Let All Our Tomorrows Begin
Author's note: Clay owns himself and his own name. I only wrote the words
to the story.
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Valentine's Day, 2007
Lost in a bewildered daze from everything, Clay sat in a private waiting room with his mother, Kate's mother, Kim, Sarah, Will, and Jerome. It looks so much easier on TV... he breathed, thinking how their experience giving birth was starkly different than the media portrayed childbirth. Clay had done his dutiful best playing cheerleader as Kate pushed, biting back a loud yelp when she gripped his hand so tightly that she cracked most of his knuckles. He had never suspected his petite wife possessed that much strength. He also hadn't expected that much blood. In that moment she had cracked most of his knuckles, Kate had let out a bone-chilling cry of pain like he had never heard from her. Then as all color drained from her face, she had crumpled in his arms like a rag doll. Completely alarmed by her apparent blackout, Clay had called out her name and gently slapped her cheeks in hopes of getting a response from her. When all he got was a pain-filled moan, Clay was worried that something might have gone wrong.
Apparently Doctor Alexander agreed with his assessment, because a minute later the tiny Filipino woman was barking orders to her staff like a battle-hardened drill sergeant. The first one was simply, "Get him out of here!" and it was clear to Clay that she meant him. The rest of the rapid-fire orders were for anesthesia, sutures, scalpels, and other equipment that told Clay surgery was on her mind. Afraid of losing both mother and child, Doctor Alexander had clearly decided in that fateful instant to perform an emergency C-section on Kate and had Clay unceremoniously herded out of the birthing room. Unable to get answers to any of his questions, Clay had spent the rest of the time pacing the waiting room like a man mad until Jerome and the others had threatened him with bodily harm if he wouldn't stop.
At last someone had come to the waiting room, and Clay had once more launched into quizzing them about what had happened to his wife and child. No, there was no word about Kate's condition. She was still in surgery. Yes, they had a brand-new son, and they would take Clay to him shortly. The child needed to bond with his parents as much as was possible at the moment.
"Clayton, stop biting your nails."
Clay looked over at Faye, noting the stern expression on her face. "Mom," he protested. "I'm a grown man..."
"A grown man who shouldn't be biting his nails."
He scowled lightly at her. "I don't need to be told to quit biting my nails. I need for someone to tell me how my wife's doing."
Faye sighed. "They don't know, Clayton."
Clay pinched his eyes shut. This can't be happening this can't be
happening this can't be happening...
"Clayton!" his mother snapped. "Stop biting your nails before I put fingernail polish on them."
"Mom!" Clay growled with equal annoyance.
Eager to put a quick end to the brewing tempers, Patricia grabbed the fabric bag of supplies she and Faye had put together for the baby. "Tell you what, Clay... if you insist on chewing on something, you can chew on this." Finding what she was looking for, Patricia leaned over towards Clay and shoved the contents of her hand into his mouth.
Glancing down at the object now hanging from his mouth, Clay felt his eyes widen as he realized that his mother-in-law had impishly grabbed Joseph's brand-new pacifier for him to chew.
A mixture of giggles and guffaws rippled throughout the room as the others burst into therapeutic laughter at the sight. Sarah giggled uncontrollably beside her equally amused husband Will, and Kim held her sides as merry tears streamed down her face. "If I laugh any harder," Sarah told everyone in the room, "I might give birth myself."
Will instantly sobered at the suggestion. With only a month and a half left to go, Sarah could start to go into labor any day now. "Let me know as soon as you feel one contraction, and I'm getting a nurse."
"Yes, Dad."
"Now all you need," Kim gasped, addressing Clay as he pulled the pacifier from his mouth, "is a teddy bear and a blanket, and you're set."
The catching nature of everyone's good humor broke through Clay's tension, and he let out a few laughs of his own. Relaxed enough to be in touch with what he was really feeling, the tears finally started to fall. "What I need is my wife," he breathed as he hung his head. "I need Kate... my Kate..." Running his hands through his hair until it stuck out haphazardly, Clay released his frustrations unashamed in front of his most trusted loved ones. "Why hasn't anyone told me anything?" Clay whispered, his voice sounding small and frightened in the deafening silence that had once more filled the room.
"They say no news is good news," Sarah offered.
"Easy for you to say. You didn't hear her scream." Clay smeared the tears over his cheeks as more came down to replace them.
Sarah winced at Clay's answer, feeling badly that her words hadn't helped the distraught young man. "Are you still naming him Joseph?" she asked.
"Unh-hunh," Clay acknowledged. "Joseph Raymond Aiken."
Kim grinned. "Giving him your dad's name, I see."
Clay nodded. "That was Kate's idea."
"Kate's idea..." murmured Faye thoughtfully.
Jerome studied Clay for a moment. "Remind me why you picked Joseph."
"Kate's really big into the meaning of names," Clay told him. "She wants to give all our children names that mean something special." He smiled weakly at his bodyguard. "The dream I had in the Haitian village about the teenage boy who warned us that our lives were in danger and we needed to leave immediately... that was our baby boy, only older. I couldn't help drawing the tie between our son and the two Josephs in the Bible. Both of them had stories about dreams... It seemed fitting to name our son after them." Caught up in the tale, Clay continued. "Kate remembered that my dad's name was Ray, so when she read in the name book that Raymond meant 'wise protector', she told me that we ought to make that his middle name since God did protect us that day." Clay met Faye's eyes straight on with his own. "Not only does that honor our son, it honors my dad."
"And your great-grandpa, too," Patricia recalled, remembering that music ran in Clay's family.
Faye put a hand over her mouth for a moment to keep back the emotion until she felt strong enough to respond. "Kate is a very special lady. You're blessed to have her."
"I know." Clay sniffled loudly as someone handed him a tissue. "I need some time alone, guys. Do any of you know where the chapel is?"
Jerome stood. "I saw it on the way in. Let me take you there, and I'll stand watch for you."
"Thanks." Clay followed the bodyguard to the quiet chapel on this hospital floor. As Jerome stood to the side, Clay went in for his time alone... alone with God.
