Dear Kevin,
I've been checkin gout your webpage www.geocities.com/kaseale and have been quite concerned with the feelings of dismay you've displayed there and in our conversations. Lately, you've seemed so depressed and tired from the daily kicks life seems to enjoy giving you. In an attempt to cheer you up (and maybe others in situations similar to yours), I decided to write you this open letter... (don't act so suprised; I told you I would!)
I've noticed a certain pattern in your thoughts which seem to lead to the same thing: lonliness, in particular, for a realtionship with a "significant other". I've told you before that such a feeling is natural, and that everyone goes through that at some poin(s) in ther lives but I know that this doesn't help you. So I thought about how I could cheer you up and came up with a few good things about being in your situation. First, being single is good because you have only yourself to think about and any major life decisions you must make will be guided mainly by your own concerns. Second, you can use the time by yourself to develop new skills, gain knowledge and learn about all the wonderful things the world has to offer. Take a class, start a new hobby, read a new book. It's true that you can do this even if you're in a relationship but I've found that you tend to get "immersed" in the other person - you want to be around them, to know more about them..you just want them! The danger in being in a relationship is the possiblity of losing yourself in the other person. When you're single, you should take the opportunity to learn about and define yourself so that when you do get into a relationship, you won't easily "lose" yourself in the other person. You can maintain your own individuality and appreciate the other person's individuatlity as well. Also, Kevin, by being single and focusing on developing and improving yourself, you'll become the kind of person you want to be with and will be more likely to attract the right kind of woman for you. Third, you seem to see your role as the "perpetual platonic male friend" as a bad thing. It says a lot about you as a man when women feel comfortable enough around you to be themselves and to confide in you. You're a sensitive and caring guy and women can sense it....that's a good thing! Also, having a lot of female friends means having an invaluable resource and connection to the female psyche. Use it! Learn from your single female friends about what they are looking for in a man, what they like or dislike, etc. Learn from your not-so-single female friends what they like or dislike in their relationships, how they deal with issues or problems in their relationships, etc. You have many female friends around you, Kevin, who are very qualified to teach you about women and how they think. Take this opportunity to learn and when the time comes and you meet that special someone, she'll benefit from all the things you've learned... and so will you (believe me!:))
I hope this cheers you up , somehow. I say a lot of stupid "disney movie" things (according to Richard) but I must say: Hang in there, Kevin! And I learned that when you least expect it (or even want it) love comes along and when it does....wow! That's all I can say....wow! :)
Good luck....
Your friend, Margie
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