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Why I Hate "Family Guy"

Tuesdays are fast becoming the best night on television.  My nightly routine starts with King of the Hill and continues through Futurama.  Next, it's over to ABC for Spin City (of course) and Sports Night.  Throw in Buffy (which I still can't get over free TV) and NewsRadio (if and when it makes it's return) and you've got yourself a full plate of quality viewing.  However, on the eve of the Fox "Toonsday" inception, I'd like to take a moment to rail against one of this year's animated offerings, and how I will be looking forward to it's demise...

What makes animation special is that it can get away with so much while staying grounded in some sense of reality.  As many times as Fred and Wilma argued, they always stayed together.  As many times that Elmer tried to shoot Bugs, the good guy always won.  As many times that Bart vandalized something, Homer was always willing to forgive.  And as many times as Kenny dies, Stan and Kyle always yell "Oh My God, they killed Kenny!!"  There's always the sense that above the wackiness lay an overriding goodness of mankind.  And that is what's ultimately lacking from Fox's new offering, Family Guy.

I caught the much-ballyhoed premiere after the Super Bowl in January and I was most-disapointed.  I was expecting to see a taut, humorous outing which would be on for many years to come.  Instead, I saw a guy peeing into a clock.

How edgy.

Granted, when The Simpsons started, it was said to be a collection of malcontents that would serve to dumb America.  Instead, a loving, affable family showed up.  Yes, Bart had his outbursts.  And Homer certainly was no model for fatherhood.  But in the end, the family and the rest of the community pulled together and gave America a reason to laugh without destroying civilization. 

Likewise, Beavis and Butthead (and to a lesser extent, South Park) also had anti-role models.  Sure, they dabbled in crudity, but good always won out.  Beavis and Butthead never triumphed (or never realized they did) and those kids from snowy Colorado always managed to get on with life, even without Kenny.  Were they crude and obnoxious?  Sure, but there was always a larger point.

The same cannot be said for the latest animated show to hit the screen.  Family Guy's dad, Peter, is a blatant rip-off of Homer Simpson, but without that underlying winning quality.  No matter how ignorant Homer was of his surroundings, he always figured out the right thing to do.  Peter, on the other hand, is just a brain-dead idiot, who never learns his lesson.  And the charm of being a loveable goofball is tough to come by when you're holding "The World's Longest Fart" Contest.

The other members of this recycled ensemble include a detached mom (see Cartman's mother without the sluttiness), a geeky daughter (see Daria without the deadpan), a techo-geek son (see Elroy Jetson on sedatives), and a talking dog (see Dogbert).  The only character who isn't some rip off is Stewie, the ego-maniacal baby.  But why is he speaking in some foreboding English accent?  Why does he look so different from the rest of the family?  And why does he remind me of The Brain with his diabolical schemes that never quite seem to work out?

Family Guy is being touted as one of the freshest shows on the air.  But you wouldn't know it by watching it.  While most shows have a narrative of some kind, (even Veronica's Closet strives for a linear plot) Family Guy operates on a different frequency.  One of the cast members makes a comment or two.  Then, the story is interupted by a TV or pop-culture spoof relating to the just completed statement.   With The Simpsons, all the jokes were brought together to form a single, cohesive, seamless, straight ahead story.  With Family Guy, we get a little bit of show, interupted every so often whenever the writers think up a new joke.

Add this to the fact that the show displaced one of my up and coming favorites, Futurama, and you've got a lot to hate about this new show. 1