Let All Our Tomorrows Begin
Author's note: Clay owns himself and his own name. I only wrote the words
to the story.
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Two days later at Kim Locke's house
Clay and Kate walked into Kim's house laughing and holding hands. "I'm glad that meeting went as well as it did," Kate told her husband. "Your management seems really willing to give us the freedom to get this project off the ground."
"It's good publicity and they know it." Clay closed the door behind them. "For us it's about changing people's lives, but it's also very good publicity. Good publicity for the cause, and good publicity for my own work. They're not dumb - they're quite shrewd."
Kate nodded. "I noticed that."
"Good - you're here," a woman's voice sighed from the living room.
Clay turned towards the voice. "Sarah!" Clay exclaimed with surprise at seeing Kate's petite best friend sitting in the living room with Kim. "It's good to see you!"
"You too, Clay..." Sarah agreed as she stood, "but I'm sorry for why I'm here today."
Kim whirled over to the couple with a short stack of tabloid magazines in her hands, Sarah close behind. "I'm sorry to break this to you, but we thought you guys needed to know."
Taking the first of the stack, Clay and Kate scanned the front page to see a banner headline "AIKENS ARGUE AMIDST ARTICHOKES" over a picture of the two of them. His breath hissed between his teeth. "Jerome was right," he muttered. "That discussion was a bad idea..."
Kate gaped at the magazine before grabbing at the next one on the stack followed by the next. They quickly moved through the magazines, each one with its own doomsayer warning that Clay and Kate's marriage was in trouble. "Honey... someone saw our argument in the store that day and evidently decided to talk to someone else at one of these tabloids. If that person got to nosing around and discovered that I'm staying at Kim's right now..."
Clay groaned. "We have a
"It doesn't help," Sarah stated, "that this one is based on just a teensy-weensy bit of fact. You guys did have an argument in the grocery store, and you guys are on a short-term separation."
"A separation which is driving us both crazy," Kate retorted. She looked up at her husband. "What are we going to do about this, if anything?"
"That depends on how far this gets." Clay tapped the cover of one of the tabloids. "Most people know that you can't take the information in these rags as the gospel truth, so as long as this rumor sticks to the tabloids we'll just ignore it. Now if mainstream gets wind of it... then we might have to consider some damage control."
Sarah raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. "You could always show people a copy of Doctor Kelley's written prescription for your typhoid medication. That would tell them exactly why you're doing this."
"If we need to," Clay emphasized, "then we can let people know that it's something we're doing for Kate and the baby."
Kate snorted. "We're sure not doing it for fun."
"What, you never tried to start a rumor on purpose?" Clay smirked.
"Did," Kate acknowledged. "Backfired. Never again."
Clay studied his wife curiously. There's a story... He decided to wait the questions until later. "As long as the mainstream media doesn't get a hold of this and start asking a lot of really dumb questions, we can just let this blow over. It will as soon as Kate moves back home, I guarantee."
Sarah nodded thoughtfully. There was a lot of the fine art of celebrity that she was still getting used to - a lot of fine nuances that most people didn't know unless they were there or knew someone. To some degree she would be inheriting a bit herself, but it wouldn't be a lot since she was 'merely' wife of one of his bodyguards. She didn't envy Kate at all... but Sarah also knew that Kate was in it for the man. Kate would deal with whatever she had to because she loved Clay.
Taking the tabloids from Kate's arms, Clay handed the entire stack of them back to Kim. "I'll let you find a good use for them."
"I recommend shredding them up for cat litter," Kate grumbled.
In spite of the mild shudder at the mention of Kim's cats, Clay laughed at Kate's scathing wit. "I am going to let the three of you catch up on things like you planned to do." He gave both Kim and Sarah a hug before returning to his wife to place a warm kiss on her cheek. "I'll pick you up in the morning, honey."
"All right," Kate told him. Clay had a follow-up doctor appointment with his own doctor, Doctor Gates, for his case of typhoid. Although there hadn't been nearly enough time for the antibiotic to make much of a dent, Kate was looking forward to meeting Doctor Gates and getting any good news he had. She watched him walk to his car and pause to wave at her. Kate waved in return, blowing him a kiss before he climbed in the car to drive back to their own home.
Kim placed a caring hand on Kate's shoulder as Kate watched her husband drive away with a heavy sigh. "You know, I haven't had much of a chance to talk much with you since you've been here. The two of you have been to so many meetings and things that you haven't given yourselves much time to breathe, let alone spend time relaxing or hanging with other people."
"That was the idea," Kate confessed. "If we made ourselves busy, we wouldn't have to worry about these two or three weeks Clay's getting over this thing. Too busy, too tired... you know?"
Sarah snickered. "I remember how tired the two of you were at the end
of the day in
Kate blushed with guilt knowing that Sarah was right. If not the other night, it would have been a different one. "Maybe it's for the best that we spend these few weeks apart..."
"I know you don't want to," Sarah assured her. "But it really is the best thing for your child. You make sacrifices for the ones you love."
"And we love our baby," Kate agreed. "Not a good idea to be taking medication of any kind in the first trimester of pregnancy. Too risky."
"How did you get pregnant, anyway?" Kim asked. When Kate raised an impish eyebrow but otherwise said nothing, Kim laughed. "You know what I mean."
Grimacing sheepishly, Kate put the tale as short and sweet as she could. "Let's just say that we're not going to that wilderness park again without supervision. Or at least some preventive measures."
"You're kidding - right there in the middle of nowhere??" Kim laughed delightedly, bending over double in her merriment. "Oh my gosh... you two are hopeless..."
Kate rolled her eyes as Kim continued to laugh. "Just wait until you get married, Kim. Then you'll understand what I'm talking about when I say some days you can't keep your hands off each other. It sounds crazy, but it's true. Right, Sarah?"