Clay sank wearily into one of the pews, hanging his head into his hands as
he began to pray with a fresh batch of tears. Lord, I know she's your child
and you promised her the gift of eternal life... but would you consider leaving
her here with me a while longer? Please? I'll follow your will completely, Lord
- if you want to take her now, take her noow. But please don't let her feel any
more pain if you do. If it's your will, please please
please leave her here with me. I need her,
Lord, and I would give any number of things if you would only spare my wife and
child. I would be willing to lose my singing voice completely, to never ever
sing another note again, if you would only spare her life. Of course your will
comes first, not mine. I will do whatever it is you ask of me.
For about ten minutes Clay prayed and wept like this before he finally stood and walked out of the chapel. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he glanced at Jerome. "I think I'm done for now." Jerome nodded, placing a comforting hand on Clay's shoulder.
The two walked back to the private waiting room where the others waited for news about the pair. Shortly a nurse clad in surgical scrubs rapped lightly on the door. "Mr. Aiken, your new son is out of surgery and cleaned up. Would you like to see him?"
"Oh gosh, yes."
"Follow me, Mr. Aiken," the nurse instructed.
Clay blinked at her. "Can't you just bring him in here?"
The nurse shook her head. "Not if you value your son's health. If he had gone through a natural birth, maybe. But since there was a C-section, we need to be looking out for his immune system for a while."
"Ah." When she put it like that, Clay understood completely. For the sake of his son, they would all have to be very careful. "Does the place you're taking me have windows, so the others can see him?"
This time the nurse nodded, smiling at all of them. "Yes, it does. I understand that the baby's grandmothers are with you and want to see him, and that the others are special people in your life too. We can let any of them that you trust come with you to the nursery."
After a moment of discussion, everyone agreed that Faye and Patricia should most certainly go now. Jerome would go along for the security of the family, but the rest of them would remain behind to await news of Kate's condition. Clay and the others followed the nurse down the hallway towards the nursery for babies with special health considerations, where he was given a special hospital hat and gown and told to wash his hands. Once Clay had suited and scrubbed up, he was finally ready to meet his son. Clay carefully accepted the tiny infant from the nurse, his love for the child etched clearly on his face. "Thank you very much."
"You're welcome, Mr. Aiken."
Clay gazed down at his son's pink face with wonder in his eyes as Faye's and Patricia's cameras focused on the two of them. Our child... this is our son. This is Kate's and my son. Clay placed a feather-light kiss on the baby's forehead as he continued to marvel at the miracle he held in his arms. "Joseph..." he whispered to his son. "You're such a beautiful baby, Joseph. Joseph Raymond Aiken..." He gently picked up Joseph's hand in between his thumb and first finger, beaming warmly as Joseph grasped his finger. "You must be the most beautiful baby there is. At least I think you are."
The duty nurse smiled as she watched the two interact. "I know you're a busy man, Mr. Aiken, but what would be your chances of being available and nearby over the next couple of days?"
"For my wife and son," Clay answered quickly, "I would move heaven and earth. Why?"
"It's better for the psychological development of the baby if he is able to be with his parents as much as possible," the nurse told him. "Although you'll need to be scrubbed and suited up before you see them, we hope that you'll give as much time as you can spare to your wife and child."
"I'll be here. So then do you know how she's doing?" Clay asked hopefully. "My wife, I mean."
The nurse shook her head with a sigh. "I don't. Maybe in a little while the doctor will have some answers for you."
Clay bit his lip. That seemed to indicate that she was at least still alive. With all the frantic buzz of activity that had broken loose in that room as he had been shoved out, he was afraid for her very life. Maybe Sarah wasn't that far off after all - no news was preferable to bad news. He owed her an apology as soon as he returned to the waiting room.
Quickly he returned his attention to his son, who had started to cry. "Joseph... shhh... Don't cry. Daddy's here, Joseph. Shhhh..." Remembering the words to something he had written just recently, Clay softly sang a lullaby for his son.
Faye gasped at the song she heard through the window of the nursery. She grabbed onto Patricia's hand and squeezed it tight. "He's singing..."
Patricia embraced her back, a swell of pride filling her heart as the tears started to run down the faces of both mothers. "Yes he is, and it sounds wonderful."
"I've missed hearing him," Faye confessed. Together the mothers watched the two men, one grown and one not even an hour old. While Faye loved hearing Clay sing, there were few times she enjoyed hearing him as much as she did now.
Clay let the last note of his lullaby die away in the still of the nursery,
noting that his singing voice had indeed completely healed from the nodes. The
gift had returned in full force. He would be recording those benefit albums
yet. Immediately thinking of Kate, Clay couldn't help wondering at what cost. Your
will, Father God... Your will be done, not mine. I want her here with me, but
you know what is best for Kate. Do what's best for Kate... Please...
Shortly the quartet returned to the private waiting room. And none too soon - another surgical nurse knocked on the dooor. "Are there any of you who match Mrs. Aiken's blood type who would be willing to donate?"
Instantly Clay was on his feet. "Is she going to be all right? Does she need a blood transfusion? Take mine - I'll give her as much as she needs, if it means that she'll be all right."
"Down, Clay..." Kim said firmly.
Sarah glanced at Kim. "A little excitable, isn't he?" she whispered.
Kim shrugged. "Under the circumstances, I can't say I blame him."
The nurse nodded at him, smiling lightly. "I'm sure she'll be touched to find out what you're doing for her. Anyone else?"
With Sarah and the mothers unable to donate because of various medical circumstances, that left Kim and the bodyguards. Will and Kim volunteered to donate blood while Jerome remained in the room to see to the safety and privacy of the mothers. The nurse walked the trio down to a room where they could donate in peace. She asked them a lot of basic questions in regards to their own health, namely regarding current medications, and the possibility of diseases... including asking them if they had been to any third-world country within the last year.
Clay's face fell as she asked the question. "I was in
"I'm sorry, Mr. Aiken. We can't let you or Mr. McLeod donate at this time."
