Brian smiled tenderly as he looked at the photograph. "Oh, they took this one when we won the '99 MTV Music Awards. It was such a great night." He chuckled slightly, leaning against the back of his chair. "I remember we were so very nervous. Nick kept complaining about his stomach and you were fearing he'd end up throwing up on stage." He laughed. "Not that it hasn't happened to us more than once, but still."

Kevin tilted his head as he watched the younger man. They had been looking at pictures for the past two or three hours and there still seemed to be so very much for him to see. Brian had arrived earlier this morning with a smile on his lips, an old album on his hands and decided that pictures could talk more than they could ever describe things. And now, Brian sitting on the chair by his bedside, Kevin smiled tenderly while gazing at his younger cousin.

Brian shook his head, like trying to get rid of the cobweb of memories he had been swept over to. "Well, it was a very nice night indeed." Passing to the next page, Brian chuckled a soon as he saw the picture.

"What?" Kevin asked, totally puzzled.

"Nothing, it's just," Brian motioned for the pictured in the middle of the page, "I didn't know it was here. Gosh, I thought I had lost this picture."

Kevin looked at it and frowned. "We posed in our underwear?"

"No, it wasn't like that!" Seeing the old Rolling Stone's cover with them in suits and their pants down always made him laugh. "We went over to do the shooting for the interview and the cover and the photographer thought that us with our pants down would be cool." He shrugged. "I gotta give him some credit, it was rather original."

"It looks so..."

"Odd?" Brian nodded. "I know what you mean. It was kinda weird at the beginning, but both AJ and Nick were really into it." Turning around to look at Kevin, Brian smiled. "You weren't against it, either. After a little talking, we decided it'd be great." He sighed. "And it was," Brian finished softly.

Kevin started biting his lip. It was like this after every other picture. Brian would get slightly melancholic and Kevin couldn't blame him at all. Those were memories Brian seemed to hold close to his heart. Memories he shouldn't be telling Kevin about, since Kevin should remember them himself.

"This one is so neat," Brian said as he pointed to the one on the side.

"Isn't it the same picture?"

Brian shook his head. "Not really. This picture is the other version of the cover." There, plain on the picture, stood the five of them dressed in their black suits and looking all mighty at the camera. Brian smiled. "The five of us look really great on this one." He gazed at Kevin. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a picture where the five of us are happy with? Nine out of ten one of us looks like a dork."

Kevin chuckled. "Somehow I find that difficult to believe. You all seem so... photogenic."

Brian frowned for a second. That was something Kevin had been doing all morning. You all, the five of you, the group. Like he was talking about five strangers and not himself among them. Brian took a deep breath. He couldn't worry about that. Of course it was difficult for Kevin to get used to this. Only the morning before he had woken up to a life he didn't know -- he didn't recognize. He had every right to be confused. "Well," Brian said after a second, his tone more confident and calm than he felt at the moment, "we aren't. Not always, anyway. You should ask the rest. We're always fighting about who looks bad in which picture."

Kevin frowned slightly, then tilted his head. "Is that milk?"

Brian looked at Kevin for a second before turning to see the picture Kevin was watching. Chuckling, Brian re-accommodated the album on Kevin's lap, pushing his chair closer to the bed. "That was a campaign we did to help promote milk."

Looking at Brian, his eyebrows drawn so close it looked like they were one, Kevin asked. "And that's milk mustache?"

Nodding, Brian looked at the picture closely. From left to right were Nick, Kevin, AJ, himself and then Howie. Nick was wearing a hat Brian remember asking him to take off, it was so horrible. Howie had one hand on his left pocket -- just like Nick --, the other one holding the glass of milk. Brian, on the other side, was taking a sip of his ever so healthy milk, looking at the camera over the edge of the glass. Somehow, AJ could still look like the group's Bad Boy even though he had a glass of milk on his hands. And Kevin had this intimidating look on his face that was really paradoxically considering the fact that he also had milk mustache and was holding a glass of milk. On the side of the picture, a small paragraph reading: It takes more than a hit single to reach the top.

