The guys stood in silence, not really knowing what to say or do.

Nick hid his face in his hands, trying his best not to cry. Physically, Kevin was fine. They had done enough test during the day to determine his balance and stability. Kevin could walk, even though he was still weak, his hearing and speech were within the range, but his voice was still slightly groggy. Physically, Kevin was just fine. Still, he didn't remember. That was what the doctor had said in just different words. Kevin didn't remember. Under all the gizmo crap and medical terms, it all came down to the same thing: Kevin just didn't remember. He had complete amnesia. He remembered the basics, how to speak and how to walk -- which was great in itself, so had the doctor said -- but beyond that, Kevin was just a blank book. He didn't remember his name, his address, his family or friends. He didn't remember the guys, let alone the group in itself. He just didn't remember.

Breathing in a shaky breath, Brian placed his hand on his mouth. Everything the doctor had said had just crushed him. How was he suppose to even think with those words running through his mind. "Oh god," he muttered lowly, tears making their way down his cheeks. "Oh god."

"What do we do?" Howie asked aloud, but the way his eyes had lost all focus and his voice was merely above a whisper made the guys wonder if he was asking himself or the rest of the gang. Turning around and meeting the shaken faces of his friends, he asked louder, "What do we do?"

AJ let out a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. His head was full of so many ideas and fears that he just couldn't think straight. It was like the floor he had been standing on had totally come down and he felt like falling into the abyss of nothingness.

"What can we do?" AJ said into thin air after a minute. His lower lip was trembling slightly and it was obvious he was fighting back the tears. "What can we actually do Howie?"

"I don't..." Howie sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "God! Do you think I actually have any idea of what we can do? I'm as lost as you are J, ok? As lost as we all are." His voice was choked up and by the time he finished, a single tear was making its way down his cheek.

Hearing a muffled sob, Nick lifted his eyes and met the slumped form of his best friend.

Elbows on his knees, Brian was leaning all his weight against his hands as he tried to cover his mouth, muffling his sobbing. "Oh god," he muttered again. Wiping away the tears, he looked up and met the broken face of Nick. "Why?"

"Brian," Nick breathed out, getting out of his seat and walking over to him. Kneeling in front of the older man, he engulfed him in a forceful hug. Brian moved his arms around Nick's chest, hugging him just as tight. Hiding his face in Nick's neck, Brian sobbed with all his heart.

It was barely a second later that Nick felt two pairs of arms surrounding him, trying their best to comfort the two of them and themselves at the same time.

The four of them let themselves break down and open all their barriers as they cried for their friend.

When they had calmed down, AJ and Howie were the first ones to untangled themselves. Nick stayed holding Brian for another moment.

"Brian?"

Biting his lower lip, Brian looked up, tears brimming his eyes and running down his cheeks. "How could this happen?"

"Brian--"

"How?!" Brian stood up in one quick motion, waving his arms around in the air, tears falling down his face. "How!? Answer me Goddamn it!" He choked back another sob, covering his mouth again. "God! We've got security! We pay them good money to protect us! How many times did Kevin yell at us for running out with out them? How many times did he lecture us about how risky it was to go out on our own?"

"We know," Howie said calmly, hurting just as much as Brian was. "God B, we know. But he didn't. For some reason unbeknownst to us, he didn't."

"How could he be so fucking stupid!" Brian hollered with all his might. "We're in New York for God's sake! We've gotten lost in this city more times than we can count. How could he go alone?!"

"That doesn't matter." AJ stated simply, rubbing his eyes as his vision was blurred with his tears.

"The fuck it doesn't."

"He's right," Nick stood up and walked closer to Brian, placing his hands on Brian's shoulders. "Brian, you know that doesn't matter."

Brian started crying again, his face contorting in such a deep amount of physical and emotional pain and Nick started crying himself. "How could he do that? How?"

Nick shrugged and brushed away Brian's tears. "I don't know. But that doesn't matter Brian. He's fine. God, not even a day ago we were worried Kevin wouldn't even make it and now he's awake and fine." He let out a shaky breath. "He just... he just doesn't remember us."

Taking a step forward, Brian hugged Nick, crying again.

"Shh...," Rubbing Brian's back, Nick continued whispering softly, "shh... it'll be fine. Everything it's going to be fine."

When Brian finally pulled apart, he looked at Nick with red swollen eyes. "How can you say that? How do we even know it'll be fine?"

