Expressions

05/21/99
Something We Can Never Have

It's amazing how tightly
we hold onto the things we can never have.
These things we gave away,
whether in indifference or in fear.
We always want these things back.
Yet who can we turn to with this want,
with this need?
We turn to our gods,
our all- knowing dieties
and beg for the ones we throw away.
We weep,
we pray,
we kill...
and all for nothing,
for our lives are spent searching,
screaming,
begging
for something we can never have.

- written after reading Goodbye by Kraftlos Mond

June 1999
Peace

so far away i see you
an angel in disguise
building up the questions
within your golden eyes
your beauty so unbroken
there weeping, as you do
a solace in the painful
and yet i'm far from you

so glassy in the nighttime
only mirrors show
the endless stream of questions
to answers i don't know
fallen with betreyal
angel of the night
i know i'll see you waiting
when we end the fight

June 1999
Poison

when the endurance of a lifetime
isn't enough to sustain tears,
what do i do?

when the memories of my past times
aren't enough to carry me through the night,
what do i do?

over and over i search the world,
falling through the cracks of this broken terrain
only to find you there waiting for me.

Waiting for each failure, each mistake.
What am i supposed to say to you?

You and your beautifully eloquent insults
and your sweet smelling abuse.
What can I do with that?

I fall to you every time
and every time the tears burn
and the screams are silent.

you are the poison in my veins,
killing each and every dream my soul imagines,
until i finally die, once again
at the mercy of your hatred.