Chapter 11

"Mm, Jess," Katrie garbled through her mouthful of chocolate. "You are the best cupcake creator ever."

"It was nothing, really." Jess brushed her off. She had just emerged from the kitchen with a plate of her monstrous cupcakes, skillfully created through a store bought cake mix. They spilled over their paper cups, and the vanilla icing resembled caulk more than anything edible, but even Jess couldn't screw up the taste of these things.

"Oh, and what do we have here?" Susanne came scurrying into the living room, greedily eyeing the plate in front of her. Katrie threw her hands over it protectively.

"Oh no, you don't!" she cried. "These are mine. Jess made them especially for me."

"I did not," Jess protested. "I made them because you shoved the box in my face and asked me to make them." She quickly snatched the plate away and held it up. "Susanne?" Soon the three were all munching on a mound of chocolate goodness and gazing at the television while Jess flipped through channel.

Suddenly Betsy came barging in through the archway. Her face was a mixture of stunned, exhilarated, worried, and completely stressed out. "You guys," she exclaimed. "I just talked to my mother!" The television quickly became old news.

"You're kidding," Susanne said. "What did she say?"

"Was she happy," Katrie asked. "When are you going to see her again?"

"You made another long distance phone call?" Jess looked disappointed.

"I'm sorry, I'll pay you back," Betsy assured her. "And I wasn't even going to make another call, but I just had a feeling that this time I would get through. So I called, and Mom picked up."

"What did you say?" Susanne asked, amazed.

"I don't even remember," Betsy replied. "I mean, I guess after a few stuttered attempts, I managed to tell her who I was. Then I finally got over myself and told her how I'm staying here and when I got back, and why I was calling. She took it all amazingly well. By the time we got off the phone, she was crying and trying to convince me to come home."

"Will you?" Katrie asked.

"Oh, gosh, I don't know," Betsy said. "I mean, I'll admit that it was great talking to my mother again and everything, but if I immediately hightail it back to my parents' house, what will that say? They'll have won."

"Won? This is not about winning," Jess said. "Besides, you went off to Africa for two years and don't regret a minute of it. If you hadn't gone, that would be them winning."

"Jess, you lost your point there," Katrie interrupted. "Look, Bets, you are not hightailing it back home. You're going to visit your parents after two years of noncommunication."

"But will they see it that way?" Betsy asked.

"Will who see what what way?" Pam asked, entering the room. "I was looking for you guys. Did you call a group meeting and not invite me?"

"Oh, never, dear," Susanne assured her. "This just kinda... happened."

"I called my parents," Betsy explained. "And we're just trying to figure out if I should go home. Well, I'm trying to figure it out, and they're trying to convince me to go."

"You're just going to hightail it back home?" Pam asked. "Isn't that like admitting they won?" Everyone groaned, and Jess went so far as to bury her head in a pillow.

"That's just what I said," Betsy replied. "And I know that it's not a competition here, but what I'm really wondering is that if I go back, will they just treat me the same way? Will they recognize that I'm not their little pigtail girl anymore and let me have the independence I had to take two years ago, or will they put me back under their wing the minute I step through the door?"

"That's true," Susanne agreed. "You could set up boundaries, though. Actually try to talk out the situation."

"Yeah, and risk them interpreting it as me picking another fight with them, rather than trying to fix the problems that drove us apart in the first place." With a pout, Betsy swiped a cupcake and collapsed on the sofa.

"Well, at least you want to fix things," Katrie offered. "That's good, and I'd be willing to bet they want to fix things too."

"On their terms, though," Betsy replied. "Oh, what am I going to do?"

"Tell 'em you love 'em," Jess suggested. "Tell them that you love them, they're your parents and you're their daughter. Tell them exactly how you felt when you walked out of the house that day, tell them that you know they didn't mean to make you feel like that, but you felt it anyway. Tell them how you feel now, tell them how you think they will respond to your feelings before they have a chance to respond to your feelings. Just ramble on for five minutes or so, and then sit quiet and hear their side of the story. Just don't let any miscommunication occur between you. None." Their was a moment of silence as Betsy stared at Jess, taking in all that she had said.

"This coming from the woman who loves to fight?" she finally asked.