"We weren't the only ones collaborating with the campaign," Brian added after a moment. "Still, it was good to be part of it. It ended up being a total success."

"That's good," Kevin said smiling. "You helping people with your success. It's really great."

Brian forced a smile on his lips. Kevin was doing it again. "Yeah, we try to help whenever we can."

Before anything else could be said, the door opened slightly and a blond head peaked his way through. With a smile on his lips and his blue eyes shinning brightly, Nick looked at them both. "If it isn't a nice morning to watch pictures!"

Chuckling to himself, Nick opened the door wide and entered the room, the other two tagging along. Nick stood by Brian's side, Howie walking over to the other side of the bed and AJ leaning against the side of the closed door with a styrofoam cup of coffee in his hands

When the five members of the band were finally in the room, Kevin laughed. It just seemed so very surreal somehow. It was like... this five guys were the same five guys he had been seeing in the pictures. This five guys were the same five guys who, apparently, won at least three MTV Awards, a couple of Billboards and more than four American Awards. This five guys were part of one of the most popular pop bands ever.

Kevin was part of one of the most popular pop band ever and he didn't remember.

"What?" AJ asked, a puzzled look on his face as he took another sip of his coffee. He had stayed the night in Kevin's room and had only left when Brian arrived with the album of pictures. He had barely slept an hour and the only thing he knew could wake him up was a hot cup of coffee.

Kevin shook his head, knowing that if he did tell the guys it'd only bring more sorrow to them. He knew they were trying their best to deal with things as they were at the moment, but it was also totally difficult for them. Talking about it, bringing the subject up would only mean backhanding them the fact that the Kevin sitting on the hospital bed in front of them wasn't the same Kevin they had spend the last eight years of their life with.

"Nothing," Kevin said after a moment. "Nothing." Looking at the guys, he hoped they'd just let the matter drop. He didn't want to talk about it. Talking about it never helped.

Brian picked up the album from Kevin's lap and closed it, placing it on top of the night table. He ran his fingers through his hair. What now?

"Well," Howie changed the subject right away, "what are our plans for the day?"

Nick blinked slightly, leaning heavily against the edge of Brian's chair. Just what he needed. Earlier that morning -- and the day before as well -- the four of them had been talking about what should be done now. Kevin was awake and healthy -- at least that was what the doctor had told them -- and the only thing left hanging was the unbeknownst future of the group.

He knew they had already agreed on letting Kevin decide about what should happen, but Nick couldn't help but fear the answer. What if Kevin didn't want the group anymore? What if with this new life he had, he only wanted to be a regular guy in a regular life? Nick didn't know if he could take that answer. He didn't know what would be of him.

And now, seeing Kevin sitting on the bed looking slightly bewildered at the four of them, Nick's heart when out to him. Kevin was more than fine at this point. The doctor had told them this very same morning, when they arrived at the place, that Kevin could leave the hospital when he felt like it. Apparently Brian already knew this, since Dr. Fowler had run onto him as he arrived to take over Kevin's watch for the morning.

Now...

Now the only thing that they had left was ask Kevin what he wanted to do.

And Nick hoped Kevin wanted to stay with them.

"I was wondering..." Kevin spoke quietly, not really wanting to disturb the guys' thoughts. "Can I leave the hospital? I really don't like it in here. I think I'm fine -- at least nothing hurts." He chuckled slightly. "I just... I just wanna leave."

Brain started biting his lower lip. Kevin's voice was still his own, his southern drawl hadn't dissipated. The jade pools looking back at him were Kevin's eyes, of that he was sure. But the tone and even the words themselves just weren't the Kevin he knew. This Kevin sounded so insecure and afraid at the same time. So... lost.

