This first article appeared in the July 19 edition of the well respected psychology journal, "Psychology For the Hell of It." I, personally, feel that this information is of the utmost importance.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:
ATTENTION: All P.C. OWNERS
CONTENT: RECENT COMPUTER RELATED DEVELOPMENTS IN THE FIELD OF PSYCHOANALYSIS

In a recent survey conducted in Omaha, Nebraska, ground breaking developments have been discovered in the field of computer-related psychological disorders. The most striking - and puzzling - discovery has been tagged "scanner fixation syndrome" for lack of a better title due to the limited amount of knowledge about this dangerous and little-understood affliction. It should be noted that this is a very serious and dangerous disease. It should be confronted with the utmost respect.

The study was initiated when subjects presented themselves to physicians complaining of a symptom commonly known as flat ass. The doctors, not knowing any better, dismissed the symptoms of giddyness and misdiagnosed the patients with inactivity. As computer popularity grew, so did the number of cases of flat asses.

It was not until January 12, 1999, that Dr. Hergenrater of the University of Nebraska Hospitals found a startling connection. He began to realize that many of his patients suffering from symptoms of, and associated with, flat asses, owned computer scanners. Three days after this discovery, after much deep contemplation on the part of this pioneering doctor on flat asses and their apparent connection with scanners, he stumbled upon one of his patients web-sites (while in the course of researching this phenomenon). He was startled to see scanned pictures of this flat-assed patient's anal region. He immediately reported this atrocity to his collegues, who, of course, greeted this breakthrough initially with skepticism. Four months later, after a considerable amount of extensive research, the doctors were able to come forward at last, and properly diagnose these patients with compulsive ass scanning disorder - or C.A.S.D.

It is of the utmost importance that all owners of scanners - or those exposed to scanners on a daily basis - take the proper rigorous precautions to protect themselves from this insidisious disorder:

1. DO NOT store your scanner where it is accessible to unclothed buttocks.
2.DO NOT expose young children to sites such as WWW.NAKED_BUTTS_AND_HOW_TO_SCAN_THEM.COM or related topics.
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY: DO NOT operate scanner when intoxicated and partially clothed or un-clothed.

It should be recognized that once any person has scanned their own ass (or that of any other person), it is very difficult for them to return to a normal life style (as with any other dangerous addiction), and the CAS-er will henceforth do anything to scan their ass, no matter if it means risking personal relationships or the lives of their loved ones.

PLEASE recognize the tendencies, and get help as soon as possible; the sooner treated, the better.

PLEASE pass this message along to all of your friends and co-workers.

AWARENESS is half the battle!

© 1999 Dr. Stephanie F. Mango, KB

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