold wall. Here I was waiting for Kate by his class' door. I had classes till an hour ago and wasn't in the mood for library. All that silence might have put me to sleep. So I was sitting by the door, trying to focus on this silly book.

This had been one of the worst days of my life. I just couldn't suppress the thought of Kevin all day long. And to make matters worst I didn't even had lunch with Kate. She had classes while I had an hour free and I had classes while she had an hour free. Having lunch alone was something I was used to from my school days. With my parents going to meetings and greetings, I had to get used to it. It had never bothered me before, I sometimes like the quiet time myself. But now. Today. I wasn't in the mood for it.

Yesterday's conversation kept haunting me. What Kate said. What Nick said. I just can't believe it. I know I have feelings for him. I'll be too stupid trying to lie to myself. Believe the lie was the quote. One of my fav. in The X-Files, but then again, I just couldn't do it right now.

What is taking her so long?

She had physics right now. Knowing her like I do, she's probably about to jump from the walls. Two hours in physics is just plain hell, as she told me once.

Now, what could I do about this whole thing? It's not as if I can ask him. Well, maybe I could, but I'm not going to. I don't want to have the pressure and difficulties of a relationship right now. I'm happy as I am. Are you really?

Damn my mind and my quick thinking. Sometimes I just wish my feelings wouldn't reveal in my thoughts as much as they did.

I know I like him. Maybe even like him a lot... Now, loving him was something completely different. I do believe in the kind of love that lasts a life time. That you can be with just one person and be in heaven. However, finding that person is the hard work.

Closing my eyes I laid down the cold sit extended from the wall. Don't think about it, I told myself. Just think that you're gonna be in the Olympic pool in just an hour.

Opening my eyes, I focus on the ceiling. The repetitive patterns could be intoxicating. I think I got lost at it somewhere. Because the next thing I knew Kate was blocking my line of sight.

"You back?" her smiling giving me the little encourage I needed.

Sitting back, so she could sit my by side, I looked at her. "I never left."

"Yes you did, I've been here next to you for ten minutes. Took you long enough to realize I was here."

Looking down the floor I could feel her gaze in my head. She was worried about me. I couldn't blame her, right now even I was worried about me. "I was just thinking."

"Care to share."

"Dunno... mid term exams are coming close." My gaze never leaving the floor.

I heard her laugh, I was a lousy liar when it come to her. "Yeah, right. And I'm Scully"

Finally looking at her, a smile coming to my lips. "You are to me."

Smiling back to me, she sat by my side. "Sure you weren't thinking about Kevin?"

And there she goes again!, that girl never gives up! "Will you stop it?" I said as I rested my hand in her shoulder.

"Stop what?" trying to look innocent. I guess I could have fell for that if I didn't know her so well.

"Cut the act love. You're an engineer, not an actress."

"Oh, well, I try."

"Yeah, I can give you that." Standing up I grabbed my backpack and the book. "Let's go, we're gonna be late."

"Oh!, and you wouldn't want to be late, now would you?" she continued as we made our way towards my car.

"Kate." My voice in a warning tone.

She just laughed as we continued our way to the parking lot. It was gonna be a long say indeed.

*****

I smiled as I pulled into the driveway of the studio. Second day in a row. Turning around I looked over at Kate who had a Cheshire grin plastered in her face.

"Now. Not tricks, go it?"

"Tricks? Matt, who do you take me for?"

"Who you are my darlin'. I know you only mean good, but I don't wanna be placed in an awkward position."

The only answered I got were her white teeth shown in her smile. I was gonna need as much help as I could get. With a sigh I got out of the car, hearing Kate doing the same, we made our way.

Opening the doors, we were greeted by a very similar sigh as the one the day before. All of the guys were in front of the mirrors, dancing perfectly coordinated, as Fatima kept a close eye in every move. Quietly we stood right there, not wanting to interrupt their concentration.

As the music stopped, Fatima addressed tot he guys. "Good, now just remember it for tomorrow!"

Turning around Nick was the first one to see us. "Glad you guys made it. We aren't staying longer today."

"Great. You guys wanna change or wanna head for the club right away." Kate questioned.

"We might as well just go to the club, we're gonna have to change there anyway." Answered AJ while having a drink of his bottle.

"Sure."

With that they all grabbed their bags and we left the building. Standing by the driveway I turned around to see the guys.

"How are the driving arrangements?"

the guys looked at each other, then turned to look at Kevin. He sighed and with a shy smile answered me. "AJ can go with Howie. I'll go with Brian and Nick can ride with you guys."

God, what a voice! I nodded and turned around to the car. Still I heard Nick's voice. "Kevin, you go with Matt. I'll go with Brian, wanna talk with him."

Oh, oh! I turned around and glared at him. Let's just say that if looks could kill I'd have had a hundred teenyboppers after me in that instant. Nick just smiled at me, his eyes shining as he had an advantage over me.

Kevin looked around quite uncomfortable, seeking for some help from Brian he turned to him. However Brian only smiled. 'Damn him' he thought. With no other way out he answered. "Umm... sure."

Throwing me a glance and then smiling to Kate, Nick rushed to the already waiting Brian. With a sigh the three of us made our way to my car. 'Stay cool. Everything will be fine'

As I got in I noticed that Kate was taking the backseat and motioning for Kevin to take the passenger's seat. 'I can't believe her!' I wanted to scream as Kevin got in.

I was driving first, as only Kate and me knew where we were going. Following us were Brian and Nick, and taking the read were AJ ad Howie.

*****

Nick sat on the passenger's sit of Brian's car. As the older man started the engine, he wondered. "What did you wanna ask me?"

Nick's mind was black in that moment, he had only said that so that Kevin could go with Matt. "Umm... well... " 'Think Carter. Think.' "I wanted to ask you if Kevin was alright?"

Brian stiffed at his words. He knew the guys had probably figured out by now that Kevin had been lying when he had said that he was worried about the tour. Then again, what could he tell him? "He's fine."

Nick sighed. It was probably not the best time to bring it up, specially now that they were going to spend the rest of the day together. But what else could he do? "Is he really?"

Brian's focus remained on the road and Matt's 4Runner. He couldn't lie to Nick, but he couldn't tell him the truth either. "Just worried, I guess."

"Oh!, I thought it was something else. I've noticed him kinda... I don't know.... awkward with us. But specially with Matt?"

Brian got scared. Did he know?, did he have suspicions? "I don't think so?"

"Maybe it's just me, but I thought I was right yesterday, when Kevin left so suddenly."

The older man had to flinch at it. Nick was right, anyone with seeing ability could tell that what happened yesterday was way off the charts. "He said he had to make a call."

"Yeah, he said that."

'But I didn't believe him' was what Brian thought Nick implied.

Neither of them said anything after that. I t was just too risky for both of them, even if they were just the mediators.

*****

I looked at Kate through the review mirror. She had the look of the cat that ate the canary, and I couldn't blame her, after all we were both in the same room (even if it was a car) as she had wanted.

"So Kevin, how are things for the tour so far?" her voice confident and I could tell she was grinning form ear to ear.

"As far as I know things are going smoothly. The tour doesn't kick until two more months, but from the looks of it is gonna be great."

"The choreography looks amazing." I chipped in without even realizing. She was getting me to talk with him, just like she wanted.

Kevin turned around slightly and glanced at me, as a reflex I smiled.

"It's all Fatima's work. We just learn it."

"She seems pretty cool."

