Placing the towel around my shoulders, I pick up my gym back and see the guys doing the same. It's late. We're tired. We want our beds. It's always like this, at least when we're staying over in a city. For me it's even worse when we travel through the night. Sleeping in a bed is most definitely better than in the bus.

"Guys, lets go!"

I follow Marcus and the guys as we get into the van. I sit down and slump my head on the back of the seat, my eyes closed.

"Are we doing anything tonight?"

I snort softly at AJ's question. I just want to head over to the room for a change.

"I don't think so J, I'm going to bed."

Thought so. Brian is probably going to call Leigh before sleeping. That boy is so very predictable.

I hear AJ groaning and I think the rest just shook their heads. No surprise there, since we haven't had much of a break in the last two weeks. We're mostly running on adrenaline right now.

"Hey Nicky, I remember seeing that blond girl in the meet-&-greet giving you her phone number."

I open my eyes and turn to look at Nick blushing a very nice shade of pink. AJ is very good at changing subjects when he knows he's going to lose. That and making Nick blush out of the blue.

However, something in my peripheral vision catches my eye and I barely look sideways. Kevin is sitting in front of me, his face leaning against the window, partly hidden from my view. Still, I can see his face contorting in pain, grimacing almost. His eyes are close shut, his lips a thin line. He seems in pain. In a lot of pain. And that means something is most definitely not right.

"She was nice."

Nick's voice is low, embarrassed by the acceptance. He just hates being tease whenever one girl gives him her phone number. And AJ loves doing it.

Kevin flinches and this time my eyes are totally focus on him. He's biting his lower lip before turning his face slightly to the side, now totally hidden from me.

I can't see his muscles contorting in hurt, but I really don't need to see it. Kevin is in physical pain by Nick's comment.

I start scratching my chin.

I've seen Kevin's face in a rainbow of emotions when it comes down to Nicky. Ever since the beginning, Kevin and Nick's character have always collided. Kevin took upon the father figure role like a second skin and Nick was still a kid. Nick loved playing pranks on us while Kevin's first priority was work. Still, over the years, Nick seemed to make his way into Kevin's heart.

Kevin could get angry with Nick for something, be in the verge of killing him, but it only took Nick's pouting face to make Kevin smile. I know Kevin cares a great deal for Nick, like we all do, but he can't help but get mad at the kid sometimes.

Kevin's gotten angry, mad, frustrated, tired, and sick at Nick. But he's also smiled, taken care of, worried, looked after and half raised the blond.

It's Kevin's nature to baby us, but he's gone over board with Nick sometimes. Out of all of us, I think Kevin knows Nick the best, only seconded by Brian.

Still, seeing Kevin in pain ought to Nick's response is something totally new to me.

Why?

I shake my head slightly. I've got no idea what in the world I'm thinking. Kevin is probably tired after the concert and just grimaced because he wanted silence and the guys were talking. It's happened before, so it shouldn't surprise me.

And that doesn't seem to convince me either.

I sigh softly. Something's wrong and I have no idea what in the world that is.

"Oh, please, she was drop dead gorgeous."

I turn around and see AJ smirking at the way even Nick's ears are turning this very nice shade of scarlet. I turn back once again, and Kevin is hiding his face against the cold window.

Something is beyond wrong now.

I run my fingers through my now flat hair. I miss the curls, sure, but somehow it just seemed cool to straighten it up. I do not like it that much anymore.

I shake my head slightly. Focus on this for a moment Howard, I tell myself.

So I know that something is wrong.

I know Kevin is hurting.

I know it has to do with Nick.

But what has that kid done to Kevin now?

The last time I remember Kevin getting mad at Nick was last week. On Thursday or Friday, I'm not sure. The genius, and I'm using sarcasm here, thought that hiding Kevin's cell would be fun. Especially when we had that presentation over at MTV and Nick new perfectly fine that Kevin would go nuts not knowing what in the world was going on around us. That and the fact that our people always call Kevin when something just doesn't go the way it's suppose to. I don't think they believe we can make something work -- not the way Kevin does -- so Kevin had to call them from Brian's cell and take possession of it for the day.

I smile as I remember Kevin down right livid when he found his cell in Nick's gray bag, shut down and with about a million messages. I really thought we were going to have to do auditions for another blond in the group, he was so angry.

I, the four of us actually, was surprised when Kevin only shook his head and headed over to his room. We didn't see him the rest of the afternoon. No one, of course, even thought about going and check him up that day. How could we even think about it? We already know that whenever Kevin is that mad, it's better if we just let him be. He usually ends up exploding at the rest of gang, so...

And that was last week. I know Kevin was still mad until the weekend, but yesterday he seemed fine. He was a little down; I saw that. He sat in the living room area through most of the ride, just reading his book and looking like a lost puppy. Like our unassigned leader, but lost nonetheless. I remember shivering unconsciously. I remember thinking I had to be seeing things that just weren't there. I remember thinking that maybe that stupid book had touched a nerve in Kevin and that was why he looked so shaken. I mean, he had been there for... what? Four hours just reading that book while the guys and I were in the entertaining room watching Nick beat the crap out of Brian for the nth time after AJ and I had our little championship. We walked out of the room and Kevin was still there, reading.

Maybe it was me. Maybe it was just my imagination. But now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't my imagination and it was there all along and I -- we -- were just too fucking blind to see anything.

"We're here!"