Sarah began to fan herself. "Oh, yeah..."
Kim's eyes twinkled as she looked back and forth between the two married women. "Sarah," she began, "would Will be open to loaning you out for the evening? I think it would be so much fun for the three of us to spend some time this evening just hanging out."
"Oh gosh," Sarah giggled. "That sounds like fun. I'll talk to him."
"A girls' night out?" Kate asked as Sarah quickly dug for her cell phone to call Will. "Sounds like just what the three of us need."
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The next morning at Kim Locke's house
"Ready, honey?" Clay asked, extending his hand to Kate.
"Very ready," she agreed, taking the offered hand and walking with him over to the car.
Clay assisted Kate into her seat before going around to the driver's side. He pulled out of the driveway onto the street before speaking again. "You and Kim have a good night last night?"
"The three of us had a very good night," Kate told him.
"Three?" Clay asked with surprise, stealing a quick glance at her. "Oho, girls' night out?"
Kate nodded. "Yes. Exactly what the doctor ordered. For me, anyway. How was your night?"
Clay heaved an easygoing shrug. "Good. It was pretty much Raleigh and me in the backyard and with the TiVo..."
"I bet it was actually kind of relaxing."
"Yeah," Clay admitted. "It was. Quiet... and I missed you... but it was a very laid-back evening."
The couple continued to talk about their respective nights until they reached Doctor Gates' office. Clay parked the car, and the two of them entered the clinic. It didn't take long for them to be ushered back to an examining room to wait the rest of their time there.
Kate pulled an unsealed envelope out of her purse. "Honey, I have something for you." Clay took the envelope from her as she explained. "I wrote that one as the others drifted off to sleep."
Clay opened the envelope to find a handwritten letter from Kate.
My dearest Clayton,
I am at a total loss to find the words for everything I've been feeling
since we've been apart. How do you find the words to tell someone that you are
not complete without them? That every day has more meaning simply because they
are in your life?
After all these years, my parents are able to finish each other's
sentences as if they could read the other person's mind. I don't think we're to
that stage yet, or to the stage where we start looking like each other or start
picking up each other's mannerisms. Probably a good thing! Finishing each
other's sentences is enough for me. It really is as if we share hearts and
minds somehow - a mystery and a miracle that cannot be explained by anyone who
lives it.
I'm going to ask you the craziest question, my love, and I'll try to let
it go if it doesn't make any sense to you. Do you think it's possible for two
soul mates to know each other even if they've never met? Do you think it's
possible for them to know each other by some sort of instinct? Do you think
it's possible to know that one special person is in the room, long before you
see them or hear their voice or smell their scent? I'm trying to figure out if
it's possible for two people to be connected at some unseen level, a level that
can only be felt deep inside. I want to know if someone can love and trust and
even understand someone completely simply because you know them in some deep
way, in the ways of the heart. The more I talk about this, the less sense I
make. I probably sound downright crazy to you. I know I sound crazy to myself
just thinking about it.
Whether you believe or understand me or not, I have felt this kind of tie
to you, long before we met for the first time. It was as if in my heart of
hearts I knew that we could be each other's "someone special", if
only... Only I was afraid to believe in it, afraid to trust it. Yet in spite of
my fears and doubts, God chose to bless me in ways I could but begin to dream
of... blessed me with your love, your friendship. You are my greatest gift from
God, Clayton, second only to the gift of His Son. I could not be any more
blessed than to be at your side, and I thank God every day for you.
Because I have babbled enough for one night, I am going to close with one
final thought.
I love you.
Clay's jaw quivered as he finished her letter. "Kate honey..." he breathed. Immediately Kate pulled him into her arms, holding on to him tightly as he brought his emotions back under control.
It was only a few moments later when Doctor Gates walked in, catching them in their warm and assuring embrace. "Sorry for disturbing you folks," the older man said as he scanned Clay's chart. "Interesting report, this is..."
Clay nodded glumly. "Typhoid and orders to not get too close to my own wife for a while."
"You following those orders?" Doctor Gates asked, raising a questioning eyebrow.
"I am," Clay grumbled, "and now all the tabloids think we're having problems with our marriage."
"Really." Doctor Gates glanced between them with a smile. "You didn't look like you were having problems with your marriage just a moment ago."
Clay and Kate exchanged sheepish looks and a chuckle. "We didn't, did we?" Kate asked.
"Here, honey." Clay handed Kate the letter she had given him. "Would you hold on to this until we get back to the car?" Kate agreed, and Clay turned back to the doctor.
"Tell me a little bit more about your case," Doctor Gates requested. "What symptoms were you having, how long were you having them, how long have you been on the antibiotics..."
As instructed, Clay told Doctor Gates about what happened to them in
At last Doctor Gates removed his glasses and rubbed his steel blue eyes thoughtfully. "I'm not going to question Doctor Kelley's work or his diagnosis. It's right on the money as far as I'm concerned. Only one thing puzzles me - your voice. While typhoid can and does give one a sore throat, it should not have affected your singing last week on the show."
Clay's eyes bulged. "It wouldn't? Then what's wrong with my voice?"
"We need to find out." Doctor Gates put his glasses back on. "Your schedule is horrendous, Clay. You subject your voice and the rest of your body to demands that few others would, and frankly I'm surprised you haven't dropped from exhaustion. It does not surprise me that your voice has made its displeasure known, however. Since it could be anything from simple vocal strain all the way up to a collection of maladies I affectionately call 'singer's throat', I am going to send you to an ear, nose, and throat specialist."
"Singer's throat?" Clay asked uncertainly.
Doctor Gates smiled. "Vocal polyps, vocal nodes, even vocal cord paralysis. It seems mostly to affect singers and speakers - people who use their voices constantly."
