The writings on this page are original, unedited, off the top of my head writings from a range of years. I have been writing since I was very young but a lot of my pre-children writings were thrown away in anger by one of my ex's. So, everything here was written during or after 1995 and they are all undated except for some of the most recent ones. New Writings are linked on seperate pages as some of them are pretty long. I have encountered an incident where someone used one of the writings here and passed it off as their own. I don't care about copying as long as you note the true writer. And, I don't mind editing to create a new work as long as the original source and writing is noted. Personally, I don't feel my writings are worthy of such acts but to each his own. Enjoy.
New Writings
The
Meaning of You: A Letter to E. "C" C. ~ A
Good-bye Letter ~
Wanted! A King For My Kingdom ~ The
Case of Men ~ The End of Love
~ Vivid Dreams ~ Songs
Why - If Ever Love Should Come - Tonight - Remembrance - No Clue - Forgiveness - Searching - Untitled 1 - Untitled 2 - Sunrise Reminders - Short Story 1 - Silence - Tomorrow I Will Learn Love Again - Desperate Soul - I Wish - The Kiss - Loneliness - Complaint Letter to Life - To My Traitor Friend - Hell - The Perfect Pick - Solar Eclipse - The Light - Passion - The Angel's Gift of Dawn - Flight - Food - Untitled 3 - Thirty Years Ago - Streaming Thoughts 1 - Streaming Thoughts 2 - Streaming Thoughts 3 - Endearing - The Kiss 2 - Riddle - Untitled 4 - Cuban Coffee - Skipping - The Kiss 3 - Our Destiny - The Ocean Floor - Tomorrow - Thoughts of You - Anxiety - Questioning - My Nigga - Judgment Day - I... - Renewal - Changes - Endless - A Deep Conversation With The Breeze - A Conversation With Self (Dedicated to My Daughter)
Why
did you go
That's all I ask
Why did you go that day
You knew I'd be there
You knew I'd have to stay
And, though the years have past us by
My feelings still remain
What did I feel when I saw you there
sitting there that day
I felt so mad, so glad, and sad
and much filled with dismay
I wanted so to hold you so
to kiss you everywhere
And, yet, all I did was yell
at you for something you weren't aware
and you looked at me
as if I were crazy
to yell at you the way I do
So, you yelled at me
for something that happened
three years ago today
And, now, here all alone I think of you
not wanting to think of you
wanting to hold you
and not wanting to hold you
wanting to cry
and holding back the tears
Here's that song again
It reminds me of you
And, you're so far away.
If
ever love should come for me
Let him come alone
I have no need for fancy things
I'd get them on my own
The very things I truly need
Have no shape or form
And money could not possibly
Scatter out the storm
The sun cannot be bought
The moon not mine to keep
Yet all the simple things in life
Are right within my reach
Though fancy things are luxuries
that may just come in hand
They could not ever possibly
Repair a broken man
Hope is very sacred
Dreams are ever sure
Patience and understanding
Are part of life's real lure
So, love, before you come to me,
Keep this all in mind
The little things that matter most
Would not cost you a dime
Yet, the little things you do for me
will endure throughout all time.
Tonight
I will spend my night
dreaming
of
flying high up in the sky
amongst the stars
and having an intellectual exchange
with the moon
of
sitting by a river
the gentle breeze caressing my hair
the flowing water singing to me
under the cool shade of a willow
of
running through a field
of wildflowers
and watching the fairies feed each one
as I hide behind the swans
of watching you sleep
I
remember most the smile in his eyes
when he'd look at me
or the sweet tingling down my spine
that began with his simple touch
no matter what kind of malicious
tragedy the day would bring
the blissful happiness would be
restored to my soul with just a
whisper of his voice
The world seemed so very beautiful
and new because of him.
Something
in my soul is gone
a small piece of me
and, I cannot for anything find
that small piece of me
although I know where it is
I cannot take it back
I gave it to you the day I said
I love you
now that piece of me remains
still with you
and,
yet you
have no
clue.
It
seems that every time
I try to find
Exactly what to say
I loose my mind
trying to find
the words to fit the fray
I try to force them on the page
and find that nothing comes my way
and what I really want to say
gets lost somewhere in space
Well, here's my attempt
to get to you
exactly what I feel
Without a rhyming duet
or a song
or some intellectual phrase
I simply want to say
Forgive me...I'm sorry...I love you
I
look inside my deviled mind
and find I'm incomplete. I love
my kids, the time we spend. But,
there's something missing. The funny
thing is that I keep looking for it
and still find nothing. And, part
of me feels that if I stop looking
for it, it will come. But, what
if I stop looking for it and it was
right around the next bend? Then,
I will have missed it altogether.
