What do you think of when you hear the term 'fortune-telling'? A crystal ball; telling the future?
In a sense, when we practice the escaltion technique of 'fortune-telling' we are predicting the future. We are "assuming" that we know what behavior the other person is going to exhibit, based on past events, fictional or true. We lock the other person into the past in this way, not allowing the person to change past behaviors that had a negative impact on the relationship. For example: "(S)He will NEVER change,"; "There's is no use in trying,"; "(S)He will ALWAYS be like this."
Well, if I can't predict the future based on past events, what am I supposed to do? Nobody knows what will happen in the future. Predictions are only guesses. Avoid the 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. If you are convinced that communication will NEVER get better, they probably won't. Avoid words like, "always"; "never"; "everybody", when communicating.
Want an example?
NOT, "I know that (s)he will NEVER change," but rather, "I can work on my part and hope that (s)he will work on theirs, because I set the example.