"But..." Clay protested with a sputter. "Kate was there too. If Kate is the one in need of the transfusion, surely I can donate just to her."
The nurse firmly shook her head. "I'm afraid that you may have been exposed to things that she wasn't. I can't break the rules."
Knowing that he had indeed picked up typhoid fever in
"Mr. Aiken," the nurse soothed as one of her coworkers swabbed Kim's arm, "if your wife is in need of a blood transfusion in the first place, then her immune system is at risk. We can't afford to expose her to any bacteria that might still be in your system. I'm afraid the only one of you who can donate blood today is Miss Locke."
This news was entirely too much for Clay. Faced with the knowledge that there was nothing more he could do for his wife, he broke down there in the donation room. "Kate..." he moaned as he fell to his knees and hugged his arms around himself. "Kate... Kathryn..."
Ignoring the nurse that stood nearby ready to put a needle in her arm, Kim slipped off the gurney she was assigned until her blood donation was finished. She wrapped her reassuring arms around Clay, letting the inconsolable man rock and cry and whisper his wife's name repeatedly.
The nurse who had asked for donation volunteers knelt down beside them. "Does he need me to go get any of the rest of this family?" she asked Kim.
Kim thought about it for a moment and shook her head. "Just go tell them to pray, because he's having a rough time of it." Immediately the nurse left to tell the others, and Kim continued to hold tightly onto Clay as he wept.
At last Clay reached up to wipe his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Kim. It's just... when she told me Kate needed a transfusion and then told me I couldn't donate, I just lost it. The one thing I could do for my wife, and they won't let me do it..."
"I know," Kim whispered. She heard Will clear his throat and looked up. Will's eyes darted to the doorway, where the woman that Kim recognized as Kate's doctor stood. "Doctor Alexander?"
Watching Clay as he attempted to regain control of his emotions, Doctor Alexander nodded once. "I would like to speak for a moment to Mr. Aiken alone, if neither of you mind."
Kim shot a worried look at Will, who frowned lightly. "If it's something bad, he needs to have his family and friends around."
"Mr. Aiken?" Doctor Alexander asked, waiting for his official word to begin.
Clay sniffled loudly. "They can stay."
Doctor Alexander sighed, removing her surgical cap. "Clay... about your wife..."
Clay stood up, his eyes widening in panic as he noticed large amounts of blood on Doctor Alexander's surgical scrubs. He was afraid to ask where that blood came from. "Is she all right? She is going to be all right, isn't she?"
"Have a seat, Clay."
"What happened to my wife in there?" Clay asked, his voice starting to rise again.
"Please sit down." Doctor Alexander waited until Clay clumsily sat back down with assistance from Kim before choosing another open seat in the room. "Are you familiar at all with a condition called placenta previa?"
Clay gasped, having remembered hearing about it in the pre-birth classes that he and Kate had attended. Noting the look on his face, Kim asked the question. "I know what the placenta is, but I don't know what placenta previa is. What is it, and how serious is it?"
"Placenta previa is where the placenta attaches to the uterine wall in a way that it either partially or completely blocks the cervix. In layman's terms, with placenta previa, the placenta blocks part or all of the exit hatch. Considering the placenta is where the baby gets all its blood and nutrients from the mother, placenta previa can be very serious if it doesn't go detected until delivery." Doctor Alexander placed an agonized hand on her head, and they could tell from the way the fingers were working that she wanted to grab a thick chunk of hair and yank. "A lot of times doctors can diagnose it during routine ultrasounds, but periodically we don't realize that's what the patient has until delivery, when they nearly die on your operating table."
All the color drained from Clay's face as he realized what she meant by using the particular pronouns that she chose. "Is... is that what happened to Kate?"
Doctor Alexander slowly nodded. "Your wife almost bled to death in my operating room." She heaved a long, drawn-out sigh as Kim covered her mouth with a hand in shock. "I can't believe that with all the ultrasounds she had in my office we still missed that she had placenta previa. It was a borderline case, but mother and child can still die from a borderline case if the doctor isn't paying attention." Doctor Alexander blinked a few times. "Normally if they have placenta previa, there's some spotting, and that immediately tips us off to check for previa. But Kate never had any spotting, which does happen with some previa patients, but it usually means an emergency C-section in the delivery room when the medical staff finally figures it out."
Suddenly feeling lightheaded, Clay placed his head in his hands. "Kate... Is she... please tell me that she's going to be all right."
Smiling ever so slightly, Doctor Alexander reassured him. "I think she probably will be. As you know, we performed an emergency C-section on her to save her life and your son's. Once we got your son handed off to one of the delivery nurses, we put her back together. We depleted our blood supply in the process, but the worst of it is past."
"They won't let me donate," Clay mumbled dejectedly.
"You went to
"H-How did you know..."
"Kate told me," the doctor answered very simply. "During the course of conversations we've had in regards to your son's health, she shared all of your Haitian experiences that might have affected his health and development."
"Oh."
"I'm afraid there's more, Clay. It won't be easy for you to hear, but you need to." Noting the eyes of the others riveted on her, Doctor Alexander took a deep breath before beginning. "Clay... I'm afraid that you and Kate will have no more children together."
Clay blinked slowly, trying to understand. "Did this... placenta previa do that much damage to her?"
Doctor Alexander closed her eyes with a tortured expression on her face. "The lining of her uterus was badly damaged, Clay. There's going to be a lot of scar tissue, which interferes with implantation. I don't think she's capable of carrying a baby to term any more."
His heart dropping down to join his stomach, Clay pinched his eyes closed tight to process everything he had just been told. That means we won't have any more children. Knowing that Joseph was going to be their only natural-born child was a blow that he never could have predicted, and he suspected that Kate wouldn't handle hearing it any better. Kim wrapped a warm arm around him and massaged his shoulders, sharing her gentle sympathies for the life-changing news. Clay opened his eyes again, reflecting with hope on those same words. Doctor Alexander had said, "to save her," indicating to him that they were indeed successful. As far as Clay was concerned they could have done a full-blown hysterectomy if it meant that Kate's life would be spared. Even if it meant that Joseph would be their only child. "Thank you, Doctor. Thank you for saving my wife."