So, all I can do is pray that
it will come soon because the
breathe within my heart is almost
still.
If
I could see the world all over again.
I'd see it through fresh eyes...
so I can see it new again.
Pain
is but a memory
I store within my heart
And catalogue each bit of it
from end to where it start
Love
is but a bright light
that clears my very soul
It purely cleans the places
Not even I know.
Tomorrow
I won't see the sunrise
The moment is too much for
me to handle.
It
reminds me of the simple
touch you gave...that drove
me mad each day
The simple smile you showed...
that made me deliriously
glow
The dreams you used to speak...
that rendered me absolutely weak.
The simple breath you took...
that entranced me like a book
And,
to see that simple
sun just rise...would
remind me of your eyes
And,
it's more than I can
take...because I've run
out of time to wait...
for you.
With the prick of the rose against her finger, the soft, warm velvety touch of the gentle stream of deep red blood rolling slowly from her fingertip, she turned, only to see the silky curtains that gently draped her windows slowly silence back into their eternal stillness. She could not remember opening her windows throughout the night...or day, for that matter. Even racing the files of her unconscious being, she could still not recall. But, she must've, she thought, for windows don't open themselves. Still, it seemed, even for just a small moment in an endless time, quite peculiar that the window had been opened as the days and nights had gotten pretty muggy with a slight chill lately. Yet, she just as quickly dismissed the incident as an unconscious reflex she could not recall, reasoning that the small 1 bedroom apartment she had once shared with such beautiful laughter that now stood so absolutely silent and cold, had needed the airing out. As an afterthought, she momentarily shuddered at the memory of the cold, quiet wind that touched her very soul that had come from the window, noting how the chill had overcome her at the same moment the thorn pricked her delicate finger. Perhaps the pricking was caused by a shudder reflex brought on by the cold air that seemed to penetrate even the thick walls of her abode.
SILENCE...
surrounds me
silence...
In it's truest form.
And,
I gaze upon the ether blue
thinking such sweet thoughts
of you
when, suddenly, without a sound
Silence...
astounds me.
The
endless sea
swallows me
and fills me with such atrocities
a single tear I shed for thee
when Silence...
profounds me.
A
battle surges through my soul
A desperate beat my heart unfolds
The story yet stands so untold
when suddenly with one last breath
Silence...
Defines me.
Tomorrow I Will Learn Love Again
The
sorrow it follows until TOMORROW
The sadness bequeathed unto I
Command with my soul and my WILL
And teach you in ways you will LEARN
That life is a circle made up of LOVE
And I want that circle AGAIN
Upon
the hilly side of June
A small river runs
It's inhabitants live their lives anew
except the colored sun
who looks upon the creatures there
with envy in his eyes
because they laugh and play and love
beneath the clear blue skies
He
watches them throughout the day
Frolic in delight
It fills him with such bitter rage
To see their contenting plight
No words of thanks emit their lips
No signs of gratitude
To thank the sad and lonely one
for the warmth he gives each day.
As
bitter as his eyes may seem
His heart is made of gold
and he can give them nothing else
But the very warmth he holds
I
wish I could see the sunrise
as I've never seen it before
The purple haze surrounds it
as it rises above the shore
to kiss the sky
to catch my sigh
and keep me coming back for more.
I
wish I could see the moon return
Full and Bright each day
And see the man that lives inside
and hear what he has to say
The fairy tales
That fear dispel
to make blissful sleep okay
I
wish I could feel your touch
against my lips so softly still
and gently trace the curves
as if to please my every will
and you would be
the one I see
with whom my heart would fill
I
see you sitting across from me
in the manner that you do
your eyes are wide
your smile so bright
your lips parted slightly in a smile
and you reach your hand over to mine...
briefly...
to touch it
softly
for just a while
and your fingers slowly trace
the contours of my skin...
so softly it almost feels like
heaven
and you move closer to me
and pause
briefly...
before moving your fingertips
up my arm
up my shoulder
to my neck
to my ear
around my ear
to my cheek
to my lips
how softly you do all this
and, as you trace the contours of my lips,
I part them slightly
and you move in for a kiss.
Loneliness
is but a thought in an
endless sea of like souls.
But, if I close my eyes...just tight
enough...I can see your eyes as
bright as gold.
And, the whisper that touches my ears
as I imagine you by my side
is enough to set my spirit flying
high.
And, I don't want to look at the world
beneath...or end this lovely dream
of you...and me.
