Explosive Episodes!

"Armless But Not Harmless"

The Summary:

The Tick and Arthur lose their arms to Venus, the Love Goddess, and her henchman Milo. Venus and Milo (a play on Venus de Milo) then use the arms as parts for Tick/Arthur robots, and use them to help commit robberies all over the city, which helps to improve their standing with the Enemy Awards Committee. Tick and Arthur get their arms back at the Enemy Awards, with some help from "Plungerman"

The Cast:

The Story:

ACT 1 - SCENE 1

Scene: A panoramic view of the city with the moon, a bite taken out of it, and "HA" inscripted on it's face, lighting the buildings. Cut to the City Art Museum, we can see a sign on the front door that reads: closed.
We now go inside the museum where we can see Venus & Milo running through the halls with statues. The Tick and Arthur are seen blocking there path, and Venus says, "Oh my - Superheroes!"
"Villains, I say to you now: Knock off all that evil!", warns the Tick. Then Venus woos him with one of her evil speeches. She tells him that he's over-worked and tells him to let it go. Arthur snaps the Tick out of his stupor by slapping him on the back and telling him they're villains. "Hey, that's right!" The Tick says, "I've been her plaything! Villain Love Goddess, you toy with the hearts of men!"
The two night watchmen who appear in episodes like "The Tick Loves Santa" and "The Tick Vs. The Brainchild" appear, chanting, "Venus, we love you. Here, take some more priceless art." Venus and Milo make a break for it, and the guards sob as they cry, "Noooo!" The Tick and Arthur are in hot pursuit of the nefarious criminals, though.
"You know Arthur," The Tick contemplates, "there's nothing more cruel than a kindness falsely given."
Inside the ladies' room, we see a man plunging a toilet and humming to the tune of the chase music being played in the background.
Back outside, The Tick and Arthur see Venus and Milo charge into the bathroom
"Uh-oh" says the Tick, noting that it's the girls' washroom.
"What is it Tick?" asks Arthur.
"Well, you...know..." Tick replies, too modest and decent to enter the girls' room.
Back inside the bathroom, Milo offers to fend off our heroes with his new invention, but Venus refuses. The Tick knocks on the door and yells, "We know you're in there!"
"I said put that thing away! We are three stories up, I need you to break my fall!" Venus says to Milo, heading for the window. Plungerman (actually an ordinary plumber, but don't tell The Tick or Venus that), accidently runs into them with the stall door.
"Oops- Oh I'm sorry, I'll just be out of your way then, Aaah-ladies." the plumber apologizes.
The Tick bursts into the room with his eyes covered, crying, "Weird couple, your crime spree is at an end!"
"You can open your eyes Tick," Arthur tells his friend, "it's all over."
"Heroic work there....Plungerman," The Tick addresses the plumber, "We'll take it from here."
"Uh yeah, no problem, I'm late as it is." says the enigmatic Plungerman
"Ahhh, more villains to thwart?"
"Tick," whispers Arthur, "He's just a plumber!"
Venus, lying on the ground, groans, "Unnh...Plungerman"

ACT 2 - SCENE 1

Scene: watching television
An announcer tells us, "Coming on pay-per-view this Sunday night- the Supervillain event of the year. It's the 45th. Annual Enemy Awards!" We now see a picture of an Enemy Award - which is a villain's thumb holding down the world, "Brought to you live - from an undisclosed location somewhere beneath the city!"
Mindy Moleman (from "The Tick Vs. the Lavaman"-I hope that title is right) appears on the screen to endorse the awards, "It's eviiil!..."
The announcer continues, while the pictures of prominent villains flash on the T.V. "Guests include: Chairface Chippendale, The Terror, Dr. Friendless(? I'm not sure if that's right), Harriet Curse, Octo Raymond and his all Mullosk orchestra..."
Mindy again, "They're the worst..."
Off the camera we hear Venus yell, "Milo, turn that garbage off!" Milo is concerned, because Venus usually considers the awards the high point of her year. She replies that they were, when she was invited. The incident in the Museum's bathroom turned them into a laughtingstock. but now, seeing a poster of the Tick, Venus cooks up a plan to turn her ill fortunes around.

