I learned quite a bit about CBs and life in general during the time Sid was gone. They say the more you learn the more you realize you don't know it all. There were the oddities.
Take Mike and Ralph. I respected both men yet Mike wanted for gang activity (Killer's gang) to increase while Ralph would be happy to see every gang that ever was drop off the face of Seco. Mike believed that when Killer's gang became strong enough we would all join it and he would organize us to fight against the oppression the city fathers laid down on us CBs every day. Ralph was just as convinced that if the gangs were all disbanded and stopped ther illegal activities there would be no need for all the harsh punishments that the law had to administer. I had gotten into long discussions with both men on the topic. They were so different yet so alike. They both wanted peace.
It was funny. They would talk to me for hours on end on ther views but they wouldn't discuss them with each other. I think they both knew the other had opposing views and was the enemy yet they both respected each other and treated each other as friends with respect. It was strange.
Another strange thing was the way the city fathers treated us CBs. It was like the government was schizoid. On one side it sent down its storm troopers every night to terrorize us then it would give us welfare credits to keep us alive. We had job training programs available but as soon as anyone seemed to be doing too good either the cops would get them for breaking some law and put them away or the gangs would target them.
I couldn't make any sense at all out of it. I wanted for Sid and Dick and me to move away from all that violence. We could get a place to live out near the frontier when Sid was released. I was saving money as quick as I could. It didn't do any good to spend it to buy something--as soon as someone saw you bring it home you would be robbed and be worse off than you were before.
I was almost getting used to being robbed. Perhaps one day I would be leaving out milk and cookies in the hope that the robbers would try to be neat. Reporting a robbery to the police was a big mistake. The storm troopers would come and take whatever you had left and usually do more damage than the thieves had done. It was stupid. They wanted everybody to work and be productive yet they would take from you anything that you earned.
I spoke to Mike about it one time and he had told me that the government wanted us CBs to work but not have anything so we would keep on working. When I told Mike of my plan to buy a place out near the frontier he told me to forget it. He said they would tax us to death and make us loose what we had so we'd have to move back into the city. It was depressing. Mike told me the only way to break the cycle was to change the way the government worked and that was what Killer's gang was working towards. He actually wanted me to join a gang! I had no use for gangs.
***
It had been over a year and I had only gotten five letters from Sid/Fred and none from Toni when she showed up on Dicks' and my doorstep. She looked...gray. The time she spent locked up had been hard on her. I almost didn't know who it was when I first answered the door. She knew to call me Cookie, but I was sure that she didn't know who I was. She didn't remember me. I invited her in and tried to make her comfortable. She said she just wanted to wait for Dick to get home.
"Don't you remember me?" I asked her. It had been more than two years since that night I had spent at her place.
"I'm sorry. I should but I don't."
"I'm Sue. Remember? Sue Ann--Tegor..."
"Sue?"
"Yeah, remember? The CB who thought she was a dweeb?"
"Sue Ann! Yeh, of course! You're the one who didn't know if you were supposed to be a dweeb or one of us. You almost never wore black. I remember you. How are you?"
"I'm fine. How about you? Did you just get out?"
"Yea, I went by the bar and saw Mike. He told me Sid had gotten himself locked up and Dick was living with some chic named Cookie Thief but everyone called her Cookie. You work at the bar now?"
"Yea, at night. During the day I teach reading and writing."
"You teach?! Hmmm....I guess that makes sense. You were in all those super dweeb classes. Wait a minute! You and Dick are a number?"
"What do you mean? Am I seeing Dick? No! Sid and I are...are..lovers. Sid and I are a number. I just live with Dick...We don't do anything..."
"You don't have to give me your whole love life, ah...Cookie. That name suits you. Cookie Thief, where'd that come from?"
"Sid. It's a long story."
"I can't believe it, you and Sid. He was kinda taken with you that time you spent the night with me. I remember he came back from carrying you to the bus stop and wanted to make sure you and I didn't have a thing going. He kept talking about how great you had looked in that t-shirt I had given you to sleep in. I could've gotten jealous very easy."