Hearing as Clay's voice cracked with emotion, Doctor Alexander reached over and squeezed his hand. "I've always been touched by the way the two of you interact when you come to my office, and by the way Kate glows when she talks about you. A love like yours is rare and precious, Clay. I didn't want to see her die. Not on my watch."
"I still thank you," Clay told her firmly, his voice trembling with barely suppressed emotion, "for everything you've done for me, and for Kate, and for Joseph. You've been a gift to all of us, and I thank God that you have been her doctor."
"Another doctor might have been able to save the uterus," Doctor Alexander spat.
"She might not have lived if she had been with someone else." Clay slowly shook his head. "Kate told me that even though you weren't a fellow Christian, she had a really good feeling about you and that she trusted you completely."
"I still feel like I let her down." The doctor shook her head. "There will be no more baby Aikens, Clay. I'm sorry."
Will frowned. "Maybe Kate won't be hatching any more Aikens," he muttered, "but that won't stop the
two of them from having more kids. There's always adoption. Good Lord knows
there are plenty of kids already around who need good parents like Clay and Kate."
As the others looked up at him, Will grinned. "After all, you're adding Emeline to the family. What's to stop you from going to one
of those orphanages in
Clay recalled that one of his and Kate's favorite singers, Steven Curtis Chapman, had adopted several children internationally after having three of his own. Although the numbers were obviously going to be different, that looked like it was going to be the best option for Clay and his wife. "I think we've got our hands full right now with just Joseph and Emeline." He grinned for the first time since coming to the donation room.
The echo of a smile reflected on the face of Doctor Alexander. "Kate showed me a picture of a little girl sitting on your lap while she fed her from her hand. Is that the one?"
"That's Emeline," Clay nodded.
Doctor Alexander recalled the picture of a child who was clearly malnourished. She hadn't told Kate, but the photograph deeply affected her... and she wondered why a couple like the Aikens, who had everything going for them, would go on a mission trip to some far off place. She had heard Kate talk about the children, how they had nothing, and how they were giving them the Word of God, which in turn gave them hope. She had heard Kate talk about Emeline's Hope, and how it would help improve the lives of people everywhere by teaming up with other mission societies. And she heard how the two of them were planning to adopt the Haitian little girl into their own family, even with Joseph on the way. Although she hadn't asked any more, Doctor Alexander had spent considerable time thinking about the lives of Clay and Kate Aiken... and about what motivated them to do some of the things they did. "Your wife is out of surgery, Clay, but she's still unconscious. We have her on some strong pain medications, and she will probably be out for quite a while. But if you want to see her, we'll let you see her."
Instantly Clay was on his feet. "Right now?"
The doctor nodded. "We'll take you to put on some protective clothing and wash up, but yes... you can see your wife. She has her own private room, so you can sit with her as long as you want." She glanced over at Kim. "But since her immune system has been compromised, you and Joseph should be the only non-medical personnel allowed in that room for a while."
Kim nudged him. "Go. I'll be fine."
Clay bit his lip. "What are we going to tell everyone else?"
"The truth." Kim glanced up at Will. "Why don't you get him situated with Kate while I donate, then come back and when I'm done you can walk me back to the others so I don't faint in the hallway. I don't want to just leave him on his own, but I don't see how much more the rest of us can do just sitting around the hospital if he's the only one they'll let in the room."
"True," Clay mused.
"Jerome and I'll flip a coin to see who stays with him and who takes Sarah home," Will answered firmly. "He's not staying alone in this place, just in case the press gets wind of this."
"Agreed." Kim turned to Clay. "If something else does happen, you can always give us a call, and we'll come right back." She smiled at him. "That's what cell phones are for."
Laughing warmly, Clay and Will left Kim in a capable nurse's care and followed Doctor Alexander to where Clay once again donned the suit and scrubbed up. Finally at the door of Kate's hospital room, Clay paused outside. Doctor Alexander put her hand on Clay's shoulder. "She needs you, Clay. She may not be awake to talk with you... but she still needs you." Clay nodded and entered the room.
Once inside the sterile room, Clay turned to the lone bed and its occupant. Kate... He walked toward her, noting how pale and fragile she looked. A steady computerized beep from one of the many monitors attached to her was the only other noise in the room. Biting his lip, Clay pulled up a nearby chair and sat next to the bed facing her. Over the past year they had been married, the couple had seen each other in many different lights. He had seen Kate looking radiantly beautiful on their wedding day. He had seen her looking bedraggled and unkempt shortly after they had emerged from the Haitian river. He had seen her as his petite little wife, and he had seen her as the glowing and gently plump vision of womanhood who had just made him a father for the first time. He had seen her look at him as if he was the only man in the room, and he had seen her look at him as if she wanted to string him up by his toes. He had seen her tackle a handful of daunting projects with hardly the blink of an eye, and he had seen her completely squirming at the memory of the spider she had just pulverized. He had seen her laugh until her sides hurt, cry like her heart was breaking, and stand firm and supportive in times when he was the one doing the crying. But of all the ways he had seen her, this was the one that was hardest to take. Clay picked up Kate's hand and carefully placed a delicate kiss on the back of it. He gazed into her face as he stroked her hand, wondering if she would hear him if he talked with her. Without any knowledge of where his song choice came from, Clay began to sing.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
At last Clay finally understood Kate's emotional behavior on the bank of the river. He had nearly died in her arms, and she had broken down with relief when she saw that he was going to be all right. Kate told him that she didn't want to be without him, saying later that her life would not have been the same without him and his love. After what they had just gone through, after she had almost died in his arms, Clay finally understood what she had said and the depth of emotions that were behind it... and felt the very same way about her. Scooting his chair closer, he transferred her hand to his other hand so that their fingers were interlaced. Leaning over towards her, he laid his face beside hers on the pillow with his forehead touching her cheek. He closed his eyes with a sigh, bringing his free hand up to stroke her cheek and jaw. "Kate," he whispered. "I love you, honey, and I don't want to live without you."