ACT 2 - SCENE 2

Scene: A yellow-blue sky, The Tick appears onscreen, leaping through the air.
"OK, maneuver 14-C," He yells, "Catch me!" Now we see Arthur swooping in from behind, looking very scared. We next see a closeup of the roof, and then Arthur and Tick falling on it, grunting. Arthur doesn't think he can do 14-C, but The Tick sys that's nonsense, "Besides, I'm live weight!"
"Please, Tick," pleads Arthur, "I can't do 14-C! I can barely do 14-B." It's too late, though, The Tick is already preparing for another attempt.
On the streets below Venus and Milo are driving about in a black Caddy (or a Lincoln - some big 'merican car), and Venus tells Milo to keep on circling until the Tick shows up.
We see the failure of the second 14-C attempt, and Arthur can't get back up before The Tick goes and jumps off the building. "Arthur?" is the last thing we hear The Tick say. Back on the ground, Venus is wondering where the Tick is, and just then the Blue One falls through the roof of her car. Stunned, he is easy prey for Venus' voice. Arthur tries to stop them, but ends up stuck on the windshield of their car.
The Tick, shocked back to life by the sight of Arthur being splattered on the window, says, "Hey, you splattered my sidekick all over your windshield! That does it!" then he sticks his legs out through the floor of the car, and stops it Fred Flintstone style. After the car is stopped, The Tick stands up and tosses it away.
Venus, desperate for an out, asks Milo, "What does that silly gadget of yours do anyway?"
Milo tells her that the "thing" speaks for itself, and uses it on Arthur. The blast knocks Arthur's arms clear off! Milo then does the same to the Tick, and then grabs their arms and runs away before they can stop him. As her car drives away, Venus says, "Bye boys. Don't bother waving!"
The Tick clears his throat and says, "Alright, this is quite a pickle, but no reason to panic Arthur." Arthur screams while The Tick surveys the area. Seeing a telephone booth, The Tick comes up with a plan, "Uuuh - come along Arthur - we'll call for assistance." Arthur screams again.

ACT 2 - SCENE 3

Scene: Tick and Arthur are in the phone booth, and The Tick is dialing the phone with his nose while Arthur holds the receiver in his mouth.
The phone rings, but the "American Maid Emergency Hotline" answers. It's just an answering machine, and apparently American Maid is out of the country toppling an unauthorized dictatorship. The Tick and Arthur leave the message, "Help! American Maid! Help! We lost our arms! We lost our arms!" The Tick finishes, "Meet us at the diner!" afterwards, he explains to Arthur that he's "...all tasted up for a BLT!"

ACT 2 - SCENE 4

Scene: Outside the Diner, cut to inside. We see the waiter cleaning a glass
The Tick and Arthur enter the diner, and the waiter asks, "Hey guys, where are your arms?"
The Tick replies, "We don't want to talk about it." While Arthur orders a BLT and two sodas.
"With - ah - straws?" the waiter asks, with a hint of sarcasm.
On the TV Brian Pinhead is interrupting the normal broadcast to bring everybody the latest on a fast-breaking story. As Brian tells us what's going on, we can see Venus and Milo committing a series of robberies with the help of a pair of really stupid looking robots. The robots have The Tick and Arthur's arms, but dopey terminator-like bodies and buckets with smiley faces painted on them for heads. The waiter notices the broadcast and heads for a pay- phone in the back room.
"Tick! We're outlaws!" exclaims Arthur.
"And I don't even look like me!" adds The Tick, "Look, they've got my antennae all wrong!"
Now the police, tipped off by the waiter, arrive outside the diner. One yells into a megaphone, "Tick, Arthur! We know you're in there! We don't want to hurt anybody so just come out with your hands up!"
The Tick, worried, points out, "We don't have hands! We can't possibly comply with their demands. We'd better make a break for it." then he and Arthur head for the diner's rear exit.