And
the faintest touch from your
lips against my cheek...
as I dream of you...plunges me
into the deepest sleep.
And,
I run across a field so green
dotted with multiple speck of
red, yellow, white, purple and blue.
With you.
And,
the sun across this field so
green, barely touches the horizon
before turning to smile...at you
Such
warmth...I feel tingling down
my soul...as you grab my hand
ever so gently and brush your
fingertips across my cheeks...and
smile.
And,
the moon winks approvingly
as the light fades...and speckles
the dark with the brightest stars.
Pausing for a second to admire this
wonderful place...and this wonderful
feeling of being with you...I turn
to smile...and say...
But,
before the words touch my lips,
you fade...and the whole world
fades with you, leaving me alone
in this endless sea of loneliness
with like souls...
awake.
I
think I'll write a complaint to
life and it'd go something like this:
Dear Department of Life:
I
think you overlooked something
when you assigned me to this life.
Although I never make complaints
It seems too filled with strife.
The
60 hour work week
I would not dare complain
And the 20 hour school load
I feel just about the same.
My
2 kids are just darling
They keep me busy, too.
But, something else is missing
and, I'd like to know what you plan to do.
the
money's tight
the paycheck's light
the bills are overdue.
The house is small
I do recall
this life not being so blue.
Whatever
it is there was before
Please return it soon.
I cannot take much more if this
life...it cannot be this blue.
The
laundry's piled high, you know.
The car needs much repair.
And, each night when it's time to sleep
I feel much in despair.
The
landlords right
I do recite
The rent is way past due
And I recall
a time when all
this life was wonderfully new.
Whatever
it is I had before
You must return it soon.
I cannot take much more of this
So, what do you plan to do?
Tonight...
as you sit there all alone
paper and pen in hand
and gaze up at the stars above
like pebbles in the sand
and muster every thought you have
to arrange the chaotic words
you'll feel a flash before the light
and feel how deep it burns.
Before
the ink begins to roll
and fashion out the play
just for a moment you'll relive
that moment of that day
when you so selfishly stole
my happiness away.
You'll
hear the very words you spoke
that aided in my pain
and know you were the one
who took everything away.
Within
that sudden flash of light
you'll finally realize
A friend was just your disguise
still you've lost it all despite
And,
in that moment, a single tear
will touch you soft and true
and you will finally realize
exactly what you need to do.
And
you will make every effort
to make your wrong a right
and, once again, reunite two hearts
you tore apart that night.
Still,
until you do,
my wish for you
are endless sleepless nights
tormented by the very fact
you lost me in your plight
and Misery will lend a hand
to torture your very soul
and make your mission very clear
your most single important goal.
Misery
sat by the door and grinned at me today
He beckoned me time and time to go with him away
He looked so stately in his gear
And promised to end all my fear
and held his hand so gently true
and whispered words so sweet and new.
Despair
had taken over me
just the night before
it's demon-slaves pranced upon
my pain
and laughed a wicked laugh within
my shattered mind.
I
turned into darkness
a little corner in my world
and covered myself with myself
in an infants fold to stay.
Then
Misery walked in the room
and stood beside the door
and promised me a better life
if with him I'd explore.
Blinded
by the deafening dark
my hand I gave away
and Misery took me
to stay.
Not
knowing it was Misery
that beckoned me that day.
I thought the pain and the despair
He would take away.
But,
when we walked out of that room
the whole world melted away
and I found myself in hell's great hold
forever there to stay
And Misery laughed that day.
The
perfect pick would be...
someone who loves kids and doesn't mind hanging out with them
someone who understands that the world, school and family are big responsibilities
and sometimes it's just hard to find time
for anything else.
Someone who has an open-mind and
is willing to try new things, places, food and music.
Someone who seeks intellectual
growth and is willing to nurture that
need in me.
Someone who is not condemning.
The
world is a lifetime away
Says the sun so dignified
As he shines his beams so high in the sky
And the moon just simply smiles
at his dismal remark
and a deep felt sigh is all she departs.
Such
negativity she replies
wondering why
he insists on such horrid ways
But still she knows just quite so clear
That everything about him she holds so dear
and couldn't even imagine life without him near.
How
you smile so bright
the sun contemplates
When you know I am certainly right
Because I believe, she quickly states,
That the world is just a touch away
and a simple day dream would bring it here
as close as you are to me, my dear
At
this the sun rolls his eyes
But, inside his soul, he can hide no lie
And, the moon, reassured that his love is true
ascends up to him, a kiss renewed
and as they meet, hand in hand
a darkness comes across the land
and the wonderful sight fills the air
astrologers and all mankind stop just to stare
how the brilliant moment magnifies above the sea
and a proudness fills their hearts for the opportunity to be
all this while the sun and the moon
gently touch eachothers lips
and this is how we have the solar eclipse
for each of the characters are truly a lifetime away
and what takes us forever to see takes
them simply a moment in a day.
