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On a visit to the "Wall"......(Vietnam Veterans Memorial)
Words re the "Wall"??.......are any "words" truly expressive enough? Can one
really say things that truly reflect the heart, the feelings passing through
it and those coming from the mind? I cannot....others much more
capable have said these....me?...all I can tell you is that some sure enough
"feelings" came over me.........and, if you will excuse the jumbled process,
I will note
them.... |
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a very humble "you gave for me" type
of response...nothing spectacular..just a ordinary person who never had to do
these things...and so, I approached this epitaph with interest, with a
resolve to really see it and , perhaps (if you can understand) many unanswered queries...
It was a cold, blustery , typical Washington DC wintery kinda day...not one that would cause you to linger...but I did! And so...a description of the physical things first... - you approach by meandering walkways with signs pointing the way...but more so with the vast number of people! THEY are truly *pointing* the way! You dont have to guess where IT is!!...just follow the people...and so here you are in a large group of everyday people...and what a variety!!!....older, well dressed people (amazing!!..out on this cold day!)...young children all excited and talking a mile a minute...some grizzled vets (mid 40's) in their camouflage jackets..a sprinkling of teens..pretty girls..guys that are doing their best to "impress" the girls..some couples, married ?...some singles...here we are..strolling together toward the 'place'..... -you never have to guess when you are 'there'....a "hush" comes over those that arrive first!...and the 'hush' moves down the crowd like a fog drifting across down the line of people..it's eerie..it's noticeable..there seems to be "something" saying.."YOU are NOW here!!...look...and look again",,,, -a small black spur emerges out of the ground...just a couple of inches..THIS is the first thing you see....just one name..one solitary name...and as your eyes travel, the spur enlarges...now 6"....now 2 ft....larger and larger...4 ft...until across the sweep of the panorama in front of you, you see the whole thing!!!...from the small spur with one name...to larger snippets of black stone with more name..to a complete standing wall , taller than me, with...oh god!...ALL THOSE NAMES!!!!!!!!..it's overwhelming....a sense of "can it really be?" envelopes you.. -a vet stops...kneels..touches a name....a faraway look on his face..a friend perhaps?. -a young (20-26) girl is copying a name on parchment paper with a crayon...but she is having a hard time...the wind lifts the paper and she is also trying to wipe bright tears running down her face....my heart broke... -a older couple stands mute before a section..no words are exchanged..her hand is gripping his tightly...white knuckles...YOU KNOW why they are there.... -another vet...by himself..face close to the black rock ..eyes locked onto a name..his lips are moving...talking?...moving closer..nooo...humming..I recognize it..."Amazing Grace"...I leave him with his reverie...I must... -a wheel chair approaches ..a vet being pushed by a young man...names are mentioned and looked for...and when found, the vet lurches forward...wheel chair a'squeaking...to touch! -a pretty young girl (13?) is ahead...blond hair blowing...she has a single red rose in her hand...she tapes the rose to the wall..a brother?....she tries to reach up to touch a name and, not reaching, steps back...Frank meets and helps her reach a name...a "thank you" is all she can say..she is choked up...and Frank is too! -a real heart-breaker?...a female stands close to the wall...her eyes glazed and fixed on a name..I assume a husband's name...she is fingering a wedding band, nervously...I give her 'space'...and I notice that she is still there, a hour later as I pass again...eyes still fixated on the same spot...it is cold...she reaches to touch the spot and I note her hands are blue!..its a cold wind blowing... -I criss-cross back and forth a few times...hours pass..and its time to leave.....and I walk on, .....turning a corner from the pathway.....aaargh!.....here are 2 hawkers selling their wares!!!! Vet crosses...."dog" chains......"sample" wall rock, Tee Shirts, trinkets and all the other clap-trap crap people buy...a sickening feeling comes over me..here are these two hawkers jabbering loudly to each other in a language I dont understand...selling trinkets I have no interest in....disturbing thoughts to those who are seeking solitude... I think there ought to be some regulations here...'tis not a place to be selling the crap tourists buy to say "I was there!"...have we no respect?...no feelings?... and so now to "feelings"......... the Wall does "things" to the mind...right from the very start...no matter who or what is right or wrong about the war!....forget these things..they are history...But, God...ALL THOSE NAMES!!!!!!....it's hard to comprehend...the more you pass in front of them, the more yoiur eyes are drawn to specific ones..what was "he" really like?...what happened to "him"?..where did "he" come from?...how old was "he"?..did he have family, friends.... As you start passing the wall, I felt something akin (in my mind) to the rising of a huge, black thunderstowm cloud..looming over me..heavy...filled with omen...and you get this eerie feeling....this feeling that this cloud contains "faces"...faces of all the names!!!!!...the faces drify in and out...some just look at you, some are speaking and some even are shouting...but no sounds come forth...just the omniscient SILENCE!!!....aaah, "The Sounds of Silence"...and "Where have all the flower's gone" ring in your ears....I felt a 'emptiness'...a deep upwelling of the soul....a 'wondering'... I know that not all were heroes...some were ordinary..some were cowards...some were with honour, some not...BUT all paid a price I have not had to do....and so I stand amazed and in deep awe! ....and so you feel you have no words....just feelings...feelings.... and as you leave, the throng of people floating in the sky of your mind...stop at the last black brick.....and bid you farewell... ....and you walk on...you walk on....wondering....and the deep upwelling in my soul is very present to me! Just some thoughts...... | |
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