"Don't, I want you as my friend. I've been writting you. Did you get my letters?"
"What letters?"
"Oh just stuff I wrote to let you know how things were going and to cheer you up."
"Well I'm glad I didn't get them then. The last thing I would have wanted was being cheered up."
"You had it pretty rough, didn't you Toni?"
"Yea. I ain't had a man since I left. What's the score between you and Dick? Is he spoken for or anything?"
I smiled to myself for Dick, it looked like he would be getting some tonight. "He's available. Oh! He's got a job now! He works around cars all day. If they didn't pay him he'd still go to work. He's doing good for himself. He can read and everything now." I told her proudly.
"Hell, I tried to teach him how to do that years ago. He just wasn't interested. It's good that he's learned. Probably a good thing that he's working too. He's young. There's no sense in him sitting on his can for the rest of his life. He ought to get out there and do a little. Sid too. He thinks he can just play music all his life and have something to be proud of. Shit, there comes a time when you look back and see what you've done. Look at me. I've done nothing."
"Sounds like you've been doing some soul searching, Toni."
"I had some time on my hands. I've made up my mind that I'll never go back to that place again!"
"That's good Toni."
"Darned straight! They'll have to kill me first!"
"Whoa! Don't be talking like that!"
"Look Sue...I mean Cookie, I heard a lot while I was locked up. There's a revolt coming. We CBs are going to rise up and take our fair share. This crap the man has been feeding us is just a waste of time. We gotta stand up for what is ours!"
"Woman! Are you nuts? Things can be alright. You sound like you've been talking to Mike. That's all he wants to do is revolt. People die in revolts. People are shot for even planning revolts. I want to live a long time, thank you."
"Maybe I am nuts, Cookie. What are you? Mike tells me it's not safe to be out on the streets anymore. Maybe if everyone wasn't so poor there wouldn't be any need to fight and steal from each other. What do you plan to do about it?"
"Well, I want to buy a place out on the frontier. I figure if I'm away from everyone then there's less of a chance that anything will happen."
"Oh, you want to go hide. How about the people who get left behind? What about Sid or Dick, or me, for that matter?"
"I want Sid to go with me, of course. If we work together you and Dick can come too."
"No thanks. I want my share of what's here."
"Well, what are you going to do?"
"I'm joining Killer's gang again. This time I'm going to do what he says!"
"You mean you're going to sell those pills again?"
"If that's what it takes."
"And what are you going to do when Ralph comes for you, Toni?"
"Ralph? Who's Ralph?"
"The cop that walks the beat here."
"You're on a first name basis with a cop? What do you do? Date him? That's great with Sid locked up and all!"
"Hey! Watch it. Ralph's a friend. He's ok. You're suposed to be my friend so quit accusing me of seeing other men while Sid is in jail. It's been hard on me. You have no right to start making accusations!"
"Easy kid, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to pick on you...I just have so much frustration built up inside me. I can't help it. I should have never inferred that you were doing anything wrong. Forgive me?" Toni asked sweetly.
I couldn't refuse her. If I had been locked up for over a year I guess I might get out somewhat upset. There was no telling what all Toni had had to contend with durring her absence. "Forgiven. Come on, let me fix you something to eat. I've got some peaches here that are great!"
***
Dick was still at work, of course, when I began getting ready to go to work at the bar. I was wearing a one piece stretch suit that fit me to a T. Actually it was kinda tame. It had short sleeves and was cut short. What made it good for tips was it's tight fit and the fact that I didn't zip up the front very far. I had on fishnet hose and knee high heeled boots. Of course I wore my chain set.
"Whoa Cookie, look at you!"
"You like?" I asked as I turned so she could get the whole effect.
"Wow! You sure have changed. Remember the first time I saw you at school? If they could see you now!"