ACT 3 - SCENE 1

The Tick and Arthur's life on the run is highlighted through a montage of newspaper headlines sporting the latest news about the crimes their evil robo-clones are committing. The headlines include: Tick goes Bad. Tick Steals $20,000 evening gown...size XL. Tick in Lingerie Heist - OOO-LA-LA! Tick Woman's Wear Game Spree Continues - City Wide manhunt for Tick. The last one is seen covering Arthur like a blanket. The Tick is seated next to him on a building's roof, and places another page over Arthur's legs.
The Tick reminisces, "Oh, remember yesterday Arthur? I'd hand you something, you might hand me something back. I could scratch my nose, you'd scratch your nose. You could scratch my nose, I could scratch your nose. Oh there was much nose-scratching and much rejoicing. Now look at us!"
Arthur then begins to talk about the robberies. Venus is knocking over women's apparel shops all over the city, to which the Tick responds, "Ooh, great! Not only are my arms committing crimes, they're stealing girl stuff!"
Arthur then reasons that Venus is putting together an outfit for a special occasion, but he can't figure out what special occassion. Then a rock, loosened from the wall by The Tick, falls on his head, and he figures it out, "Venus must be going to the Enemy Awards!"
Unfortunately only villains know where the Awards are being held, so The Tick gets up and says, "Right! Let's go find us some villains!"

ACT 3 - SCENE 2

Scene: At the harbour...with some groovy accordion music playing in the background...I like!
The Tick is lecturing Arthur on how to conduct himself inside the Evil Eye, where they plan to rustle up some bad guys. Inside the club, The Tick addresses the bouncer, "Villainous doorperson, step aside!"
The bouncer replies, "Tick, Arthur, you crazy nuts! HA HA! Come on in!
The Tick and Arthur, bemused, enter the bar, and the crowd greets them like old friends. In the crowd we can see The Bomber Impersonator.
Arthur whispers, "Tick, These guys think we're villains!"
The Tick comes up with a plan!?! "Yeah, eh-heh-heh-heh, right! So listen, that's the thing. You see I had this invitation right in my hand - and - my arms fell off!
Arthur: "Yeah - huh-huh - what are ya gonna do?"
Tick: "Ahem, So, where is that awards ceremony anyway?
The Forehead wonders, "Wait a second - something smells fishy here. I don't think you guys are villains!"
The Tick responds, "Oh no, We're - we're bad."
Arthur: "Oh yeah, the worst!"
"OK, if you guys are so evil, why don't you just... EAT THIS KITTEN!" Forehead yells, pulling a cat out of nowhere.
Tick: "What? No way, Mister! That's just wrong!"
It looks as though The Tick and Arthur are in quite a pickle, but The Tick knows what to do - maneuver 14-B. (not maneuver 14-C from earlier in the episode. This is the one Arthur can barely do.) Arthur gets on The Tick's shoulders, and Tick yells, "Yes, ha ha! Tremble before the twin-headed, four-legged, eleven foot tall engine of justice that is maneuver 14-B!" Amazingly, the villains back off, and then run away.
The Tick, picking up the kitten by the scruff of it's neck in his teeth, says, "We'll take that kitten, you wretch! How dare you! I knew evil was bad, but eating kitten is just plain, plain wrong! And NO ONE should do it, EVER! Now, where do we find those Enemy Awards?

