Welcome to the official web page of absolutely
nothing, it's the Septi-Verse. Some very important news, I got a
new job. It's a research job, so it's actually related to my Psychology
major! But the bad news is that it is part time, so I have to still
work at my old job. I have obviously not atoned for the heinous sins
that I committed in my past life, so my little spin through Purgatory isn't
over yet. So don't expect my disgruntled ranting to end anytime soon.
Hollywood pat-on-the-back season is in full swing. There were the SAG awards, actors giving awards to other actors. The Oscars are later this month, the longest self congratulatory night of the year. The Grammies were slightly more interesting. Lauryn Hill got the New Artist "Kiss of Death" of the Year award, garnering venomous hatred from a nameless conservative radio host. (Who fortunately lost his job with in a day.) Also the high point of the Grammy evening was a performance of Latin stud-god Ricky Martin. I was transfixed by his performance, and a friend told me that he sang well too.
A magazine owned and edited by the Rev. Jerry Falwell printed an article "outing" Teletubby Tinky Winky. The National Liberty Journal read, "The character, whose voice is obviously that of a boy, has been found carrying a red purse in many episodes and has become a favorite character among gay groups worldwide..." It went on to say that Tinky has a triangle antenna- the gay pride symbol, and is purple- the gay pride color. Although the gay pride color is pink, not purple, several other closeted purple characters have come out in the Tubby's defense, including Barney, Dino- the Flintstones's pet dinosaur, and a handful of nameless Care Bears. So incited by the comments, the entire Smurf village camped out on Falwell's driveway chanting "We're queer, we're blue, get used to it!". After an all night protest and music festival, tragedy struck- the entire group was wiped out when the paper deliverer "accidentally" ran over them with his car. Speaking at the Smurf's funeral, Big Bird said, "Their joy touched us all, they were smurfed full of gay pride." Big Bird later told the packed auditorium, "Their courage has compelled both Mr. Snuffleupagus and me to publicly declared their love for each other." He went on to announce that they plan to go to Amsterdam in June to wed.
In tabloid news, and relating to the story above, the actor who used to play Tinky Winky was forced from the Teletubby show- by evil spirits! It seems that some years back, a murder occurred in a field near where the popular children's show is taped. With his dying breath, the victim cursed the field, and the lay line that ran under it. After starting on the show, the actor had a series of tragedies: his girlfriend left him, he was in a car crash, and then he contracted a tropical disease. But strangely enough, he does not consider being forced to work in a heavy, hot, misshapen suit a tragedy as well.
Todd McFarlane- comic book artist, creator of Spawn, egomaniac, and piss-poor writer- revealed that he bought the "record" setting 70th homerun baseball hit by Mark McGwire. McFarlane also bought McGwire's first, 63rd, 67th, 68th and 69th home run balls and Sosa's 33rd, 61st and 66th. He humbly named the balls, which were displayed during the press conference, the "McFarlane Collection", and he plans on sending them on a tour to raise money for charity. But before the tour, McFarlane plans on taking the "McFarlane Collection" to his home, "McFarlane Manor"; then use his pen, the "McFarlane Pen" to sign his name all over each of the balls in case anyone forgets who owns them. After that, McFarlane will release Spawn panty shields, the Spawn HMO, and Planet Spawn theme restaurant.
So what all new fun awaits you, oh weary net surfer if you continue? Yet more Rogues in About Septy. The much belated part four of how life will be better after I take over the world in Glimpse into the Future. The cyber Fag Hag and things to be cynical about in Links N' Stuff. Become a self-help guru in Special. An extra special letter from Septy in True Tales of Stupidity. Family TV and skinny chicks in Tirade. And access to all of the past crankiness in Previous Septi-Pages.
As always, check out the internet greetings on Virtual
Post Cards. Also make sure to Sign
my Guestbook then Read my Guestbook too.
The e-mail is septy@geocities.com
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