It wasn't like the last time it had happened.

This time, when Nick woke up, he knew it was real, pure and clear like it always was, and it was smiling down at him and giving him something to treasure for the rest of his life.

With a tender smile on his lips, Nick leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Kevin's head, hearing the even breathing and feeling it against his throat.

A shaky breath left his mouth and his hands seemed to tremble and he raised one of them to run his fingers through the dark hair. His heart was beating so hard and so fast, Nick wondered for a minute how could Kevin sleep with that sound under his ear, resounding in Nick's chest.

"I love you," Nick whispered under his breath, a smile tugging at his lips and his eyes glazing with emotion.

Kevin let out a sigh, turning around on his sleep, burrowing his face deeper in Nick's neck, and his arm shifted in Nick's chest.

Nick looked sideways, his eyes falling onto Kevin's fingers touching Nick's chest. Nick ran his forefinger along the side of Kevin's hand.

Kevin had never been a heavy sleeper. He was always the first one up, and usually the last one to go to bed. He used to keep a night vigil through all the boy's sickness, each and every time, with no complains. He would put a cold washcloth on Nick's forehead when he spiked a high fever. He would read stories to help Nick fall sleep when his stomach would be unsettled from the hotel food.

Trying to clear his throat, Nick swallowed thickly.

Apparently, memories like this, the natural comparison, would never stop.

"I love you." Nick's voice was low, and he closed his eyes, as the fireworks exploded silver and red behind the blackness of closed lids, and the intensity was too much to bear. "I love you."

Nick reminisced watching Kevin, blue eyes gazing over his cup of coffee during breakfast; the feeling of Kevin's hand on his shoulder as they would stand in the studio, recording; the way Kevin would smile during a concert, how green eyes seemed to shimmer when reaching blue ones.

Nick remembered it like it had happened yesterday and at the same time it felt like detached remembrance, like a whispered thread from a past that seemed too far removed to be real for now Kevin's hand felt warmer, Kevin's smiled seemed brighter and Kevin's eyes seemed greener.

"You're everything to me, you know that?"

The dark head shifted, wet lips against his clavicle and it made Nick eyes flutter open.

"You're everything to me."

His eyes lost focus as he stared to the ceiling, strokes of paint over the cement, harsh and removed, meaningless, pointless, lost in a sea of white.

"When they told us..." Nick whispered, and his voice quivered on the edges, breathless and anguished. "I thought I lost you."

His arm moved over to Kevin's back, holding him tightly against his side, possessively in a manner he had never shown before.

"Don't ever leave me, do you hear me?"

The back of his eyes hurt, and he gnawed his lower lip, blinking rapidly. He gazed down at head resting peacefully on his right shoulder.

"Please, don't ever leave me."

He chuckled in self-deprecation.

"I can handle you not knowing me. I can handle looking at your eyes and not seeing recognition in them. I can even handle you going out with someone else, and I'll even pretend to be happy for you. I can handle anything." Very softly. "Just don't leave me."

The silence started to freeze over, edged with solitude.

"You should look at me, here, confiding you something I've never even said before, tears in my eyes. I look so pathetic." He paused. "But that's okay, you know? I can be pathetic and drool after you, as long as there is a you to drool after. Am I making any sense?"

His jaw started to hurt, and a web of confusion and silent regret spun itself in the volumes of charged silence, and Nick turned around, his left cheek resting against the pillow.

"I don't tend to make sense when it comes down to you."

Sunlight flickered through the curtains, the sound of both fabrics, parted by the middle, filling the room, along with a regular breathing and an elaborate one.

"I missed you. Those four days you weren't here, I missed you."

A shaky breath.

"I was sure I had lost you. I prayed to have you back."

A chocked back sob.

"Now I've got you and all I can think of is how much I want you."

Another self-deprecating laugh.

"I love you."

Nick turned to look at Kevin, deeply asleep and ran his fingers through the other's man hair one more time.

"Please, don't leave me."

