Evolution of my Sexuality bit Bi bit

The path that brought me here is a long and twisted one. Coming out is not as easy as I thought it would be. I think I missed that part on Ellen. So, here are the gory details on it all. Oh, and since I'm married you may wonder...Why I'm married and how is it I'm still looking for a girlfriend.


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This is a little story of how I came to be drunk ,in my boyfriend's bed, telling him I was bi.

So you grow up in a little town in Eastern Canada. You know gay people, you know straight people. At the age of 9 you have some questions about your own sexuality, but you like boys. Therefore,donc alors, you are not gay. OK, fine. Life goes on.

By the age of 12, you have increasingly frequent fantasies of performing unspeakable acts on your best friend, but you like boys too, therefore, you are merely confused . Besides, everyone knows, people who "claim to be Bi" are either sluts, closet case dykes, or are confused.

Meanwhile, I'm having many boyfriends and tons of great sex, but the desire to be with a woman won't go away. My college dorm had those horrendous group showers, I felt like a deviant and would wait until the shower was empty so I wouldn't be tempted to oogle over my friends washing. It was not the most enjoyable period of my life.

In my third year of college I met a guy, a really great guy, and I fell deeply in love with him. Then panic set in, I still hadn't explored my "other side", was it all in my head, did I just want attention? Could I commit to a man if I really felt this way?

So, in good college fashion, I was hammered out of my skull at a party.(Ah yes, sweet liquid courage) A friend, Chris, was telling me she had met a great lady over the summer and was in love, oh ,and by the way, Nat, I'm gay. I was a tad surprised. I mentioned that it must be hard to meet eligible women, she said not really. It got me to thinking. I drank somemore 'til everythinwuz nicenfuzzy. My boyfriend found me, took me home, started to put me to bed but I insisted on talking to him before, gracefully, passing out. I told him I was bi. I had never said those words out loud. I hadn't been willing to voice my thoughts, make them real. I cried and said I would understand if he wanted to stop seeing me. He just asked me if I still wanted to be with him. I said yes, though there might come a time for me to try some things out for myself. He accepted it and we talked. All in all, he took it very well.

Now it is 2 years later, I still haven't found the right gal. They're either rim-rod striaght or "taken", but I am happy. I've come out to my best friend from high school. She still thinks I 'm OK but is very happy being straight. (DAMN!) One of my guy friends, Steve, from college, he thinks I'm confused. Well , actually, he thought I might be confusing love, lust and long-term commitment(is that what you mean?) And of course that boyfriend, who is now my husband. Who loves me, fence sitting and all. I'm screwing up the courage to talk to my folks, the people at work, but,...I've discovered I'm a HUGE chicken, bigger than Big Bird. So I'm working on it. I would love to say I'm out and proud, but for now, I'm in the closet and doing OK

Fri Nov 28,1997. My first active step to accepting who I am.(loud, vigarous applause) Went to meet some folks this week at Youth Group. So, I was crazy nervous, said all the wrong things, was too loud, laughed too much....and everyone was fantastic(except for that 1 question). A better group of people I couldn't have wished for. I could finally say what was in my Head and if they thought me strange, it never showed. Overall, a truely positive experiance. I hope it was for everyone else too. No, I'm not out to the world, but I did increase the number of folks who know. And I feel alot better.

Tues Dec 9 1997. Had my first date with a really cool gal. We talked for several hours over coffee and cake. I really had a good time and it felt great!!! Of course we went out the following Friday, had a few drinks, talked overall a great evening. I couldn't be happier. :)

March 1998...Because of my job I moved to Nova Scotia...scratch one cute girlfriend. Fortunately for me I met a neat couple....things went from there. I had a really great time, dove into that whole girl on girl sex like it was what I'd been doing it all my life (she had little in the way of complaints). But they live soooo far away.

July 8 1998... One Bi chick lonely in Nova Scotia seeks companionship!!!!!

Feb 1999... Well, I'm still seeking, but life has been pretty busy. Besides, being pregnant isn't exactly the best state to be in to try and meet people. I've come out to a number of friends and am trying to find the courage to tell my sister. There just never seems to be a good time! ( I know...EXCUSES!)

March 1999...Wahoo! A friend has turned into more and are we ever having fun! No, hubby is not involved in the relationship, except that he is a good friend to her. It's so awsome everyone gets along!

July 1999...Back to just friends and I'm not sure why...still trying to figure that one out.

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