Clay stole a peek at his wife, taking in a nervous breath at seeing her tight-lipped but otherwise even expression. It was as if this came as no surprise to her either.
"You haven't yet noticed any effects in your speaking voice, so I am taking that as a good sign that we've caught this early." Doctor Gates made a note on his chart. "I am extending the 'rest your voice' directive until you see the specialist, and that includes aimless chatter. Once you see the specialist, you need to follow their directions if you want to see healing."
"You mean my condition can be reversed?" Clay asked hopefully.
"That depends on what's wrong, how serious it is, and how long you've had it. Caught early, any number of musicians' ailments can be given proper care. They learn what habits to change, and they take it easy until everything returns to normal." Doctor Gates sighed. "But too many ignore the symptoms until it's too late. The longer a person has their condition, the more likely they will have it permanently. And these conditions have been known to force countless changes of occupation."
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Later after the doctor appointment
Kate stared off into the distance, not knowing what to do for her husband. Since they had left the doctor's office Clay had hardly said two words, and no amount of attempts Kate made to draw him into conversation worked. He had taken her back to Kim's, kissed her on the cheek with a sad smile, and drove off - back home, she hoped. Then again, she hoped for a lot of things.
Finally at a loss, Kate pulled her cell phone out of her purse and dialed Sarah's number. "Hey," Kate began quietly after Sarah answered the phone.
Sarah paused before responding. "What's happened now? Oh wait - you had that doctor's appointment today. Did something go wrong at the doctor's?"
"It sure didn't go the greatest," Kate acknowledged. "Doctor Gates is the nicest person in the world, and you can tell that he knows his stuff. I can see why Clay gets along with him so well. It's just that... you know what happened to Sally, right?"
"Sally?"
"Her voice?"
For a moment there was another pause. "Oh no..." Sarah breathed.
"Maybe." Kate took a deep breath. "Doctor Gates isn't a specialist, but he recommended for Clay to go see one. He thinks it could be anything from vocal strain or fatigue on up."
"To what Sally had."
Kate nodded. "To what Sally had." She sighed, heavy with discouragement. "Sarah, what can I do? Clay is upset, I can tell, and I don't know what I can do to help."
"Katydid," Sarah soothed, "there isn't much you can do. You can't wave a magic wand and make the problem go away. What you can do is what you are already doing. Pray for your husband. Love him unconditionally. Make sure he knows you love and accept him unconditionally, both in words and actions. Shower him with every good thing you can think of." As Kate chewed her lip thoughtfully, Sarah went on. "Like I said... continue to do what you are already doing."
"Sarah, have I ever told you what a wonderful, wise friend you are?" Kate asked gently.
"I know I am," Sarah teased, "but thank you for telling me. It means a lot to hear it."
"It doesn't help matters," Kate bemoaned, "that we're on this no-intimacy thing. That always seems to cheer us both up, whenever we really talk things out good and proper, and then we pray about them, and then we... well, you know."
Sarah snickered at Kate's embarrassed delicacy about the subject. "It must be a real challenge for the two of you to talk about your love lives when neither one of you is the most comfortable with half of the lingo that used."
Kate blushed. "He's one of the few I can bring myself to talk about it with."
"Will wonders never cease," Sarah drawled with amusement.
"Funny lady."
"Refresh my memory," Sarah sighed, "what it is about typhoid that allows you to be in the same room together for meetings or meals, allows you to give each other simple touches, but doesn't allow you any more than that."
"Typhoid is passed on chiefly through food and water," Kate explained. "We can't share drinking glasses, and we have to be really careful around mealtime. Right now I'm doing the dishing out for him at the meal table just to make sure we don't handle the same eating utensils. I think the doctor is just being a little more cautious for the baby's sake when he said no intimacy. Basically we aren't supposed to exchange any bodily fluids for a while."
Sarah snorted. "Well, if that's all it is, use protection like the kind I bought for you during the holidays, make sure not to kiss him on the mouth for a while, and the two of you should be just fine."
"Sarah!!" Kate exclaimed, her mouth wide open with shock. "I don't believe you suggested that!"
"And I can't believe you two didn't think of it first."
For a moment or two Kate's jaw worked as she stuttered wordlessly. "You know," she said at last, "it's probably pure craziness... but doggone, the look in his eyes a few minutes ago almost killed me."
A low chuckle sounded across the phone line. "You are considering it..."
"It's either that or deal with Clay's bad mood the rest of the evening..." Kate grumbled. She looked up and gazed off into the distance as she anticipated a night of his somber silence. Not if she could help it.
Suddenly her eyes focused on something closer than she had been looking at a moment earlier. Kate noticed the car of the man Clay jokingly called his personal paparazzi, Sam, if she remembered his name right. What's he doing here? He usually follows Clay, not me. Kate's eyes narrowed. If she played her cards right, she could use Sam's presence to her advantage. "Sarah, if what I have in mind right now works, I'm going to have twice the fun today."
"Twice?" Sarah asked, obviously confused.
"Paparazzi Sam's here instead of with Clay."
Sarah burst into delighted laughter. "Well well... then have some fun, Katydid dearie. Let's not keep our friend Sam waiting."
"I'm taking you with me for now, Sarah, because I want to give you a play-by-play."
"Ooo, this is going to be so much fun," Sarah giggled.
Kate pulled her keys out of her purse and walked over to her car. Plugging a hands-free set into her phone, she placed the phone where it wouldn't interfere with her driving. She started the car and put it into gear to pull out of the driveway. "Going nice and slow so that he can keep up with me..."
The two women continued to talk as Kate slowly drove along until she reached the closest pharmacy chain in the area. She glanced in her rear-view mirror. "He's still here - I haven't lost him."
"Good." Sarah was clearly enjoying her vicarious adventure through Kate's eyes. "Go inside and make your purchase."
