I struggled for a long time trying to figure out how to slant this article. Saving Private Clinton. How to Spell Milosvich. 101 Uses for a Downed Bomber. And my personal favorite, There's Something About Yvgheny. But instead of focusing on the specifics of the conflict, (and let's face it, no one really cares), I'll focus on the ramifications of our actions...
Well, we finally went and did it. We warned them. We threatened them. We begged them to stop. We pleaded for the atrocities to end. We declared our intentions to act. We scorned at their flaunting of our prowess.
Then we asked them nicely, or we'd threaten them again.
Now I'm not one that thinks we should go to war at the drop of the hat. And certainly, there are greater things to fight for than a burned out piece of Central European real estate. But by gum, we shouldn't be left looking like ninnies! President Clinton all but wagged his finger and dared Serbia to continue their genocidal efforts. And they did. So now, we have the dubious distinction of having to drop massive amount of bombs merely because we didn't want to be shown up any more than we already have.
And what good will that do? Probably very little. We've been publicly warning of a bombing for approximately 6 years now. You'd think with that long of an advanced warning, Serbia will hide all the expensive stuff and move it around so it won't get destroyed. Then, after we've bombed the old hiding places, Milosovich can bring his artillery out of hiding and continue his reign of terror. What good is the bombing going to do?
Well, it got that China spying story off the front page, for one thing.
Now now. This bombing run isn't nearly as egregious as the "I'm about to be Impeached, I think I'll blow up Iraq" fiasco back in December. This campaign doesn't wag the dog nearly as much. And as I've previously stated, I think once we threaten force, we are bound to use it, lest we lose our good word. But I've got a different take on the whole thing, one that almost everyone is reluctant to agree with.
Are we bombing the wrong side?
Serbia has been fighting with Kosvars since the beginning of time. (Or at least since the beginning of Dick Clark.) And wouldn't you know it, they're still going at it. Not that I particurlaly mind. The only useful purpose that plot of land serves is for growing beets and housing radiation experiments. Plus, I have an ex-roommate from the region, but that's another story.
The two sides have been fighting for so long not because they disagree politically. It's not over abortion, slavery, taxes, or campaign contributions. It's not about school lunches, nuclear disarmament, or even the economy. This is, pure and simple, a Holy War. The Kosvars are Muslims. The Serbians are Christians. As evidenced in Israel, those two don't mix well.
So why then are we backing the Kosovars? Granted, genocide is never the "right" thing to do. And I'm sure that Milosovich fellow can be one mean SOB. But why back the Muslims? Our country, despite your beliefs, was founded on Christian ideals. As a nation that at least gives lip service to God, shouldn't we help him out by not bombing his followers?
As Barney once said, "Jesus must be spinning in his grave..."