"Because," AJ said, walking over to Brian and placing his arm around the older man's shoulders, "we're together. We've gone thought enough shit together and we're still standing. Brian we can do this. No one can touch us. Nick's right. Kevin's fine and that's all that should matter. We can fucking do it."

Whipping away his last tears, Brian nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we can do it."

Howie closed the circle, facing his three brothers. "Where do we start from?"

"I think we just take one day at a time." Nick let out a long breath. "We take easy. We just... we just rebuilt the whole thing, I guess."

"The group." Brian asked. "What about the group? Kevin doesn't remember anything. We can't..." He shook his head. "We can't continue without him."

Howie frowned. "Brian, are you suggesting we should split up?"

The younger Kentucky cousin shrugged. "I really don't know Howie. Maybe..."

"No." AJ looked hard at both of them. "Don't even think about it Brian."

"But--"

"No!" Taking a step closer to him, AJ got in Brian's face. "No. We're not breaking up."

"Then what?" Brian blinked the last remnants of his tears, wiping his face, hoping his eyes weren't as red as they felt. "What else can we do? He doesn't remember!"

"He can learn."

Nick run his fingers through his hair. This whole conversation couldn't have been more surreal had he dreamed it, he was sure of that. As he heard AJ's words, he turned around and found himself totally confused. "What in the world are you talking about J?"

Alex seemed a lot calmer than the other three combined. Somehow, the group's resident wild child had only one thought in mind and that was hanging onto the group and the guys' friendship. He knew for a fact that as long as the four -- the five -- of them stood together, everything would pass and they would manage just fine. Kevin had taught him that over the years. Kevin had told him that just before he accepted he had a problem and he needed help -- quick.

Kevin's words kept running through his mind and that was the only thing that kept him sane. If he could only focus on Kevin's words and face as AJ started crumbling in the middle of his hotel room after he had told the older man his alcohol addiction was an actual problem, then he could feel himself in control. He just needed that to get his bearings back.

Letting out a soft sigh, AJ looked at Nick. "Kevin is the one that always told us that things could be controlled. That our lives were our lives, not just news at 9pm on MTV. He always held us together. Now that he's not here to do it, the last thing we can do is do it for him, don't you think?"

Howie shook his head. "That was different Alex. You know it. Back then, Kevin was Kevin. He knew, he remembered us and he loved doing this. Now... this Kevin... he is someone totally different. He doesn't..."

"I know he doesn't remember, but that's beyond the point. The essence of him is still him. People don't change that drastically Howie. You just don't stop being yourself."

"I would back you up AJ," Brian started, "but we just aren't sure of anything at the moment. Who tell us Kevin still wants the group to stay together? Maybe this Kevin doesn't like singing."

"That's bullshit Brian, you know it!" AJ shook his head forcefully, refusing to believe someone who loved music, singing and writing as much as Kevin would just change like that. "He could never stop loving music!"

Leaning against the wall, Nick sighed. "Brian is right Alex," he said softly. Blue sad eyes met dark convinced brown ones. "He could have changed."

"No. He couldn't. No one changes so much Nick. You just can't change what makes you! That's impossible!"

"We're going in circles guys," Howie stepped up. The last thing he wanted -- and they as a group needed -- was two of them getting mad at each other. "We don't know anything for sure so far. The only thing we know is that Kevin doesn't remember anything. If we wanna start making plans, then why don't we just go over to Kevin and ask him what he wants?" He looked at his three bewildered friends before sighing. "It's not like we have much of a choice, now do we? If Kevin doesn't know us, what better thing that introduce ourselves to him. Get to know him again."

"And see if he wants the group?" Brian asked, finally getting what his older friend was trying to get at.

Howie nodded. "Yeah. I don't see much option, but if any of you have a suggestion, I'm all ears."

The three of them looked at each other before nodding.

"You're right," AJ said, taking off his sunglasses. His head was hurting and he started pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's all we can do."

Nick sighed. That sounded so much easier than he knew it'd be. Getting to know Kevin again, introducing himself like the last eight years of their friendship, like the group itself, had never existed. He knew it'd be hell. But someway, somehow, he had to do it. He just didn't have much choice.

*****

AJ knocked softly on the door and for the first time in eight years he waited for an answer before opening the door of one of his brothers. It seemed so... not necessary somehow. The five of them had changed in one room more than once they had seen each other naked, knocking seemed so pointless.