I glance at Marcus and realize that he's right. We've stopped in front of the hotel and he's opening the door for us. Brian is the first out, laughing at something that probably either AJ or Nick said. I'm next, looking over my shoulder and trying to see if Kevin is coming too. AJ and Nick pass by my side as Kevin opens his eyes. I can almost swear I'm seeing tears brimming in his eyes, but his eyes darken a second later and I'm starting to believe that I actually imagined it. I've seen him hide his feelings before, but this is just too much. He's always felt like he needs to be strong for us, that he needs to show himself as omnipotent, but we know better. Of course we know better. He's just as human as we are and he's got every right to hurt.

I just don't know why he is hurting.

We stop for a moment to sign some autographs and I can't help but look over his way from time to time. He's got his fake smile plastered on his face. He's tired -- we all are -- and I know he'd rather be in his rooom right about now.

Marcus starts ushering into the hotel and we comply. The six of us enter the private elevator over to the suites and I rest my whole weight against the back wall of the same. AJ and Brian are in the center, Brian leaning against the right wall. Nick is in the left front corner, trying his best to keep his eyes open. Kevin, as I had figured, is in the very back, left corner, his left cheek against the cold metal door, his eyes closed. Marcus enters the elevator as well and is standing on the right front corner, by Nick's side.

The elevator's doors close and, once again, now that the masquerade is down, I can see pain in Kevin's features.

What's going on with you Kevin? What's so wrong that you seem in so much pain? What's hurting you so bad that you just can't hide it anymore?

My head is swimming with ideas and theories, but I know most of them are just plain down wrong. Whatever is going on, it's something I just can't imagine. How in the world do I know that? I just have no freaking idea, but that must be the answer. If the reason had been so obvious, then one of us would have seen it a long time ago.

It must be something we just can't think of.

And it has to do with Nick.

And I really have no idea what scares me the most, the fact that Kevin is hurting or that he's hurting because of Nick.

I tilt my head slightly to the side as I watch Kevin lifting his face just an inch. He raises his eyes, and following them, I realize he's watching Nick's back. His eyes are surprisingly dark, almost gray. Either that or the dim light is really screwing up my sight. Biting my lower lip, I squint my eyes. I'm hoping my mind is playing this horrible trick on me, but I have the feeling that it isn't. I can honestly say I see tears brimming in Kevin's eyes. I see something flicker through the dark haze that are now his eyes but before I can even recognize what is, it's gone. I don't know if I actually saw that or was my imagination.

He shuts his eyes close and rests his face against the wall once again.

Whatever happened this last minute, it's gone now. Kevin has placed his mask once again and I know I won't see anything through his eyes.

My eyes move over to Nick, his back to me. His hair is plastered down, all sweaty. His eyes are closed. His cheeks are pink from the blood rush that the concert always gives us and he's breathing slowly. I could almost say he's sleeping if it wasn't for the fact that Nick hasn't mastered the art of sleeping wherever, whenever.

I can't think about anything else hence the elevator stops in our floor and the doors open slowly. The guys start stepping out and I'm the last one to leave the small room. My eyes are fixed with Kevin's form. I want to see if something else happens tonight -- and probably the last couple of nights -- and we're just too fucking blind to see it.

"Night guys," Brian is the first one to wave at us and just opens his room door.

I nod at him, my eyes still on Kevin.

Nick turns around, gives us half a smile. "Night."

I nod again. I'm waiting for Kevin to do something. To give me another clue on what's going on.

Kevin smiles at him, but even his smile is pained and I just can't believe this is the first time I notice. Nick closes his door and the three of us are still in the hallway. Kevin's eyes are fixed with the closed door and, once again, something flickers through his eyes but it's gone as fast as it came. He lets out a shaky breath that freezes my heart at its tangible hurt.

"Good night guys." Kevin's voice is barely above a whisper and I'm not even sure how I got to hear him.

AJ and I nod in acknowledge.

"I gotta go talk with the manager for a moment," Marcus says before leaving.

I'm not really paying attention to him. I'm trying to see between the lines. I'm trying to read to what's going. I need to find out what's with Ke--

Oh my God.

I'm frozen in the spot. My eyes have just lost all focus. I can't feel my limps and it feels like all air has left my lungs. It can't be. I must be seeing things. I don't think that can be it... I'm wrong...

I know what flickered through Kevin's eyes. It just... Suddenly, it just hit me. I remember seeing that look before. I have, but not this much. Not with this intensity. Not this deep and in this incredible amount; at least not on him and probably not on anyone before.

It was longing.

Kevin was looking at Nick with inarticulate longing.

Oh. My. God.

Kevin was looking at Nick with love.

"Well D, good night."

I hear AJ's voice from somewhere within the fog that my mind has become. I blink a couple of times and things start to look more in focus. Not normal. Not anymore. After what I just realized, I don't think things will ever be normal again.

"Alex," I call out just as he reaches his door. He turns around and looks at me, tilting his head to the side. "Do you have a minute? I wanna talk with you."

I need to talk with someone -- anyone at this point. I need to talk with him and tell him what I've just found out. I need to discuss this with someone because I know for a fact that if I keep it in me for another minute, I'll just crash.

"Sure." AJ opens his door and motions for me to enter.

I do as requested; barely even realizing I'm not in the hall anymore but in the living room area of his suite.

"D, is something wrong?"

He's worried, I can tell. I can tell by the way he's taken off his sunglasses and he's looking at me intensely.

I open my mouth and try to process something from my brain and into my vocal chords, but nothing comes out. I close it shut and start biting my lower lip.

"Hmm..." I look down at the floor. I must talk with him. I know I have to tell him. I sigh softly. Somehow, I have to tell him I've just realized Kevin is in love with Nick. With our little brother Nicky who still plays pranks on him. I sigh again.

About a minute later I finally look up. His intense brown eyes are looking right at me.

I must do this. I just need to do this.