"She is. We wouldn't dance like we do if it wasn't for her."

I had to chuckle at that. I didn't know anything of them, but I sure was gonna do some research that night. "Someway I don't believe that from AJ. He seems to enjoy it a lot."

"He does. He's been dancing since he was a kid. The rest of us.... not that much. Still this tour is gonna be a lot better."

"Wouldn't know for sure."

"Right. You didn't know it was us. You ever heard of us before?"

As I was about to say 'no, never' Kate interrupted me.

"A couple of times in the radio. But didn't know how you looked like."

Kevin chuckled. "I still find it difficult for me to believe that you're 18 and like the 60's rock."

I could hear Kate laughing. This wasn't the first time we had heard that.

"It's kinda weird, but we just love it."

"I'm more into the 90's."

"Yeah, most people are. That's what makes us special." I said smiling.

"What's your fav. band?"

"The Beatles." Said Kate and me in unison.

Kevin's laughing could be heard, I couldn't help but smile. "Just them?"

"Peter Noone's Herman Hermits." I added.

Kevin looked puzzle, his eyebrows closed together and his nose all wrinkle. He looked adorable!

"You probably haven't head of them. They were form the early 70's. You were barely born."

"You weren't even born." The humor was evident in his voice.

"That doesn't mean I can't appreciate good music." I was trying to keep a straight face, but I could tell that Kate wasn't having good luck 'cause I could hear her snickering.

"Ouch!" he was trying to sound hurt, but I knew he understood I was only joking. "You're fav. song?"

"From them?" I continued after I saw him nod. "It'd have to be 'No Milk Today', wanna hear?"

Kevin nodded again.

"The glove compartment."

As Kevin was looking through it I saw Kate smiling at me. I knew where she was heading but I wasn't gonna fall for it.

"This one?" he said showing me the right CD.

"Yeah. Track #5."

I smiled as the lyrics filled the atmosphere. It was a lovely song, even though it was more country than rock. When it finished Kevin it off.

"It was a nice song..."

"But you didn't like it that much. I know, it's a little bit on the country side."

He chuckle. "Yeah, but I think I've heard them before. I think my mom has their CD's. Remember I'm from Kentucky."

"Yeah!, I forgot. I'm sure your mom has heard of them before. So what do you like?"

"Me? the one with no knowledge-what-so-ever in music?"

"Hey!, you know I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. I was just teasing ya."

"Very funny." I turned around for a moment to look at him. His sapphire green eyes were shining with laughter and I could tell he was enjoying himself. Maybe it wasn't so bad that he'd come with us after all.

"You didn't tell me what you like?"

"Oh! A little bit of everything. Rock, pop, hip hop."

"Anyone in particular?"

"Michael Jackson, Savage Garden, Red Hot Chili Peppers..."

"Savage Garden are cool." Interjected Kate for the first time in a while.

"You've heard of them?"

"Yeah! Matt maybe lost in the last decade's music, but I'm not so isolated!"

"Hey!, I resent that comment!"

I could hear her laugh as I made the last turn to the club. It had takes us a good 40 minutes to get here. It wasn't so far from the city, but it was on the other side from the studio. It could get here in just 20 minutes from home and 30 from college.

"You know it's true! You'll only recognize the Red Hot Chilli Peppers because I've made you listen to them! Don't deny it!"

It was my turn to laugh. She was right - and God didn't I hate it when it happened - she listened to the 90's a little bit and she forced me to listen to them from time to time.

"Ok, ok. Who are Savage Garden?"

Kevin looked kinda stunned. "You don't know them?"

"Should it?"

As Kevin was going to say something, Kate interrupted him. "Save it Kevin!, he isn't gonna remember like that. Remember this?" A second later she started singing the chorus of 'I knew I loved you'.

"Oh!, them!... yeah." I said after she had finished singing.

"See? That's the only way he'd remember them. I showed him that song last month."

"You've got a great voice." Kevin said as he turned around to look at her. "I didn't know you could sing like that."

Kate blushed at Kevin's compliment. I laughed at that, she looked adorable when she blushed.

"Thanks."

Just then I saw the security guard as I pulled into the gate. They were old gates with a symbol in the middle. It stood for 'The Lioneld Private Club'

"Caldwell and Astadourian." I said as the security guard checked the member's name.

"Good afternoon Mr. Caldwell, Ms. Astadourian." Both Kate and I nodded. "Your guests?"

"Yah. Mr. Richardson." As I motioned towards Kevin. "In the car behind us are Mr. Littrell and Mr. Carter. Behind them are Mr. Dorough and Mr. McLean."

"Thanks Mr. Caldwell. Have a pleasant afternoon."

With that the gates opened and I drove in, a little bit slow waiting for the guys to catch up with us after they had given their names. When I pulled into the front door I stopped the car and got out, after giving the valet the keys we waited for the rest of the guys to do the same.

"Wow!, this place is amazing." Said AJ after the cars had been taken.

"It's quiet enough. No one will bother us." I said as we walked to the lobby.

"I never heard of it." Added Kevin.

"Yeah, it's pretty private. Our parents are friend with the owner, that's how they found out about it. Matt here only comes for the pool."

I grinned at her. What could I say? I just love the water. Kate and I approached the receptionist desk. The woman looked at us and smiled.

"Mr. Caldwell, Ms. Astadourian. A pleasure seeing you again."

"It's great to see you too Becca. We'd like to add some names in our guest list."

"Sure." She started typing in the computer.

I motioned for the guys to come closer. "This are Brian Littrell, Nickolas Carter, Alexander McLean, Howard Dorough and Kevin Richardson."

"Nice to meet you gentlemen. They are in your list. Will that be all?"

"Yeah. Is the booth and pool ready?"

"Yes, just as you requested it."

"Thanks a lot." With that we made our way to the back.

"List?" Howie asked.

"Yeah. The only way to get in, unless your a member, is to be in one of the guest list. Now that they have your names, you can come in and leave as you please."

They were all kinda surprised about our decision. Kate had been too at the beginning, but I thought that if they didn't like the club then they'll never come back, right?

"You shouldn't have bothered." Added Kevin.

"I didn't mind. It's great to have guest." I commented with a reassuring smile. Kevin smiled back and for a moment there I was lost.

"We're there." Announced Kate as I opened the doors to the main pool. There were three pools. Two small ones, the ones that most of the member preferred, and the Olympic one. I love it to say the least.

It was pretty amazing at first sight.... and second... and third, but unto the hundred and something visit, you kinda get use to it. There were lounging chairs by the side, the dressing rooms wee to the left. As far as I knew this pool had never been used for mayor competitions, but some of the members, professional swimmers, had insisted on an Olympic pool.

"The dressing rooms are to the left." Motioning for the guys to change into their swimming trunks. With a quick thanks they left.

"Aren't you gonna go?"

"Nope." I said as I took of my T-shirt. I had changed into my swimming suit before leaving college. I'd had a whole hour to kill, after all.

Leaving my gym back, which actually had everything I need for swimming, I sat there and started taking out what I was gonna need.

"What about you Kate?"

"Got it covered." She too took of her T-shirt to reveal her baby blue bathing suit. I had tried to talk her into buying a bikini, but she had always said that she wasn't comfortable with it. I didn't understood why, I mean, she had a killer figure after all.

She laid down on one of the chairs. "It's a nice day."

She was right. It was barely 4.30pm, since we had arrived early at the studio, and the sun was still high. We'd probably swim for a while, then have something to eat.

