"Howie!!" cooed the fat little creature as it crawled up out of the mess of the cargo bay. EDP's eyes widened and her jaw drooped open and she just stared at the black and white animal. It was no bigger than a dog. It had large blue gumdrop eyes and squared-off teeth, and moved itself across the surface of the metal crate by shifting its weight and propelling it forward with flippers on either side of its body. The long tail was used for balance, and a dorsal fin along its back seemed to have no purpose whatsoever. EDP bit her lip. The animal peered at her with intelligent eyes and seemed to evaluate her thoroughly, from the long white horns that smoothed out from her head, to her flowing scarlet hair. "Howie!" it insisted.
....... "Ok this is making me nervous," EDP admitted. The rest of her crew stared down over the rail, amazed by it.
"What the devil is that?" Typo squealed, pointing dramatically down at her master and the chubby little beast. "Look out, it'll bite ya!"
EDP glowered up at the demon. "No," G-Bread began, rubbing her chin and looking scholarly, enough that the rest of them expected some sort of biology lesson in the near future. "It looks like an ancient aquatic species. Some sort of marine mammal! Its fins and tail would be better suited for traveling in water."
Howie blew air up out of his blowhole, and EDP cringed back with a grimace.
"Right," Wildshadow drawled. "That's why it's living on land then, hmm?"
EDP's two padawans glared at each other, nary well ready to get medieval on each other's asses. EDP would have found that all too terribly amusing on any other occasion but was too busy staring at the land-dwelling aquatic creature, trying for the death of her to figure it out. She crouched low, and eased forward on her palms, bringing her nose inches from Howie's. Howie returned the evaluation, watching her shrewdly. "Do I know you from somewhere?" EDP wondered. Howie tilted his head at her, blinking his giant eyes.
"HOWIE!!" he squealed, and EDP squealed and leapt back.
"I wouldn't get too close, Master!" G-Bread warned, cupping her hands around her mouth. "We don't know if it's dangerous!"
"Looks tasty, though," Typo grinned, balancing on the edge of the railing, crouched on it like a feline. "Bet he'd go well with a side order of mashed potatoes and some lima beans!"
Howie shrieked and panicked, and bounced off a few metal crates before zipping through the cargo bay in a frenzy. It disappeared through a dark passage and EDP leapt to her feet to make chase. "Let's go!" she shouted up at her trainees, and they lost sight of her on the lower level.
Beldandis kicked one of the stones that walled in the dead fire, and soot puffed up around it like a mushroom cloud. "I guess they got tired of waiting," he shrugged, stuffing his closed fists into his trouser pockets. Jarod didn't look convinced, and he lowered their shaak quarry off of his shoulders, laying them gently in the dirt.
"Look," the mercenary growled, pointing. Beldandis followed Jarod's finger and saw where the tall grass had been trampled down. Jarod straightened and stepped over to investigate. "They left this way."
"You think they'll come back?" Beldandis wondered. Jarod threw a humorless glare back over his shoulder.
"You want to know what I think?" he growled.
Beldandis shrugged. "Well, yeah."
"I think they're going to get into trouble." Jarod folded his arms across his chest, staring out into the moonlit plains. "I think they saw the same shooting star we did and went to investigate. Knowing Edy, she'll get all of us into trouble."
Beldandis grinned, out of sight of the moody, brooding pilot. "Whatever happens, it'll sure be an adventure."
"If that's what you want to call it," Jarod sighed, turning his glare at the engineer. "Now dig a shallow hole. If something eats my dinner before I eat it, I'm going to be pissed."
.......EDP ran through dimly lit corridors of the crippled ship, ducking under sparking wires and the shredded metal of the damaged hull. She kept pursuit of the fat little Howie creature mostly by following its mortified wailing. It was moving too fast for the demon to keep in sight! She had a vague uneasy feeling, something that told her she knew the creature from somewhere. Sometimes, it was complicated being a demon. There were parallels and planes to travel, and she put on different skins in different worlds. Like the devil himself, she was what she needed to be . But, sometimes there was a crossing of paths. There was a past she could barely remember, and there was a history that spanned eons. Each world had its own history. She was bound to meet some of the players again.
....... "Hold on, you little monster!" EDP shouted after the thing she chased. "No one is going to eat you!" EDP sighed and stopped running when the shrieks stopped echoing off the hull, and she wandered wearily around the corner. She ducked into what had to be the ship's cockpit and froze in the doorway. She backed out cautiously, grinning evenly and holding her hands up in mock surrender as she was forced back by the barrel of a blaster in her face.
A pale yellow pony with wild salmon hair and sharp, glaring green eyes stood behind the gun, looking as though she had every intention of using it if EDP didn't smile pretty. Howie was nestled snugly in the girl's other arm. No one said anything.