"Aye-aye, Captain." Kate got out of her car and strode towards the pharmacy with purpose in her step. A short ten minutes later she emerged with a medium-sized paper bag and pink cheeks. "If it weren't for the benefits that are going to come, I would never have put myself through this..."
Sarah giggled again. "So you had to sign an autograph, big deal. You know that clerk is going to remember everything you purchased."
"I'm counting on that," Kate stated, "but it gets better than that. Just a minute, dearie." Kate walked over to where Sam was trying to observe her while staying hidden from her sight. "Hey, Sam, how are you doing this afternoon?"
Sam blinked at Kate, his surprise at having her approach him for a friendly chat obvious. "I'm doing fine. You? Is everything good with you and your family?"
Me and my family, indeed... Kate nodded amiably, hiding the fact that
she knew exactly what he was trying to do... and that she was willing to play
along. "It could certainly be better, but God is giving us the faith and
strength to deal with those things that we have no control over. I feel so
badly for Clay," Kate sighed, "and for everything he's going through
right now. Did you know that he caught typhoid fever from the river we fell
into there in
"I didn't know that," Sam answered with a curious tone to his voice. "Typhoid, you say?"
"Yes. Fortunately we caught it early before he got really sick, and so he's on medication for it now. He should be over it in a week or two." Kate shook her head with another sigh. "I'll be glad when he's feeling better. The doctor didn't want me in the house while he had it since I'm pregnant and all."
Sam nodded. "I remember the two of you mentioning on Regis and Kelly that you were pregnant. So that's why you're living with Kim Locke?" he asked. "There's no trouble with your marriage?"
"Oh, there's the usual strain of compromise any couple faces," Kate shrugged, "but nothing we can't handle. The biggest trouble with our marriage right now is that we're supposed to be careful how we interact with each other. But we already have the mealtime logistics figured out, and I think I finally have a way around the other headache." She smiled wickedly.
"Oh really..."
Kate nodded. "Yeah." A dreamy twinkle filled her eyes. "He and I love each other so much, and I'm the luckiest woman in the world to be his wife. We're determined to keep our marriage strong in spite of everything going on right now..." Kate glanced down at her bag. "And anything I can do for my husband is worth the effort and any risk." Giving Sam a wink, she smiled again. "I'm going to go home and tell my loving husband that we may not have to finish this forced separation. Take care, Sam."
"You too," Sam replied, watching keenly as Kate returned to her car.
As soon as Kate shut the door, the sound of Sarah's merry laughter filled her ears. "You are a pro, Katydid, an absolute PRO!"
"Thank you." Keeping an even expression until she was out of Sam's sight wasn't going to be easy.
"I would bet some serious money that he's going to go into that pharmacy and try to find out exactly what you bought."
"I'm counting on it," Kate insisted. "What I wish we could wager over is what price, if there was one at all, it will take for Sam to pry it out of that clerk."
"There's no way of knowing the answer to that," Sarah stated.
"Exactly." Kate re-entered the road to head back to Kim's house. "Which is why I only wish that we could. That would be a fun wager..."
When Kate explained everything to Kim, Kim laughed until tears were streaming from her eyes. She continued to laugh as she helped Kate gather her things together to take back home. Giving the other woman a hug, Kim wished her luck and God's protection in her crazy plan.
Kate pulled in the driveway to their house, relieved to see Clay's car there as well. She felt much better to see that he was safely there instead of venting his frustrations who-knows-where. Maybe now that she was back home for what she hoped was to stay, the two of them could talk together about their frustrations from this whole situation. Quietly she brought her things into the house and placed them in the master bedroom. Trying to make as little noise as possible, Kate set up the room for the two of them later.
"Kate?" Clay's voice carried from down the hall. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here, Clayton." Kate walked out of the room and into the living room where Clay had been watching TV. "Was I too loud?"
"Loud? You're as quiet as a mouse when you want to be." Clay glanced up at her. "What are you doing here?" he repeated.
Kate met his eye. "I'm worried about you, honey. When you left me at Kim's a little while ago without saying more than a few words, I got concerned. I came here to make sure you were okay."
Clay nodded. "Are you going to be here long enough to sit down with me?" he asked hopefully.
"Sure." Kate joined Clay with eager heart, settling down next to him on the couch and leaning into his arms with a satisfied smile. The TV didn't interest her in the slightest, but being by his side did. "Saw Sam today."
"Oh," Clay responded simply. "What's Sam up to?"
"The usual... trying to find out what he can about our lives so that he can earn his living."
Clay frowned. "Is that why you're over here, to try to protect our reputation from him?"
Kate cast a mild glare at her husband. "I told you why I'm here. I'm here because I love you, and I'm concerned about you and your well-being. I did something else entirely to mess with Sam's mind."
"You tried to mess with Sam's mind?" Clay snickered, and a smile turned the corner of his mouth. "I thought you said that you don't try to create rumors."
"I don't." Kate snuggled closer to her husband. "I intentionally let him follow me to where I was going, greeted him where he was trying to hide, and struck up a few minutes of conversation with him."
Clay's head jerked sharply as he stared at her. "You didn't!"
"I did."
Clay bit his lip apprehensively. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what Kate had done. But his curiosity was getting the best of him. "Where did you go that you let him follow?"
Kate smirked. "The drugstore."
Wha? "The drugstore?"
"Remember when Edith and Edna bumped into you at Walgreens?" Kate recalled. When Clay nodded, she grinned at him. "Similar scenario, except it's Sam instead of those two, me instead of you... and the purchase was completed."
Clay's jaw dropped as he stared at her. "You did what??"
