Look kids! I finally pulled my head out of my #%& and wrote you a new review!!! Why, you may ask? WHY? WHY!? OH GOD, WHY!!? Because I love you :) And I was getting death threats. So, let's begin, shall we?
In this silly episode, Baloo and Don Karnage get stuck together. Like, literally. With glue. Seriously!
Okay, I gotta admit, this WAS a funny one. Like one of the funniest I've ever seen. And it showed a GREAT side of Karnage. THAT'S what I liked. Character development. Yeah. Oh yeah.
But let me begin my relentless nitpicking.
Okay, first of all ONLY $10,000 for Karnage? What's up, guys? What other dire threats ARE there to cape Suzette besides that freckled stump Trader Moe (who, I'm sure, befriended Jumbalaya Jake from Darkwing Duck at one point) and the occasional oversize pink octopus, and the occasional oversized pink squishy flying dude? Well!? You can't put money on THEIR heads, can you?
And that guy at the cliff guns...sheesh. He was a tad too uppity. I think he had chip on his shoulder. He yells "Darn you, Don Karnage!!!" (to which they should have added "darn you to heck") and I'm like, "Well, what did he ever to do you personally? I mean, you're justified in protecting your city, but don't get all Tommy Lee Jones/ Harrison Ford about it, buddy. Hee. Drink a glass of warm milk. Better? No? then go have your episode somewhere else then!"
Don Karnage was looking gorgeous as usual, but you know what's funny, as clever as he is, he does the darndest things. Like decide to float over the city in an air balloon where he could easily be shot down by any jumpy duck hunter with a sight rifle, causing him to either fall to his death or be arrested. Or both. And he left DUMPTRUCK in charge? Am I wrong for assuming that Maddog is smarter? Well, he makes better jokes.
And so it begins. As Karnage is slowly descending in his beautiful blue Balloon, swiftly flying towards him and a beautiful gray Baloo in a beautiful yellow...SeaDuck. I got a kick out of him blowing on the bottle to make music. That's SO white trash hoe-down.
Did he say Port Largo?
Wha-?
Anyway, Karnagie gets stuck in Baloo's propeller's and his crew wrongly assumes that he was chopped into tiny bite sized bits of delectable pirate. In actuality, he kicked his way into Baloo's plane (FIZZIKS NOTE: I have NEVER in my 17 long, drawn out years, seen ANYBODY open a plane door from outside. In TaleSpin this seems to happen a lot. So does Karnage just have extremely powerful legs, the kind that would grant him membership in the X-Men, or does the Sea Duck need its door hinges fixed? And also, why is nothing ever sucked out of the plane? HUH? What? The pressure outside IS a lot less than the pressure INSIDE, is it not??? Geez, people.)
Anyhoo, Don attacks Baloo, which I thought was funny because Baloo's all "Hey! What'd I do to you?" And then follows one of my favorite scenes in the show, or perhaps all of TaleSpin, that show's Don Karnage's true nature. But before we get to that, another (FIZZIKS NOTE: Yes, I am aware that the bay door of the airplane opens from the inside. But it would open just because Baloo and Karnage were thrown against it? Weak door hinges, everywhere I look there's weak door hinges! Don't it make you wanna yell, "BALOO! FIX YOUR &@#%$#* PLANE! SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT!!!")
Anyway, the mushy crap. See, I don't think its just me that sees the honorable side of Karnage. I loved the fact that he was going to kill Baloo, and then, in a sudden burst of consciousness, decides not to and helps him in back in the plane. And when questioned about it, he just says, "I don't know what came over me!" This is great because 1) It teaches the kids who watch the show that everybody has a good side, and 2) It did it without Karnage getting TOO moral, which would have required a slapping. OH! Yes! Feel the love for humanity! FEEL THE LOVE!
Somehow they crash into a bunch of barrels filled with glue and get stuck together, leading to a hilarious scene wherein which they try to get unstuck, which smacks of the "got your shwartz twisted" scene in "Spaceballs" but that's okay cause it's all good.
