Come in number your time is up!
The successful removal of hair is the biggest, obstacle to looking good and hopefully convincing. What never ceases to amaze me is the number of TVs who go to great lengths to remove body hair and yet don't shave their faces properly. There is no greater turn off the snuggling up to a girl with more stubble than Desperate Dan. It is especially surprising in light of the fact, that in theory, mosty guys have been shaving every day since puberty. Do it properly and believe me you, and anyone you pull will notice and appreciate the difference. Ideally shave just before you put your make up on to go out. Use a good oil or gel and don't cheap on the razor either. Gillette Sensor Excel, Mach 3, or Wilkinson Sword FX Performer are all good choices. As an alternative to Gel, try Razorantium by Lush which goes straight on to dry skin but make sure you rinse the razor every couple of strokes or it will clog the blade. Shave first against the grain and then again with the Grain. Most important of all study your face, your hair doesn't just grow down, it follows the lines of your face. It will hurt, but an addtional level of smoothness can be achieved by going over it afterwards with a decent electric shaver. Last of all apply moisturiser to the skin after shaving. The rest of the body is something I am new to, but have experimented with some options. It is of course possible to avoid the problem. A pair of high denier beige tights underneath tights or stockings preserves the illusion of perfectly shaved legs and gloves and high collars can do the rest. Another option is the legendary "Treasure Chest" Torso prosthetic. If, however you are a purist, or are after sexual encounters, best to do the job properly. Shaving is cheap and effective but can be time connsuming. I recvcomend using a new razor every time and using a body lotion afterwards. Depilatory Creams such as Immac and other High Street brands give good easy results, but can be expensive because you will need a lot. Lay it on twice as thick as they recommend it. The first time you use it shave a day or two before hand because the cream will have problems penetrating average male body hair. Waxing is a favourite despite the pain involved, you will need your hair to be 1-2cm long at least and your skin will be red and blotchy for 12-24 hours afterwards. You will only need to go through it every 4-6 weeks however. I don't know about electrolysis personally, although it is highly rated, but personally, I can't afford it. Anyone want to fund some research? Thought not! Eyebrows are a knotty problem, few of us want to risk our jobs/marriages/or general ridicule by removing them completely or even thinning them much. If you want thin/no eyebrows without this problen then you can buy concealing gum from most theatrical/fancy dress outlets. It takes practice but covers your eyebrows very well. ScouringYou will not need a circular sander, polyfilla or any heavy duty chemicals to prepare your face but I do recommend a strong cleanser to remove any oil, dead skin, buboes or weeping sores. Do be careful and find one that will look after your face, after all if it falls off you won't have anywhere to put your make up! Next apply any beard concealer if you need it. If you have dark hair you almost certainly will, and a lot of blondes will as well. Finally get out your facial tippex (concealer) and attack those zits, shaving cuts, embarassing tatoos and lobotomy scars.
UndercoatVery few guys can get away without a creme foundation, so I don't recommend trying. Being a gothette I live by the motto the paler the better. Spectacular even do a pure white foundation called "porcelain". Pure white is not always flattering and can make even a slightly round face look like the pilsbury doughboy, worse yet, a cock up with blusher will leave you looking like an Aunt Sally! Personally I blend the palest commercial I can find with white. The important thing here and with much make up work is that while you can cheap on the cosmetics, don't cheap on the application. A latex sponge will cost 50p to œ1 and will make and is an infinite improvement on cotton wool or fingers. Apply the foundation in stripes around the face and then blend them. Fnish of with a pressed or loose powder, this will take away the shine and provide a matt surface for the other cosmetics. Blushing BridesBlusher causes more disasters than any other cosmetic known to man. Well that's a slight exaggeration, but it's not always as easy as it seems. For those of you not trying to emulate the living dead (shame on you!), Do NOT use a red blusher, not unless you have an extremely robust skin colour, nor should you overdo it. Less is more, and you are adding definition not auditioning for the Moscow State Circus! Bronze and sometimes just darker foundations are the way to go. With a pathologiically pale or white base of course you have more exotic options, although once again red is probably to be avoided lest the spectre of Aunt Sally over take you. Purples, blues and greys are all effective with white foundation as is glitter. There are two plans for blusher. The first, which can look stunning presupposes some sort of cheekbone structure, something I personally am doomed to envy, is to suck in your cheeks until you look like someone in the advanced stages of malnutrition and then vigorously up against the cheekbones. The rest of us are better of softening our features by gently brushing down from the tops of our cheeks. The latter method is best with subtle variations from the base foundation the former with deeper contrasts. There are Gothic blusher techniques for those with a few pounds of flesh clinging tenciously to their bones (i.e. with a normal healthy physique), find an appropriately coloured eyeliner or lipliner pencil and carefully describe an inverted l shape following each cheek. Soften it with your finger blending it down rather than up, then apply the blusher carefully within this line.