Giggling with impish delight, Kate told him her entire story starting with Sarah's suggestion as to what the two of them could do for her to move back home. Clay seemed to appreciate her mischief, laughing openly as Kate shared how she gave Sam exactly what she wanted for him to know. First, she had given credit to God for getting them through everything going on in their lives right now. Second, she had stuck up for their marriage, putting it in plain but subtle terms that it was still strong and full of love. Third, she had given their mission trip more publicity by informing him about the Haitian conditions and talking about the typhoid. Furthermore, she had avoided the subject that had prompted all these doctor visits in the first place. What made this whole scenario even funnier is that Kate had told Sam the truth the entire time she was talking to him. It would not surprise Clay if sometime in the near future a new article written by Sam came out... one that was a lot more factual than what they saw yesterday.
Finally Clay realized why his wife was here. "You aren't staying at Kim's any more, are you?"
"Nope." Kate threaded the fingers of her hand into his. "I'm staying at my own house with the man whom I love. And I'm refusing to worry about it."
Dang, Clay thought as his mind swam with the implications. My wife is back home to stay. And we don't have to worry about 'exposure'... or at least I hope we don't. He pulled her closer and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. With God watching over them, Sarah's idea would hopefully work, and both Kate and Joseph would be fine. For tonight Clay thought he would merely enjoy having her back in his arms and in their own bed. Until he got a few things sorted out in his own mind, he wasn't going to expect too much more from either one of them.
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The next day in a
"Liked everything you said on Regis and Kelly," Sally told Clay and Kate during their late lunch, a gathering to discuss the newest Aiken inspiration, namely the organization of Emeline's Hope. Sally Kleinbach was Kate's cousin by marriage, and she brought some rare and unique talents and perspectives to the family. In this case, her working tie to the church that sponsored the mission trip was an invaluable contact to make this project work. With God's blessings, this new dimension to the familial relationship would be beneficial to all parties involved.
"Thank you," Clay answered.
"You would not believe the kind of publicity that's given the church
and our mission work in
"Good," Kate grinned. "Then it's having one of the desired
effects. I'll be curious to see what kind of long-term impact our going on the
mission trip has to the work in
"Even if the impact is short-term, that's all that many more people who have been reached for God. And sooner is better, because of the ripple effect. The ones we reach now will tell their families, their neighbors, their friends, and so on." Finished with her meal, Sally studied the Aikens more closely. "Before we talk more about Emeline's Hope, I want to know more about your future now that the tour's on hold. Can you tell me more about any of your future projects, or are they trade secrets?"
"As I said on Regis and Kelly, I've been wanting for a long time now to record a benefit CD for BAF, and when my voice comes back I still do. But in order to keep the production costs as low as possible, you have to be able to write and arrange the music yourself, and Kate doesn't seem to think she has any talent as a music writer."
"Depends on what she's writing," Sally informed him. "If you're interested in lyrics, Kate'll do just fine. Her poetry's top-notch. If you're talking music and arranging, she usually defers to her mother or me since we're actually trained in it."
"Oh," Clay sighed, clearly disappointed that Sally affirmed what Kate had already told him. "I was hoping to keep all the songwriting in our hands so there won't be any royalties involved. That way any and all proceeds will go straight to charity."
Sally's eyes lit up. "Would you settle for 'in the family'?" she asked hopefully. When Clay nodded curiously, Sally explained. "You've got two composers in the family, Clay - Aunt Trish and me. You would have to speak to Aunt Trish since I can't speak for her, but I would be honored and excited to be involved in any projects you guys can cook up."
"Seriously?" Clay asked eagerly. His mother-in-law was a music
teacher in the
"Does that mean yes?"
"That means yes," Clay told her. "You're on the team."
A thoughtful expression crossed her face. "I'll do it, expecting no payment of any kind, under one condition."
Clay considered Sally warily. "What condition?"
"A Christian album, Clay," Sally told him gently. "I want to see you put out a Christian album, if I have to write all the songs myself."
Much to Sally's surprise, Clay had an immediate response. "I'm going to
take you up on that offer," he warned her. "Because the less hands we
involve in writing, producing, or whatever, the more control we have over
content and where the money goes. If we funnel the proceeds to Emeline's Hope,
then you know that
"Yessss!!" Sally cheered enthusiastically, causing both Clay and Kate to break into merry laughter. "Is God good, or what?"
"God is good, Sally," Clay giggled with agreement.
Sally pulled out a notebook and began to search through it. "Let me find my notes from my brainstorming session with the others..."
"Brainstorming session?" Clay asked.
"Yeah. You're gonna laugh, but the whole staff watched that episode of Regis and Kelly since we knew you two were going to talk about the mission trip." Sally found the page and laid the notebook flat on the table beside her. "Once we heard about Emeline's Hope, we started listing information that we thought the two of you might find useful in creating a partner organization."
"I was hoping to find out some more of the things you and John are
doing with the ELCH," Kate told her, "so that we know the ways in
which we can assist the work there in
Sally smiled. "That's the best attitude to have, sweetie. We'll wrestle that country back from Satan yet." Turning to her notebook, she went down the list of some of the projects they were already involved in or projects that other mission societies had done. "Of course there's all sorts of various donation projects - everything from computers and school supplies to food, clothing, and medical supplies."
"I should get a list of what goes in the kits," Kate mused,
thinking of the school kits, health kits, and baby layette kits that the team
packed in their luggage to take with them. " Because those right there are
something that can be a benefit to any mission work, not just
"Right." Sally continued to go through her notes, giving Clay and
Kate a quick crash course on the various ways their church was making a
difference in Haiti and the various projects that were going on to make the
Haitian churches a healthy, self-supporting church body. From there she went on
to how that in turn could help impact the Haitian society as a whole. Although
the Aikens would be the ones needing to make the contacts, Sally gave a few
suggestions as to how Emeline's Hope could be chartered and how it could
partner with some of the other church bodies and mission societies that were
involved in
"I'm looking forward to our time tomorrow with you, Pastor Macy and the
others," Kate said at last. "I'd like to pick everyone's brains a
little more and see what they think of a few oddball ideas I have, namely
whether they'll fly or not. That way we go back to
"That's right," Sally chuckled. "You left some things here
when you moved out to
Kate rolled her eyes. "Among the things I have to sort through is my Christmas stuff. Needless to say, Kim and the guys didn't pack that the first time around. We didn't need to deal with that stuff just yet."