EDP brought her hands together to tap fingers nervously under her chin. "Looks like you wrecked your ship, eh?" she grinned.
The yellow pony didn't say anything. EDP grimaced slightly, and tried again.
"You need any help? My team and I came looking for survivors," EDP grinned. "Yeah, sure."
The yellow pony didn't say anything. She held the gun steady in the demon's face.
EDP sighed. "Look, I'm Jedi Knight and Master Evil Dead Pony," she introduced herself. "I'm not looking for trouble. I'm just here to loot your ship." She reached out and snapped the gun out of the yellow pony's fingers, and the girl looked briefly surprised. EDP examined the gun mildly before letting it melt in her palm. Dripping titanium oozed from between her fingers and sizzled on the grated floor.
"Howie " Howie said, awed, his gumdrop eyes wide as he watched the blaster turn to liquid.
The yellow pony scrunched up her nose, and held Howie protectively with both arms. "Evil Dead Pony?" she repeated, and EDP was glad to find the kid knew how to talk.
"Yeah, and since we're all about introducing ourselves like polite little brats, what the hell is your name?" EDP growled, amazed that she'd kept her temper this long already.
The girl snarled. EDP snarled back, and they snarled at each other for a while until the yellow pony got bored. "I'm Munchy," she muttered, turning back into the cockpit. EDP considered the name and followed. "We were shot down in Naboo airspace by an Imperial cruiser for smuggling guns to the Rebel Forces." Munchy sat in front of the ship's smoking console, looking pissed as a little wet hen. EDP's interest was perked.
"So there's guns in those crates?" EDP grinned, glancing off in the direction of the cargo bay.
Munchy snorted. "My ass. It's mostly Doc Otis Hard Lemonade, sitting on 300 tons of heavy explosives."
EDP clasped her hands over her heart. "I've been brought back to life, died again and gone to Heaven!" she squealed, giggling, and Munchy glared at her.
"You're fucking dead?" Munchy asked.
"Dead as doornails. You know, I never understood that expression. Doornails were never alive to begin with."
"Unless you carve them out of bone," Munchy pointed out, and EDP grinned.
"Oh," she cooed, smiling at the girl. "I like you already."
"Hurray my life's complete," Munchy growled sarcastically.
EDP heard the jumbled mess of her apprentices following in her footsteps and looked as the thing called Howie cowered in Munchy's arms. EDP pointed. "What is that?"
Munchy looked to see what the demon was referring to. "That's Howie. He's a land-dwelling killer whale."
"Killer whale?" EDP looked confused. "How'd that happen?"
Munchy shrugged. "Some say there's a whole planet full of them somewhere. Some think it was radiation off the coast of France."
EDP looked at her strangely, and Munchy glanced up into the demon's face and rolled her eyes.
"Don't try," she sighed.
Three girls came sliding in a clumsy mess around the corner and tumbled clean over each other. Munchy, EDP and Howie saw them roll past the cockpit door, and then waited until they picked themselves up and presented themselves in a most dignified fashion. "Are you all right, Eeed?" G-Bread asked, peering around the corner. Eyes went wide when they caught sight of Munchy, and fingers pointed.
"Who's she?" the three of them asked at the same time. Munchy looked irritated.
"That's Munchy, and her fat little land-dwelling killer whale, Howie," EDP introduced them grandly. "Munchy and Howie, meet Typo, G-Bread, and Wildshadow, my lovely little apprentices!" EDP pointed them out respectively.
"I don't trust her," Wildshadow said automatically. "We should get out of here."
Munchy turned a flat, green-eye stare at the winged unicorn. "Yeah, you should get out of here. Thanks! Wow, you're smart."
"Now don't let's be bitter, girls," EDP scolded. "Munchy's ship is all broken into little biddy pieces and it's full of alcohol and some big bada-boom, so I think it'd be unprofitable of us to leave her stranded out here in the wilderness."
"Or I could just call my boyfriend," Munchy growled. "You bunch of fuckin looters."
"She might be hurt!" G-Bread exclaimed, clasping her hands together and wearing a concerned expression. "We should provide her with medical attention!"
"You'll be needing medical attention in a minute," Munchy snarled, one hand clenching into a fist.
"We could eat her," Typo grinned, and Munchy picked up an empty soda bottle and hurtled it at the little red demon. It bounced clean off Typo's head and knocked her flat on her back. Wildshadow pointed down at her and squealed.
EDP was about to spit out some amusing one-liner or another when the entire structure of the ship began to shudder. The sound of tearing metal was deafening, and they all clapped hands over their ears. Except EDP, who didn't have any ears, so she clapped her hands over Howie's ears, since Howie didn't have any hands. Munchy glanced up at the demon pony and almost smiled.
The way to get to her is through Howie, EDP thought, and smiled wryly.