"Gonna keep the training today?"

"Just half of it. I don't wanna be a bad host." I answered as I checked my swimming goggles.

"You can do it if you want. I'll keep them busy while you're at it."

"Nah!, it's ok. I can do it another time."

Just then I saw Nick getting out of the dressing room. He was wearing green swimming trunks, his bag in hand. Even though he didn't have the greatest body, it was well defined. He had broad shoulders, like he used to do some swimming. He's shark tattoo stood up from his pale skin. Next in line was Brian. he was wearing gray trunks. His plain abs and smooth chest visible at first sight. Following closely was AJ. Now that boy had a very good physic. His black trunks were tight enough to show his nice butt, but not too tight to made it look grotesque. Great pecks to say the least. Next appeared Howie. You could tell the boy like push-ups. His six pack was prove of that. With just gray and black trunks you couldn't help but noticing it. However nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next.

Kevin.

If I thought he had a great body I was dead wrong. He had the PERFECT BODY. His arms were prove enough that he lifted weights. His perfect sculpted pecks and chest were to die for. I swear to God I stopped breathing when I saw him! His great abs, just like a swimmers', and even then some didn't have what he had to show for. His well defined tanned legs were just as amazing. He like to ride bike, that was for sure. And to finished that perfect image, his royal blue trunks made an incredible contrast to his sapphire green eyes.

"Breath." Whispered Kate holding her chuckle.

Good idea, my mind told me as my respiration system seemed to finally kick in. Guess it died with the rest of my body and language activity when I saw Kevin.

As the guys approached us, Nick moved closer to me so I could hear him whisper. "Like what you see?" His evil grin was more than I could handle. He knew perfectly well that I was checking Kevin out. Come on!, even a straight guy wouldn't help but notice him.

"You are 5 very nice boys." Said Kate with a smile as she started analyzing them bit by bit.

"And what about you my lady? Aren't you gonna change?" asked AJ as he sat next to Kate.

"Oh, yeah!" she took of her jeans to reveal the rest of her bathing suit and the beautiful body she inherit.

Using Kate's undressing as a distraction, I took off my sneakers and then my jeans. Grabbing my swimming goggles I made my way to the end of the pool. As I was going to put them on and dive, I heard a whistle. 'Damn!'

Doing something I knew I'll regret later, I turned around.

Nick was looking at me with sheer mischief in his eyes and I knew he had been the one to whistle and why he had done it.

All five of the guys stood there, looking at me. I couldn't read their expression very well -- but I think surprised pretty much covered it. I was trying my best not to blush! Nick didn't know wherever to bug me or to keep quiet. Glad I could amuse you kiddo.

"You work out, don't' you?" asked Howie.

I chuckled at that. "Would you believe me if I said no?"

"You're kidding, right? You wouldn't have that body if you didn't work out." Added AJ.

"I just swim."

"And boy don't you do it often." Stated Nick, the humor in his voice was more than audible, it was almost annoying!

I sighed, I wasn't gonna be let off the hook any time this century.

"He practically lives in the pool."

Turning around I glared at Kate. I so didn't need her help!

"How long have you been swimming?" this time it was Brian who asked.

"Since I was seven. It's one of my very few hobbies." I looked over at Kevin. I could tell he was impressed as well. At least the long hours swimming paid off, right?

Kevin stood there, if Nick hadn't whistle, he probably wouldn't have noticed me changing. Oh brother! he thought. It was an underestimate to say he was impressed.

His sapphire green eyes met my dark ones for a moment before dropping his gaze to the floor. However he couldn't help himself and his eyes started roaming through my body. Starting with my very short hair, followed by my broad shoulder from all the strokes, close by my firm pecks, continuing with my strong built chest, down to my plain abs from all the swimming, ending with my strong legs.

If he had thought about forgetting all about me, acting like nothing had happened, now he knew that it'll be nearly impossible.

Brian had realized that his cousin was lost in his introspective analysis. He also knew that unless he was brought back by someone, he might start shocking from the lack of oxygen.

"Breath." Whispered Brian.

Kevin heard the younger man and could feel himself blushing. As he forced himself to breath, he glanced to the floor. Checking out the object of your affection just wearing a bathing suit wasn't healthy.

"You don't like swimming trunks, now do you?" commented AJ with a sly smile.

"Nope, the friction between the water and the clothing makes you loose time. This are better."

"I can see that." Mumbled Nick.

If he kept that up, there would only be 4 Backstreet boy by the end of the day!

"And you like Speedo." Added Howie pointing to my goggles.

Kate started to chuckle and I couldn't help but grin. "You see, Matt here is someway a compulsive shopper. When he got good at swimming his first trip was to the Sports Store. PS: Not only women love to shop"

"Hey." I said while smacking her arm. "It was not like that. I needed a good bathing suit and goggles. Speedo fit the idea."

"Do you wear a swimming hat?"

"I used to. They were needed for competitions. I have very short hair so it doesn't bother me at all."

"You used to compete?" asked a surprised Nick.

I turned around to look at Kate. She could read my eyes like an open book, and in that moment I needed her help.

"Yeah, back in school. He was really good." Her voice was steadier than I could have muster at the moment.

Before anything else could be said, I continued. "Well, now if you excuse me. I need to take a dive" with that I turned to the pool and walked to the podium. Leaning down I wet the goggles a little bit, after putting them, I bent down so my fingers were bushing my toes. Taking a deep breath I took a dive in the pool with one quick movement, barely making a splash. The feeling of the water touching my skin for the first time was just amazing. As I started with the free style I lost myself on the swimming. It was my favorite place after all. There I didn't have to think, I didn't have to worry, I could just be myself and relax for the time being.

*****

"He does this often?" wondered Howie.

"What?"

"Just swimming"

Kate had to smiled at it, being used to my antics she knew that I usually swim not only because I liked it, but because sometimes I just needed it. "I don't think I've ever seen him 'have fun' in the pool, but don't worry, he's only gonna do half his training."

"Half?"

"Yeah. Fifteen hundred."

"Meters?" asked a very shocked Brian.

Kate nodded in answer.

"And that's half of it?" continued AJ.

"He usually does 30 hundred between free style, back stroke, breast stroke and butterfly. But he likes Free style better."

"How often does he does that?"

"Three times a week. If it wasn't for college he'd live here!"

as Nick was gonna ask something lese, Kate cut him off. "Now boys, do you wanna hit the water. Matt's only using one division."

AJ, Howie an Nick agreed to it, but Kevin refused saying he wanted to relax for a bit, Brian decided to join him in his relaxing.

As the four of them hit the water, they started to play chicken. Kate on Nick's shoulders and AJ on Howie's.

Kevin sat in one of the deck chairs. Brian sat next to his oblivious cousin who only had eyes for the form in the pool the strong and continue strokes were hypnotizing for the green eyed man.

"You can get lost just by watching him." Said Brian while still looking over at Kevin, he still couldn't understand why his older cousin wouldn't just admit something as obvious as his liking for the younger man.

"Huh?" He hadn't realized that Brian had been sitting next to him, let alone that he had been talking with him.

"Nevermind. You just answered my question?" he commented, a smile place on his lips.

"What are you talking about Brian?" Why was he trying to make him confess something he wasn't ready to say aloud.

"You love him. It's as simple as that. You can try to deny it for as long as you want. But you and I both know the truth. You almost died when you saw him in that bathing suit for Christ's sake!"