He didn't remember when was the last time he had heard his older cousin talking like that. Before the group? Probably. When Kevin was a kid? He wasn't really sure. Kevin had probably talked like this -- asking for permission every other word -- when he was only a toddler, when he was younger than fifteen. But after that? When they were in the group, it was usually Kevin who called the decisions. It was Kevin who was on top of everything. He knew that neither of the guys could have kept up with half the things Kevin could remember.

Then who was this guy and why did he look just like his cousin?

Barely shaking his head, Brian forced himself not to think like that. He couldn't. This was Kevin, a slightly different Kevin, but his cousin Kevin nonetheless.

Howie turned around and looked at the puzzled face of AJ. Nodding, he smiled at Kevin. "Sure you can leave." He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling it dry. "The doctor said you're fine. You can leave and go over to the hotel we're staying at."

Kevin smiled softly. "Good. I don't like this place."

"There's one thing hanging though," AJ spoke up lowly, his finger moving along the edge of the cup, his eyes focused on the remnants of his drink. He looked up and met Kevin's dark green eyes. "What are we going to do now?"

Kevin frowned. "I'm going to leave the hospital and go the hotel, right?"

AJ let out an exasperated sigh and waved his hands in the air. He couldn't do this. There was no way in hell he could ask Kevin if he wanted the group to continue. He'd die before the words left his mouth.

Howie shook his head. "No, AJ doesn't mean that." He took a deep breath before continuing. "He means..." He let out a sigh.

"He means where are we standing?" Nick asked softly, his voice barely audible in the room. Running his fingers through his hair, Nick looked down at the floor for a moment then lifted his eyes and met Kevin's gaze. "We need you to make a decision. For as long as the group has existed, the five of us have always decided everything equally. We didn't want to change that now." He let out a long sigh. "We don't know what's going to happen to us... as a group."

"I don't understand."

Brian pulled his chair closer to Kevin's bed and took the older man's hand in his. "Kevin, we need to know what you want to do. We didn't want to call the shoots for you. It is your life as well."

Kevin turned around, looked at Brian and then over at Nick. "I... I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand."

"The group has been put on hold Kevin," Howie said after a moment. "We had to make sure you were fine. We couldn't think about anything besides you getting better. Now that you are, we don't know what exactly we're gonna do."

"We didn't tell the media." AJ spoke up, his eyes still lost as he glanced over at the edge of the bed. Meeting Kevin's green eyes, he smiled apologetically. "We didn't tell the media you had gotten hurt like this."

"You didn't tell?" Kevin hadn't know that. Kevin hadn't know that at all. He was sure, after everything the guys had told him about the importance of the media in their careers, they had talked with the reporters.

Brian shook his head. "We thought it'd be better. We said you had pneumonia and only needed a couple of days to get back on your feet." He laughed sarcastically. "We thought it'd be best." And it sure wasn't, now that they were placed in a situation neither of them wanted to talk about.

"So," Kevin said, his eyes squinting a little, "the media thinks I'm fine. They don't know..." Kevin let the phrase hanging, not really wanting to finish it.

Nick nodded. "They think you're fine."

Silence took over the room and each one of the five of them feared breaking it.

"It's your call," AJ said after a moment. "It's your call entirely. If you want, we can continue the group. If you don't..." He sighed deeply and could have sworn he trembled for a second. "If you don't, we can call a press conference..."

"I can decide?" Kevin was beyond confuse at this point. Where the guys really saying that the future of the group was in his hands?

The four of them nodded.

"Yeah," Nick said, gripping the edge of Brian's chair, suddenly feeling incredible weak. "You decide. It's your choice."

Kevin slumped his shoulders, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, his eyes unfocused in a point on his sheets only he could see.

He had to decide.

It was his decision entirely.

He let out a long sigh. How in the world could he make such a decision? It was down right impossible.