I
wish I could find the strength to say
exactly what I feel
as if my life were born again
I know these thoughts are real.
The
path that defines the secret rage
is filled with a brilliant light
and makes the path as bright as day
and fills me with delight
A
smile I've never known before
touched my very heart
and miles stand between the very door
where behind is a brand new start.
I
balance against the walls of fate
drawn into the new light
renewed in strength it generates
this Will I cannot fight
I
trudge the path I've known before
yet it seems so strangely new
my focus simply on that door
that holds behind it...you.
The
thoughts between in such a state
I simply cannot tell
as if the very hands of fate
delivered me from hell.
So
on I trudge but not alone
your desire draws me in
and as I find my way to home
this fight I will not win.
You
look at me
I look at you
there's nothing left to say
the hour's past the midnight clear
today's a brand new day
you turn your head
and look away
what are the thoughts you keep
I walk behind
and touch you kind
and whisper "I should leave"
you turn to me
and silently
you gently touch my face
and hold my head
and hold it stead
my heart begins to race
you pull me near
and drown my fear
no longer do I shake
your lips touch mine
it feels divine
Could I possibly be awake?
your eyes peer deep into my soul
the answer obvious and yet untold
the minute seems to linger still
your lips just barely touch my own
your hands move slowly to places known
inside I crave you...this is my will
my head tilts back just a bit
my eyes close tight, I'm loosing it
and, as I do, you wander by
each curve...each patch of skin
How much I cannot hold it in
It's obvious in my reply
your lips they gently touch each part of me
Is this heaven? please let it be
and, as you continue to explore
it's obvious how I want you more
and how you seem to weaken me
with just a simple touch this day
my passion deep...no words to say
my will is locked but you found the key
please find your way into me
I need to feel you desperately
and I've never felt this way before
What secret spell did you cast
this minute seems to everlast
I should be walking out the door
But, you gently pull me closely tight
and I cannot put up a fight
I wish...I pray for more and more
you slowly lay me on the bed
"I want you" is all I heard you said
as if you knew and heard my prayer
each spot, each touch causes total bliss
there's nothing here that you have missed
you tend to me with sensuous care
myself I cannot quite control
my hands and lips are not my own
I've wanted you so endlessly
you seem to know this all too well
and it's to late for me to bail
I've waited for this so patiently
our souls they touch another plane
entwined as one...they become the same
and the experience seems to intensify
I know you know I'm not a freak
but how you seem to make me weak
the waiting made my desire magnify
and, I loose myself to you
what else could I possibly do?
The
light that spreads about myself
shimmers specks of gold
the aura of the higher plane
sparks treasures yet unknown
I hold my hands to open air
to catch the whispered moon
with palms outspread, I touch the stars
the sky becomes my own
above me, perched and gently tied
coo flecks of angels wings
their eyes are closed, their smile deep
they speak of many things
the harps they play a riddled tune
that reaches through the wind
and carries my own bitter thoughts
to the open recipient
close your eyes and tilt your head
listen to the wind
you'll hear my voice as true as night
across the starry bend
the things I chant are from the heart
the purest silk I know
and you shall find so my delight
in having as your own
the wisdom of the ages blend
this gift I give to you
with yet no word slip from my lips
still knowing me you knew
I do not ask for anything
you have nothing I want
but, just to know you're life is pure
is all the gift I sought
the angels, hearing thoughts so pure
untie their foiled wings
and fly to catch the very thoughts
and speak of many things
they hoover slightly up above
extending precious gifts to me
the gift of sight and selfless love
the gift of that to be
and off they race to watch you sleep
protect you from there on
and bring to you the best of gifts
the simple gift of Dawn.
Simple
is the mind I see
I struggle hard to carry thee
not wanting it to be
this way
The
heart is filled with truths untold
and secret paths to thoughts unknown
an endless cavern of points unfold
this day
One
day the owl refused to fly
and see the world just passed it by
and still it chose to simply die
away
I
choose to stand and spread my wings
and learn to fly so endlessly
in hopes the world will hear the things
I say
In
all the thoughts I have of you
one thought stands so divine
that you are just as sweet as heaven
much like marsala wine
Your
lips are just as sweet as you
like Hershey's kisses taste
Your eyes a gently memory
of the finest chocolate cake
I'd
put each part of you on a menu
for seconds I'd beg for more
The most delicate of all cuisine's
the one that I adore.