Placing a gentle kiss on her cheek, he began to talk to her. "Hi, honey. It's your husband, Clay. I just came by to spend some time with you. Since you had a C-section, they won't let anyone else in. Our moms, Kim, Sarah, Will, and Jerome can't come in. Just me, and I have to get cleaned up before they'll let me in here. They'll also let Joseph in here too." Clay grinned, stroking her cheek again. "I've gotten to hold him already, honey. We have a very beautiful baby.
"Would you believe out of all of us in that waiting room, only Kim
could donate blood? Both our mothers are on medication, and the rest of us went
to
"You have no idea how much you scared me there in the delivery room. Fainting in the middle of labor tends to get you an emergency C-section." Clay chuckled once, thinking to himself that the attempt at humor was lame at best. "Then Doctor Alexander tossed me out of the room. I figured on the C-section once you passed out, but it scared me when the nurse wouldn't answer my questions. She said that they would tell me more and made me wait. There was so much blood, honey..." Clay's voice cracked. "And I know all of it was yours." Unable to keep the tears back, he held her closer. "I am so thankful for Doctor Alexander, honey. She saved your life. I'm afraid you're stuck with me for a while yet." Finally getting his emotions under control, he caressed her cheek again. "I need you so much..."
Clay awoke a short time later to a light hand on his shoulder. He turned away from his resting place right next to Kate to see one of the nurses from the sterile nursery. "Mr. Aiken, since you're still here with your wife, we wanted to bring your son by. He needs to bond with his family." She wheeled a special hospital bassinet close to the couple, and Clay could see Joseph sleeping inside. "Would you like me to show you how to mix up his formula?"
"Please," Clay whispered as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Birthing classes or not, it never hurt to have someone show them again.
The nurse showed him where all the supplies were on the bassinet cart, and proceeded to talk him through all the steps without actually mixing the formula. In the middle of the nurse's explanation, the two of them heard light whimpers from Joseph. The nurse smiled. "I think he's hungry. Ready to try this?"
Clay took a deep breath. "Now is as good a time as any." Quickly mixing the bottle the way the nurse had instructed him, Clay carefully picked up his son for their first feeding. He cradled Joseph in the crook of one arm and gently offered the bottle of formula to the hungry infant. Within moments Joseph was suckling contentedly as the proud father beamed with excitement. I can't believe this, Clay blinked. This tiny little baby is my son - my son! I wish Kate, or Mom or Dad, could see me now.
The nurse smiled. "He seems to be in good hands. Do you need a quick diaper lesson, or do you think you can handle that?"
"I think I got it," Clay replied, taking visual note of where the diaper supplies were on the cart as well.
With that the nurse departed, leaving Clay alone in Kate's room with their son. He gazed wonderingly down at the tiny baby. Who would ever have thought that this baby, their baby, had spent the last nine months growing inside of his wife? "A miracle," Clay breathed. "I'm holding a miracle." Very slowly he walked back to the chair and sat down, never taking his eyes off Joseph's face as the baby ate from the bottle. Slowly Clay realized that God had granted his request... He had spared the lives of his wife and son. In faith Clay had surrendered voice, career, and family over to God... and God had given it all right back to him. I am the luckiest man alive, Clay marveled. I am blessed with a loving, faith-filled wife and a brand-new, healthy baby boy. God, you are so good.
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Late the next morning
Sprawled out in the chair at Kate's bedside, Clay woke with a start at hearing Joseph's tiny cries. Every few hours during the night Joseph had awoke him with his cries, either needing fed or a diaper change. Clay had done his best to take care of him, but he was definitely feeling drained from the frequency of Joseph's feedings. He was looking forward to when he could finally get some help - whether from Kate, or from one of the grandmothers. Once again pulled from slumber, immediately Clay's attention turned to the tiny infant lying on his chest. "What is it, Joseph? What do you need, little buddy? Hungry?" Carefully leaning him upright in his lap, Clay quickly mixed a bottle of formula for Joseph to eat. Finished with preparations, Clay gently offered the bottle to his son. "Oh, yeah. That was it, wasn't it, little buddy? Yeah. You're our beautiful baby boy..."
Joseph stopped eating with only a half-inch lining the bottom of the bottle. Placing a burp cloth over his shoulder, Clay held his son close and gently patted his back as he stood up to walk the room. Suddenly Joseph released a hiccup, surprisingly loud for such a tiny baby. Clay snickered as he continued to pat Joseph's back. "You inherited your mommy's hiccups, I see. Sorry about that. I see you also got my ears, and I'm really sorry about that." Clay sighed lightly as he reached up to smooth the tiny trace of baby-fine hair on Joseph's head. "If my dream was accurate, you'll have my hair, too. It'll be interesting to see what other traits you got, and from which one of us." Kissing his son gently on the side of his head, Clay smiled at the thought. There was something very special and miraculous about knowing this child was created from a little of each of them, that God had formed him to be beautifully unique. Clay was looking forward to getting to know his son better over the years.
Still holding affectionately onto his son Joseph, Clay slowly began to rock him back and forth. Very softly he sang him the same lullaby he had the day before. It didn't take much of the song before Joseph was fast asleep, and Clay continued to gaze fondly at his face as he returned to his seat beside Kate.
"Clay?"
Kate's voice was weak, but it was unmistakable. Clay immediately turned to his wife, beaming brilliantly at hearing her. "Kate! You're awake!"
"You're singing..." she whispered, a happy smile on her face as he warmly took her hand.
"Sorry."
"Don't be," Kate told him. "I've missed hearing you."
Clay indicated the bundle in his arms. "I just sang our son to sleep."
Kate's smile grew. "And it was wonderful. May I?"