"They can't see me now--I'm too low for them. Fuck 'em. Hey, you wanna come with me to the bar? It'll still be awhile before Dick gets off work."
"Yea, I'd better leave."
"Leave? What are you talking about, Toni?"
"Gotta get a place to crash for the night."
"You'll 'crash' right here! What are you talking about? You know I wouldn't have it any other way! You'll stay here."
"Thanks Cookie, but I couldn't impose."
"Listen at you. We're compatriots, aren't we?"
"Sure Cookie."
"You let me stay with you before, right?"
"I guess."
"Maybe you think I'm going to let you sleep in the street?"
"No."
"Well Toni, it looks to me like it's settled. Ok?"
"Ok. Thanks, ya dweeb."
"Com'on we've still got your bag of clothes. Put on something sexy and knock out some eyes at the bar tonight!"
"You go on ahead. I'll just wait until Dick gets home. How long will that be?"
"It'll be a couple of hours yet." I told her as I began slipping on some loose fitting jeans and a pull-over on top of my waitress outfit.
"What are you doing now?"
"I cover up when I'm outside. It's not too bad during the day, but at night when I get off I worry about being seen out, especially dressed like I am in the bar. Y'know--gang activity. If you go out be careful. Things have changed. They've actually gotten worse, believe it or not."
"You're that scared of the gangs, Cookie?"
"Sure."
"Don't you know the way to stop that is just join them."
"I don't think so, Toni. I don't think I want a bunch of them hanging around me all the time. When I come home I can close my door and they can do whatever they want to, as long as they don't include me."
"What kind of a life is that? Is that all that you do? You just go to work and close your door at night? I thought you had learned something. You gotta get out there and do something kid. Hell, one day you'll look behind you and wonder what you did with your life."
"I worked at the bar, I helped people to learn to read and write, and I waited for my man to come back to me. Pretty simple. When Sid gets out I'll have enough money saved for a down payment on a place of our own near the frontier."
"The frontier!" Toni scoffed. "I don't think Sid will want to go there and if you do talk him into it I think you'll both be miserable."
"Maybe, but that's my dream. I see us working at some farm or something."
"Wake up! The only work left on a farm if you don't include the prisoner labor is the guards and the overseers and CBs like you and me don't ever get to oversee."
"We'll find something. Maybe we'll commute."
"Yeah, just flap your wings and fly to work every day. Look Cookie, you'll live your whole life right here on the poor side of town. Join the gang and take charge of your life. Hell, I'm talking reality. Quit trying to be a dweeb or even trying to live like one. Every time you get up the man will knock you down. I don't mean to pick on you but that's the truth."
"I know you're trying to help but I just don't want to stay here and wait until I'm killed by either the police or the gangs. It's stupid. This is no way to live. I want out!"
"Right! That's what I'm telling you. You can't leave because you'll be segregated against no matter where you go or what you do. You're branded. The only way you can make your life better is by working with a gang to change things. In numbers we have strength, taken one at a time we are only the individual."
"I gotta go to work. Do you want my key?"
"Naw, I'll see you at the bar later. I didn't make you mad did I?"
"No, you are entitled to your opinion Toni, as long as you remember that I am entitled to mine too. There's no problem."
"Ok Cookie. I hope you get what you want."
"I hope things work out well for you too, Toni." I could see she still wasn't sure if I was mad or not so I gave her a hug. She hugged me back hungrily. I hoped Dick wouldn't be too tired when he came home. I was sure Toni would have some 'chores' for him.
"Bye, gotta go."
"Bye Cookie, thanks."
"It's good to see you." I told her as I opened the door. I hoped she would keep out of trouble. Her fist day out and she was talking about getting right back into trouble. It wouldn't last. I felt like she would get locked up again and it probably wouldn't be too long before it happened. I promised myself to not get too close to her so that it wouldn't hurt so bad when she did get picked up. I prayed that she, please, please, wouldn't get herself killed.
The whole book in zipfile format.
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