How to describe the next two weeks? They were a time of excitement and of boredom.
I got straight with my old land lady. I painted the apartment and the handyman got me that chair frame so I could fix the chair. I got my things all packed and some of them moved.
Work was dull. Ed stayed mad at me and made several slurs at me regarding my CBness. So what!
I was visited at work by two cops. I guess they were the ones that had given me that ride between bus stops. They were there, I felt, to check me out. I decided to forget that part and I treated them to a piece of pie each. I still wanted to be friends with them at the same time it worried me to have them around. Finally they left.
I was cleaning up the table they had been at when I looked up and saw them out of the window in the restaurant. There they were outside and had arrested some young guy. I didn't know him. They had him in handcuffs and were both roughing him up. I didn't understand it. How could they act that way? If they needed to arrest someone then fine, take them downtown and follow the due course of the law. I remembered the time I had been roughed up by the police. You never forget. You can't...
Everyday, in the morning, I hopped a bus to go see Sid. Mike had a friend of his rent us a little place. It was small and dirty but at least it was in a bad neighborhood. It was everything you wouldn't want in a place to live. It did have a bathroom and a kitchen with a sink, a stove, and a cooler. It would be great for Sid and me. I began moving in my stuff right away. Sid and Dick went ahead and moved in.
Dick would have the bus to himself once I was able to move in too. I talked to Sid about that and Sid talked to Dick. They came to an understanding. I didn't understand ther understanding.
Saturday finally rolled around again and I headed to see Sid and be with him all weekend. Dick was there. It was late, very late. The Gas City bar had closed. Sid and I were a little looped from drinking gas water and popping pills. I was worn out. I was glad to be in Sid's arms but I had no plans for doing anything in bed with him except sleeping.
Dick was in the bed. Well, it wasn't a regular bed. Sid and Dick had transferred all the bags and boxes of clothes they had had in the bus to the apartment Sid and I would be sharing. I didn't want to make Dick get up and leave or anything like that. I would have been perfectly happy to let Dick sleep on the bed while Sid and I shared to makeshift couch--but there wasn't room.
I sure wasn't going to share the bed with Dick and I didn't want to be alone on the couch either. I think it was reasonable for Sid and me to want Dick to take the couch. That's not the way Dick saw it. Actually Dick wasn't seeing much of anything. We got him awake alright, kinda. He was just so drunk that we weren't able to reason with him. He wasn't being bullheaded exactly, we just didn't seem to be able to make him understand, either that or he wasn't able to make us understand. I thought Sid was going to get mad and hit his old friend. It was a bad situation and we couldn't get away from it. Dick wasn't going to get out of the bed and Sid and I didn't have anyplace else to go to sleep.
Harsh words were said. Sid made Dick get up and told him to sleep on the couch. I felt bad. I was a wedge between these two friends. Dick finally left. I worried where he would sleep. Sid was really upset. He was upset over Dick being so uncooperative. He was upset at himself for having talked to Dick the way he had. He was upset about Dick leaving. Sid was upset about how he thought I was feeling.
We sat on the couch and tried to express our feelings. Before I knew it I had fallen asleep.
***
When I woke I was alone--again. My back was killing me from sleeping sitting up on the couch and I was chilled to the bone because I hadn't covered myself up. I was still dressed. I kicked off my tiny high heels, which were hurting my feet just from being on for so long, and got up to find the restroom. It was a mess.
I had dreamt of a long quiet weekend with Sid just talking holding and looking into each other's eyes. That was the dream. The reality was I needed to get a pail, some soap, some warm water, some rags, and start cleaning my new home up.
The cooler was nearly empty. There was some booze and a half-eaten snak pak. I didn't want any of that. I wanted Sid. He was probity out trying to find Dick and reconcile ther differences. I found a dirty glass and washed it in the sink. I ran some water in it. The water was clear. Carefully I tasted it. It wasn't bad so I drank about half the glass. My stomach began to do little flip flops as I remembered what Toni had told me about drinking anything the night after getting drunk. I looked in the cupboard and was relieved to find the standard bag of cookies. I forced some down.