Beware the Evil EyeThis is your chance to go mad, and is the bane of my life. Why? Because I have abysmal sight in my right eye which means my left eye invariably looks cack compared to the right. Heigh ho. Eyelashes first, 'cos if you use mascara it is possible to fuck the whole thing up by blinking or twitching leaving you to start over again. Personally I cheat by using Dyelash, which means I don't always need to use mascara. The other option is false eyelashes, but I cannot advise you there as I never have myself. I'm quite twichy about applying glue that close to my eyes. Now for the eye-liner Fashion rules say you should use black or your eye colour, don't take this as a rule. In all fairness though blue eye-liner ill-suits brown eyes. Of course the first law of goth applies to eye-liner generally which is black is best. A secret worth knowing Goth or Not is white eye-liner. Thisd is applied under the eye above the eyelash and makes the eye appear larger. With the defining colours however any good Goth knows they should be used top and bottom. Drawing outwards from the corner of the eye with as few strokes as possible and extending as far as you dare (about 1-2cm is good 7cm+ is getting silly). Of course once you get past the outside corner of the eye you can be as ornate as you like. Personally I usually stick to a little flourish, but Egyptian "Eye of Horus" patterns are popular and Japanese inspired styles can be very striking. The golden rule is to keep your ambitions within the scope of your skills, otherwise you will look a total tit! Time to hit the eyebrows. This is limited by what you have to work with. Few TVs are brave enough to trim or shave their eyebrows and if they do not by much. Word on advice, unless your hair/wig is very dark or your eyebrows pencil thin don't use black. Like your eye-liner you can afford to be a bit adventurous. A personal fave of mine is to shade my brows until I get to the apex and then extend them up in a slight curve, although I use that more as a guy than as Charlotte. Last but not least comes the eyeshadow. This should be applied with a brush although the applicator that most are supplied with will do. I like to work with two or three shades, either bought or blended. People do not always realise powders can be blended. Apply an even base colour first, being careful not to apply beyond the eyebrow. Then carefully shade the corners of the eyelid with a darker colour, making the outside corner slightly darker than the inside. Then highlight the centre of the eyelid and an area towards the outside of the eyebrow with a lighter shade. Finally you may if you wish add glitter stars, glow in the dark stickers, papier mache, barbed wire or anything else that takes your fancy. When clubbing remember the latest gimmick, make up which glows under ultraviolet! Although it is being done to death a bit at Slimelights. Also good but often overlooked is red eyeshadow, although generally it is red blusher being put to better use. If you are going for more spectacular colours remember to make sure your eyeshadow doesn't clash with your blusher! Lip ServiceYes I know it's an old one, but the old ones are still, erm, the old ones. Lipstick is another big danger zone. The big problem is the old Robert Smith problem. Very few people, especially guys are lucky enough to have well defined lips, if you are lucky enough to have a perfect "cupid's bow" then lucky you, if not you will need two things. One a lipbrush, not essential but very, very helpful, the other is a lip pencil. As to colour: pink is generally a mistake, certainly for any budding gothette. purple, black (of course), blue, darker reds (especially recommended is Boots' Black/Red Splitstick and metallics are all good. Once again try not to clash with eyes, blusher etc. Mark out your lip shape with the pencil, then apply lipstick thinly (this is where the brush is invaluable) keeping within the pencil lines so they will provide a faint outline. As you become more adept you can achieve even better results by shading. I personally use and recommend lipcote, because while it feels like you are removing your lips with acid, it will make sure that if you do get off with, or go down on, someone you won't come away looking like a six year old in a sweet shop, or if you do it's their fault.
VarnishingAfter all your hard work, a sudden rainstorm, a hard night on the dance floor or an energetic session in the boudoir could ruin everything, so like any artist you should protect your work with a varnish. Before you scour cosmo looking for such a product or worse yet reach for a can of ronseal I direct you to a trade secret I learned from the venerable Sexbat. Hairspray, preferably a mild one assuming you don't want your face to come of with your make up. A gentle fine spray across the face is all you need, but don't forget to close your eyes!
Nailing the coffin shutThey get worse don't they? Be very careful before deciding to use false nails, they take a lot of practice to look good at the best of times. Given that men on the whole have larger fingers than women they tend to have square nails, these do not look good with 2 inch plastic talons attached. If you want beautiful nails it will take a lot of work but will be very worthwhile I assure you. I have also found that women love a guy with long well kept nails so you win both ways. Keep then scrupulously clean and trim and file them on a daily basis. The use of a strengthening product every night may also be useful. Diet also helps, jelly is very good for hair and nails. When painting your nails paint in careful strokes towards the finger tips and always use two or three coats rather than plastering it on like emulsion. Don't worry two much about going over the edge for I have a cunning tip. When you have finished add a top coat to prevent chipping, while not essential it is advisable. Finally my cunning tip: pour a little nail polish remover into it's lid and dip a cotton bud, those handy little earwax removers(preferably a clean one!) in it and use it to clean away the excess nail polish from your fingers.
The Smell of FemaleAnother big chance to cock up. There's no point looking good if you smell like an explosion in a cleaning cupboard. Moving on from problems with personal hygiene which a lot of guys amd some TVs seem to have which is I must say turn off number one, everybody smells. It is important to remember this, your skin carries hormones, phermones and many other chemicals which determine it's smell. While everyone has a subtly dfifferent smell, most importantly Women smell different than men. Parfumiers know this and formulate perfumes to complement female odours, the upshot is most perfumes smell cheap and nasty on men, who have a different skin chemistry. Thin mind you should follow one of two paths: a) find a flowery male scent (there are some out there) or go to Body Shop or a similar establishment and try the perfume oils drawn from a single plant. Find one that suits your skin. Always good even on male skin are Patchouli (pretty much de rigeur for the Gothic Slapper anyway) and vanilla.
Any Questions?For another path to Goth Chickdom see Beth UK!back to top |