Expat Reflections on Gay Life in Ukraine

Article about gay life in Ukrainian capital published in Kiev English language magazine "WHAT'S ON".

What is it like to be a gay man from abroad living in Ukraine? Articles we frequently see in the local and international press on the "national treasure" that is the superlative beauty of Ukrainian women, while true, tell only half of the story. Ukrainian men deserve the same type of recognition.

Every gay foreigner that I know who has ever visited Ukraine has commented favourably on the attractiveness of the male population. Creamy skin, soft hair, doe-like eyes, bee-stung lips, naturally-toned bodies of the lowfat variety - all of these are attributes of Ukrainian men (at least until their mid-30s) routinely noted by lovestruck foreigners. What we gay expats admire, and at the same time envy, is that unlike fashion-crazed, gym-obsessed Western "hotties," Ukrainian guys are naturally sexy without appearing to realise it or work very hard at it.

And, because gay men are men, physical attractiveness matters. It is largely responsible for what one gay expat called "being bitten by the Slavic bug," that head-spinning, powerfully addictive rush one feels while simply walking down Khreshchatyk or standing in line at Domashnya Kukhnya and being surrounded by enough beautiful men to fill up a 52-week beefcake calendar.

Ukrainian Reactions to Gay Expats
Like many other paradoxes in Ukrainian life, being gay, both for foreigners and for Ukrainians themselves, is the proverbial "open secret": widely known and tacitly acknowledged, but rarely discussed. In a society still obsessed with snooping and with collecting and disseminating personal information (whether or not it is ever put to use), it is nearly impossible for anyone to carry on a totally clandestine gay life. Sooner or later, whatever you are doing, wherever you are going, and whomever you are dating will become known to your Ukrainian friends, neighbours and work colleagues (not to mention the omniscient security services).

That is not to say, however, that those friends, neighbours, and work colleagues will be interested in that information, or that it will necessarily have any consequences for you. Most Ukrainians have more important things to think about than the evils of homosexuality, at least among foreigners. As a diplomat, businessperson, consultant, grants administrator, journalist, volunteer, or whatever, you will be judged by your performance, your character, and your sensitivity to the local culture, not by your sexual orientation. Indeed, an openly gay expat who is capable, dedicated, respectful and straightforward in dealing with his Ukrainian counterparts will thrive and even prosper here (as many have), outlasting any straight cowboy whose modus operandi is bullying and belittling Ukrainians at work and then sweet-talking them at happy hour.

And, it turns out, most of my gay expat friends report that their Ukrainian colleagues do seem to be aware of their sexual orientation, but that this knowledge has never been used against them in any identifiable way. Sometimes, those colleagues will let it be known that they know but don't care. One Ukrainian counterpart of a long-term gay expat approached the expat's translator (who also happened to be gay) at a party, saying "he's really great to work with and has helped us out a lot, and we don't care that he's gay!" Remembering this, that same foreigner felt like laughing out loud when, while being harassed by five vodka-soaked "militsioneri" outside a gay club in Kharkiv, he was told that they now had 'kompromat' on him that could ruin his career in Ukraine; this, of course, was ridiculous, since everyone important already knew. ('Kompromat' is supposedly damaging information that is kept in reserve, to be used when needed to take somebody down a notch or two.) Unlike the U.S. military, Kyiv is, indeed, a place where "don't ask, don't tell, don't pursue" seems to work to everyone's satisfaction.

'Gaydar'
One of the most frequent observations made by foreign gays in Ukraine is how difficult it is to tell who is gay and who is not. In other words, 'gaydar', the sixth sense allegedly possessed (with varying degrees of accuracy) by gay men to spot each other, simply does not work here. Signals are jammed by several forces, resulting in both 'false positives' (assuming someone is gay when he is not) and 'false negatives' (assuming someone is not gay when he is). The 'false positives' generally arise from the affection, also common in Mediterranean countries and in the Arab world, that young Ukrainian men show for each other. It is not unusual to see two Ukrainian guys sitting extremely close to one another on an uncrowded park bench, talking softly and intimately. They will sleep in the same bed without hesitation or embarrassment if quarters are cramped, and they will often talk for hours on the telephone like mischievous schoolgirls. None of this behaviour necessarily implies homo-erotic attachment. Other false signals are noted among the Ukrainian "glitterati": the leather pants, the gold jewellery, and the stylish purses carried by successful "biznesmeni" are more likely to indicate a propensity for macho behaviour than for man-to-man tenderness.

More interesting than the "false positives," however, are the "false negatives." The oft-voiced protests, "He can't be gay! He's married with kids," and "He talks about women all the time and has a girlfriend," which are sometimes wrong in the West, are even more often wrong in Ukraine. A great many married men have same-sex encounters on a regular basis, usually without but sometimes with the knowledge (and even approval) of their wives. What is interesting is that only some, and by no means all, of these gay married men were forced into marriage or took the vows in order to "pass" as heterosexual. Indeed, even today, a great many young gay Ukrainians do plan eventually to marry women and have children, without giving up their homoerotic adventures. Most of these men have no intention of telling their brides-to-be of their orientation. When I asked a young gay friend of mine why he wanted to get married, he responded, "to have someone to take care of me and be a good mother to my children." When asked if he planned to tell his future wife that he was gay and planned to continue having same-sex experiences, he answered, "Why should I tell her? It's none of her business, as long as I bring home the money."

Finding Each Other
There is a "core" group of foreign gays in Kyiv, whose population has numbered between 15 and 20 in the last several years. Circulating on the fringe of this group have been numerous short-termers, gay men who have gone "local" (i.e., have settled with Ukrainian boyfriends and dropped out of the "scene"), and those who have stayed out of the crowd entirely, either because they are closeted or have too many professional responsibilities to carry on an active social life of any sort.