Turning around to look at the figure in the pool, the older man sighed. It wasn't nor the time nor the place to have that conversation.

"Look, all I'm trying to do here is see you happy. Someway I'm sure that'll only happen with him. However it is YOUR choice at the end." With that they younger Kentucky cousin stood up and made his way towards were his friend were having a blast. Taking a dive he decided to try to dunk both teams.

Kevin just stood there, not knowing what else to do. How could he possibly accept it? But, then again, how could he keep denying it?

/You're not worth it/ Haunted him that horrible voice.

Please, just go away, he thought. The last thing he needed were the memories of that night. After taking a couple of calming breaths, he let himself get lost in the sigh of the younger man swimming. His heart reaching out to him, but at the same time his mind telling him how pointless it was.

Some time later Kate announced that she was a little bit tired and that was gonna get tanned before the sun left. Nick decided to join her while the rest of the guys resume their dunking game.

Laying down in her chair, she started to put on some tan lotion. Usually she wouldn't like to get tanned, being as white as she was there was a very thin line between tanned and sun burned.

"He was checking him out." Kate heard Nick said. The guys were at the other side of the pool and even though Kevin wasn't that close either she didn't want to take any chances. One thing was to tease Matt about the whole thing, but Kevin hearing about it would be disastrous, Matt would never forgive her for it.

"What do you mean?" she whispered, hoping that Nick would take the hint and lower his voice.

"Matt. He was checking Kevin out." His voice wasn't a whisper, but it wasn't as loud as before and she was sure that they wouldn't be heard.

"Yeah, I know what. I was afraid he was gonna die from the lack of oxygen. He stopped breathing as he saw him."

He started to chuckle, not believing how he hadn't noticed it. "Kevin does get that a lot. But Matt's reaction was slightly different, it wasn't just lust after him or jealousy about his body, not that he has anything to be jealous for. If I had my doubts before, now I'm convinced. Matt is head over heels for him. That reaction was the one you get when you see the one you love. Happiness and excitement at the same time."

"It's amazing." Kate said with a knowing smile.

"What?"

"That you can read him so well. I saw the same thing. I don't even think he realized it, but it was pretty visible in his eyes. As far as I knew I was the only one who could read him so easily."

"A connection between philes?" he asked trying to excuse his behavior.

"Come on!, it's ok. He's a very complicated character. I was just surprised, that's all."

"If you hadn't said it, I'd have swear you two were together."

Take turned around to look at Matt, doing was he loved, his firm strokes hitting the water with so much strength.

"I love him." Kate heard Nick gasp and couldn't help but smile, as she turned to see him, his blue eyes full of surprise and shock. "Don't take me wrong. I'm not in love with him. I love him as you can love someone you've known your whole live. I guess that's why our closeness is shown in our actions."

Nick let out a sigh of relieve. "You scared me there for a moment girl! Don't ever do that again."

She couldn't help but laugh, he looked so cute when he was shocked. Making a metal note to herself she promised herself to torture him as much as possible.

"For someone so petite you DO know how to be mean."

"What can I say? Had practice with Matt."

Nick sighed, he knew Matt really did love Kevin, but he also knew that the younger man wasn't gonna accept it anytime soon. "There's got to be a way."

"What are you talking about?"

"Matt. There's got to be a way for him to accept he loves him."

Kate gazed at his oldest friend dearly. There was more behind his denial than what Nick knew. So much more. Even though she had tried to talk Matt into talking about it with someone - that someone maybe being Nick as they both felt that they could trust him - he had stayed stubborn as always and had turned down the idea without second thought.

She knew her best friend had a lot holding inside and was afraid about him. She had never seen him REALLY pissed, but the couple of times that he had been close to it hadn't been a pretty sight. If anything she had sure that he was gonna have a mental breakdown.

"You ok?"

"Huh?", she hadn't noticed that Nick had been trying to talk with her. "Yeah?"

"You got lost there for a moment."

"Yeah, was thinking. What did ya say?"

"That maybe we could come up with a plan for it. You know, a 'government conspiracy' against both of them."

She chuckle at his antics. "You are SO PHILE. Matt refers to plans as 'government conspiracies' as well."

His laughter was full of recognition, he was so happy to finally have x-phile friends. It was cool with Brian and everything, but you kinda get tired of having to explain everything before talking about a chapter. He also had Phile friend on-line, but having them with you was even better. "I know what you mean. Brian is kinda tired of my 'Phile talking'"

"I got used to it. It's pointless to try to fight it. A plan you said?"

"Yeah. I want to see those two together so badly. There's got to be a way."

"I don't know." Her voice doubtfully. She knew they'll be stepping on quick sand if they tried to force Matt into something he didn't want.

"Oh, come on! Don't quit on me now!"

She sighed. Above all she wanted to see him happy, and as far as she knew the only way to accomplish that was him with Kevin. But, as Matt had said it so many times, was it worth risking everything? She didn't know. Taking one last look at him. She knew what she had to do. His happiness was worth the try, and if he lost, well, she would be there to pick up the pieces. Wasn't she always?

"Ok, what do you have in mind?"

He returned a mischievous smile. "I love it when you see it my way."

Grinning slightly, she continued. "Let the conspiracy begin." With that both of them pulled closer. Whispers and some laughter could be heard.

*****

After finishing my 10 hundred free style, I decided to take a quick break. Stopping by the time I got to the end of the division, I placed my palms on the titled floor, putting enough strength in them I pushed myself up with just one movement. As my feet touched the floor, I felt the cold breeze against my warm body from all the swimming. Taking my goggles out, I rubbed my eyes with my palms. I knew that if I didn't wear goggles my eyes would be just too red from all the chloroform.

Kevin saw me getting out of the pool. My body glistening wetly in the sun, drops of water running down my chest, legs and hair. My tight black Speedo bikini left nothing to the imagination - the lycra hugged every curve of my butt. His eyes widened as I stretched, reaching slowly for the sky, my muscles flexing, lithe and strong.

I hadn't realized that Kevin was looking towards me as I made my way to the deck chair. Kate was resting comfortably in one of them - sunglasses on. Picking up my towel before sitting, I started to dry my hair and chest. Placing one foot on the chair, I proceeded to dry one leg, then the next.

Picking up my Gatorade bottle, I sat in the chair and closed my eyes for a moment. I could feel the sun against my face. I was quite pleased with the fact that I hadn't done back stroke, usually when I did it was it was too sunny, I would end up looking like a Koala ought to the goggles.

"Show off."

Her voice surprised me to say the least. I didn't know she had noticed me sitting there. "What are you talking about?"

"You usually don't get out until 15 hundred."

"I was thirsty." I said trying to excuse myself. She was right, but I wasn't gonna go down without a fight.

"Liar. You just wanted Kevin to notice you. And, maybe check him out too."

Even from my position on the chair I could see her smile. It was at times like this when I curse the fact that she knew me that well. Sure, it help a lot as well, but why did she love bugging me?

"Just shut up," I mumble, I knew she wasn't gonna let this down.

"Oh!, you would love that, now wouldn't you?" she sat up on the chair, resting her elbows on the her knees and placing her chin on her palms she looked at me. I could see what she wanted.

"Those sun glassed don't suit you love."

She grinned back at me, her dimples noticeable by the way she was smiling, like she knew what I was thinking. The worse part of all this was that I knew she was right. She could read me like an open book. Slowly she took of the sunglasses and placed them back on the chair.

