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The St. Aelred Friendship Society
The Order of St. Aelred is a member group of the world-wide St. Aelred Friendship Society (SAeF) and SAeF Friends Yahoo group.
The main objective of SAeF is friendship. It has no membership fees, no dues, no religious vows, no required meetings or activities. It’s all about friendship with hundreds of SAeF Friends in many countries, although the majority are in the Philippines.
The St. Aelred Friendship Society (SAeF Friends) gets its inspiration from the Gospel Good News of Love, the life and writings of St. Aelred of Rievaulx, and the strong excellence of the Philippine people in areas integrally associated with true friendship. It has been said, “You earn the friendship of a Filipino(a), and you have a friend for life.”
The very culture (cultural personality) of the people of the Philippines is characterized by:
(1) an immediate empathy with others, a strong starting point for
friendship;
(2) an intense caring for the good of others;
(3) an essentially non-confrontational nature which easily opens up to
friendship with others;
(4) the ability to appreciate the culture and characteristics of others.
Of course there are other strong and excellent cultural traits which also contribute to making the men and women of the Philippines “the friendliest people in the world.”
From this climate the St. Aelred Friendship Society opens up a “world of friends,” a “SAeF and friendly universe.”
The impetus for our understanding of friendship and being a True Friend comes from St. Aelred, a gay saint, who wrote some memorable books on same-sex love and friendship. His writings are consistent with his own life, and he describes in some detail his own loves, friendships, and love affairs.
St. Aelred tells of the joy of true friendship, and from him we gain the assurance that God smiles upon same-sex love and friendship. He himself is assured by the fact that the Gospel reminds us eight times that Jesus had one special friend who had the privilege of lying with his head on Jesus’ heart, who earned the name, “the beloved disciple, the one whom Jesus loved.”
In the St. Aelred Friendship Society we enjoy True Friendship. Somebody asked, “Isn’t that hedonistic?” The dictionary says hedonistic is connected with seeking pleasure and happiness in a big way. But surely seeking pleasure and happiness is not all bad or always bad. In fact, it is usually good, unless it harms or forces another person in some way.
It can be downright “religious” in the sense of participating in Jesus’ mission: “I have come that people may have life and have it more fully.” Surely pleasure and happiness are part of having life “more fully.”
Thus in the St. Aelred Friendship Society we are guided by our mission.
Our mission is to live in Friendship,
to promote a safe and peaceful society,
to live and teach the truth
that we are both sexual and spiritual
in the process of being fully human,
enjoying life-enriching friendships.
Aelredian Spirituality
In all probability you have been living “Aelredian Friendship” for years, but did not call it by that name. By our very nature as human beings, we are immersed in friendship. We naturally seek love, companionship, meaning, purpose, friendship.
And this is the particular focus and direction that we pursue in the St. Aelred Friendship Society. It is the special direction that guides and nurtures us in our life as friends of one another, while we realize that we have the great honor and privilege of being friends of God.
Friendship with people is a way of being in the Friendship of God. St. John tells us God is Love. St. Aelred tells us: “Therefore, God is Friendship.” This becomes for those on fire with friendship a framework that encompasses their whole being. It goes into everything they are and gives focus to their lives.
Some guiding principles of friendship
In general a friend will try to live by some “guiding principles” of friendship.
A friend...
... admires the other’s individuality.
... respects the personal traits and preferences of the other.
... respects the other’s mind, body, spirit, emotions.
... seeks mutual growth, harmony, and balance — intellectually,
physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
... is eager to see the other grow as a person.
... does not try to control or mold the other.
... respects and never ridicules the other’s uniqueness.
... avoids jealousy.
... takes pride in the other’s accomplishments and growth.
... values friendship with God and the other as one’s precious
possession.
The ways of the “spirituality of friendship” are ever moving “upward and outward.” In the terms of Teilhard de Chardin, upward, as it were, toward God, and outward to the people in our environment. We have to break loose from that tight-fisted encounter with ourselves and get out of our focus on defense against homophobia and open up for the life-giving encounter with our God and Friend and the friends our God has blessed us with, including the needy as well as the lovely.
The SAeF logo
We depict this upward and outward movement in our logo, inspired by the Jesuit philosopher priest, Teilhard de Chardin.