Sally put a warm hand on Clay's shoulder. "If you couldn't tell by last Christmas at Aunt Trish's, it's a big holiday at their house."
"I'm glad we were able to make it there this past year," Kate agreed. "Who knows the next time all of us will be back home for Christmas. Between Drew's schedule and ours..."
"One thing about being full-time in the military," Sally agreed. "In some ways they take care of you really well, but your life definitely belongs to them while you're in."
That sounds like my life... Clay noted with irony.
"It was a real blessing to see your brother Andrew at Christmas," Sally agreed, "especially since that's when this one popped that proposal-wedding surprise on you."
Kate smiled. "I'm just glad all the immediate families were in on the secret so that they could all be there. Although there were still a lot of our family and friends not there, the closest ones were."
"Any idea what you're doing for Christmas this year?" Sally asked Clay.
Clay chuckled and shook his head. "I don't know what I'm doing the next few weeks, let alone next month! I'll probably find out what our Christmas plans will look like closer to Christmas. The only demands I'm making is that whatever they're having me do, Kate gets to come too. She's not spending Christmas alone in an empty house."
Kate studied his flashing emerald eyes. "You shouldn't have to spend Christmas alone, either, Love," she told him with gentleness in her voice.
"There is that..." Clay admitted quietly. "Although I guarantee that I technically won't be 'alone' in whatever I'm doing, it won't be the same without you there."
"Speaking of whatever you're doing... how long does it look like your music career is going to be on hold?" Sally asked, returning to that topic.
Clay heaved a long, drawn-out sigh. "I won't know the answer to that until I see the specialist."
"Specialist?" Sally spat.
"My doctor wants me to see an ear, nose, and throat doctor," Clay explained.
"I know what an ENT is, Clay. I've been to half a dozen of them myself."
"Half a dozen?" Clay questioned, his surprise audible.
"Yes, Clay. Half a dozen." Sally's hands were clenched onto the table, and Clay could tell it was to keep from exploding. "What reason does he have for sending you to an ENT?"
"Doctor Gates said that while typhoid would give me a sore throat," Clay acknowledged, "it shouldn't have affected my singing. And since that's my living right now, he wants to find out what caused last week's problems."
Sally closed her eyes for a minute, giving both of them the impression that she was shoring up her strength for something. "Clay, you're family now, so I'm going to put this to you plainly and hide nothing.
"When I was very young, everyone around me noticed that I had been blessed with a gift for music. I had an angelic voice and I could play piano like no one's business. And I wanted to use my gifts to perform. So I did - anywhere and everywhere, even as a teenager. My parents thought for sure that I was going to become famous on Broadway, and that I was going to have my birth mother come live with me so I could see she was properly cared for. It never happened."
Taking a deep breath, Sally went on. "Italians are by nature gregarious people, and I am no exception. I was always talking and always singing, and very little shut me up. I didn't start being quiet until my voice betrayed me. I was rehearsing for an off-Broadway production that was supposed to give me the break I had hoped for when I noticed the music directors becoming less and less happy with my singing. They were forever yelling at me for being flat and for lacking energy. One day the producer finally had enough and fired me from the production."
"Oh no..." Clay breathed.
"It didn't take me long to find a doctor who sent me to a specialist." Sally swallowed a lump in her throat before continuing. "The diagnosis was vocal nodes, and I had apparently had them for some time. I went to several more specialists and didn't like the answers I got from any of them. As far as I was concerned, surgery was my last option, and after what happened to Julie Andrews I know I made the right choice. Finally I said to myself, 'To heck with this,' and decided a change of occupation was in order. After some soul searching, I stuck with music but went into church music with organ as my emphasis. I entered a really good college that specializes in training church workers. I was still young enough that I wasn't that much older than my schoolmates, and I made friends quickly." Sally chuckled warmly. "I found Josh my first semester there, and it didn't take us long to be head over heels. We were sharing hymnals in no time." She gave Kate a pointed glance. "Like I said, you know it's love when you're sharing hymnals together in church."
Clay raised an amused eyebrow as his wife snickered quietly. "I'm missing a joke here, aren't I?"
Kate jerked her head at Sally. "Ask her."
Sally grinned at him. "The going joke at my school was that you could tell those couples who were going to get married by if they shared a hymnal or not. And believe me, I noticed that the two of you have no problems sharing one."
"We love each other and like to share things together," Clay shrugged.
"I rest my case." Sally sighed and returned to her story. "My days of singing outside of anything but church services and simple sing-alongs are over, Clay. While I've learned better techniques and given my voice enough time to heal from the nodes, my confidence has never recovered. Instead of living for the applause, I live to praise God and to take care of my family. In some ways it was a great big blessing... because I know how much I would have missed if I had been in that life instead of this one." Sally studied him. "And I don't want to see the same thing happen to you, Clay. I know you've said you would be very happy going back to teaching... but what you don't realize is that it doesn't just affect your singing voice. It affects your speaking voice too, and with as many interviews as you give I don't think you give your voice enough time to rest. Especially on tour."
Clay frowned lightly. "But my fans like the interviews," he stated.
"We do," Sally answered. "You just don't have to give as many of them as you do. Especially since bad speaking technique hurts the voice as much if not more than bad singing technique. Clay, you've said time and time again what a busy schedule you have and that you never seem to know if you're coming or going. That's because your people are overbooking you and not giving you enough down time."