The words were breathed out, and in an indulgent moment, Nick placed another kiss on Kevin's head.

Head against the pillow, eyes fixed on the ceiling, Nick waited for Kevin to wake up.

*****

They traveled all through the morning, for a reason Kevin couldn't fathom, from New Jersey to Massachusetts, only stopping once at a gas station.

Kevin placed his hand over his eyes, covering them from the morning sun as he stepped down from the bus onto a dirty road leading to the gas station.

"WHOA!!!"

Kevin chuckled softly as he turned around, his eyes moving to Alex as the man hopped down the bus, hollering.

"Here we are people!"

Nick rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I'm gonna get something," he told the older man with a small smile. "You want something?"

Kevin shook his head. "No, thanks."

He paused for a moment, looking around the place. The gas station was in the middle of nowhere, only vast fields to either side and as far as the eye could see. He sighed, hanging his head back and his eyes rose to the sky. He closed them slowly, but even in the darkness that seemed to surround him, he could still see the clear shades of sunlight that tried to pour from within his closed eyelids and into his irises.

Kevin beamed in joy at the simple act of standing there, in the middle of the state, looking up at the sky and living in the moment.

He heard sounds around him. There were cars passing by, the engines recognizable; Alex was screaming close by and Brian was chuckling at the antics of the younger man; there was the bell of a door opening and he was sure it was Nick entering the store.

And Kevin kept on smiling, not being able to stop.

"Excuse me?"

The words made him turn around and open his eyes as he looked at a young girl there, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and Kevin smiled softly at her. He knew what to do. He had the thing almost down to a science.

"Hello there."

"So, it's really you," the girl said in awe, blue eyes blinking down at him, youth pouring from her.

Kevin chuckled softly, nodding at the girl who couldn't possibly be more than fifteen. "Yes, it's me."

"Oh my," her hand moved to her chest and she let out a long sigh. "Lyss will kill me. She'll kill me."

Curiosity peeking its way through Kevin's mind, the older man tilted his head to the side. "And why is this?"

She chuckled nervously. "Lyssa's in the bathroom and she just loves you. If I tell her I met you and she didn't, she'll kill me."

Kevin's eyes traveled to the store, watching Nick through the clear glass and the blond waved to him slowly. Kevin nodded in recognition, his eyes moving around the gas station trying to locate the restrooms.

When he didn't seem to find them, Kevin turned around to look at the girl once again and shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we'll stay here much longer."

"It's okay," she said, nodding at Kevin. She looked around her pocket, her eyes going to her Nissan Sentra parked a yard to her left, waiting for the gas to be pumped in. It wasn't long before she found the paper she was looking for and a pen in her breast pocket.

"Can you sign this for me at least?"

Kevin nodded graciously. "Of course." Kevin thought for a minute. "Are you old enough to drive?"

She nodded. "Turned sixteen a week ago. That's the only reason mom let me borrow her car."

"Oh. What's your name?"

"Shaida." She beamed at his words and took the piece of paper back when he was finished. It was a NYU stationary and it read:

Shaida bit down her lower lip to keep herself from screaming. She had seemed like a lady so far, she wasn't going to blow it in the last minute.

She tilted her head to the side. "You're going to Boston, right?"

Trying to picture the tour schedule in his mind, Kevin frowned slightly. He didn't remember the order of the shows. "Yeah, I think." He chuckled almost fretfully. "I don't keep good track of the cities."

"It's okay," she said with a smile, "I'm sure it's hard to be on the road all the time. It must get confusing after a while." Her dark eyes locked with Kevin for a second. With those powerful green eyes, she felt like her insides were going to burst open; she was so thrilled.

"Kevin!"

The older man turned around and saw Nick, dark glasses hiding his blue eyes, jerked his head towards the bus, and Kevin nodded.

"Sorry," he said as he turned to look at Shaida. "I gotta go."

"It's okay," she said, more than pleased to have gotten her five minutes with him. She was surprised when he leaned over and hugged her without she having to ask. She bit back the scream that seemed to threaten to escape.