Each “semi circle” in the logo symbolizes a person coming out of one’s self and reaching upward and outward toward Another and another. Each heart-shaped “circle” which is formed by two “semi circles” coming together, symbolizes two friends moving upward and outward toward one another to form a friendship. Then, by extension, we visualize whole groups doing the same — moving upwards and outwards in friendship.
St. Aelred’s description of a True Friend
In his book Mirror of Love, St. Aelred gives us the sublime description of a True Friend.
When we see our selves as True Friends, we realize we cannot enter into the depth of that kind of friendship with every man, woman, child in our environment. What we can do is to strive to have that kind of True Friendship with one special person in our life. Those who are blessed can have more than one such True Friend.
Then from that starting point these characteristics of a True Friend can be our guiding star, as it were, for the ideal of True Friendship which we can strive to exemplify in our life.
Fr. Diarmuid O’Murchu, the well known theologian and author to whom we often turn for theological advice and direction, says it most powerfully: “The whole world is held in the embrace of the God of unconditional love. We, too as co-creators with that creative God must hold our world — totally and lovingly. Only a vision as large and as deep as this can help us heal the scars of our violent destructibility. Only in working for right relationships [friendships, we would say] characterized by love, justice, peace, and liberation, can we undermine the violence of separation and division which, even today, is far too prevalent across our suffering earth.”
Definition of friendship
St. Aelred tells us,
oneness of heart, mind and spirit,
in things human and divine,
with mutual esteem
and kindly feelings of approval and support.”
It will help us if we never lose sight of the fact that God is everywhere, and it would be good for gays and lesbians to remember also that gays and lesbians are everywhere. God is friendship and if we live in Friendship, we live in God and God lives in us. We are called to remain committed to that path which tends ever upward and outward. We move up and out of the gut level of being wrapped into a self-serving knot, and upward and outward to the beauty and wonder of oneness and friendship with another, with others.
Affirmation of Friendship
We are true Friends.
We are loving to one another.
We grow together
in satisfying and fulfilling ways.
We affirm one another.
We encourage the other,
we empower each one
to claim the full right to grow
into the fullness of personhood
that is uniquely and rightfully theirs —
the right to live in a safe society,
to live in the joy of true friendship,
among SAeF Friends.
Welcome to membership in the St. Aelred Friendship Society
The St. Aelred Friendship Society welcomes all who yearn for True Friendship in the manner of St. Aelred and the safe environment of the St. Aelred Friendship Society (SAeF).
St. Aelred Friendship Society welcomes all who want to live in accordance with the principles of friendship.
Procedure for membership
The procedure is very simple. The desire for friendship and the desire to promote friendship is the whole idea.
If I have this desire, I am willing to pledge:
That:
1. I have a sincere desire for the ways of peace and friendship.
2. I am willing to live by the principles of friendship.
3. I am willing to invite others to join in the friendship
of the St. Aelred Friendship Society.
4. I am willing to be invited to attend reunions and retreats
of the St. Aelred Friendship Society.
5. I am willing to receive articles on friendship and other pertinent
subjects by email.
The information on the following form makes me a member of SAeF and providing the email address makes me a Friend in the SAeF Friends e-group.
________________________________
Printed name
________________________________
Signed
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Address
________________________________
Phone/Cell Phone
________________________________
(of course the email address is the basic requirement for joining the e-group)
________________________________
Date of Birth (Month/Day/Year)
To join the St. Aelred Friendship Society (SAeF) Yahoo! e-group please click on the link.
Click to join SAeF Friends
Members of the St. Aelred Friendship Society may belong to the Gay Men’s Support Group, the Order of St. Aelred or other groups sponsored by the St. Aelred Friendship Society.
Members of the St. Aelred Friendship Society may request copies of publications published by the St. Aelred Friendship Society and the Order of St. Aelred (most are free of charge by email), or as arranged. Members may request a publications catalog from saintaelred@gmail.com.
All members of the Order of St. Aelred and the Gay Men’s Support Group are members of the St. Aelred Friendship Society. Some members of the St. Aelred Friendship Society respond to the call to become members of the religious order, the Order of St. Aelred.