Let me take a moment to say that Don Karnage has the sexiest accent. In the world. I am convinced. Well, okay, Antonio Banderas in a low talk-whisper can start the rain falling too, but Karnage...wooooo.
Let me look at my notes...ah yes. The animation in this one was "weird". That's what I have in my notes. (Aside: I take NOTES? On a CARTOON? What kind of immature freak AM I? ;P)
So anyhoo, Baloo takes Karnage back to Cape Suzette with him so that they can get unstuck, which they don't seem to realize can be done by merely taking their shirts off, and then all of Karnage's fan femmes all over the world could fall into a heaving puddles of drool. And he would have watched and laughed and said, "Ahhh yes. I know you love me."
You know what would have been cool? In in an episode Don Karnage had, for some underlying bad reason, tried to seduce Rebecca in order to steal something, like that lion guy did in that one episode. Just a thought. Because in this ep he said he wanted to 'bump off" Rebecca, and for a moment I thought he meant something WAY different.....
I loved how he tried to hide Karnage with just a sheet, and how Don's head kept popping up everywhere all crazy like. Which brings me to another small problem: the glue continually kept changing places. Talk about Crazy Glue. Karnage was ALL OVER Baloo! Sometimes he was stuck to his back, sometimes his side like a large blue and red fungus, and he even manages to get on his shoulders at one point. So WHAT THE DILLY, YO??? (I wouldn't mind being stuck to Karnage however...especially if it meant we had to remove our shirts. hee hee)
The scene where the pirates were having a moment of silence. for their "late" captain was great. it's always cool to see how the pirates live on a day to day basis. And it reminded me of the Momento de Silencio at my Catholic Skool, where it was as short as possible. I don't go there anymore though. THANK GOD. Switched to a public, arts-based school and no I'm happier 'n a clam in warm water! But enough about me.
I liked the thing with the fishing hook and the Sea Duck keys. Yes, DK is a smartypants. That's another thing I like about him. He's a villain but he's not an IDIOT like most villains are.
When DK and Baloo end up getting caught on the pirate ship, man, was that ever great. He was on Baloo's shoulders and covered by a blanket, so he looked like he had been possessed by Annubis or something. And I loved how Baloo and Karnage fight. They have a lot of chemistry, those two.
Okay, in the mess hall, what were they eating? Was that bananas and steak? odd....one wouldn't think the pirates would have access to a hearty meal. And also, who cooks? HUH? WHO?
So the crew mutinies, 'cause they think he's crazy, (don't say that word! THAT IS the word! Hmmm, why does Don Karnage have such a thing about people thinking he's crazy? Insecurity, perhaps? Hmmmm) and you just know DK is gonna kick their butts for it. You know, sometimes I think DK would be better of as a free agent. He could get a lot more done without those dumb pirates...but I guess he needs his crew of flying homeboys.
(RANDOM FIZZIKS NOTE: They get to that plant, and in order to dissolve the glue, that scientist has them jump into a vat of chemicals. Well guys, I hate to tell you this, but only a very strong acid would dissolve that kind of glue. So Baloo and Karnage would have been, for lack of a better word, pickled.)
But, the show did have a good ending. Another streak of Karnage honesty, which was great, and the applying of glue to Gibber's nose was a great little "in joke" for regular fans of the show, which could have been a lot funnier if they didn't show the result. That Don Karnage, he knows his crew.
BUY WHY, after all Karnage did for Baloo, like saving his life twice, did that BUTTFACE put glue on Karnie's pants! GEEZ! That's so MEAN!!! And it sends a bad message to kids too! Baloo should get a good heart #%& paddling for that one. I like to say #%& paddling.
So, that's it for this one. Long enough for ya'? And also, read REAL CAREFULLY and try to see what's different about this review. For all you hecklers out there...you know what I'm talking about.
Later, kids
***Thank you so much for all of you who are writing me, about both the fanfic and the reviews. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! Warms the cockles of my heart.
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