"Well, when you spend most of your life blowing off relationships and arguing with people," Jess replied, giggling. "Not only do you find out how handle relationships the wrong way, you find out something about the right way too."

"Well, hell," Susanne said. "I'm impressed." To accent her surprise, she took a large bite of her cupcake.

"I still don't know, though," Betsy admitted. "I guess I'm just not sure how I feel about it anymore. I mean, I most definitely feel something, I just don't know how to put that something into words."

"You don't have to know that yet," Jess told her. "You're here, not on your parents' couch. And you will be here for as long as it takes you to find the words you want to say. That's what this place is for, finding your words." She sniffed and glanced at her watch. "Oops! Feeding time was ten minutes ago. I'll be back for dinner." Jess bounced off the couch and quickly left the room. A silence crept in after her and surrounded the remaining four.

"Is it just me, or might that have had something to do with Alex?" Susanne asked, finally voicing their thoughts.

"I wonder where he is right now," Katrie mused.

"Well, he'd better be somewhere far, far away," Pam said. "Because after a week and a half, he has no right coming here."

"I'm willing to bet Jess feels somewhat differently," Betsy said. "And if he still loves her, then he should come. Love waits."

"Jess doesn't," Susanne replied. "And although she may be ga-ga for him for the rest of her life, if he waits much longer she'll turn her back on him. Just watch."

"He'll fight for her, though," Katrie said. "I don't know Alex, but I think he'll fight to get that ring on her finger. We shouldn't worry."

"Who's worried?" Pam asked, and the silence crept back in.

@*@*@

"Okay, so I was thinking about names today," Susanne began as the group settled themselves around the table. Jess had surprised them all by rushing in a half hour after leaving the house to announce that she would barbecue steaks for them all that night, and they happily obliged. "And I went on-line for some inspiration. The most popular boys' name for last year was Michael, and the most popular girls' name was Kaitlyn. Personally, I don't like either of them."

"Well, I think you have some time to find a name," Katrie assured her. "That babe isn't coming anytime soon."

"Oh, I know," Susanne replied. "I get to go through the joys of pregnancy." Laughter swept through the room at the look of mixed emotions on her face.

"I still can't get over the fact that we're actually going to have a kid to contend with next year," Pam said. "How's that going to work?"

"We'll all just have to get knocked up before the next trip, so the little guy won't be lonely," Betsy decided.

"Or girl," Jess countered. "You can't rule out that possibility. After all, we are all hoping that this groups continues into the second generation, aren't we?"

"Amen to that, Darlin'," Susanne replied. "Although I don't really care what the precious baby is, as long as it comes out at nine months and doesn't take it's good 'ol time about it, I'll adore it to pieces."

"Spoken like a true mother," Betsy announced. "Well, maybe it's a little skewed, but the adoring part certainly earns you points." The giggling returned, as Susanne blushed at the observation.

"Okay, I'm sorry I brought this up," she replied. "Let's move on to other current events. Like the wedding next week." Attention swerved to hit Katrie full-on.

"I can't wait to get home," she said after a moment. "To go through with the wedding, to get the ring and wear the dress. Oh, and I miss Paul so much. I never thought I could miss someone like this. I mean, it hasn't even been two weeks, and we talk every other day..."

"Um, not to get off subject here," Jess interrupted. "But, on a rough estimate, how much is my phone bill going to be this month?"

"I'll pay you back," Katrie assured her. "But I think I'm looking forward to the reception the most. It'll be like one of our college parties, except my family will be there. I can't wait to see what happens."

"And the general consensus says," Pam said. "Katrie just can't wait." She took a bite of her steak and smiled pleasantly. "This is great, Jess."

"Hey, carnivores know their stuff, I guess," Jess replied. "Where's the reception going to be, Katrie? I know the name of the hall, but where is it?"

"Actually, it's right by some of my old haunts when I was in high school," Katrie said. "Paul had his first job there as a janitor after the parties on the weekend, so he wants to go back and actually create the mess for once."

"Not exactly a nice thought," Betsy commented. "Amusing, though. Does that mean we can be as wild as we want?"

"Oh, that's a given," Katrie said. "Whether Paul wants it or not, we're going to have a good time. He probably won't complain though."