"Of course," Clay answered, gently transferring the slumbering baby to his mother. Kate winced significantly as soon as the baby's weight pressed down on her stomach, and instantly Clay remembered the incision. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't even think about that. Let me help you hold him off your stomach, so that you can just wrap your arms around him." Taking great care so that he wouldn't hurt Kate further, Clay braced Joseph up off of Kate's stomach so that she could still hold him in her arms. "Kathryn Joy Aiken, meet our son, Joseph Raymond Aiken."
"Our son," Kate breathed, gazing with amazement at the face of the newborn. "I don't know what it is, Clay, but those two words have somehow become more... I don't know. Meaningful."
Clay nodded. "I think I know what you mean. We knew before, but holding him makes it all the more real." Kate held onto Joseph for several minutes in quiet contentment before an odd expression crossed her face. Pausing thoughtfully, Kate sat very still. For a brief moment Clay had the impression that she was deep in thought, but after a minute he recognized that the expression on her face indicated that her attention was elsewhere. "You know something, don't you?"
"Clay, what happened in the delivery room?" she asked in a hushed whisper. "Something doesn't feel right. Something feels... odd, and I can't figure out why I'm feeling that way."
"You had a C-section. That's why it hurt when..." He indicated her stomach with a nod.
Kate shook her head. "Beyond the C-section, hon. Something else."
She knows... Lord help us, she knows. Clay bit his lip, unsure how to begin telling her what she needed to know. "You had placenta previa, and if Doctor Alexander hadn't been so quick to do what she needed to do, you would have bled to death in the delivery room."
"Oh." Kate made a little harrumphing nose. "Is that all..."
"Kate!" Clay protested. "Does 'bled to death' mean nothing to you?"
"I'm sorry, Clay, I didn't mean to sound so flip about it. I was just commenting on how our lives seem to be one adventure after another."
Clay nodded, finally understanding what she meant. "It sure seems that way at times, and only part of that has to do with my being a recording artist."
Kate looked up at him, knowing that she would be able to glean a lot just from studying his eyes as he talked. "What did you mean when you said she 'did what she needed to do'?"
"She performed an emergency C-section to save Joseph," Clay began quietly.
"That would definitely be why my gut hurts so much," Kate muttered, "and why I seem to have lost track of time. What else happened?"
With the agony of yesterday still fresh, his eyes misted up. He bit his lip again, this time to keep back the tears that formed in the back of his eyes. "Then to keep you from bleeding to death, she did whatever repairs she could to your uterus and gave you a transfusion to replace all the blood you had lost." Clay took a shaky breath and went on, his voice stronger now that he was past the life-and-death part of the story. "She thinks that we won't have any more children, honey. She said that you probably couldn't carry another child to term." Eyes wide, Kate stared at him speechless for several moments. Seeing tears start to fill her eyes, Clay winced. "I'm sorry to give you the news, honey."
"Clay... I'm the one who should be sorry."
Clay blinked with surprise. "Why?"
Kate shook her head. "Because I can't give you any more children."
"Shhh," Clay soothed gently, seeing that this really did bother her. "Please don't feel sorry for that, honey. I've already come to terms with this. I'm just happy to have you alive and here with me - I don't care if you can't carry any more children. If we want more children, we can adopt them like we're trying to do with Emeline." He reached up and stroked her face reassuringly, wiping away a tear. "You've talked once or twice about the possibility of adopting internationally. I'm open to that, if that's what you want."
Gazing down at their son through her tears, Kate sniffled. "I think right now we should concentrate on what we already have before we think too much about more."
"I agree completely," Clay told her as he continued to stroke her face and hair. "The Lord has given us enough challenges to think about for the moment before we add any more."
Kate smiled lovingly up at Clay. "I love you so much..."
"I love you so much." Clay leaned over to kiss her on the lips, placing his forehead against hers in their very emotional moment together. After a minute, he pulled away. Carefully lifting Joseph from her arms, Clay placed him back in the bassinet. "Forgive me for taking a moment to do this, but I want our loved ones to know you're awake."
Watching with amusement as he carefully dug around the folds of the protective suit, Kate snickered as he finally pulled out his cell phone. "I think I can forgive you this time..." she teased.
"Keep in mind one of the people I'm updating is your mother," Clay retorted.
"And Dad, albeit vicariously..."
Clay nodded as he punched in the numbers to their home where the two mothers were staying. "Hi, Mom, how are you doing this morning?" he greeted, and Kate wondered briefly which one had answered the phone. "Mom, there was nothing either one of you could do except for pray and watch the dog. Especially since I'm the only one they would allow in here until she woke up." He beamed. "Yes. Just a little bit ago. Earlier she held our son. You have no idea how beautiful your daughter looks with our son in her arms."
Kate blushed lightly. I bet I know which mom he's talking to...
Her certainty evaporated a moment later as Clay went on. "Yes, Mom... she knows. Of course I've told her that I don't care about that. If we have to adopt, we have to adopt." Clay nodded. "I'm sure they'll let you and Mom Kirche come in to see Kate and the baby. You'll have to put on the funny-looking suit and wash your hands, but I don't think that'll be a problem." Clay laughed warmly. "I'm more worried about them finding one that will fit Mom Kirche! I suppose if they need to tie it on to her, they will. She won't be bashful about doing what it takes to see her daughter. Unh-hunh. Yeah. The best thing would be to put her out in her pen in the back yard. That way she can run to her heart's content, and we don't have to worry about cleaning up a mess later. No, we do it all the time. Trust me, she'll be fine. News? What news? Can't you tell me now? All right, all right, I'll wait. We love you too, and we'll see you when you get here."
Snickering at him as he hung up, Kate raised an eyebrow. "Sometimes I get a kick out of listening to your half of the phone conversation."
"Glad I can amuse you."
Kate reached up with a finger and lightly tapped him on the cheek as he leaned down towards her with a grin. "Somehow I doubt I look as beautiful as you say. I probably look like something the you-know-what drug in... all pale, no makeup, and my hair going every which way."