Cookie, that had become my new name. Mike still had the impression that I was called the Cookie Thief and he had shortened it to Cookie. I liked it. I had taken a lot of jokes about it and there would be even more but I liked being called Cookie. It had a nice ring to it and there was a certain flair about being called something edible.
I ate about half the bag. I wanted to get to work on the apartment. I wanted it to be clean and tidy so that when Sid and I got home that night we wouldn't get turned off by all the crud. I hunted around in my things, which were still in the bags I had used to transport them, until I found my favorite pair of loafing around jeans. I donned them along with some white tennies and a loose sleeveless pullover (black, of course). I grabbed my purse and got what loose money I had and my credit card. We needed food, soap, and a pail.
I checked myself in the mirror. I looked alright in a ratty sort of a way. I would blend right into my new neighborhood. I stepped outside. I didn't have a key to get back in if I locked the door so I left it open. With everything Sid, Dick and I had there still wasn't anything much worth stealing.
Out side it was a glorious day. The suns shone down on me through the hydrogen cloud and warmed me very nicely. I stretched delightfully. I was nearly alone on the street. This side of town was nearly deserted during the day. I needed to go do some shopping but I wanted to find Sid and be sure he was alright. I hoped he had been able to patch things up with Dick. I didn't want to come between the two men. I guessed Sid would either be at the old bus or in the bar. I could only barely recall how to get back to the bar. I was extremely careful to remember which way I had come so that I could always backtrack in case I was going the wrong way. I found the bar easily. The door was locked, of course, and no one came to it when I beat on it. I decided to go around back to the bus. I walked around to the left of the building before I remembered that from the bus facing the bar there was only one way through the fence--on the left. That would have been to the right from where I had been if front of the bar. Oh well. I kept on walking around the fence.
There was trash and debris everywhere. Everything was in a state of dilapidation. It was sad. It was scary. It was the world I had come to live in. I have to admit I had my doubts about my decision to live with Sid, but I was so in love with him that I was willing to be in this place.
I stopped and looked around me. Further up the alley I could see several large boxes where some people were living in them. There was smoke from a fire and I could smell food cooking. It smelled good but it could have been anything. The homeless were know to eat anything they could catch. You would never see a dog or a cat around here.
Across from where I was standing was another fence. Most of it had been knocked down. It looked like a car had hit it and kept on going. I could see into the lot behind it. I thought I saw something I recognized. It looked like the garage that Toni had been living in. I jumped the ditch and carefully walked over the fence to stand in the lot grown up in weeds.
I was Toni's place. I looked at it and let it tell me the story of what had happened to it. It was half knocked down and burned out. It told me the police had come and done this. They didn't want anyone else living there. Don't you know they had arrested the girl living there? To leave the place standing would mean someone else would move in and the police would have to arrest them because it was the garage's fault these people were turning bad.
When do they learn that it's not the buildings that are at fault? It's not even the people who are to blame. It is the attitude that some people are better than others that was causing all this destruction of buildings and lives.
Why didn't the police leave us alone? Couldn't they see that they were just making things worse? Somewhere there was someone up high who was causing all of this. This person saw all the waste and wanted to continue it. When two people are equal, well, then they are equal. When one person is over the other then that person is happier than it would be if they were equal. To it it is better to down trod the other so that it can have a better life. That's what these dweebs were doing.
The cops were just in the middle following orders. You know the type, they either can't or won't see what the problem is yet they want to correct it so what they do is listen to whoever claims to be right and follows ther orders hoping that one day it will all stop being wrong. That's great if they are following someone who at least has good intentions. Usually they are following orders given by someone out to take advantage of the situation. People in power are usually power hungry--that's how they got to be in power to begin with.
I knelt down in the grass and said this little prayer to god to help Toni and the CB's and even the dweebs:
DEAR GOD I KNOW THAT I AM EVEN LOWER THAN
THE DUST BENEATH YOUR FEET BUT PLEASE HEAR
MY PRAYER.I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR REASONS FOR
DOING WHAT YOU DO AND I DO NOT MEAN TO
QUESTION THEM. I KNOW YOU GIVE PEOPLE FREE
VOLITION TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO
AND THAT IS GOOD. I JUST ASK/BEG YOU TO
EASE OUR SUFFERING BY LEADING US INTO THE
LIGHT BY HELPING US FIND HOW TO GET ALONG
WITH EACH OTHER. AMEN...