Early
in the eve
the new moon stood
clear to the east
I stood to the west
The
candlelight flame
urged north pointing
to the sweet essence of
sandalwood
I
stood to the west,
paper and pen in hand...
And
I stood back
and realized that I could
create worlds with
just my paper and pen.
Thirty
years ago today
I sat in silence by the bay...
that's ludicrous, as you can see
I'm not quite 30, nor 23
and still 30's not far away
I'll sit in silence just by the bay
and think of life before that day
When I turn 30 not far off today.
A
lot can happen between now and then
I could finally find my soulmate friend
I could win the lottery and sail the seas
and surround myself with fancy things
I can make a difference in someone's life
I can make some man a perfect wife
I can be a guide, a teacher of sorts
or someone with whom all frontage aborts
But,
whatever the world may bring to me
there are very few things I'd like to see
A nice sized house with a bit of a yard
dotted with flowers of no regard
and herbs and vegetables of all kinds to taste
nothing of which I'd ever let waste
a house full of laughter and smiles galore
to find not a moment of which to be bored
a car that will take us to places and such
none of which would cost us that much
children playing and happy to be
a part of a wonderful family
a gold-hearted man whose gentle and strong
whose patient but stern to last very long
family dinners at a reasonable time
nothing would waste, not even a dime
I
see myself happy with the money I make
and the job that I have would give me a reason to wake
and I'd look forward to each day anew
the skies would be wonderful, bright and blue
not much I ask of 30, you see
just a chance to be happily me.
Inside the box I find nothing more than empty space yet the box itself seems filled. Is it because my eyes are closed to the endless possibilities of what the contents may actually be? Or, maybe my imagination so wishes the box to be filled that I have deceived my mind to believe sincerely that the box is actually filled...still, my eyes remain true to me. But, whatever the case may be, the fact is I have this box...and the box has me. And, I can choose to believe that it is actually empty and fill it with whatever I desire. Or, I can believe that it is already filled and begin the process that would enable me to open my eyes so that I may see its contents. Either path is littered with like challenges...on the one, it would befall me to choose the type of contents I would place in this box. On the other, I would be faced with the decision of either accepting the contents within...or changing them. The actual decisions to be made are not what concern me. What concerns me is the deciding on the initial path.
Looking around me as I walk down a row of trees, I notice how gray the sky is and quicken my step as to avoid the obvious torrent of rain. My spirit is somewhat low as life lately seems to be offering no hope to the possible success of any of my desires...wishes...dreams. A deep sigh released from my lips snags onto the tail end of the gust of wind that barely passes its fingers through my hair. My gaze affixes on the concrete floor I find myself following to my destination. The song on the walkman I hold tightly in my hands has all but lost itself from me; although it plays loudly through the speakers tightened to my ears that completely black out any possibility of any other surrounding noises interrupting the tune. Still, my mind has completely wandered... having no directions nor obvious ground from which to stand. The sun has lost its passion and has begun its tired descent into the bed it escapes to every night. When, suddenly, my eyes shoot up toward the sky...just in time to catch the first kiss of crystallized rain drops upon my lips. And my eyes close tight and a warm smile finds and fights its way to my physical surface. And, my tongue extends briefly to catch a drop from the sky. the taste is sweet, soft, pure and refreshing and the rain itself feels like little wet cold kisses all along and around my physical plane. My pace is the same but my demeanor has been lifted.
I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a very busy highway. Straight and still with my arms extended by my sides and my head tilted towards the sky waiting for the sun to rise. And, on each side of me, out of the corners of my eyes, I can see the cars going by me so fast they look like streaks of multicolored lights. And, I'm waiting for the sun to rise. But, out of the corner of my left eye, past the streaks of lights, there is a male figure...a person....standing still....starring at me. And he is just waiting for me.
There are things in this world that seemed to have disconnected life from the possibility of never falling short and still we learn to uphold the experiences and see far beyond the box that encloses each particle of perceived evidence in which lies our ability to succeed again.
eyes
closed
lights out
the room is quiet...still
left alone in subconciousness
the dream of you too real
extended hand I touch your skin
my fingers slowly move
your brows
your cheeks
your nose
your lips
then still
and I move in for a kiss
as your hands touch the small
of my back and pause
chills run up my soul
and I cannot refuse it more
I'm begging you in silence
please find more from there...explore.
Each word has a word within the word. Can you find the word?