Clay shook his head, obviously disagreeing. "Your face all aglow with love as you look at Joseph and me... No, honey, you're beautiful, no matter what you say." He took her hand, threading his fingers through hers as he gazed lovingly into her eyes. "Believe me, honey - after the scare I had yesterday, your smiling face is the most beautiful sight I could lay my eyes on right now." Another blush colored her cheeks, and Clay grinned. "That might be the other one."
"You're such a goof," Kate chuckled.
"And you love it."
"Yeah," Kate admitted. "I love your impishness, because I love you."
Clay placed a quick peck on the back of her hand. "Love you too, honey."
Sighing heavily, Kate blinked her eyes. "I can't believe I'm so tired."
"You just had a baby," Clay answered. "Of course you're tired."
Kate shook her head. "I tried to have him naturally, but I didn't quite get the job done."
"Not your fault the placenta was blocking the hatch."
"Blocking the hatch?" Kate asked with a snicker.
Clay grinned. "Doctor Alexander's term. That's the way she explained it to Kim."
"Original. It gets the point across."
"You won't offend me if you need to sleep some more," Clay told her. "If anything, we could both use a nap. Between you doing all the pushing yesterday and me waking up every few hours to feed or diaper Joseph, neither one of us have had all that much real sleep."
"Late night feedings already?" Kate asked, turning a sympathetic eye to her husband.
Clay nodded with a yawn. "As long as you're recuperating, I won't ask you to help. I'll take care of him for now. At least until I'm able to get both of you home where our moms can help us just a bit."
"You know they'll enjoy every moment of it." Leaning back onto the pillow again, Kate squeezed Clay's hand.
"While I'm thinking of it," Clay recalled, "I thought I should tell you that Doctor Alexander blames herself for what happened in the delivery room."
Kate gave Clay a puzzled eye. "Why?"
"She thinks it's her fault she didn't catch it before then."
This time Kate made a sour face. "Do you think it was her fault?"
"No. I don't believe that for a moment."
Kate shook her head. "I don't either."
"I tried telling her that it wasn't her fault," Clay insisted firmly, "but she's still blaming herself. If it really was something that should have been prevented, either you or your mother or even Sarah would have known it was going to happen and would have said something. God would have given you a dream, a hunch, or whatever, and you would have said something to Doctor Alexander to make her check you over a little more and maybe find something. Or else you would have just asked for the C-section outright."
"Y-Yeah." I never would have thought of it that way, Kate mused thoughtfully as she reflected on what Clay had said. He really is getting used to the gift.
Clay stroked her hand lightly as he continued. "For whatever reason, He wanted this to happen. He gave us Doctor Alexander to make sure you didn't lose your life in there yesterday."
Good attitude. Slowly Kate nodded. "I just wish I understood more of what he has in mind."
"He'll tell us in time."
"That doesn't make it very easy to deal with right now," Kate muttered.
Clay agreed. "Tell me about it. I was the one making an idiot of myself in front of God yesterday in the hospital chapel. Fortunately He chose to let me off the hook and gave me more blessings than I could ever deserve to have."
Kate raised a curious eyebrow. "Oh really?"
"I'll tell you more later, once both of us have taken a short nap." Scooting his chair right next to Kate's bed again, he snuggled close to her as he had the night before. "Like you said earlier, let's just concentrate on being a family."
Closing her eyes with contentment, Kate turned her face so that her forehead touched Clay's. She stole a couple of sweet kisses from him before the two of them fell asleep in their makeshift embrace.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The return to the Aiken home
Clay carefully escorted Kate inside the house while Faye and Patricia attended to Joseph and his supplies. It had taken far too much time for this day to arrive, but finally Kate and Joseph were coming home from the hospital. "Here we are, darlin'. Home sweet home."
"Glad to be back," Kate sighed, clearly tired.
"Clayton, you take care of your wife," Faye instructed him. "We'll get Joseph set up in his bassinet out here where we can all keep an eye on him."
Clay watched as the two mothers headed back for the nursery. They hadn't even waited for their marching orders - they had volunteered outright in hopes that this could be one of the best ways to help the couple. "All right."
"They're sweet, to help us out so much," Kate said, echoing the thoughts on Clay's mind.
"That they are." Taking plenty of time to get her settled on the couch, Clay slowly set Kate up with plenty of comfortable pillows and a soft throw to keep her warm. "You need anything else, hon? A foot massage or something to drink?" he asked as Faye and Patricia returned with their charge.
Kate smiled gently at him, the warmth shining from her eyes at him. In her last month of pregnancy Clay had been attentive to her, but ever since the birth of their son he had been exceptionally so. He had practically waited on her hand and foot... and while she had enjoyed his thoughtfulness, she very quickly found herself satisfied with anything that wasn't a true necessity. After all, he was taking care of both her and Joseph, and spending a lot of energy doing it. Fortunately now he had help from their mothers - maybe he could get some much-needed rest. "Actually, if one or both of the grandmas are willing to tend to Joseph for a while, I would be content just to sit in your embrace."
Clay hid a smile of his own. The freedom to ask for anything at all, and she asks for that. He pretended to give it some thought. "Such a difficult task... but I think just maybe I can handle it."
Patricia snickered. "If you can bring yourself to do it..."
"I think I might." Unexplainably Kate burst into tears, and a bewildered look crossed Clay's face. "Wh-What's wrong?" Clay asked.
"I don't want to be a chore and a bother to you," Kate sobbed. "If you don't want to spend the time with me, then don't."
Clay blinked, completely confused at her sudden reversal in attitude. "But I do, honey. I was just teasing a minute ago. You did know that I was just teasing, right?"
"I-I guess I should have," she sniffled.
Scratching his head, Clay looked helplessly at his mother and his mother-in-law. "What did I do?" he mouthed to them.
Faye and Patricia exchanged a knowing look and a sigh. "Kate sweetie, on another day you might have taken his teasing just fine,"Patricia began. "But today you took our teasing personally. That's not all that unusual for a woman who's pregnant or a woman who's just had a baby."
His eyes widening, Clay stared at her. "You mean she's not done with mood swings yet?"
"Clay, have you ever heard of 'post partum depression' or the 'baby blues'?"
