Diablo Labs Action Accessories!!

Is your life missing that special something? No we are not talking about a significant other, we are talking about accessories from Diablo Labs! If you still haven't found what you are looking for, then come on down to Diablo Labs, where the price is always right! We got everything you want, honey we own the game!! Our products will make you more human than human, or at least better than most. Not to mention that every item that we sell is guarenteed to match every other item that we sell, so there is no need to keep them seperated. We don't just have one, singular sensation, we have thousands, sure to put a gleam in your eyes.

M-590 with optical scanner! Just what Dad wanted! Perfect for hunting, now you too can take out those pesky Chig Neighbors or AI snipers that always seem to be around at the wrong times! Also works on Bill Collectors, Jehovah's Witnesses or fellow Postal Workers! NRA Approved!

Home Loyalty Test! Question everyone you know! Reprogram the people that you don't trust! Turn you little brother into a trained assassin! Great for making your employees sweat!

SpaceNet Account! Yes the InterNet survived to 2063 and now you too can join what everyone has been raving about! Download pictures of Naked Chigs! Flame your Squadron Commander! Hack into the Saratoga PA system and play cool music! Have a romance, and still be able to score when that cute Military Intelligence LT hits on you!

Chance or Choice, the Home Game! Now you get to choose who dies and who does the dishes!

Red Stink Creature Cologne for that special Chig in your life!

And of course, Purina Chig Chow (a big tip of the hat to whoever invented this)! Guarenteed to make your Chig's coat shiny. Helps build strong teeth and exoskeleton! They won't be able to tell it's not a Tellus Colonist! Helps eliminate that embarrassing melting condition that is so annoying when company arrives!

His Boy Elroy Videos! See everyone's favorite AI in some of his best scenes! Featured in this tape are: Torturing the Human! Brainwash the Prisoner! and Let's Make a Confession! Hours of nonstop laughs from the Silicate Comedian!

Box-O-Red-Stuff! Straight from Pulp Fiction to S:AAB to your home, now you too can find out what all the excitement is about! Who will be the first to solve this puzzle?

Chig Berries! From the makers of Purina Chig Chow, Diablo Labs is Proud to present the new Breakfast Sensation, Chig Berries Cereal! Chig Berries stay crunchy in milk and will be sure to keep those kids bright eyed and bushy tailed! They are also vitamin fortified and contain the mineral Chigium-X, which has NOT yet be found to produce harmful side effects in humans, but has caused cancer in igneous rocks. Rush out and but your ChigBerries today!

Motion Sensor Claymore Mines! Have those pesky varmints in your neighborhood outsmarted your My First-Buzz-Beam-Mine-Kits? Well look no further than here at Diablo Labs for a timely improvement! So what if those troublesome creatures don't want to step on your carefully placed mines. Like the name says, all they have to do is move within the arc of the mine's sensors, and once they are in the kill zone, BOOM! Mine trigger is adjustable from cocker spaniel and cats to Mack Trucks and larger! Perfect for those times that you go on vacation and don't want to pay for a house-sitter! Not for use in high traffic areas, unless you really want to.

Space: Above and Beyond Action Dog Tag! Created as a companion to the Personal DNA Testing Kit above, this can be used as an emergency substitute. Has a picture of your faces engraved upon its genuine 24 kt gold plated surface, as well as six lines of personalized information. Not responsible if your face is sheared off in an accident, causing misidentification.

The Feliciti Fun Pack! Oh Yes! It has Finally arrived! When we test marketed this product in certain locations, it sold out so quickly that our sales staff (when they returned from the ER) said that we would have to upgrade our Factories to make enough! And boy were they right! Your Favorite Silicate now comes with her own excess-ories so that you and the whole family can enjoy! Includes the Bisquick, Crisco, Wesson Oil, and Blue Goo Action Series of products so that you can experiment on you own! Also includes Several costume changes for your Feliciti AI. Leather Feliciti, French Maid Feliciti and Nurse Feliciti costumes not included. Video Equipment must be purchased separately. One pair of Feliciti Handcuffs included, but additional restraints must be purchased separately. Be sure to be the first one on your block to get one! Be the envy of your Neighbors! Make them wonder just what all the noise is! Not for childrens use, or for use by those who act like children.

Space: Above and Beyond Pops! Created by one of our resident scientists, Crazy Cat Suzanne, this wonderful snack product comes in three wild flavors: Chig Chow, Spooge and Kylen on a Stick! The dessert sensation that is sweeping the nation! Just bite into one and you will feel the release that is embodied in every Diablo Labs Product!

Chig Choke 24 Hour Cold Tabs! Created by Shadowdancer in out Medical/Bioweapons division, Chig Choke Tabs are good for whatever may ail you! Sore throat? Take one of our Soothing Relief Tabs! Splitting Headache? We have several varieties to suit your needs! Also comes in Extended release and Children's versions!

Diablo Labs Line of Skin Care Products! Have problems with your appearance? Let Diablo Labs help you! We have ways of turning even the Greenest Chig into a Human Lookalike! Wait till your significant other sees you! Change your appearance to whatever, or whoever, you want! After your Conversion, Diablo Labs is not responsible for dissolution upon injury, or aversion to human blood.