"I can handle it," Clay protested.
"Oh baloney," Sally snapped. "I've seen the clips of your tours. Some days you're so tired or so obviously sick that the only thing keeping you standing is the adrenaline rush from performing. You're overdoing it, Clay, and if you want to keep your voice healthy, then you need to cut back."
"But my fans - " Clay began.
"Will understand," Sally interrupted firmly, "or they're not really your fans. You're not Superman, Clay; you can't do everything. Grow some kazongas and learn how to say no."
Clay's jaw dropped at Sally's bluntness, and from the side of his eye he could tell that Kate was equally shocked. "Sally..." Kate breathed. "I can't believe you said that."
"Believe it, sweetie," Sally responded. "Someone's got to have the guts to tell your husband like it is." She turned back to Clay. "Only you can do what it takes to keep your voice healthy, Clay. Start taking steps now to make sure you don't lose the gift God gave you."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Late, late that same night in their hotel room
Unable to sleep, Clay gazed up at the ceiling deep in thought as Kate dozed at his side. Still feeling the effects of everything that had happened to them the last few weeks, the couple had immediately pulled each other into a close, warm embrace as soon as they crawled into bed together. Kate had drifted off quickly, as if his very presence did that much more to calm her fears and doubts. Clay, however, had a harder time clearing his mind enough to be able to sleep.
Clay gazed down at his wife sleeping peacefully in his arms. She's so incredible and beautiful - whatever does she see in me? As quickly as that thought entered his mind, Clay attempted to make sense of it and a host of others that were fueled by this turn of events. He wondered how long it was going to take for his voice to recover, or if it was going to recover at all. He wondered how he was going to keep impacting the people around him if he was no longer going to be a force in the entertainment world. He wondered how his fans were going to be affected. He wondered how he was going to provide for his growing family if his voice injury ended up being a long-term setback. He wondered about whether or how this was going to affect Kate's love for him and the relationship that they had.
Although he had no obvious answer to his question or his doubts, Clay remembered back to a phone conversation the two of them had while they were dating...
Clay may have been mistaken, but for a brief moment he thought he heard
something in the silence during one of their many late-night chats about life
in general and their future as a couple. Something serious was on Kate's mind,
something she was wrestling with. "A penny for your thoughts."
Kate snorted. "Dunno if they're worth that much, but since you want
them..."
"Kate Kirche, you know I hate it when you do that."
"Sorry."
"You should probably apologize to yourself instead of me, since you
put down yourself." Clay sighed into the phone. "So what's on your
mind?"
"I'm sure about us..." she began tentatively, "but
I'm wondering what in the world you see in me, and how I'll ever be enough
woman for you. Clay, it is so obvious to everyone the kind of man you are, the
faith-filled, loving, compassionate, gentle man of God. Most days I don't see
myself living up to that no matter how hard I try. The only way I could even
hope to come close to being what you need in the way of a wife is with God's
help."
"There's your answer, honey - that's it exactly." Clay sat up
on the bed, knowing that what he would share next he felt was of first
importance. "I've always wondered what it is you see in me, honey, and how
I could ever hope to be enough man for you. Kate, the description you said fits
me fits you better - you're a woman full of faith, compassion, love, and gentleness
that is obvious to all those around you, and you deserve a happy and fulfilling
marriage. My work takes me in so many different directions that I often wonder
if there will ever be time and energy left for you, especially the kind I want
to devote to you. You deserve a husband who takes care of you and makes every
effort to be there for you. Because you are worth it, Kate, you are so worth
it, in spite of what I can hear going through your mind. And I often wonder
what you see in me - I'm just me, just Clayton, and I wonder how I'm
going to measure up to you. But after talking a while back with Josh
Gracin, I'm feeling a bit better about it."
"What did Josh have to say?" Kate asked, knowing that the two
had been roommates in the American Idol mansion during the show.
"He reminded me that a good, healthy relationship takes three, and
that if we ever wanted to have a strong relationship and be 'enough' for each
other... we have to build our relationship on God. We have to actively work on
our own individual relationships with God, our relationship with Him as a
couple, and our relationship with each other. He's the only one going to make
us strong enough to weather the kind of life we're going to have
together." Clay paused briefly before continuing. "He's the only one
who will help us be what the other needs us to be. It's as simple as
that."
For a brief moment there was another silence on the other end of the
phone, and Clay wondered if she was all right. Then he heard a telltale sniffle
and was even less sure. However, her words did assure him. "Thanks, Clay.
That was what I needed to hear. Josh is right, of course - God's the only one
who will make our relationship strong and lasting. And since He's promised a
plan and a purpose for our lives... all we can do is trust that He'll do as He
promises."
Clay closed his eyes, biting back the tears of joy. "I love you so
much, Kate. Please don't ever give up hope that we're right for each other. If
you believe that we are and I believe that we are... then we can't give up on
us."
"It's going to be a struggle, hon," Kate told him. "We're
going to have to consciously work at this and put a lot of energy and effort
into it."
"But it's going to be worth it," Clay told her, "and all
the more meaningful because of it."
"Right."
Clay smiled. That positive response sounded more like the Kate he was
used to. "Feel better?"
"Yeah," she answered. "I'll probably still let you down
from time to time."
"Oh, I guarantee it," Clay told her, "and I guarantee that
I'll let you down too. I can also guarantee that from time to time we'll drive
each other crazy. But that won't change our love for each other."
"Nope." Kate hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath.
"I love you, Clay."
"I love you, Kate."