"Um..." he mumbled, thinking back to the pregnancy and childbirth classes they had taken as a couple. "Isn't that where the mom is kind of sad and cranky after the birth of the baby?"
Both Faye and Patricia nodded. "Some women have more, some have less."
"I hope that it's just 'baby blues'," Faye said as she grabbed a nearby tissue for the new mom. "It's nothing unusual at all. Post partum is a little more serious."
"Oh... great..." Kate moaned as she took the Kleenex that Faye offered her. "If it's not enough that I was moody on him before Joseph was born, now I'm going to be moody with him after..."
Quickly Clay sat down beside his wife and took her into his arms. "I have my moody moments, hon. You know that as well as anyone."
"Better than anyone," Kate retorted. "'Cept maybe your mom..."
"What you're going through is nothing usual, hon. You heard Mom."
Kate frowned. "I should still be able to control this."
"Hon..." Clay sighed, frustrated with her desire to keep her feelings under wraps just to please him. "We've talked about this before..."
"I know, but - "
" - And we agreed," Clay reminded her.
With a deep sigh, Kate looked at the floor. "I guess."
"You were there, Kate."
"Yeah."
After a moment of exchanging glances and whispering among themselves, Faye and Patricia turned back to the couple. "You know, maybe the best thing for the two of you is peace and quiet together. Why don't we take Joseph back to the nursery, and the two of us will keep an eye on him there while the two of you spend some much needed couple time?"
"Please," Clay answered, studying his wife's frazzled and weary expression.
It took the mothers very little time to remove themselves and Joseph from the room, leaving the couple by themselves seated on the couch. Clay gently pulled Kate closer, and she laid her head on his chest. "Clay... I'm so sorry that I lost it."
"I'm not going to hold it against you." He smiled wryly. "I'd rather hold you against me instead."
Kate giggled lightly as she snuggled closer to him. "I'm sorry I'm not always strong for you."
Clay placed a kiss on her forehead. "We're supposed to take turns. It's the way it should be."
"That's right," Kate agreed, a smile starting to turn the corner of her mouth.
"We work together in all things - praying together, building each other up, raising our family..."
"Raising our kids."
Kissing her forehead again, Clay stroked her arm. "You make a beautiful mom."
A wicked grin crossed Kate's face. "You just like watching him nurse."
"Um, well, I uh..." Clay began, blushing deeply and recalling the first day she had nursed him there in the hospital.
Clay gently passed Joseph, who was squalling with hunger, to Kate.
"If you need to, I could hold him up off your stomach for you," Clay
offered.
"It doesn't hurt as much as it did those first couple of days."
Knowing that this was her first attempt to nurse him herself, Kate heaved a
deep, nervous sigh. The hospital may have prepared her for the nursing
process, but she was still worried about doing it right. "How long do you
think it will take?"
"Until he's full, I guess," Clay shrugged.
"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock."
Kate rolled her eyes, and Clay knew from her smart
retort that she was definitely feeling better. She shuffled the bedding and her
clothing with Clay's help until she finally had Joseph situated and beginning
to nurse. "Thank you, sweetheart."
"Unh-hunh," Clay replied, a lovestruck grin on his face as he watched his wife and his
son. There was something about this moment that made him feel very male.
Kate felt his stare and glanced up at him. Seeing the look in his eyes
that told her he was totally entranced, she blushed demurely. She would never
understand half of what he saw in her. But she did understand how much they
meant to each other. "I suppose you're going to want to watch me every
time I feed him from now on," she teased.
"I'd probably get in trouble if I did," Clay sighed.
"What's so fascinating about this, anyway?" Kate asked.
"I don't know," he confessed. "I just can't help finding
it..." He searched his mental thesaurus for the word he wanted before
settling for something basic. "... Beautiful. Sexy."
Kate snorted. "Sexy. Right."
"In case you forgot, we did just have a child together." Clay
smirked at her as she once more looked down at Joseph with fondness. "If
that doesn't convince you that you're both beautiful and sexy, then I
don't know what will."
"All right." Kate frowned
lightly as Joseph stopped nursing and his breathing deepened in slumber.
"No, don't fall asleep yet. I still have the other one. I don't want to be
lopsided. Oh..."
Clay giggled helplessly at Kate's mild pout. "I'm sure he'll wake up
hungry later. You can offer him the other one then."
"I suppose."
Kate giggled at his sheepish reaction, feeling somehow more attractive knowing how Clay was affected by watching her nurse their son. "Don't feel so embarrassed, sweetheart. It's flattering to know you still feel that way about me."
"I don't know how long you'll feel that way about me," Clay began nervously, "but I'll feel that way about you for years to come."
"I'll feel that way about you for years to come," Kate assured him. "Until death do us part."
"As it should be, hon," Clay agreed with a smile. "Our feelings for each other should only grow deeper with time. I want to be every bit as happy to be together as your parents are after we have that many years under our belts."
Reaching up to place a kiss on his jaw, Kate hugged him and snuggled close again. She had every confidence that they would. Their family would grow, and so would their love for each other for each and every tomorrow they spent together.
When the world wasn't upside down
I could take all the time I had
But I'm not going to wait
When a moment can vanish so fast.
'Cause Every Kiss is a Kiss You Can Never Get Back.
Lift me up in your eyes
If you told me that is what heaven is, well, you'd be right.
I've Been Waiting Forever For This.
This is the night.
When the answer to all my dreams
Is as close as a touch away
Why am I here, holding back what I'm trying to say.
Lift me up in your eyes
If you told me that is what heaven is, well, you'd be right.
Hold me close to your heart.
I Would Go With You to the Ends of the Earth
and we'll fly.
I've been waiting forever for this.
This is the night.
This is the night where we capture forever
And (Let) All Our Tomorrows Begin.
After tonight we will never be lonely again.
Lift me up in your eyes
If you told me that is what heaven is, well, you'd be right.
Hold me close to your heart.
I would go with you to the ends of the earth and we'll fly.
I've been waiting forever for this.
This is the night.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9