Little
pearl drops line the forefront
of the sea green blue of the water
coming in semi-strong waves from
the center of some forbidden underground
land where a man with the lower
body of a fish rules the current and
creatures beneath. the colors mesh
while giving a very definable line of
where each begins ~ and ends.
I
made some Cuban Coffee
it tasted bitter sweet
I added some more sugar
and now its way too sweet
Dumped the Cuban Coffee
To make another cup.
I wonder what you're doing tonight. Are you thinking about me the same as I'm thinking about you? Probably not. I probably don't even cross your mind at all these days. And certainly not at 4 o'clock in the morning.
Wow, it's 4 am already and I'm watching my brother play this game on the play station. My dog is sleeping soundly curled up next to the sofa.
And I'm caught up in the game again but I choose to look away.
I'm downloading software from the internet.
I need a cigarette.
My contacts are dry.
I wonder if I'm still online?
Tomorrow is still another day.
Damn, I just had another thought of you. They are funny that way...not really a thought at all...just a simple picture in my head.
And, I'm thinking what type of poem I should write next or if I should write an article or story instead.
But, if I write an article, what should I write about? Maybe I should write about volunteering in the schools and AmeriCorps. I'd provide resources on how to go about it.
I wish our restaurant were open now...I could use some coffee.
I could go to the kitchen and make it myself but I choose not to.
If I write a story, I think I'll write the second part to Bloody Roses. I think I should change the title. Perhaps call the series "Angelica" and the first part will remain "Strangers". The second part will be "Hiding"
Maybe I should start back on my Misery Series.
Or, maybe I should add another part to my "Whisper" series.
Damn, I thought of you again.
The
day it was so sweetly clear
no clouds to dot the sky
the sun was high, the breeze was sheer
each whisper was a sigh
My
eyes were closed against the sun
to feel the warmth within
and all the rays extended out
to bathe away my sin
My
lips, they touched a gentle way
I stood completely still
each breeze was like a child's kiss
I stood against my will
the
sun it seemed to speak a line
or am I just insane
or is it just the gentle wind
that whispers just the same
I
couldn't think, I couldn't move
they controlled what I could feel
and yet it felt like heaven there
and still completely real
The
sun it gently took it's hand
a ray I saw it move
and gently touched it to my lips
a kiss that meant to soothe
And
just as I had opened up
my eyelids to the view
surprised and happy just to know
the kiss had come from you.
My
heart belongs to you, my love
your heart belongs to me
there is no time for anything
not even questioning
let's learn to ride the hands of fate
together we belong
you'll know it in the air tonight
right when you hear this song
the moon is up, the breeze is here
to carry out the words
and catch it in the stars above
delivered by the birds
and when you lay your head at night
upon your pillow-top
you'll hear my voice inside you clear
to catch your breath, you'll stop
your eyes will close, you'll see so new
like crystals in the sun
and all your doubt will slowly fade
you'll know that I'm the one
together our paths will join along
as if by destiny
in your heart you'll know it too
together we will be.
I
want to
be sitting on
the beach looking at
the waves splash against the
shore and almost fade silently away
and the moon would be
right above the sea
shedding light upon
the ocean
floor.
Tomorrow
I will find a way to tell you
I care
Because
I do.
But, today
I'll sit here and wonder
if you feel
the same
because
I
do
It
isn't that I think of you
in terms of yesterday
it's simply that I think of you
each and every day.
The
tide that past upon the shore
took away the sand
returned but yet 1 inch more
and fed it to the land.
The
sun it barely kissed the sky
before it went away
and left the night to greet the moon
until return of day.
I
sat there on the shore above
the spot the children sing
and watched them as they played around
and wondered many things.
And
as the birds did fly above
and hunt for bits of food
each and every little moment there
sent thoughts and all of you.
Everything
seems
so loud to me.
Everything
seems
so huge.
The crowds I fear.
The light hurts.
I just
want to
stay
here.
And hide
away
from the world
again.
Yet, I have to
hide
my fear.
The
world seems huge
an endless sea of possibilities
and yet the meager man stands still
and questions the deep blue sea.
"Why"
is the word he uses
to start each question new
about his own existence here
and why the need to try
Why does he work so hard, it seems
fruitation draws not near
Why does he have to worry
when his work in life is done
Why does he feel so alone
there's millions all around.
My
Nigga, My Nigga!
Where the fuck have you been?!
Slavery's outdated
Oppression's a sin
I ain't yo nigga
I ain't yo slave
No shackles hold me down
"My Nigga"'s depraved
You wanna be my nigga?
