I ask myself that question every day. If you cannot tell yet, I am one of many who are affected by Gender Identity Disorder (GID), Gender Dysphoria, or are known as Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite.

What does that mean?

Well, for me it means that even though I was born as a genetic male, I am actually female, well at least that is how it feels to me. Over the years there have been many terms that attempted to describe this condition. In fact for many years it was thought that this was a deviant sexual behavior, and many psych books were rather slanted against it. I hate terms, but sometimes it is good to recognize them, and explain how that feels.

Does it really make a difference?

Yes, Yes Yes!!!

As time goes on, I find that more and more I am looking at women and feeling like I have been left out. I wish I knew a cure for this. I would be happy to stop all these feelings I have just to have a normal life. Now, however, all I know is a form of living hell. Each and every day, I want to be able to live my life differently, but I am not able to do that.

Why?

Simply put, I have spent many years building a career, family, and a lot of other things. I have children, which I don't want to hurt or have them subjected to the ridicule that other children will give them. Still, it is not really a choice I have. One day, I will either change, or I will die. It is really that simple.

Is there a way to find peace?

There are many others that have been able to "transition". That is the term we use to describe moving from a life as a male, into a life as a female. It is not a simple matter in most cases. But it is often much better than the alternative.

I have hope, and knowledge!

I have done a lot of research into this issue. I hope that some of you reading this are looking for answers too. I hope that some of you are loking for understanding. We all need a lot of both, especially from our loved ones. Check out the links to support groups and web based information. I have found many of these helpful to me, I hope they are helpfull to you too.

Never give up hope!!! It is all we have.

All I know is that I am continuing to learn more about who I am, and what I need to do for my own inner peace.