When I first arrived in Kyiv in the mid-1990s, there was only one establishment that catered primarily to a gay clientele: a once-a-week disco in a former hostel on Kikvidze Boulevard. The place had a number of drawbacks: the one night shifted unpredictably from Friday to Saturday and back; the crowd had a boozy, blowsy, generally dysfunctional air; and there was occasional (though minor) violence. The disco faded away in 1997, but the same space was used for very successful gay Hallowe'en parties in 1998 and 1999. Also part of Kyiv's gay history of that period were predominantly gay cafes that were swept away in the gentrification of Khreshchatyk: Vognik (where a McDonalds is now) and Bila Zdoba (now a Benetton). Viola bar, one of Eric's establishments, on Chervonoarmiyska (now closed), also attracted a significant gay clientele and even briefly had a Sunday "gay night," although the crowds on those Sundays, far from being exclusively gay, were almost indistinguishable from those on other nights.

All of that changed in the spring of 1998 with the opening of "Big Boy Club" in the Rostok Palace of Culture on Harmatna in the western part of Kyiv. Originally open one night a week, it quickly expanded to two, and then six nights a week. The disco, which still packs in the crowds, was an instant success and outlived two of its competitors. One of those would-be competitors, Heaven, located nearby, had a more attractive interior but a Soviet atmosphere: sullen waiters and waitresses in stiff formal wear who often outnumbered the customers, pretty young boys sitting motionless at tables while their patrons conducted business in smoky back rooms, and intimidating face control. Heaven was a calculated attempt to replicate the glitzy look of Hollywood and Dynamo Lux for the "upscale" gay crowd, but it failed and quickly closed. The other competitor, Klitka, which opened, to much fanfare, in the fall of 1999, has opened and closed so many times that it, too, has largely lost its appeal.

Two other gay-oriented cafe/bars deserve mention: Brodyachaya Sobaka (Stray Dog), near L'vivs'ka Ploshcha, and Matrosskaya Tishina (Sailor's Silence), near Klovs'ka metro station. Both are largely, though not exclusively, gay, serve fairly typical Ukrainian cuisine, and are open late. Staryi Kyiv, a coffeehouse on Khreshchatyk, so far has managed to avoid gentrification, but is not very popular with the expat community because of its bad coffee and somewhat grungy clientele.

To the foreigner, the Ukrainian gay clubs and cafes are similar to gay establishments anywhere in the world, with a few important differences. The first of these differences is that it is very rare for Ukrainians to come alone to these places. Most arrive in groups of at least three or four, and tend to stake out tables at the edge of the dance floor or in one of the smaller, quieter rooms. There is also less of a "meat market" atmosphere than at clubs in Western Europe or North America. Aggressive "cruising" is rare. Shy about asking someone to dance? No problem - just wait until he is dancing, usually with others in a large, amorphous circle, and just join in until you make eye contact. There are also plenty of female/male and female/female couples to add variety. To the foreigner tired of the fashion and body fetishism of Western gay clubs and their tendency to encourage only one kind of clientele (yuppie, leather, older, etc.), Ukrainian clubs can seem positively democratic and pluralistic. And the cover charges and drink prices are much lower.

For those who go to bed early, don't like the smoky atmosphere, or for some other reason feel uncomfortable in a club, there are other ways to meet gay people in Kyiv. Two beaches in the Hydropark area have become increasingly popular with gays (summer only, of course). One, located near the northern tip of Dolobets'kii Island, is partly nude and mostly gay, and the other, situated on Trukhaniv Island, is mostly nude and partly gay. Behind both beaches are woods and walking trails for romantic adventures away from the crowds.

For those expats with Ukrainian friends, private gay parties are a good way to meet people. Given the speed with which news travels, a party of 30-40 people can materialise almost instantly, especially if the theme is appealing. In fact, the first "underwear party" I ever attended was not in North America or Western Europe, but in Kyiv. (The police showed up, but only because of the loud music, not because they had any idea of the nature of the party.) And of course, like any big city, Kyiv has its share of parks and public restrooms for those who like hooking up "the old-fashioned way." Predictably, the crowd in these places tends to be older, with many more Soviet-era fashions and hairstyles on display than in the other venues. (See the Last Word for an insight into what it was like to be gay under Communism - Ed.)

Outside Kyiv, the gay "scene" is rather hard to find. There is a Friday-night disco in Kharkiv (called Drive, in the Dom Kultury on Ploschad Rudtniy, near metro Gagarina) and a pleasant bar in Odessa (Club 69 on Troits'ka Street, between the railway station and downtown). Cafes said to be "frequented by gays" exist in these and other cities but will not be immediately obvious to any foreigner. Simeiz, a resort town west of Yalta, overflows in August and early September with gay men from all over the CIS and Baltics.

They Just Keep Coming Back!
Without any doubt, it can be said that gay men from abroad who have lived and worked in Ukraine are, by and large, forever changed as a result of their experience. Notions of male beauty are forever altered; rigid concepts of sexuality and sexual orientation are forever bent out of shape; passions are forever in a state of high alert, having crescendo'd to astonishing heights and crashed to bone-chilling depths.

Put differently, as another expat friend remarked so eloquently after leaving, "the sheer randomness and unpredictability of gay life here is real; the sameness and predictability of gay life in North America is surreal." Maybe that is why those who come want to stay, and those who leave want to return. Kyiv in a few years' time as the gay mecca of Eastern Europe? It's not as farfetched as you might have thought.

• Tim Barrett

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