"You're too quiet."

I sighed. I felt completely out of place. Turning around I saw AJ, Howie, Brian and Nick playing in the pool. Kevin was laying in of the chairs, 3 chairs from where we were. As far as I knew he was probably paying more attention to the guys than to us.

"Look..." she sighed, she knew that in that precise moment pushing me would be too much. "I'm gonna go play with the guys." With that she stood up and took a dive to where the guys where. Laughing Nick started to splash her and she tried to dunk him.

I didn't know what to do. My mind where telling me to go back to the pool and finish my training, however my instincts wanted to go over to Kevin and talk with him.

'You're friends after all. It's normal to talk with your friends' was my analysis.

Standing up before I had second thoughts about it, I went over where he was. Sitting down on the chair next to him, I turned my attention back to the guys.

"You're a great swimmer." His deep voice and southern accent brought me back from my musings.

"I beg your pardon?" I had heard him say something, but I hadn't quite understood what he had said.

Turning around to look at me, a sly smile grazed his lips. His piercing green eyes were just hypnotizing. I knew that if I look long enough I was gonna get lost. His hair was all spiky, completely dry - prove that he hadn't gotten in the water yet. "Your swimming. Is really good."

"Oh!, thanks." I couldn't help but blush at the compliment and look at the floor. I had heard Kate say the same thing, also Richard and Lylian, and I've never blushed. But coming from him, somehow was different. It made me fell... special.

I could hear him chuckling. "You look cute when you blush."

I was stunned right here and then. Ever so slowly I lifter my gaze from the floor to meet his eyes. He was blushing slightly and I could tell he was really uncomfortable in that very moment.

Flashing him a reassuring smile, I added. "You look cute too."

Blushing even more he looked down. Thinking that the best thing in that moment was to change subject, I questioned. "You haven't touch the water." Ok!, it was more of an statement than a question, but I thought that it could work.

Looking up at me again, he asked. "Huh?"

"You haven't been in the water."

"How do you know?"

I stood up and moved towards where he was sitting, kneeling down by his side, I run my fingers through his hair. "Your hair. It's dry."

As I turned around, I knew I had just made a terrible mistake. I was too close to him. What too close! Sure, it wasn't as close as that night back in my house, but still. We held each other's gaze and stood there for a moment.

I knew I had to move. I HAD TO. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Kevin looked back at me, he was searching my soul through my eyes, I knew he was looking for something there, but I wasn't sure of what. The darkness of my eyes made them look bottomless.

Before anything else could happen that both of us would must definitely regret, I pulled apart. Sitting back in my chair, I focus on the guys once more, but I truly wasn't seeing them or I'd have notice Kate and Nick talking softly.

"Did you see that?" asked a still surprised Nick. The interaction between Kevin and me had amazed him to no level. He could almost 'see' the electricity that run through us as we were so close to each other. He had been so very sure that we were gonna kiss in that moment that he had been deeply disappointed when I had pulled away.

Kate only nodded. She too had seen the incident between Kevin and me. 'Why do you keep doing this Matt? If you don't want anything, why do you keep torturing yourself?'

Turning around ever so slightly, Nick could see that Kate had unshed tears in her eyes. Coming closer to her, he rested his arm on her shoulders. "You ok?"

She nodded again.

"I don't believe you."

She chuckled through her tears, wiping them with the back of her hand, she smiled at him. A sad smile, but a smile none the less. "You're like Matt."

Nick felt his cheeks reddening with the comment, coming from her it was a compliment that he reminded her of such a dear friend of hers.

"We need to talk, but not here." Turning around she saw that both AJ and Howie were playing in the pool. However she didn't notice Brian turning around and focusing back on the game.

Nick too realized that their conversation was too important to held it in an unsecured place. Nodding to her, he too resume his attention to the game at hand.

The younger Kentucky cousin had also seen the interaction between his own blood and the youngster. Surprised at Kevin for placing himself in such a compromising position. He had thought that at least now he couldn't be able to deny it. He was grateful that the rest of the gang hadn't noticed and was praying that me too was gay, otherwise he knew his cousin was going to have one hell of a heartbreak.

Both Kevin and I stood quiet for a moment. It'd be just too much to try and make small talk. However I think tat Kevin had other plans since it was his southern drawl that brought me back from my reverie.

"Kate told us you train a lot."

"That girl says too much." My tone was much more hoarse than I had intended it. Trying to ease the atmosphere, I added. "At least she didn't start telling you guys about our childhood." The laugher in my voice was pretty visible and I heard him chuckle.

"Now, that's something I'd love to hear."

"Not in this live time country boy."

Moving around so he was someway facing me, dropping his legs by the side of the chair, he glared at me. I could fell his turquoise green eyes looking for my black ones. "You too are from the country."

I had to laugh at that. He was right, even though neither Kate nor I had the southern accent - being in a private and religious school had it advantages - we were born in Massachusetts after all.

"Did you like where you were raised?"

"I don't know. I've never really given it much thought. I'm not the kind of person to grown 'roots', so to speak. If I have to move, then I do it."

"Do you miss home?"

Home. Now that was an interesting idea. I had never really thought of Massachusetts as home. Sure, that's where I grew up and that's supposed to be your home. But HOME to me had always been wherever the people I love were. So as long as I was with Kate, I knew I was home.

"I don't miss the country, if that's what you mean. I do go back there from time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Grandma left me her house and her lands, as she used to call them. She breed horses. Well, we still do it."

"I didn't know you were into houses." I could hear the excitement in his voice. I was glad we had forgotten about the earlier incident.

"Yeah. She taught me how to ride. I don't know a lot about horses though. She loved it. I guess that's why I never got to sell the 'family business'"

"Why would you want to sell it?" concern evident in his voice.

I couldn't help but smile at it. Here he was talking with someone he barely knew like we were old friends. As much as it amazed me, I could understand the feeling. I too felt like I could trust him. And trust was something very important too me. Guess too much The X-Files

"It was my dad's idea. My grandma died when I was 14, I was her only heir. That pissed dad off royally, she was his mother after all. But she knew him too well, she knew that the moment she died my father could coax the lawyer into selling the lands. After all I was still an minor and my father had custody over anything that concern me. But she knew better. She made a clause on the will that said that nothing was going to be sell - if ever - without my consent. So everything got frozen until I turned 18. She even thought about the breeding and directed some of her money to it. With the profits they would invest in it again and everything would continue like nothing happened."

I looked over at the pool. Kate was having a great time with the guys. I was happy for her. god knows she needed friends beside me. I knew she'd never say it, but I was just a burden sometimes, her having friends was a great change.

"When I did turned 18, I just couldn't sell it. I knew why she had left it to me. I loved those horses and the business as much as she did when she was younger. Even though I'm not there to take care of it myself, I always keep an eye on the business. Besides, the workers are the same that worked for my grandmother. She trusted them and I do too."

"Wow! I didn't know about it. You're 18 and already have an income." He said laying down on the chair again, very surprised about what I had just told him.

"Actually, I have two." I had contained my laugher as I knew he was gonna be shocked.

"What do you mean?"

"The money from the breeding goes to a 'personal' account, one that I don't use. My parents also send me money, that goes to a 'private' account, besides the money for college."

"They have you very spoiled." He stated with a sarcastic smile. I knew it was a joke. However I too thought that sometimes they just went overboard.