"See you," Kevin said over his shoulder as he trotted towards the bus, catching Nick at the sliding doors.

Nick tilted his eyes, his eyes moving over to the girl standing by her car, then back at Kevin. "Who was she?"

"Shaida," Kevin said, his hand moving to the edge of the threshold, sliding doors opened waiting for them. "She was waiting for her friend Lyssa. Too bad I missed her."

Nick was about to say something, maybe even to question why Kevin seemed to care so much about overlooking a fan, when Kevin touched his shoulder.

Nick's eyes moved to where Kevin was pointing: two girls now standing by the car. Kevin waved at them enthusiastically, even grinning, and seeming to enjoy it. Nick frowned even deeper. Kevin turned around for a second and his eyes seemed to question about Nick's lack of animosity.

The blond sighed softly, complying on the silent request. Jealousy didn't become him. His hand barely lifted above his shoulder as he gave two stiff waves before walking up the stairs of the bus, calling for Kevin over his shoulder.

Kevin nodded to himself, waved at the girls one more time, smiling with a pleased expression now that Lyssa saw him, and turned around, following Nick. He heard a shriek the second the door closed and Kevin grinned to himself. They had held that one longer than most girls.

*****

After the quick interview after arriving, and the photo shoot that followed, the boys went to their rooms with the promise to meet in half an hour to get a late lunch -- really late, border lining tea time, lunch.

Kevin, however, decided to pay a small visit to a lady friend. Knocking on Ariadne's door, it took a moment for the woman to open.

She frowned at him. "Kevin, I thought you boys had an interview."

"Yeah, but," he said, entering the room, shrugging as he did so, "we got back. We're gonna get something to eat in a little while, you wanna come with us?"

Ariadne gave him a small smile and she tried to remember the last time she had spent so much time with the boys while not working.

"Nah, I've got some papers to take care of," she said, pointing at the stack of pages scattered around on the table.

"Oh." Green eyes landed on such papers and Kevin's smile evaporated. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to interrupt."

Kevin's tone had lowered, heralding sadness and Ariadne felt like a fool for putting that sadness there where, only seconds ago, happiness had stood.

"Don't worry," she told him, squeezing his shoulder slightly, "I can do it later. What did you want to tell me? You did want to tell me something, right?"

Remembering the reason he had come to her, he nodded, taking a seat on the couch and looking at her with wide and amused eyes.

"I liked this last interview."

"You did?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, he was really nice. He asked questions I knew and then the photo shoot was pretty simple."

Ariadne smiled at him. "That's good."

His eyes darkened in memory, with hurt and pain.

She was quick to notice it. "Something wrong?"

Kevin shook his head, looking at something beyond the wall. "I... I didn't like the concert last night."

This time, Ariadne frowned. "You didn't?"

He shook his head. "No. I didn't like it the first time and I didn't like it yesterday."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know." He paused, trying to find the words to explain what he had felt. "I thought... I thought maybe it'd change, that yesterday I'd feel different, but it was just the same."

Ariadne didn't know what to say -- what to tell the older man.

Kevin hadn't like the concert. She hadn't known that could even be possible.

Ariadne shook her head inwardly. This wasn't safe. It was even healthy.

Her thoughts shifted to the issue at hand.

Kevin hadn't like the show. She didn't know if she could believe her ears. But then again, here he was, looking at her with a confused expression and telling her he hadn't liked it.

"What did you feel?" She asked, trying to find the reasons behind it.

He had paused, trying to think of what had been going on through his mind in those hours.

Fear. Confusion. Loss. Awkwardness.

"I didn't feel anything," he muttered under his breath. "I just... there they were, looking at me, all those people, and all I could care about was not messing up."

"That's understandable. Those were your first shows. You can't expect yourself to feel at home when you haven't done it before. It's like... it's like taking piano lessons," she finished with a small smile.

"Piano lessons?"

She nodded, ducking her head slightly. "Yean. I took piano lessons when I was a kid."