I was still kneeling and thinking when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was warm and strong. It felt good--for the moment it took me to remember where I was. I jumped up afraid. It was a cop.
"What are you doing here? This is private property!"
"Umm...I kinda got lost. I saw that garage there. I know the girl who used to live there. I just wanted to look."
"What were you looking for? Pills? That's what she used to deal in."
"I have my own pills officer. I just wanted to see her place and think about her. I miss her."
"Well, miss her someplace else. If I catch you around here again you'll be going downtown. Do you live near here?"
"No." I half lied. "I'm visiting my boyfriend." I didn't want to give him my name or where I worked or lived because I knew someone would come visit me if I did.
"Where's he?" I could see the cop stiffen up. He thought my boyfriend was around somewhere trying to sneak up on him.
"I was looking for him when I got lost."
"I don't like this." the cop told me. He reached around behind him and pulled out his handcuffs. I know my eyes bugged out. He was going to arrest me for trespassing! "If I let you go where are you going to go?"
"Right over there." I said hopefully. I was pointing at the back of the bar. "my boyfriend helps out there. he's probably there now."
"If you knew where you were going then how'd you get lost?" he said while he played with the handcuffs. I knew he was using the threat of them to make me be honest with him. I didn't care. I just didn't want to go downtown.
"Um. I was trying to get to the back door. I forgot which side of the fence had an opening. I went the wrong way and I was walking around the fence when I saw this old garage--or what's left of it."
My hand was grabbed and a 'cuff was locked around it. "Gimme your other hand!"
I was careful not to resist. I started to slowly turn around and put my hand behind me.
"Not like that! You're not under arrest. I'm just placing you in protective custody until I can determine if you're telling me the truth or not. You had better not be lying!" he told me as he locked the second 'cuff around my other wrist. My hands were in front of me like the time I had been picked up for running away from home.
"I'm not! He's probably in there. He'll vouch for me. Honest!" I half pleaded. I didn't want to be arrested.
"Don't get so excited. We'll just go over there and see if anyone knows you."
"They do." I said as I tried to find some way to hold my hands so the handcuffs wouldn't feel so bad.
The cop grabbed my arm and helped me awkwardly step through the remains of the crushed fence. We went to the edge of the ditch and jumped over it together. I nearly fell on the other side. He had jumped a lot further than me so when I landed he was still in the air and made me lose my balance. I caught myself with my hands and scrapped the skin off of the heel of my thumb. The cop helped me get back up and we walked around the fence to the opening. Some kid was hiding behind the fence and took off running as we approached. I felt the cop's grip tighten on my arm. He stopped for a moment then relaxed and we continued. I felt cheap as shit being led around.
I showed him which door to knock on. He knocked and nothing happened.
"You'll probably have to bang on it hard for them to hear you, officer. It's pretty big in there..."
He pulled out his billy club and delivered several sharp raps to the door. "POLICE! OPEN UP!"
I heard some shuffling around then the door opened up. It was Mike. Was I glad to see him!
"'Morning officer. What's the...Cookie! What happened to you?"
I shrugged my shoulders. What do you say in a situation like that? It was pretty obvious to me what had happened.
"I take it you know this girl. I found her wondering around in the field next to here. She says she got lost. Can you vouch for her Mike?"
"Yes! Yes, sure. She's going to be one of my new waitresses. I'm sure she wasn't up to anything. Here, come inside. Let me get you something to cool your throat."
"Maybe another time. Just explain to...Cookie here about wandering around in vacant lots, ok?" the cop asked Mike as he began to release me. It felt so good to have those handcuffs taken off of me--I wasn't going downtown!
Mike and I both thanked the officer profusely. Finally I got inside and the door was closed and locked. I leaned back against the wall for support and breathed out a sigh of relief. I was dirty and dusty and my hand was bleeding but I was safe--until the next time I had to go out.
"What were you doing?" Mike wanted to know.
"I was trying to get to the back door but I went around the building the wrong way. I had to walk all the way around the fence. I saw that other fence that was knocked down and I could see Toni's old place. I went back there to see it and that's when that cop grabbed me."