"I can't help it. I'm an only child." I smiled at him and was greeted with his so very beautiful smile in return. "What about you? Do you miss home?"

He sighed. "At the beginning of the group it was much more difficult. But it's gotten better. I think time help. I do miss riding though."

"Hey!, we could take a small trip to Massachusetts and ride a little." Then it hit me. I had just asked Kevin out! "Umm... you know... the guys, Kate, you and me." Ok! It didn't help that much but at least I tried to covered it.

Kevin looked at me and gave me a shy smile. "Sure. The would like that." 'I just wished you hadn't said 'the guys'. Just the two of us.'

'Cut it Richardson. Nothing is gonna happen and you know it!'

Ok. Uncomfortable silence!

"Aren't you planning on taking a dip?" I had to said something, I knew maybe he just wanted to stay quiet for a moment, but silence - unless I'm truly down - is something I just don't like!

"I don't know...."

"Why not? The water is great!" I said very enthusiastic. If there was something that got me going and going, besides The X-Files, was swimming!

He turned around and looked over at the pool. The guys and Kate were having a great time.

"You swim?"

"Huh?" 'Intelligent answer Richardson! Huh'

"I was wondering if you swim. We could have a small competition."

"No way! I've seen the way you swim. Nope! You'll beat me with no effort whatsoever!"

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun." I said standing up and moving towards his chair. Grabbing his hand in mine I pulled him to his feet. "Please. Pretty please?" I managed my best puppy dog eyes.

Kevin sighed. 'Like I could say no to him.' Taking another look to the pool he started at me right in the eyes and smiled. "Just a short dip."

"Yeah! Sure, a short dip."

Walking to edge of the pool I placed myself in front of the podium of the division I had used earlier. Kevin was in the division next to mine. I took a step forward and could see the great view. The pool was just breathtaking. I loved spending as much time there as I could. The guys were still too engrossed in their game to noticed us - or so I thought.

I glanced over to Kevin and smiled at him. "We're just gonna do a hundred. Go and come back." I waited for him to nod before continuing. "Do you know the turn?"

"I'm not that good at it."

"You can touch the other side and come back if you want." I suggested, the last thing I waited was for him to feel uncomfortable.

"Nah!, it's ok. I can manage." A small smile shown in his lips.

"Ok. Take your positions."

He leaned over, his fingers brushing slightly against his toes.

I put back my goggles and placed myself for the start. Taking a deep breath, I called the go. "Go." I had barely said the word when I heard Kevin dive into the pool. It took me a good second before diving in myself.

The rest of the guys and Kate had notice Kevin and me walking to the edge of the pool as we both dove in, they couldn't help but stare at us. AJ and Howie found it amazing that Kevin had accepted my little competition. Usually when they went to the pool they would just goof around, neither of them had really seen Kevin swimming and realized that he was a good swimmer. Brian hoped that a little closeness to me will help him accept his love. While Nick and Kate just couldn't help but smile. Even though I kept denying it, I wasn't pulling away from him either.

About 45 second later I could see the mark in the pool - the end was coming closer. With another two strokes I reached the end. Standing up and turning around to see who had won I realized that Kevin was still five strokes behind. Leaning onto the side of the pool, I waited for him to arrived. About five strokes later, he touched the edge and stood up as quick as he could. Turning around he saw me, I couldn't help but flash him a shy smile.

"I knew you would beat me." His eyes were sparkling a little bit. He wasn't mad at the fact that I had won, if anything he seemed please at it.

Smiling, I responded. "If it helps, I didn't win for much. You were just five strokes behind."

Grinning slightly, he placed his palms on the edge of the pool and pushed himself up. Doing the exact same thing, we were both out of the pool.

"It does help a little bit."

As we were going over to the chairs, we saw the rest of the gang looking thoughtfully at us. Kate and Nick were smiling from ear to ear. 'Damn them!'

Kevin looked over at Brian. He knew the younger man wasn't gonna let him live this down.

"Cool race there guys!" commented AJ.

"Yep!, he beat you old man." Added Howie as he made his way towards Kevin. Patting him slightly on the back, he smiled at him. "You're ancient history now."

Kevin just glared at him, but I could tell he wasn't really mad. Brotherhood treatment. The guys laughed at Kevin's response.

"Predictable as sunrise." The younger Kentucky cousin said with a shy smile. "Buy you do have an advantage Matt."

"Besides the ten years on Matt's side over Kevin?" questioned Nick with a smile. I didn't know if he was either teasing me or him - or both of us for that matter.

"Yeah. You're breathing. You take a lot less breaths than most swimmers."

I nodded. If anything Brian was observative. I knew it was pretty obvious but the rest of the guys hadn't notice. "I know. I take them between six strokes."

"I don't get it." Whined Nick.

"I know you don't get it kiddo. Let me explain." I said patting Nick on the shoulder, I had to hold the laughter at his pout. "Usually you come out for air every two strokes. I do it ever six."

"Isn't that too much? How can you hold so long?"

"Actually it's not too much when you think about it AJ. I mean, I know I should do it every two, but I can't. Too much air is hold in my lungs, by the second stroke I haven't expulse all the oxygen. So, when I take another breath my lungs don't get it. 'Why breathing if you still have air?' I guess. Breathing each six helps. By that time I've already expulsed all the air."

"Oh! But that also saves you time."

"Exactly Nick! Sure, it isn't a lot, about a second and a half in each 50 m. But it's enough to give you some advantage."

"Which helped you in beating Kevin." Finished Howie.

Nodding I could tell that Kevin didn't like to be talk about like he wasn't in the room, specially if it concern a failure.

"Guys, it's getting kinda late. Should we call it a night?"

"I don't know. We could always go to my place. You know, order something and hang out together."

"You sure Nick? Don't you guys have something tomorrow."

Even though I knew Kate wanted to hang out with them, her logical side took over.

Everyone turned to look at Kevin. "What am I? Your agenda?"

I could tell the guys just froze on the spot. I didn't know exactly why, and I sure wasn't gonna ask either!

With a smile, he continued. "Relax. I was just joking. And no, we don't have anything too early tomorrow. Besides practice, that is."

"Then it's settle! We're going to my place!" Nick seemed so enthusiastic anyone would say he was high with candies.

"Watch out the sugar Nick. Your hyperness can be annoying!" My tone was humorous, and when he stick out his tongue at me I knew he understood I was just joking. I was thinking about answering 'Don't show that unless you're planning on using it' but thought better of it.

"And that's nothing! You haven't seen him when he's gotten M&M's for breakfast. That sight is disgusting. Man!"

"Shut up Bone!"

I had to laugh, they acted so much like kids that I couldn't believe they were actually older than me! With that we made our way to the lockers.

I was the first one out. Sitting by the edge of the pool, I dipped my index finger in it. I sighed. I could feel myself getting down and down by the time. This didn't happen that often, but from time to time I knew I just felt isolated and all alone. Kate would be there for me, but I felt like I myself was a burden for her. She had tried to talk me into seeing a doctor or a therapist or something like it. I didn't want to. The last thing I needed was to be told that I had depression. I knew I did, at least the beginning of depression, but I didn't want to have prove of it.

Ever so slightly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it wasn't Kate, if anything I could always feel her presence. In that instant I knew who was, for a moment I almost leaned my head over his hand, but I hold myself just in time.

"You love the water?" his voice run deep through the air.

I only nodded, not trusting my voice in that moment.

"The ocean?"

