I'd arrived, or so I thought. The first semester was a delight.
All that text book learning. I loved every minute of it.
Anatomy, and physiology! Medical, and surgical care! Pharmacology, and ethics!
I knew that this was what I'd been born for nursing! How could I have been so wrong?
My second semester began with my first rotation on the wards. I was to go to a Chronic Care Patient's Ward.
The hospital I sent to was an old school that had been converted into a long term care facility for the chronically ill.
This was a monster of a place! Windows set so high up that the patients could only see the sky. This was only the beginning of my observations!
My next shock was the lack of every day equipment for the basic care of these patients. Chairs that lacked proper trays, and restraining supports. We had to use old sheets to "tie" the patients in their chairs.
Also having so many patients in one large room, did very little for the privacy of these individuals. This too bothered me.
What was the worse however was the shortage of staff. This meant that everyone had to wait a very long time for their basic personal care.
All I could think about was that these people deserved better. They were there because they had gotten old and sick, or were very young but they had developed a chronic disease!
How terribly sad I felt for all the people there.

My next rotation was on a medical floor at our local hospital. This rotation was okay. Supplies, and care for these patients was readily available. On these "wings" there was the hope for a full recovery for most of the patients. This alone was a great feeling.
After this ward experience there was more book theory to learn, and finally my first year of training was over.

My second year was a more in-depth learning experience. Also a great deal more time was spent with patients. By the time the first semester was over, and winter break had arrived, I knew that nursing was not for me!
I had long ago realized that I was being sympathetic towards my patients, rather than having empathy for them.
That was my problem! I felt everyone's pain, and their despair!
As rotations followed more rotations, I felt more and more despair.
I wanted to quit! Each time I raised the subject with my counselor I was always told that I was a "good nurse in the making". Things would get easier! Well sad to say but they never did!

Three months before graduation I found a way out of nursing! It was quite by accident that I did. My husband who was captain on a Great Lake freighter at the time was asked by his company to call the union hall and hire six deck-hands and one female "porter". A lady to help the chief cook on the ship. The six deck-hands were there the next morning, but getting a woman porter proved to be more difficult.
The men had been called to un-load the ship's cargo of soya beans, during the annual lay-up period. This is a time when only the engine crew, and two galley cooks are aboard. The engine personnel are responsible for winterizing the ship at the end of the season.
The addition of seven more crew members added to the work load of the two cooks. The cooks aboard were now swamped. So they both threatened to quit! A solution had to be found, and fast!
The company asked my husband what was I doing? "Oh nothing, she is presently on her school break. "Would she consider helping out?" "Certainly", and thus began a new chapter in my life.
The work was the kind of work I had often done to help my mother with when her ship had been in port those many years ago.
I had peeled 50 pound bags of potatoes, onions, carrots, and many other vegetables the chief cook required. Doing dishes, mopping floors. All this work was familiar to me. This was work I had been doing all my life, though on a much smaller scale.
I asked the cooks many questions, and with the information I gathered I knew I had found a way out of nursing.
Later when I was paid from the petty cash, I was surprised by the amount of money this work paid!
All that money for doing housework?

I returned to classes after this shipboard experience, and did two more rotations. Pediatrics, and psychiatry.
These would be my last. It was time to quit!
I was told this was un-wise, I only had four months to go before graduation. Also that I had been working hard, and that I was at the point of reaching my goal but my goal had changed.
All this took place at the end of February. Graduation would have been in June.
I remained firm with my decision, I was leaving! My counselor again asked me to reconsider, and not to throw all that work and effort away.
Finally I told her that I hated pain, disease, and the sight of blood, and that I did not want to be a nurse! That was the last of that dream.
I'll always appreciate the education I received, but I've never regretted leaving. Nursing was not for me!