There were so many things he didn't know. There was so much of his life that was just a blank page. All day long yesterday, since he woke up, the guys had been with him. They told him about how they met and about the group right after they introduced. They told him about the bad things and some of the good things. They told him the funniest anecdotes he'd ever heard -- so what if this was the first time he remember hearing anecdotes? They told him about the time Brian got sick during a concert or when Howie almost fell off the stage.

They talked for hours, sharing the most incredible and personal moments each of them remembered.

They told him how much they cared for him and how much they loved him. They told him how much he loved them back.

They told him what the group meant to them.

And now he was suppose to decide for the five of them?

He couldn't do that.

"I don't want the group to end," Kevin whispered softly and the guys didn't know if he was talking to himself or to them. Lifting his eyes and meeting the gazes of each one of them, Kevin sighed. "I don't want the group to end."

"Neither do we," Nick breathed out, his vision blurring. He shook his head more of a reaction than as a negation and rubbed his fists against his eyes.

AJ nodded. "We just..." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck. This is our life, you know? This is all we know as a life and it's just too fucking early for it to end."

"Then what do we do?" Kevin shrugged. "I don't... I don't remember anything. I don't remember the names or the places. I don't remember the songs you say I've sung." He laughed ironically and it was a painful sound. "God! I don't even remember your names half the time."

Howie scratched his eyebrow. He had to be strong. He had to be. One of them had to hold everything together. That one was usually Kevin, but since he couldn't do it at the moment, then the next one in line for the job was him. He just had to be strong. Even as he felt tears in the back of his eyes, he knew he had to be strong.

"We know you don't remember," Brian said softly. "We know. And even though we want the group to stay together, if you don't..."

"That's the point!" Kevin looked around the room. "I don't want the group to end! It's just... it's just not fair. For either of you and..." He paused and swallowed the knot that had formed in his throat. "And for me." He sighed and started picking at a thread on the edge of the sheets. "For what you told me, I loved the group. Apparently I loved it to death." He shrugged. "I don't know if I'm mistaken or not..."

Howie shook his head. "You're right. You loved the group." He snorted. "You held us together more than once."

"Then I don't think I'd want it to end. Not like this and most certainly not because of me." Kevin sighed softly as he closed his eyes, trying to remember the pictures Brian had showed him earlier that morning.

He remembered seeing the five of them about seven or so years ago. There was a younger version of himself with this horrible haircut. Nick looked like just a kid who belonged in a school and not touring the world. AJ didn't have any facial hair and had this unbelievable dorky look. Brian hadn't change that much, he was sure. Howie looked so much boyish than he did now.

There were pictures in concerts with clothes Kevin couldn't really believed he had wore: sweats, basketball shirts, cowboy vests, pink suits and tight leather pants. There was a picture of Kevin's twenty-seventh birthday with him and Nick's faces covered with cake. Kevin had played the piano on a stage in Germany. At one award show, they had been wearing leather and Kevin looked down right happy. They had gone to a Grammy Award only two years ago and sang with Elton John. Only last year they had gone around the world in 100 hours and lived through it.

Years spend on the road with only each other for company. Eight years living in each other's personal space and knowing more about the other four than someone should know about a person.

The other Kevin loved it. The other Kevin lived and breathed music, that much he was sure. He had seen the pictures. He had heard the stories. He had been told the habits and responsibilities.

Why would Kevin cared and worry so much about the group if he didn't want it to succeed as much as it did? Where the group stood at the moment was because they had fought for it. They had gone through enough problems and tribulations to deserve what they got.

The five of them.

He was part of that five.

He was part of the group.

And as part of thee, he would do as much as he could to procure the stability of the same.

Sighing softly, he opened his eyes. Looking at the four people standing in the room, at the four strangers that he knew would become his life lasting friends, Kevin smiled. "I want the group to stay together."

AJ put on his sunglasses and nodded. Howie bit his lower lip to contain his smile. Brian grinned madly at him. Nick had his personal toothy grin all the way with his soft blue eyes shinning.

"I want the group to stay together."