Taking a calming breath, I turned to see him, his deep green eyes held so much I couldn't believe I was right there with him in that moment.

"No. Not the ocean. Just the pool, I've never even seen the ocean." My voice was just above a whisper. I felt scared. I didn't want to end up hurt.

"You haven't?"

I shook my head in response. Looking out at the pool again, I felt him sitting by my side.

"You like this more anything."

"Yeah."

"Then why don't you do it professionally?"

I flinched at it. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't think I could ever if I wanted to. I thanked the heavens when I heard the door of the locker open.

Turning around Kevin saw AJ coming out of the locker with his leopard printed hat.

"There you are boys. You were quick Train."

Kevin just smiled at him. I too stood up, talking one last glance at the pool, I moved towards AJ.

"That's one crazy hat." I knew I had to manage my voice to sound normal, or Kate'd tell that I was getting down and I didn't want 'mother hen' hovering over me.

"Yep! And I love it. Yehaha!" he said in a cowboy manner. The boy was nuts!

"Don't mind him. AJ is crazy." Kevin said to my ear in a secretive way, even though it was loud enough for AJ to hear.

"You're just jealous because you don't have my sense of style old man." He moved his arm and dropped it over my shoulders. I couldn't help but smile at their interaction.

"And I thank the heavens for it!"

"Watch it Kevy-Kev. You know I can take you down anytime."

"You wish!" his eyes glaring at him for the challenge.

"Oh, you're SO asking to get your ass kicked." He started moving closer and closer to Kevin.

Moving between Kevin and AJ, I placed one hand on each of their chests. "Now behave kids. One of you could end up in the water." I knew they were kidding, but I wasn't planning on taking any chances.

"Who are you calling kid?" AJ's eyes shone with mischief.

"Ok. Now cool off. Both of you."

"They are both nuts. Please forgive them." Said Brian as he made his way where we were. "Kevin you should give the example."

"Very funny cuz."

Then both Nick and Kate came out of the locker, followed by Howie.

"Ok, now that we're all there we can leave. The driving arrangements are the same." Said Nick with a smile.

I so wanted to kill him! With that we all walked to the main door, saying thanks to Becca, we left.

*****

Half and hour later we were pulling onto Nick's driveway. I didn't remembered the address, but Kevin had helped me. we had talked about college all the way there. Even Kate herself had joined in the conversation. We went talking and talking about it. Kate telling him how boring could Physics be and how she'd have to take it until the end of her career. I talked about how even though I didn't like all my subjects, I liked what would come at the end.

"So, what do we do?" asked Nick once we were all in the house. I was somehow familiar with it from the BBQ, but not that comfortable either.

"We can always watch tv." Suggested Brian.

"Boring!" Announced AJ. "What about a drinking game."

"No. They have school tomorrow and we have practice." Kevin, always the parent.

"God Train, you sure know how to spoil the fun, don't you." Complied AJ. "I know. Truth or dare. We haven't played that in a while."

I froze right on the spot and turned to look at Nick and Kate. They both had a devilish smile on their lips. If we played that I'd be an easy target.

"I don't think so." Surprisingly it was Kevin who spoke. Unknown to me, he too didn't want to play the game. Even though Brian wasn't as bold as Nick or even Kate, if he wanted to torture his older cousin, he'd do just fine.

"AJ's right. I'll be fun. We'll kill the time and have a good laugh." Howie added.

"It'd be a blast!" smiled Kate.

"We can always do something else." I knew I wasn't gonna be listened, but at least I was gonna make my voice be heard!

"What about just 'Truth' instead of 'Truth or dare'. You know we always end up choosing truth anyway." Suggested Nick while looking back and forth between Kate and me. She was nodding ever so happy and I had my face in my hands. I was dead.

"Not me!, I always choose dare!"

"That's because you're the only one to do something stupid AJ."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence D."

"Your welcome!"

"Ok. Ok. Then it's truth."

Kevin and I looked at each other, we were the only ones who didn't want to play, and boy weren't we out numbered!

AJ looked at us and shrugged. "Sorry fellas, majority rules. Truth then is."

I was thinking about advising to have dinner already, but it was only 7.30pm. With a sighed I sat on the floor. Might as well just get this over with.

"Ok, who starts?" asked Howie while reaching for a cushion to rest his elbows on.

We were all sitter on the floor in a small circle. Kate was on my right and Nick on my left. AJ and Howie next to Nick and Brian next to Kate. Kevin right in front of me.

"I'll start." AJ started looking at each other, choosing his first victim. "Matt."

"Why me?" I whined. I didn't want to play this game!

"Because we don't know you that much and there's no better way to get to know someone than with 'Truth'"

I sighed once and again. "Ok. Shoot."

"Have you ever gone skinny dipping?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer!"

"Ok, ok. No."

All the guys looked at me like I've grown another head.

"Why not?" asked a perplex Nick.

"Why would I? I go to the pool to swim. I've never even played around." Taking a deep breath I looked around. Kate was glaring at me with a smile in her eyes and I knew exactly who she wanted me to choose. "Nick."

He seemed glad that I 'd chosen him because he was smiling at me. "Fav. X-Files episode?"

"Agh!, ask something better."

"I want to know that AJ! Answer."

"Ok. Mythology or not mythology."

"What's the difference?"

"It'd take me too long to explain you that Howie. No mythology."

"Kitsunegary. My turn. Kevin."

Oh God! Oh god! Oh god! Please have mercy on my soul! If he asked him anything about it I was gonna hate him till hell froze. I turned around to look at him - anger and plea in my eyes.

He looked at me and smile. I was so dead. "Would you date someone younger?"

I sighed in relieve. The question was still related to the whole thing, but at least it wasn't a direct question.

"Yeah. If I like the person, why not?"

Nick smiled in satisfaction. He knew he couldn't be that bold and ask 'Do you like Matt?' because not only would Kevin probably freak if he wasn't gay, but I would most definitely hate him. Kate and Nick had talk while changing, before any of them had changed their clothes they had spoke for a couple of minutes. Their plan of attack had been decided on little hints here and there, but nothing too forward. Kate hadn't told him everything there was to fear if I just got sick of it, but she had *insisted* that the best was just keep a low profile.

"Ok." Kevin took a deep breath. "Howie. Are you seeing someone right now."

"I could tell you that. NO." Said AJ while playing with his hat.

"AJ! It was for me to answer."

"But I was right anyway." Said smiling. He enjoyed pissing Howie off, even though it was even funnier when Kevin got pissed, Howie was always an easy target.

"Ok, ok. Kate."

"Yeah!" said while placing her arm on my shoulders. I knew I'd be the one asked when she got her turn.

"The guy you have a crush on?"

"Oh, let me think." She placed her index finger and thumb on her chin. "Right now?" she waited for Howie to nod before answering. "I don't know. Ryan Phillippe is cute. Matt."

Knew it. Now I was REALLY dead. If Nick hadn't said anything so bad, now Kate would probably would. I knew she'd never said it directly, but just enough to make me either blush or just embarrass myself.

"Sing."

I looked at her like she had just said that The X-Files sucked!.

"That's not a question!" complied crossing his arms. We were just destroying the game and he wasn't enjoying it. He wanted valid questions.

"I know AJ, but it's a valid request." Looking at me in the eye, she continued. "Sing."

I shook my head as forceful as I could. "No. There's no way I'm gonna sing. No. Period. Ask something else."

"I don't want something else. I want you to sing. Pretty please?"