"Really?" Kevin asked, picking up a pillow from beside him and placing it on his lap, resting his chin on top.

"Yes. I hated it at first. I couldn't..." She lifted her hand, looking at it thoughtfully. "I've got small hands, everyone's always told me so. I've got small hands and I can't play every note without raising my hand from the keyboard."

She paused, remembering her mother's demanding look, waiting for her to do it well. "I hated every minute of it. I wished to every God out there that the piano would break, because my mom would think it was too much money just in a piano. Or that she would forget to sign me up the next month, or that my teacher would move to a Galaxy far, far away. Anything, really, for it to stop."

"What happened?"

"I got tired of it. Every week, I begged my mother not to take lessons anymore. I did that until I was... like ten or eleven. Then, when I'd been doing it for over a year, she told me that if I wanted to give it up, I could."

Kevin frowned. "Then you got what you wanted?"

Ariadne nodded with a knowing smile. "Yes. I felt the happiest ever. I felt like... I had won the lottery. I wouldn't have to take lessons the next month. Great. Just beautiful..."

"Then?"

She shrugged. "When the end of the month came, and my mom would have to tell my teacher that I wouldn't be following next month, I told her I wanted to."

Kevin's frown deepened. "What? But you--"

"I didn't like it. I know."

Kevin scratched his eyebrow in a manner that looked very familiar to Ariadne, so much like dejá vu. "I don't get it."

"I just... I hadn't liked it because I had to do it. But when given the choice, I realized that deep down inside, I did like it. I hated the effort. I hated having to practice every afternoon while my friends got to play. I hated missing Who's the boss?" She chuckled at her own words.

Kevin didn't get the cross-reference, but listened to her. "So..."

She shrugged, looking down at her papers once again. "Well," she said, picking up page after another. "Maybe you just hate that. You hate not knowing. You hate fearing embarrassment. Maybe when you get the hang of it, maybe when you're good at it, you'll like it."

Silence followed Ariadne's words, Kevin's eyes fixed to the floor.

"And what if I don't?" He said after a moment, his tone subdued. "What if I'm never good?"

This time, she turned around, dark eyes clearing just the slightest behind oval metal glasses. "How could you not? You did it once Kevin, you can do it again."

The man didn't say anything for minutes, running Ariadne's words through his mind, and Nick's words as well.

"He told me something like that."

Ariadne frowned behind glasses, her eyes lowered and focused an interview proposal from a Network. "Who?"

"Nick."

"When?"

"Last night, before we went to bed."

Ariadne's hand froze in mid motion, the page stilling in the air as her eyes unfocused, running the words through her mind once again, trying to find loopholes to that sentence. When she found none, her eyes focused again and she turned to look at him.

"What did you say?"

"He told me last night, before we went to bed."

"You slept together?"

Kevin nodded like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Yes. We've done it before."

"Sleep together?"

"Yes."

Being the boys' Press Liaison, Ariadne prided herself of knowing the things that went inside the group. She had seen Brian's marriage coming a mile away; she had just been waiting for him to get the guts to propose. She knew when Alex was in trouble; she was just waiting for the older man to realize it. She had realized Kevin wanted to tell her something, that he was hiding something when green eyes would darken without any reason.

She had known all that and much more; and now that Kevin told her something like that, she wondered how in the world she hadn't seen a relationship blooming between those two.

She must have, she told herself. There were subtleties to be seen, to be aware of. She should have seen it; she should have forecasted it. She should have known it.

"Oh," she said after a moment. "I didn't know."

Kevin shrugged casually. "It happened once when we were in Virginia. He was really sweet."

"Oh..." She wouldn't grimace, she wouldn't grimace. "That's nice to know." Hadn't it been too early? Kevin must have been back on his feet, what, a week?

"I was afraid he'd be mad."

Ariadne lifted her eyebrows. "I don't see why."

"One never knows."

You've got that right. "Yeah, I'm sure." She hadn't even known Nick batted for the other team.