Still, AJ and the other three waited.

"Come on in."

Nodding more to himself than anything, AJ opened the door after hearing Kevin's voice and southern accent. He smiled at his friend who was sitting on the bed, back against the headboard and just looking at the four of them with expectant green eyes.

"Hey," Kevin said softly, giving the four strangers half a smile.

"Hey," AJ answered back. Looking back, he realized the other three were as lost as he felt. At least he wasn't alone in that one.

Brian walked over to Kevin's bedside, sitting on the chair that had played as his bed more than once. He smiled tenderly, hoping to show his cousin enough confidence in him so the older man wouldn't feel short. "Hey there."

Kevin smiled at Brian, nodding slightly.

Brian bit his lower lip. This was a lot harder than he had imagined. How was he suppose to introduce himself to a man he had known all his life?

Howie clucked nervously, drawing all the attention to him. He shrugged nonchalantly. "You're probably wondering who we are and what we want, right?"

Kevin shrugged. "Actually, yeah, but I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to sound disrespectful."

Nick felt like laughing. Disrespectful? Kevin had lost all memory and his four brothers were now four strangers and he was worried about being disrespectful? It was just too ironic.

"Well, hmm..." Brian stammered along his words. How could he begin? All Kevin new so far was his name, and that was because Dr. Fowler had thought it was wise to let him know so much. Brian didn't need a university degree to know that the last thing Kevin deserved was knowing his name. Still, Kevin had no notion whatsoever about them or what the five of them were to each other.

How could he resume twenty five years of family love and eight years of group brotherhood in just a bunch of words?

"We just thought we'd come and introduce ourselves." AJ took a couple of steps closer to the bed and took his sunglasses off. "We're friends of you and just wanted to come and see you."

"Oh."

Oh?, Brian thought. That's all he's gotta say?

Maybe Kevin was just as lost as they were.

And why wouldn't he? He snapped at himself. He doesn't remember who he is. Of course he's lost!

"Yeah," Nick spoke for the first time since he entered the room. "We're glad you're fine."

"Thanks."

Silence reined in the room for about half a minute. And it wasn't a comfortable silence. Not at all.

Howie chuckled slightly. "Maybe we should introduce ourselves, don't you think?" He walked over to the bed and extended his hand for Kevin to shake. The older man looked at it for a moment before taking it and shaking it. "I'm Howie Dorough."

"Nice to meet you."

Brian smiled at him. His whole face lit up with his smile as he tried his best not to cry. This was hard, yes. He had never ever picture himself doing this, yes. But this was also his cousin who needed as much help from the four of them as he could get. "I'm Brian Littrell. We're cousins."

Kevin frowned again. "Oh." He paused. "Nice."

"Hey bro," AJ said, walking over to the side of the bed and leaning against the wall. "I'm Alex McLean, but people call me AJ."

"AJ? Ok."

Nick walked to the other side of the bed, the one looking over to the window and the small garden of the hospital, and stopped before Kevin. Green eyes met blue ones. Nick bit his lower lip. His heart broke even before he said the words. This was one of the men who meant the most to him and he had to introduce himself all over again.

"Nick Carter." He barely even smiled at Kevin, knowing that the imitation of a smile he was giving him totally sucked. He just didn't feel like smiling at all.

"Hi."

Silence came upon them once again. This time, even thicker than before.

"Can I ask you something?" Kevin spoke up, his eyes roaming along the four men standing before him.

"Sure," Brian smiled at him. "You can ask anything."

"Where do I know you all from?"

AJ sighed softly. "That's kind of a complex question and has a pretty long answer."

Kevin frowned.

Howie shook his head, waving off AJ's comment. "Forgive him. He's nuts. The question isn't complex and the answer can be summed up." He leaned against the headboard. "We met eight years ago. Nick and AJ and I..."

"Oh please Howie," AJ snorted, "don't give him the standard crap will ya? Tell him the real story. All the story."

"The whole story," Brian said -- nodding.

Howie sighed. "Then you're right J. It's going to take some time."

Kevin shrugged. "Fine by me. I've got time."

Howie nodded, looking around his four friends. "Good." He was about to start reciting their history together. And some of it wasn't going to be pretty, but it was their history. It was what made them who they were now. Either way, it was their past. And Kevin had every right to know.