Saturday, December 12, 1998
Midnight
As I expected, the entry I wrote back in September and finally posted, about Random Thoughts and Random Acts wasn't easy for Jev to read... and I don't think my timing for it could have been much worse.
He's concerned over not having heard from the bookstore job, after he had to miss yesterday to go to the interview in Massachusetts.
Add to that the fact that he was worried that I was upset over his improvements to my calendar table renderer in Frontier ... He didn't realize, I guess, that I'd hoped he would help me make it better, and I was quite happy about it. I did have problems with something else in Frontier after I used his new renderer, but it was my own mistake, and he pointed out what was going on, and wrote another little Frontier script to fix it for me. But I guess he thought my frustration was with him, and not his program... sigh... it was just with myself, for missing the obvious.
And then there's the net/netmeeting problem that's crept up the past few days... I can be talking, and my modem says I'm transmitting, but he'll miss whole chunks of my side of the conversation... like when I thanked him for writing the new renderer for me this morning.
So my posting of that entry was at a bad time... After I read his entry for today, he climbed up into bed and we were going to talk about things. But every time I tried to bring up that entry of mine, netmeeting would cut out on him, and he wouldn't hear a word of it. It was almost like someone was trying to keep us from talking about it or something. So he must have thought I was avoiding or ignoring the fact that it was bothering him, when I was trying to do anything but.
Then he brought up my mention of religion, and somehow he got it in his head that I'm trying to push him into something, or maybe guilt him into something, and that wasn't at all what I meant. After that little attempted discussion, he started saying there was something I hadn't touched on... and since I thought he'd heard me say at least something about the future and my health and all that, I didn't know what he could mean.
I admit, I got more upset over things than I should have, and that didn't help him any, either. The breakdown in communication was stressful enough, without adding our subject matter to the stress load.... we were both pretty messed up, for a while. Once he calmed down again, he said he was tired and wanted to go to sleep, so we said our goodbyes, and I ended the call.
I'm feeling a little less confused over things, as I finish typing up this entry on Sunday morning, but it's clear that we still need to talk a lot of things over. I agree with what Jev said in his entry... it's time for the talk we've both been avoiding: the one about our future. I think it can wait another week or so, until we can have it face to face... but it has to happen during this next visit; I'm pretty sure of that.