"It was really great."

She swallowed thickly. "Oh."

"Yeah."

At least Nick had been a gentleman. "Oh."

"I slept all through the night."

Too much information. "Kevin..."

"He just held me..."

"Kevin..."

"I was afraid to ask."

This time, she did grimace. "Kevin, please..."

"He said there'd be no problem, that that was what friends were for."

She frowned. She certainly had to get herself new friends, then.

"I hadn't been sleeping well, so I asked him if he could stay."

Ariadne blinked one, twice, three times before her eyes focused on Kevin. "Excuse me?"

"I just asked him."

"To spend the night with you?"

Kevin nodded.

"And you two slept?"

"Yes."

"I mean, with sweats, and all through the night?"

Kevin nodded, more confused than ever. "Yeah. I couldn't sleep, so..."

"Oh, god," she groaned, hiding her face in her hands before bursting out laughing.

"Ariadne?"

She couldn't stop, tears pricking in the back of her eyes at the relief she felt. So she hadn't been blind, after all. She hadn't been blind at all.

God, this was so rich.

"Something wrong?"

She shook her head, raising her hand, tranquilizing Kevin. "No, everything it's fine. I just... I didn't understand."

"Oh." Kevin had been sure he had been pretty clear.

"You said he stayed with you last night too?"

"Yeah, I hadn't been sleeping well in the past couple of nights, so I figured..."

"That's okay." She let out a long sigh of relief, wiping sweat from her forehead. "That's alright."

"So, you're not mad?"

"No, why would I be?"

"I don't know, I just..." He shrugged. "I don't know."

"Don't worry, I just..." She chuckled at her own stupidity. "Maybe I didn't hear you well."

"Oh."

Silence fell upon them for a moment before Kevin spoke up. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure."

"Has my mother called?"

This was the second time in barely twenty minutes that Ariadne froze cold. "Huh?"

"My mom," Kevin said slowly, tilting is head and his eyes softening as his lips turned up in a small smile. "The guys told me she couldn't go visit me because of her work, and Brian said she called a lot, but I haven't spoken to her yet."

Ariadne turned around to look at him and his forlorn expression tugged at her heart.

"Kevin..."

"I just wanted to know because maybe I missed it. And, well, maybe I could call her, since she's been calling so much."

She swallowed thickly, running her fingers through her hair as the small scrunchie that held it together fell into her palm. "I really couldn't say," she said after a moment. She wouldn't lie to him, she told herself. She wouldn't lie to protect the boys.

They had chosen, so they got to break Kevin's heart. Not her.

"I don't know, really, you'd have to talk with the boys. Maybe they know something."

Kevin nodded, decided to bring it up as soon as he found a right time.

"Thanks."

Ariadne nodded, a tight pressure felt upon her ribcage and she wondered if a rib would break.

"You should get going," Ariadne told Kevin after a moment, turning back to her papers. "The boys will be waiting for you."

"Oh, right." He stood up and walked towards the door. "You sure you don't wanna come?"

She waved it off, her head hung low and her eyes on the printed letters, even if she couldn't read them. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay. Bye!"

She waited until she heard the door close behind Kevin before stretching her hand as she reached for a file placed under a whole stack of them.

She picked the right file easily, not having to look for it, an ability that came with time and practice, and opened it. Going through the papers, her eyes fell on each and every signature.

Ariadne had copies of every one of them, every legal paper signed within the last forty eight hours, promising herself that she would explain as soon as she knew Kevin could handle it, and he would place said papers in a safe place.

At each page she stared at, the lines drawn into white pages with black ink were so much different that she remembered them. In each page, Kevin's signature was completely opposite to the one she had been familiar with.

Her finger moved to the black strokes, tracing them with her fingertip. Such a different movement, such a different curve. His signature was as different from the previous one as the person that had just left her room was from the one she had first met.

She let out a long sigh, closing the file and placing it exactly where she had found it.

The boys would handle the question. They had to. It had been, after all, their call to make.