Next Step from Index Page | Thinking/Talking Technique #01 | Index page | Thinking/Talking Technique #03 | Thinking/Talking Technique #04 | Thinking/Talking Technique #05 | My purpose is to introduce the escalation/de-escalation technique of "Labeling". 'Labeling'is "Name-Calling". How frequently do you hear yourself or others saying; 'jerk', 'dummy', 'bum', 'loser', 'turkey', etc. PPersonal labeling creates a 'negative self image' for yourself. Your self-esteem' suffers. How many times do you hear someone say, "Knock on wood", and then tap their head.
It is especially difficult, when we are angry, to recognize that we are a complex mixture of both positive and negative qualities. We frequently think only of a single negative characteristic. We begin to feel morally superior to the person we have labeled and our anger begins to escalate further. We begin to see ourselves as a "victim" of the other person's unreasonable or unfair behavior.
Listen to your own verbal or nonverbal communication for a moment. If you hear, "I am", 'self-labeling' is probably involved. Here is an example: You make a mistake. You might say, "I'm a dummy", or just, "Dummy". Either way you are self-labeling. You might hear, "I'm a failure". Here is some optional language: "I made a mistake".
NOW THE CHALLENGE! How do I think different?
Describe the behavior, self or others, not the person. Be specific, avoid overgeneralizing and use the person's name - not a 'label'.
Ask yourself these questions: "Does the label fit the behavior or the person? Is it true "all" of the time, or does it fit the behavior of the moment?
Example: NOT "We are all doing the best we can." This statement is not specific. It follows the escalation technique of 'catastrophic-thinking'. NOT "(S)He is a 'jerk'. Say "I don't like John's complaining." You've labeled a specific behavior and stated used the person's name versus another label. Are these suggestion helpful? Please use comment box below to make comments.