"What was that?" G-Bread cried as the sound was silenced as suddenly as it began. "It sounded like the whole ship was being ripped in half!"
Munchy sighed, looking irritated, and checked her wristwatch for the local time. It was about the right time, she figured, for the little bastard to show up. "We got company," she growled. "Don't get killed. As much as I'd enjoy that, my insurance doesn't cover it."
"Thanks for your concern," Wildshadow muttered.
Munchy stared at her. "Actually, I think I can afford to have you killed."
Wildshadow didn't appreciate that remark, and her eyes began to glow as she summoned magic to unleash on the yellow pony. Munchy watched with only the vaguest interest, and before Wildshadow had a chance to discharge the spell from her fingertips, the wall of the cockpit fell off.
Cool night air rushed into the tiny compartment, and the five ponies and the one little land-dwelling killer whale peered out of the hole where the hull used to be. EDP stepped up to the jagged edge and threw a look over the side. Dirt and grass folded up under the ship, pushed out of the way during the crash landing, and standing a good 8 feet or so below the demon pony was a tall, grey male pony dressed in long dark robes. There was a glowing, popping yellow lightsaber in one hand, and a very stern look on his face. There was a bit of a fuzzy Van Dyke beard on his chin, and long black hair fell in front of pale blue eyes. EDP cocked a brow at him suspiciously.
"I am Darth Insipidus," he proclaimed, his voice deep and clear. "I have come for the Rebel spy!"
"Your name is Darth Insipidus?" EDP asked, not sure if she heard that right.
"Indeed," Insipidus affirmed it, and looked annoyed when the demon pony began to giggle. "Hand over the spy, or face the wrath of the Dark Side!"
EDP glanced back at Munchy, who looked as equally annoyed as the Emperor's New Groove waiting outside. "Don't look at me," she grumbled. "You're the one who melted my blaster."
"What are we going to do, EDP?" G-Bread hissed, keeping low and quiet. "We can't just hand this poor, defenseless girl over to that man! He's evil!"
EDP threw a look at G-Bread that made the padawan blush. "He's not evil," EDP smiled. Typo peered over the edge and waved down at the Dark Jedi Knight.
"Hellooooo, ugly!" she crowed, and G-Bread grabbed the little demon's tail and yanked her back. Typo tumbled over backward and bounced off the wall.
"I grow impatient!" Insipidus shouted at them. "Do not bring upon yourselves my wrath!"
Evil Dead Pony stepped grandly up to the challenge, her figure filling the crevice in the hull. With her hands on her hips and her feet spread, she crowed: "I am Evil Dead Pony, Jedi Knight and Master! In the name of the Moon, I'll punish yoooooooooooou!" She leapt from the ship with her lightsaber in hand, and both blades snapped out into the midnight sky. She grinned behind her weapon, her face burning ruddy red.
Typo, G-Bread, Wildshadow, Munchy and Howie crawled to the edge of the hole to watch. Typo slapped her forehead. "She didn't really just say that, did she?"
"Who? You mean Bishoujo Senshi Sailor EDP?" G-Bread shrugged.
Insipidus looked mildly freaked briefly, but quickly recovered his overly-pompous arrogant attitude. He stood ready with his single-bladed lightsaber, which emitted a sickly sort of urine-like glow, and was about to announce his plans to vanquish his foes when his face froze. He looked confused for a bit, then said: "What was your name again, dear?"
"Evil . Dead Pony," EDP repeated very very slowly, so he wouldn't miss it that time. "You want me to spell it for you? E-D-P!!" She leapt a supernatural height into the air like anime characters always seem to do, and spun her lightsaber like a baton between her slim white fingers before descending and striking with all the respective forces intrinsic and gravitational. Insipidus barely had time to block the blow and was knocked flat on his back. EDP landed catlike, on her feet, straddling the Dark Jedi's chest. She grinned down at him and swiftly carved a figure-eight out of the air with her lightsaber. She backed off mildly, and Darth Insipidus sprung to his feet triumphantly.
"HAH!" he hooted. "Your skills are not quite so refined as mine! You are a novice compared to my years of expertise! You are---" He paused as most of his pretty black hair tumbled off of his head. "You you ." He stammered, then squealed: "You gave me a haircut!!" He dropped his weapon on the ground at his feet as he pulled locks of his loose hair off of his shoulders, while bewailing and bemoaning it's misfortune.
"Let's make like a bat and get outa hell," EDP suggested up to the audience, cocking a thumb over her shoulder.
"What about all my shit?" Munchy wondered.
EDP shrugged. "Jay's got a big ship full of nothing. If it's still here later we'll pick it up for you."
Munchy looked suspicious at best but grabbed her fishy friend and leapt out of the crippled ship. They all followed EDP through the grassy plains, running about and giggling at the sound of Darth Insipidus mourning the loss of his pretty hair.