@*@*@

"Gotta find the words." This thought had been running through Betsy's mind all night, and it repeated itself as she stood on the front porch and watched the sun rise. She had tried writing down her feelings after dinner, but it just didn't work. Her mind was running in a million different directions at once, which made it hard to process anything onto paper. She still had her notebook in hand though, hoping the serene surroundings would inspire some purging of the soul. Sighing heavily, she rested on the porch swing and propped the paper up on her knee. Time to see if it worked.

I felt so betrayed and so hurt. Angry, too. I definitely felt angry about what they did. But what did they do? They tried to govern my life, I guess. They had these laws that I was supposed to follow, and while I was okay with following some of them, there were some that I just couldn't live with. To them, rejecting one was like rejecting everything they'd ever taught me. At least, that's how I felt about it. And then we both just got so angry that I couldn't communicate with them anymore. So I walked out. Maybe it wasn't the best way to handle it, but I don't really regret that action. (make sure you tell the 'rents that- they may not realize it) It got the point that I was trying to make across to them. The only real problem with it is that it took two years to get it across.

Now, I have my independence. I think it's important to establish that. To make them realize that while I'm still their little girl, I demand the right to spread my wings. Hopefully they get this now, because I really don't want to go through the whole 'proving my point' thing again. The whole relationship is going to be different now. Everything has to change, and I hope it can happen happily. After all, when it's all said and done, I miss my mom and dad.

I told the gals that I was afraid of fighting with them again. I'm also afraid of being welcomed. I'm afraid that we're not really going to sit down and talk everything out, that they'll greet me with something like "Bets, we're sorry. Let's forget about it. You're home now." I'll be ushered back into their lives, and although some things will change, the entire situation will be so hazy and undefined that we'll all be walking on egg shells. I'm not good on tip-toe, that won't work for me. I'm also afraid that I'll be too afraid to bring this stuff up. I don't want to hurt them, but I want to be honest with them too. It's so confusing. I guess I'll just have to remember what Jess said. Hell, it looks like I'm finding my words anyway. Maybe in the next paragraph or so I'll find my confidence too.

I have to figure out what my guidelines will be. How does a person set down guidelines for their own parents? Well, I suppose I'll tell them what I'm planning to do now that I'm back, and I'll start looking for an apartment once I get home. I'll talk to them about Africa, and I'll try to make them see how great an experience it was for me and how happy I am that I went. I'll include them in my life again, but calmly work out any misunderstandings we have in the future (I'm not so naive to think that we'll have a perfect relationship after this). I'll make my own decisions. Also, I won't demand any kind of apology for what happened two years ago. It's in the past, and if it turns out that we still have conflicting opinions, then that's just something we're going to have to live with.

Reading over this, I get the impression that I think I'm not in the wrong at all. Well, I am. Taking a step away from the argument, I can understand their need to keep their one and only child not only in the country, but also nicely settled down with a boy they thought was perfect for her. It's understandable; I might be worried if they hadn't argued the point with me. At the time, I did not understand this. I was kind of narrow-minded, only seeing the situation from my point of view. Well, I'm planning on apologizing for any pain I might have caused them. I could have been more considerate.

I have to stop being so passionate about it. I have to work to get over the incredible knot in my stomach and throat whenever I think about that day. Sure, it was a pivotal afternoon, but I have to learn to deal. I'll tell Mom about all these things when I get home. I have a feeling that if she hugs me, the frustration will just melt away. I don't know, but Mom's touch just seems to do that kind of thing.

I have to tell them that I love them. I have to mention it. Jess says so, and I can see the logic. I'll also confess how much I've missed them. This is no time to wear the tough-girl mask. All masks have to be thrown aside now. It's time to bare my heart to them. They're my parents. How hard can it be? Here Betsy stopped, smirking at the last question and thinking a very negative answer to it.

Then, smirking more out of amusement than bitterness, she picked up the pen again and added one last paragraph. Maybe after a few hours I'll mention George. I wonder if they went to the wedding. I wonder if they'll admit how right I was about him. Although, I'm sure Daddy cried when he found out his superman wasn't as super, or as manly, as he thought. I'll have to hug him, too. Now laughing out loud, she leaned back in the swing, rocking herself back and forth. Only one last thing to do now.

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