A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine--"la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine--"le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French
dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether
"computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the
feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
THE ORIGIN OF THE INTERNET (Pure humor)
Anonymous
An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked up to
a stone pulpit and said, "And lo, it came to pass that the trader
by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young
wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long
of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she
said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from
town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever
leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle
bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot
replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to
send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply
telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on
the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way
with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate
success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without
ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum
and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to
Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites,
or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches
were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who
bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist
on making drums that would work only if you bought Brother Gates'
drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken
over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel,
or as it came to be known "eBay," he said, "we need a name that
reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew
Owner Operators."
"Whoopee!", said Abraham.
"No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com... and that is how it all began.
It wasn't Al Gore after all.
This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!
If you skip any, you have to read the last one!
Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
I was having trouble with my computer. So I
called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a
couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill
for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called
after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten
T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
"An ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned..... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID
ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said,
"and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote out ....:
I D 1 0 T