ACT 4 - SCENE 1

Scene: Outside a large building, with "spotlights" swinging back and forth in front of it. We see Venus' limo pull up to the curb and notice that a big hench-badguy is using two flashlights for the spotlights, while another one plays a grammophone for music.
The head of the three security guys asks for their invitations, and Venus points out that they just got them that day. The guard lets them in (the main entrance is a manhole in the sewer), and tells them there's a reception in the atrocity lounge preceding the ceremony. As they enter the sewer, The Tick and Arthur pull up in a taxi. Tick leaves the kitten with the driver, and they get out to survey the situation.
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight is being held up in the air by a hench-guard, and he says, "So he says to me, he says to me, 'Baby, Im tired of working for the man!' I says, I says, "Well, then why don't you BLOW HIM TO BITS?!"
"No one gets in without an invitation." the head guard tells him.
"Ooh - but I'm bad baby! Hisssss!" replies the bomber. Too late, though, the hench-guard tosses him across the street. As the heroes watch him fly overhead he cries, "One of these days, milkshake, BOOM!"
Realizing that getting into the Enemy Awards will be harder then they expected, the boys try to come up with a plan to get in unnoticed. The Tick hears tapping coming from an alley, and they go to investigate. In the alley, a pair of tap-dancers dressed in a godzilla- like costume, and an burning Empire State Building costume are practicing for the big number.
"Citizens ofthe entertainment community, we need those costumes! Official Superhero business." The Tick denotes. (Neat word, huh?)
"You kidding?" asks Godzilla-thing, "This is my best gig in months!"
"Yeah," agrees the building, "Amscray, chumps!"
The Tick is unimpressed, "Amscray? Chumps?" then the fighting begins.
We cut to a scene inside the ceremony hall, where the boys are putting on the costumes. They both have stage fright. Now then the big number comes on, as the announcer says, "Please, sit back and enjoy the singing, dancing cavalcade of badness! Highlighting some of the triumphs from all over the world. Now a globe falls from the ceiling and cracks open, with a bunch of other dancers inside of it - including the CHA moon (that's right, they're using the CHA moon even though it's already been eaten by Omnipotus-how gauche.)
The Tick and Arthur spot Venus and Milo in the crowd (not to mention The Impersonator) as the number proceeds. Incidently, here's the song they sing:
If you're a crook then you're our enemy, be our enemy, friends!
We love to love to hate you to the end!
Just be our enemy!
Outside of the ceremonies, we see the plumber talking to the guard, who is glad he could arrive on such short notice.
Back inside, they are awarding the "Most Improved Villain of the Year" Award. Of course, Venus wins. Backstage, Arthur and The Tick are having trouble getting out of their costumes. Eventually, The Tick gets steamed, and takes a big breath, which causes his costume to burst. He then headbutts Arthur's costume ("ow!"), which makes it fall off.
Venus and Milo come backstage with the robots, and Venus tries to lull The Tick into submission (again), and nearly succeeds (again). Now the fight begins, and the robots start to win. As Tick puts it when his hands try to crush his head, "Hey, I'm pretty strong!"
Now the plumber shows up, "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, I just got to go back to the van and get another elbow joint."
Venus: "Aaack! Plungerman!"
Now The Tick, about to be beaten by his arms, begins to appeal to their sense of decency, "Hold on guys! Wait a minute! What about all the good times, huh? All the evil we've pummeled? All the kites we've flown? All the puppy bellies we've scratched? All of the fragrant flowers we've picked, together from the garden of life! And don't I let you hold everything?" Now the arms attack the robot, and smash it to bits. As The Tick sees his arms wriggling about on the ground, he cries, "Fellas, speak to me!"
Plungerman comes up behind him, and asks, "Hey buddy - you need those?"
"Do I ever!"
After his arms are re-attached, The Tick takes out the Arthurbot, and then asks the plumber to help Arthur too. Then he goes to stop Venus and Milo, who are trying to escape through the employees' entrance. He apprehends them, and some evil lady takes away their award.

EPILOGUE

Scene: Outside police HQ, cut inside
The Police apologize to The Tick and Arthur for causing them so much trouble, and The Tick replies, "Oh, no, no, gentlemen. It is we who should be sorry. Arthur and I have the utmost respect for the law."
"Oh yes, we do." Arthur adds hastily
"And we never would run from you had it not been necessary," The Tick goes on, "And in the service of a greater good. Aah, you know Arthur, when evil is afoot, and you don't have any arms, you've got to use your head. And when evil is ahead and you're behind, you've got to do the legwork. But - when you can't get a leg up you've got to be hip, you've got to keep our chin up and kick some...."
"Tick," Arthur interrupts, "We get the idea."
"Well the, sidekick, give me some of them arms." The Tick finishes, hugging Arthur.
The story ends with one last newspaper headline: A Hello to Arms: Local heroes get their arms back, clear names.