Get ya ass on the flo-r
You wanna be my nigga?
Then, bitch, you my whore
Still wanna be my nigga?
Fuck you down till you bleed
with a fuckin' corn whip by my hip
Cut yo' ass off at ya seed
Why you think you have no opportunity?
"My nigga" means you have no capability.
Your mind is enslaved
You still livin' in the day
when the "white man" put you in the fuckin' animals cave
An' made yo ass eat dirt off the ground
An' raped yo wife while you watched
gagged and bound
Cuz that's what "My Nigga" means to me
Deception, oppression, cruelty
"My Nigga"'s derived from slavery
Where the fuck were you when history was taught?
All those revolutionaries who died to take the "nigga" out
And fought they did for equality
An' then a fuckin' ignorant bastard
like you wants to bring them down
the full 180 degree?
Your poor black mutha must be crying at night
beggin' the Lord to take you out of her sight
before you and your "nigga's" disgrace
the very core of the plight.
You think your bad acting ghetto fab?
You're the fucking clown before the royal court
easily disposed of..."a dime for a dozen" sort
you don't stand out in the crowd
so it's funny your proud
to be
a fuckin' slave still living the
oppression of slavery
but the oppressor is you so
shut the fuck up with your
complaining - BE A MAN!
STAND
stop feigning
blamin'
everyone else for the shackles
you've put on your mind
knowledge is power
keep up with the time
stop calling yourself a nigga
or nigga's what you'll always be
an' nigga's what will be ya seed
The other day I sat listening to
a young black man
yellin' how HE was a nigga
as if being a nigga meant he was a man
talkin' about how some white boy was tryin' to be a nigga -- PLEASE!
you are were you came from but become where you'll be
and if the ghetto is your future lore
you'll always be society's whore
My brother, my brother
I'm not here to bring you down
but build you up
from off the ground
Equality is where your focus should be
Educate yourself of the rules of their game
Assimilate to every situation
strategize - that's education
and overthrow the current nation
effect a change for equality
don't strive for superiority
we're all bound by a spiritual bond
And, ultimately it's to God we'll all respond
Take the shackles of "nigga" off your soul
Lift yourself out of deceptions hold
Assert yourself in society
and then you'll find opportunity.
I
stand between the weak and the strong
a vision of glory to the wronged
and wretched soul
cast out into the cold
a warrior, clothed in impenetrable steel
to seal
the very crypt of disgraceful man
but, before I lay you down in your grave
naive
I have something more deplorable in store
before you feel the nails of your own atrocious offenses
slowly screwed into each of your extremities
as your body tenses
beg in vain for your demise
and you can no longer disguise
or hide behind your material lies
I have a surprise
Have you easily forgotten that man was made in the image of God?
And still you chose to defraud
and bring decay
You strayed into the very arms of Satan himself
and bartered your soul for fame and wealth
and now you are surprised to find
that each of your demoralizing deeds
you fueled upon - your feed -
are being avenged in kind
7 times 7 times
It's Judgment Day! The prophets warned
while you terrorized, Jesus formed
your very own personal cruciform
and, by it, appointed me
to carry out the Judgment Deed
Like a thief in the night came Judgment Day
And now it's time for you to pay
I...
am the wind that cools you on a hot summers day
I...
am the moon beaming above as sleep carries you away
I...
am the fairy dust the sandman sprinkles upon your eyes filled with sweet dreams
I...
am the morning song that wakes you when the sun sings
I...
am the extra push you need to carry you through
I...
am the invisible arms that comfort you
I...
am always behind on my knees begging the Lord for your safety, happiness and
success
I...
am the breath of fresh air you need when you feel really stressed
I...
pour the water God has given you to quench your thirst
I...
am always pushing you first
But,
when the day is done and you've been satisfied
I...
have succeeded to achieve my desired goal
But,
when you've finally reached your ideal in life
I...
will sit behind you quietly and still wait but never go
Blessed
be
the air I breath
I've never quite known before
how sweet it was
Blessed
be
the sun that warms me
I always thought the day cold
but now I know
Blessed
be
the strangers smile
I always walk with my eyes down
but He lifted them up
Blessed
be
the flowers, even the weeds
I never noticed their beautifulness
but now I see how they reflect joy
Blinded,
beaten and alone I walked
or so I thought
Until He touched my soul
I
am not the person I was yesterday
the person I am today may be but a reflection
a shadow
of the person I may be tomorrow
Or,
the person I am today may be
the highlight of what I may see tomorrow
offering me no more glory than what I am today
I
stand before an infinite fork in my road.