Lt. Col. T.C.McQueen Screen Saver! Tigger in our Hard/SoftWarez division came up with this one, but she wont tell us where she found the nude pictures! 17 million Enhanced pictures of everyone's favorite InVitro Marine Colonel from every side, angle and position! Even includes the rarely seen McQueen Grin (TM) that is sure to set your heart a flutter! Ladies, get one today and you may find yourself NOT working so that you may enjoy the beauty of the only other Diablo Labs Product to match the sales of the Feliciti Fun Pack. Windows 95 capable and available on 5.25, 3.5, or CD-ROM to meet YOUR HARDware needs!

InvitrO's Cereal! Diablo Labs is happy to announce a new entry in our breakfast line, InvitrO's cereal! InvitrO's cereal stays crunchy in milk and comes fortified with all essential vitamins and minerals to make you and your family "Tank Strong"! InvitrO's comes in several different flavors, choose any one of the following and we promise that you won't be dissapointed: Honey Bunches of InvitrO's, Coco Invitro's, Bran InvitrO flakes, Nut'N'InvitrO's, InvitrO Pepples, and Sugar Frosted InvitrO's. Also, check out our new Lucky Tanks cereal with Grey Hammerheads, White Stars, Blue Goo, Purple ISSCVs, Red Chigs, Space Marines and Grey Hammerheads! Your guarenteed to have more than a 27% chance of liking it! Hey Moms! For an added snack, why not make some Marshmallow InvitrO's Treats for the kids? Diablo Labs is also happy to announce a companion cereal to our ChigBerries Line, Cap'N'Chig! Breakfast will never be the same without it!

Chig Targets! Feeling stressed out that your entire squadron bought it? Lost your love (not to mention a whole colony) to some Chig Marauders? Trigger finger itching? Instead of visiting the local post office, why don't you just put up one of Diablo Labs Chig Targets and start venting that frustration in a healthy manner? Plus you'll be able to improve your score at Virtua Cop! Targets are Chig shaped silhouettes, with numbered areas for easy scoring. Not for use in shopping malls, school yards or other heavily populated areas.

"How to Spot the Friendly Chig" Handbook! Stuck behind enemy lines (again)? Running out of ammo? Unable to link up with your exfiltration team? Well guess what, you may have too try to sweat it out, hiding from everything, unless you have the Diablo Labs "How to Spot the Friendly Chig" Handbook! Chock full of tips like: "When the Chig holds up its hands, it may be trying to give you a souvenir!" "Careful of who you stab, it may be someone you know!" Perfect for those spur of the moment compartmentalized missions.

Demolitions Pack! Just the thing that you need to blow up that Chig ammo dump after crawling through miles of tunnels! Each Demo Pack contains a pound of C-8 the new plastique explosive developed by Diablo Labs! Simply set the timer, emplace, and be on your merry way! Guaranteed to make what ever it is attached to to go out with a blast!

Satellite Transceiver! The perfect thing to have the next time you go out camping, or on an assassination! Don't want to scare the deer/alert the chigs? No problem! Our satellite transceiver utilizes the latest in stealth technology to ensure that you won't be spotted by things that you don't want to see! Includes keypad and LCD display so that you can see what you have entered, with burst encryption to avoid those "party crashers".

K-Bar! The Marine Corps Fighting knife is still alive and kicking, over 100 years after WWII! But this isn't your Great Grandad's K-bar, nosiree! The new K-bar is made from the latest in High Tech Alloys, Thermal Plastics, and all sorts of other good stuff! Comes with its own can opener and "Whittling For Dummies" Manual, perfect for those lonely nights around the camp fire.

Famous Redshirt Phrases Book! The perfect way to play "Spot the Redshirt" during nw episodes of our favorite show! After reading enough of these, you will learn to spot the Redshirt with little or no trouble at all, but remember, some redshirts may take longer to find than others! Some sample phrases: "I have all the data I need." "I have a petri dish, I can always grow another tank!" "I haven't seen my wife since the war started!" "Wanna check out the zero-g chamber?" and of course "I believe in you!"

S:AAB Necronomicon! Literally translated as "The Book of the Names of the Dead" this is a must have items with the casualty rates around the 58th! Get Necronomicon Online for the latest updates after each show! Includes a special "Possible Redshirt" Area for you to place your choices for martyrdom.

Smart Grenades! Tired of running those chigs down and killing them with your K-bar? Sick of watching those A.I.'s catch your grenades out of the air and throw them back at you? With the Diablo Labs Smart Grenade, all of those problems become a thing of the past. Watch and laugh as your target tries to outrun the grenade, only to have it follow them to their doom! Our latest models are so smart that if they get lost, they will even stop for directions!

"Where's Winslow?" Childrens activity book! Each book is 58 pages of fun! Try to find Winslow, the most elusive Wildcard in a variety of settings! There is even a new section including the Tun Tavern, Zero-G Chamber, Cockpit in Space, and Coffin among the Stars! Lots of fun for the kiddies!

Look for More Diablo Labs Merchandise coming soon!