"You can be mighty glad it was Ralph. Some of the others would have run you downtown or worse. A pretty girl like you should be careful. There are all kinds of people out there. Don't go down any of these alleys unless you have someone with you!"
"Well how do I get here, when I start working for you?"
"When it's time for you to come in to work someone will be close enough to the front door to hear you. What are you doing here anyway?"
"I was looking for Sid."
"You two didn't have a spat already did you? Come on in. Let me buy you a drink."
"Thanks. Sid and I are doing fine. He just got up before me this morning. I was exhausted last night. I had a long day at work." I was seated at the same table that Sid and I had sat at the last time. Mike had brought me a cold grape soda and was sitting at the bar ready to do something with his computer. Inventory, I guess.
"Well Cookie you sit right there for awhile and give old Ralph time to get interested in someone else. He'll be creeping around for awhile to be sure that everything's alright. He's a good cop. He doesn't let anything happen around here unless he knows about it."
I was rubbing my wrists where I had some angry looking marks left by my encounter with Ralph. "How can you call him a good cop when he almost had me put in jail?"
"I'd rather have him arresting you then have him let some of these other gangs in here."
"'Other gangs'?" I repeated.
"Yeh, this is Killer's turf. Everybody around here is under Killer's jurisdiction. Don't let the name fool you. He's alright in my book."
"What's he do? I mean do you have to pay extortion or something?"
"Cookie! How sheltered are you? There are gangs all through here!"
"I know that, Mike. I've just never been somewhere where I was told I was on someone's 'turf' before. There were a couple of gangs up where I'm moving from but they were never any big deal. You leave them alone and they leave you alone."
"You might be able to look at it that way if you don't own a business, Cookie. I have to deal with these guys everyday. Where do you think my booze comes from? Killer. He supplies the pills I sell. He manages the band and the arcade machines. He's a real business man!"
"Does he cheat you or threaten to beat you up if you don't buy his stuff?"
"No, nothing like that. Get real! He knows that if he got too tough we'd fight back. He gets me what I need cheaper and usually better than anywhere else. He's a good thing. Someday there will only be one gang--his. All the other gangs are just a bunch of punks. He wants to unite all CB's."
"What for?"
"He won't say. My guess is he wants to take over the dweebs."
"You mean revolt?" I asked amazed.
"I think so. Don't get me wrong. He wouldn't do that so he could run things. He's funny. Funny about money. He has his finger in everything he can. I've heard he's even made some deals with the dweebs and I mean the big dweebs. They'll try to fuck him but Killer won't let 'em. He's pretty smart."
"You mean you think he's going to be some kind of a power among the dweebs? They'll only use him. They've got the law on ther side. No dweeb will ever let some soulless CB dictate what she/he can or can't do."
"What I'm saying, Cookie, and this is strictly between you and me, is it's time for a change!"
"Sure Mike, and what are we going to change? On paper we already have as many rights as the dweebs. How are you going to change the fact that dweebs hate people like you and me? They consider us to be subhuman. If we all died today the dweebs would celebrate. To them we are a disease!"
"Maybe we could change ther attitude..."
"Right! What do we do? Punch 'em in the face and tell 'em to start loving us? There's still that little matter of not having a soul..."
"You'd be surprised how smacking someone around will help them see your point of view, Cookie. It's worth a try. Look at what we have now!"
"I hope you are aware of the fact that you are talking treason, Mike. You could be executed for that. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"Hold it! Don't be so sure of yourself! Don't you want a better life for yourself? Wouldn't you like to be treated the same as a dweeb? How about Sid? Do you want to see him shot down on the street? That's the main cause of death for CB men between the ages of eighteen and twenty eight. Did you know that? Maybe Sid will make it but suppose one day you have a son and he doesn't get so lucky. There has got to be a change, Cookie. We've got to start now or we'll never get there."
I was kinda upset. I was unhappy about all the times the system had abused me and for all the times that I would be treated as a second class citizen because I was a CB. I was ill at Mike for pointing it out to me and I was getting mad about the marks on my wrists.
The whole book in zipfile format.
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