I say infinite because the paths we choose offer a continuum of forks
choices, so to speak
on our journey through life
Sometimes
these forks are so crystal clear
the direction we choose is obvious
But, sometimes
oh, more sometimes than not
the choices are not clear
nor can we see the direction each fork will lead
I
currently stand at a crossroads
in my journey through life
I followed a forced path through the deep
maddening
forest of mental and emotional anguish
And, I nobly fought its demons
utilizing the assistance of my own rounded up infantry
and I continue to hold on to the select few
chosen to accompany me on my journey
But,
I am not out of the woods
Simply at a crossroads
and, on the one hand
the decision is so crystal clear I can see which path leads to a beautiful
clearing
and which path leads further
deeper still into the demon infested forest
But, is the decision so obviously clear?
Or is it simply an illusion these demons have created to fool me?
Perhaps there is no fork at all but a more defined choice
hidden somewhere
within the illusion of the two paths
I question my sight.
And, so, then, here I stand to analyze my choices.
Today
is but
silence broken...shattered thoughts
it all comes out in waves
a madman left to fill his spot
that's what I am today
each poem started
a verse withheld
flows from my pen
and out of hell
to see the moon
again.
And,
then
it stops
to rest
its head
And
still it must continue
though
to
reach the desired end
to catch up to the time its lost
and renew the friendship...mend
to jest upon the days goings
and above all else uphold
the fact that all is far from lost
and nothing goes untold
And
then
it rests
but
only for a second
the ink is far from gone
the madman sees all open space
and fills it with his song
and all the words that pile up high
Who knows from where they came
and breathless with my hand so hurt
I write them just the same
and
I
Can't seem
to Stop.
A Deep Conversation With The Breeze
"My
natural state is one in which I believe that the sky is a wonderful place,
full of wonders and sights", spoken truly from the gentle warm breeze
that heard it as he carried the angels
that carry miracles beside them; in silvery shiny bags
embroidered with the specks of magnificent wisdom seeds
Sown using only the finest silk spun
by the very hands of the most skilled spiders
"I hear each thought as it's spoken
by each living uniquely designed token.
An infinity of endless possibility unbroken"
he whispers so gently seeping rays of the sun between each shell
of each particle
of my soul
but, barely touching my physical plane with his lips
And, my being
rising gloriously
into the purest of heavenly bliss
"A circle I find
in all of the kind...
each circle a link unquestionably designed.
And, still joined by one single multidimensional line"
he ponders
swimming softly around me
the breeze that lives in the sky.
And, although it may seem to some
in the dream
that the breeze is the actual beholder
there are still some that say
that the breeze is just simply
housed in the heart of the holder.
And still there are those
with knowledge imposed
and wisdom to guide them still farther
The observer clearly sees
all before be
just a circle within one much larger
The latter one follows
so closely behind
the first
which title so justly defines
But, one quickly observes
the "lead"ering curds
are the ones who
placed forward
are bound to be slaughtered
For a fool is the one
foolishly quipped with a gun
who's received no training of either
wisdom or knowledge
and still the latter
properly equipped with the training
so full and precise
as the mysteries that lie just beyond them.
They walk behind
with analytical jargon
Pulling farther than still
beyond the edge of the sill that frames the window portraying the dream
is the truest form of the leader
first born
the observer, the thinker, the writer
Such clearly defines the standards for times
that are infinitely ever so changing
Yet, still seems to be
the mystical guider
and applies such a process of wisdom
A
Conversation With Self
Dedicated to My Daughter
She
thinks the world is all too new
I envy such a child
She fills her days with play and laughter
An endless careless day to her
and here I am wondering how today will affect tomorrow
The things we have to do when it's our turn to pay the bills and make the
life we live.
Her eyes are bright and curious...
her questions ringing in my ear
With all the thoughts that are swimming around in my mind
my answer is a wonder
She
asked me once why the clouds made little car tracks in the sky
We were on our way to the grocery store
I answered simply to her why "God is driving around today"
to which she replied
"God knows how to drive?"
and then endless questions after.
Vivid
dreams!
Leave me be!
I cannot sleep at all.
The torture and the pain
is all you recall.
The vision of my broken body
upon a field so green
dripping with the purest red
of blood.
A river of blood surrounds me
as I sit beneath my Willow tree
howling with the wind
the sound of death in me.
The sound of death in me!
The angels cry and look away
the sight itself seems to sway
even the Devil to tears
and God weeps
as the world trembles
beneath me.
Beneath me!
My own death did nothing to soothe the pain.
And, now I'm stuck in visions of the same.
In endless visions of the same!