"No Katherine. I'm not gonna sing so better get over with it." I said while crossing my arms on my chest. I wasn't gonna give this up!

"What's so interesting with Matt singing?" Nick didn't understood Kate, she had told him to give hints here and there, but he didn't understand where this whole 'singing' fit the category.

"Well! ---" she was gonna said something, but I cut her off!

"Nothing. I just don't wanna sing. Right Katherine dear?" I asked with my most charming smile and my hand still on her mouth. I could deal with anything BUT that!

"Talk Kate!" added Brian with a smile. He knew that something pretty good was under me not wanting to sing, and him - and the rest of the guys - were planing on finding out.

I shook my head. "Nope, this lady isn't talking!"

Kevin laughed at my antics against my dear friend and leaned forward and took my hand off her mouth. I looked at him with this shocked expression. "Which side are you in?"

"Sorry Matt, but you're out numbered." His eyes were full of understanding, but I could still see curiosity in them.

"Oh!" I said as if I had just seen a ghost. "You're on their side as well!"

"Sorry." he mumble, but I could truly tell that he wasn't sorry at all.

I sat down defeated. Turning to look at Howie and AJ they both smile and nodded. I was doomed.

"The thing is that Matt hates signing. He thinks he sucks at it."

"I do suck."

Scooting a little bit closer to me, she hugged me. "No you don't sweetie. I like it when you sing."

"No you don't, you just like torturing me." I knew why she was doing it, she wanted me to become familiar to them, and what better way than to share something a little bit personal but not THAT personal. "Besides, it was agreed that I would do the dancing and you the singing."

She giggled while still holding me. "You're cute when you whine."

"And I don't like you." My voice was like the one of a child, complaining about something, but not really believing it. After a second I turned around and kissed her nose.

Kevin stood there watching the interaction between the old friends. It was obvious they had a great familiarity with each other. Knowing when to bug them and just when to stop, what to say to get on the other's nerves and what to say when you want to be forgiven. He longed for that with someone that had his heart completely. Even though we were friends, he was sure we'd make a cute couple. He didn't have that with any of his friends. His closest circle was the group and he had always been the odd man out. Brian and Nick were 'Frick and Frack' and Howie and AJ knew each other from the old times when they were both auditioning. He was alone. As usual.

"Come on Matt! Sing something!" clapped Nick. He too knew that Kate's attempt for me to open up had worked, a little bit at least. So he too was planning on helping.

I sighed, I knew I didn't want to sing, but I didn't have much of a choice. "Okay."

"Great!" Kate hugged me even tighter. I could tell she was happy.

"Ok Darling, I'm doing this just because you asked." My eyes were fixed with Kate's beautiful brown pair. She nodded. I knew what song I was gonna sing, it wasn't new me singing this one - even though now I had more public than the usual. Taking a deep breath, I started signing, my eyes still lingering with Kate's.

There are places

I remember

All my life

Though some have changed

Some forever

Not for better

Some have gone

And some remain

All the places

Had their moments

With lovers and friends

I still can recall

Some are dead

And some are living

In my life

I've loved them all

But of all these

Friend and lovers

There is no one

Compares with you

And these mem'ries

Lose their meaning

When I think of love

As something new

Though I know

I'll never lose affection

For people and things

That went before

I know

I'll often stop

And think

About them

In my life

I'll love you

More

In my life

I'll love you... more...

I mean every word I had said. That was Kate meant to me. More than anything she WAS my life. By the end of the song she had some tears in her eyes. Coming closer to her I brushed them away with my fingers. I had dedicated this song to her a very long time ago and since that moment it had become 'our' song.

She leaned to me and I held her close to my chest. She was all I had and I'd be lost with out her.

After a moment both of us had recovered enough to realized that we weren't in our house. I looked around and the guys just stood there, amazed at our little display of affection.

"That was beautiful." Said Brian, his voice so very soft that I could hardly hear him.

"Thanks."

"Who's song is that?" asked AJ, he too had been too surprised of what had just happened. He knew that there was a special bond between both Kate and me, but he hadn't know just how deep it was. That song had showed them all.

"The Beatles." Said Kate while looking at me. "Matt dedicated and sang it to me four years ago."

I blushed a little bit. I knew I sucked at signing, that was why I didn't do it that often. It was Kate the one who had the great voice, not me. "My voice is horrible."

"It's just low, not bad." Kevin's piercing green eyes were mesmerizing. He spoke from his heart. He too was shocked about my feelings for Kate. Even if I wasn't in love with her, she would always be a huge part in my life.

"I don't like singing." I smiled at them. "Kate does it better than me."

She glared at me, she knew exactly where I was heading. "Don't you even dare Matthew!"

"What?" I asked with my most innocent voice.

"I know you well enough." She was smiling by this time, even if I didn't achieve embarrassing her in that moment, I would. Someday, somehow.

"It's ok love. I'm gonna let you out of the hook... for now." My eyes shining for revenge.

"It's your turn Matt."

"Ok... Howie. Your first girlfriend's name."

He looked at me a little bit puzzled, but shrugged and answered. "Cecil."

I nodded and the game continued from that moment on. The next questions were kinda normal. Well, normal 'Truth' questions, until it was AJ turn to ask me, again.

"How old and who did you lose your virginity to?"

I looked over at Kate and we both smiled.

"Oh my god! You and Kate!!!" he couldn't help but start screaming like he had just found gold. He also started clapping.

Kevin felt like he had been hit. Maybe they had said that they weren't dating, but from the looks of it they did have a past. And even if they didn't, they had slept with each other. Looking down he focus on the pattern of the floor. He needed to cool off and fast!

"No AJ. It's not that." I knew what they were thinking, and it SO wasn't that.

"Then what is it? Why did you look at her and smiled?"

"Because we're both virgins."

All of their months were hanging open. The just couldn't believe what they had just heard.

"You're kidding, right?" asked a still shocked Nick.

"Nope. Matt's right. We're virgins. We haven't even been kissed." Her voice was full of confidence and proud of her choice. After all, how many 18 year olds did you know that here virgins?

"How? Why?" Nick's mind hadn't really processed everything that had been said. He was going into over drive!

"Well, we both think that we want to wait. Maybe not until marriage, but at least until we find someone we truly love. And about the kiss thing, well, we just haven't dated."

"You haven't dated?" Howie waited until we both nodded to continue. "Why?"

"Well. Back in school we weren't that social, so to speak." I smiled at the memory, our live consisted in school, home, computer, and the next day was just the same. Even if Kate wasn't into computers as much as I was, she did love playing some games in Nintendo and even in the computer. "Now in college we just don't have the time. Besides, we're still young, we'll find someone soon."

Kate nodded. She too had decided it like that. Life after this could wait, right now we were just focusing on our studies.

"That's amazing. You're 18"

"AJ, it's not an obligation to date. You do it because you want to. We just don't want, yet." Her voice was calm, she knew they'd probably were going to react like this, but I could tell she was holding her laugher. It was funny after all.

"Ok. Enough about us. Let's continue with the game." I said while looking at the others, after they nodded we resume to the game.

Kevin kept looking at me, he was surprised by me - again -. He knew it must have been at least difficult for me to focus only on my studying and he was stunned by my determination. If anything, he felt amazed and proud.

Two hours later, after a very long game of 'Truth' that ended up with us telling old stories about each other - specially about the guys on tour- and having pizza for dinner, Kate and I drove back home.