That conversation now seemed like ages ago, and here they were now as man and wife. Just as they had said that night, the two of them had been putting their conscious, whole-hearted effort into their marriage. Neither of them was perfect by a long stretch, but they were determined to make their relationship the best they could, and forgive each other for any and all mistakes and weaknesses. Clay was very thankful for the suggestion to pray together twice daily - that had been invaluable. Talk about taking conscious effort... but it was proving to be worth it because of the way praying as a couple strengthened them both. Somehow it improved their individual prayer lives as well.
And right now it was only that faith in God that was holding Clay together at all. He may not have sought out this career path, but God placed it in front of him, and Clay had learned to enjoy it and to make the best of it. He had certainly done everything he could to use his fame to make a difference in the world since he had no way of knowing how long it would last. Now there was a remote possibility that all that would be gone. That in itself didn't bother him... but how it would end did. And although Clay was in some ways completely convinced that Kate loved him for him, there was still that doubt... whom did she really love, what did she see in him? What would happen to their relationship if it was all gone?
Even though he felt this shouldn't bother him, it did, and a few unwanted tears trickled down his cheek. It wasn't the loss of career or celebrity that bothered him, it was the fact that if this became permanent he wouldn't be able to sing like he used to anywhere. If his popularity vanished, it wouldn't be a problem because he could still sing for fun. If there was damage to his voice, he wouldn't be able to do even that. Doctor Gates and Sally had both told him that any of these conditions would affect his speaking voice too - even going back to teaching would be a tricky prospect at best. If he couldn't sing, couldn't teach, how was he going to take care of his family? How would Kate take this if the worst came to pass? Clay wasn't sure what to think now.
Gently turning towards Kate as she laid asleep on his shoulder, he placed a kiss on her forehead. Kate moaned with contentment and held him closer, but otherwise did not stir. Clay sighed and began to caress her hair, gently running his fingers through it and studying her facial features at length. Absence really had made their hearts grow fonder, and Clay gazed longingly at her as if he could memorize every line and curve on her face just by looking at it.
"Clay?" Kate whispered, his gentle touch rousing her from her slumber.
"I'm sorry," he whispered back, his voice contrite. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"'Sokay, hon." She smiled up at him with half-open eyes. "Why are you awake? You all right?"
Clay bit his lip. Neither one of them was a convincing liar, and certainly not with each other. If he tried to tell her that there was nothing important on his mind, she would see right through him.
Kate's eyes opened a little more as she took in the guilty expression saddening his features. "Will you tell me about it?" she suggested gently.
Then again, he didn't have to say anything at all - she could read his very mood just by looking into his eyes. "You're going to think it's silly," he warned her.
"Clay, emotions are never silly or wrong. They just are." Kate lightly ran her finger over his lips to encourage him. "I promise I won't think it's silly. Especially if it's related to everything going on in our lives right now."
"It is." Taking a deep, slow breath, Clay paused for a moment. "I'm... a bit afraid right now..." he began nervously.
Kate blinked once but otherwise showed no reaction. "Go on. Tell me why, if you can."
"I always figured that my music career would just sort of fade out and die down in a few years anyway," Clay said quietly. "But I never thought that my music career might die because I would be unable to do it. You heard Doctor Gates - if my singing voice is affected, that will affect my speaking voice too. I might not be able to teach either." He bit his lip to keep the tears in. "That's both of my career choices right there, honey. How am I going to provide for the two of us and our growing family?"
"Clay," Kate breathed quietly, reaching up to stroke his cheek with a reassuring touch, "I do understand why that would be on your mind. But please try not to let it worry you. You are an intelligent, resourceful man gifted in many ways, and I have every confidence that God will take care of us and it would be a matter of finding your niche." Trying to reassure him that his feelings were valid and that they really didn't have anything to worry about, Kate asked another gentle question. "What are some other things you might be interested in doing, just in case the music career ends soon?"
Clay began to talk about some of his other thoughts and interests as Kate listened, taking hope from the unconditional acceptance he was used to seeing from her. As he talked, it became clear to him that Kate's opinion of a person did not depend on their career at all... that her opinion of him did not depend on what he did for a living. He did not need to explain or defend himself to her - all she asked him to do was just be, be himself and nothing less.
Finally reassured, Clay thanked her for listening. They exchanged a gentle
kiss and another round of I love you's before Kate once more curled up
in his embrace and fell asleep. Making sure not to wake her with his touch this
time, Clay watched her slumber and once again told himself how fortunate he was
to have her in his life. In that moment Clay couldn't help but remember the
words to the title track of his debut album, Measure of a
If one day you discover him
Broken down, he's lost everything
No cars, no fancy clothes to make him who he's not
The woman at his side is all that he has got
Why do you ask him to move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth?
Would he walk on water?
Would he run through fire?
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire?
Would he give his life up
To be all that he can?
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man?
If by chance all he had to give you
Was three words wrapped around your finger
Would that be deep enough at the end of every day?
And how will you ever know if a man is what he says?
Why do you ask him to move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth?
Would he walk on water?
Would he run through fire?
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire?
Would he give his life up
To be all that he can?
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man?
He never gives up, lets go of his dreams
His world goes around for his one true belief
Is that how you know, is that what it means?
Would he walk on water?
Would he run through fire?
Would he stand before you?
Will he be your anchor when the dark unfolds?
Will he always love you the best that he knows?
Would he give his life up
To be all that he can?
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man?
Would he walk on water?
Would he run through fire?
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire?
Would he give his life up
To be all that he can?
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man?
Once again a few stray tears trickled down Clay's cheek. As far as Kate was concerned, he was the measure of a man to her and he didn't have to try to be anything that he wasn't. As long as he gave it his all and gave it in God's name, then Kate was satisfied with that. She loved him for who he really was.
Clay smiled warmly. He may not understand what she saw in him, but he loved her, believed in her and needed her too much to dwell on it any more tonight.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9