Sideshow Bob Starring in the Simpsons

Day of the Jackanapes (#CABF10)

The Summary:

Krusty decides to quit show business because the TV executives won't leave him alone. When Sideshow Bob hears from an interview that all of his episodes of the Krusty the Klown show have been taped over, he seeks vengeance. Working from a storage locker, Bob plots his revenge: he will hypnotize Bart and have the youngster blow both himself and Krusty up at the end of Krusty's farewell show!

The Cast:

STARRING: Sideshow Bob, Krusty the Klown and Bart Simpson.
ALSO: Mr. Teeny; Homer, Marge and Lisa Simpson; Chief Wiggum with Lou and Eddie; Principal Skinner.
CAMEOS: Moe Syzlak, Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel, Gil, Willy, Sideshow Mel, Gil, Rainier Wolfcastle, Dr. Hibbert, Raphael (storage locker guy), Lindsay Nagel (TV exec).

The Show:

As the show opens, Moe appears on America's favourite gameshow, "Me Wantee!" with Virgil Sinclair...a parody of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" Virgil pulls two fistfulls of money out of a wheelbarrel and rubs them on his chest while asking Moe, "You want some of this? Well do ya?!"
"I can honestsly say I do." Moe replies.
Virgil asks Moe which of the following things is not a nuclear particle: Protons, Neutrons, or Bon bons. Moe doesn't know so he calls his lifeline, which happens to be Homer. Thankfully, Lisa interrupts Homer with the correct answer, and Moe gives it to Virgil. Virgil asks if that's Moe's "ultimate response", and when Moe says yes, Virgil says, "Oohhh... you are... CORRECT!"

We cut to a scene with Krusty, Mr. Teeny the chimp, and two TV execs* They're watching the show we just saw. Krusty complains that quiz shows are just a fad, and the male TV executive says, "Well, fad or not, it's here to stay!" This leads to an argument where the execs start making many suggestions for "improving" Krusty's show.
The final straw is broken when Lindsay Nagel says, "All we're saying is be dangerous...but warm, and edgy-cute!" Krusty can take no more of this insane babble and runs screaming from the room.
The male exec asks, "Did that exit work for you?"
"I'd like to see it without the screaming." Lindsay replies.
"I was just thinking that."

The scene changes to the filming of Krusty the Klown later that day. Madam Mimi and her cheese-seeking poodles have just finished their act and Krusty sets up for a sketch while commercials play. The two TV executives show up again and start giving him more suggestions. Krusty ignores them and begins his sketch, only to have the woman interrupt him right in the middle, telling him, "We're losing male teens. Can you get jiggy with something?"
Krusty has had it! He stops the sketch to announce to the audience that Friday's show will be his last. Then he gets in a golf cart and tries to make his escape from the executives. The male executive chases after him and grabs on to the back of the cart. Krusty hits him as hard as he can with a giant shoe until the exec falls off, crying, "You can kill me but two more will take my place!" as he rolls away on the ground.

We join the Simpsons at dinner, and they're discussing Krusty's retirement. Homer tries to imagine a world without Krusty:
Homer walks into the TV room and asks, "What's on TV?"
Bart replies, "Nutsy the clown."
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Homer chants gleefully.
Marge says, "Well I think it's good for a show to go off the air before it becomes stale and repetitive."
Suddenly Smithers bursts into the room and exclaims, "Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!" Everyone looks at each other as if they half-realize the ironic in-joke they've just been part of, and the scene ends.

On television, Kent Brockman is telling the story of Krusty's retirement. The show goes live to KrustyLu Studios, where Wiggum gives an interview in front of crying children.
"What's the mood there, Chief Clancy Wiggum?" Brockman asks.
"These kids are getting a little out of hand, Kent. So we're going to have to fire the time-out gas." Lou and Eddie shoot tear gas into the crowd of children, and Wiggum asks Kent Brockman if the station is still running a contest that they ended six years ago.
The show switches to an interview Kent did with Krusty. The clown is in the middle of explaining that words that sound dirty, like Mukluk, are funnier than words that actually are dirty, when the scene switches to Springfield Penitentiary. Sideshow Bob is watching the interview and reading a copy of Prison Bride Magazine. "Oh can it you tiresome tot-sitter." Bob argues with the TV, "I was the risible one in our dyad." Kent goes on to ask Krusty if he watches any of the old episodes of the show, and Krusty tells him that he taped over all of the old shows with Judge Judy.
Bob gasps, "Those are my shows!"
"Frankly Kent," Krusty says, "Those episodes were no big loss. The show didn't get really funny until we fired Sideshow Bob, and hired whosits."
Bob declares, "You erased my past. Now I'll erase your future!"
The warden walks by and beats the bars of Bob's cell with his billy club, "Hey, hey lights out!"
"Oh, honestly. At Chino they get to stay up 'til nine!"
The warden responds, "Now Bob, I've talked to the warden at Chino and that's just not true."

Bob soon gets a parole hearing. He makes his appeal to the parole board, "Your honour, my incarceration is cruel and unusual punishment. First, my prison-issued shower sandals are grossly undersized." Bob shows the baord a grout-covered foot squished into a tiny pink sandal, "Secondly, the prison book club consists mainly of prisoners who club me with books." He shows the audience his bruises, "These are from the new Tom Clancy. Although it's less painful than reading him." He turns to the people watching the parole hearing and asks, "Am I right folks?" then he gets pummeled by books.
The judge decides, "Motion granted. Release the prisoner."

Thunder clouds hang over the prison as Bob leaves. Chief Wiggum greets him as he leaves, "Now don't try anything funny this time, Bob. I'm going to be on you like red beans on wh..." Bob quickens his pace, "Hey, hey, don't walk so fast! No fair, you've got long legs. I got these little bitty hooves!" Wiggum doubles over and pants, "Bob!" as Sideshow heads off to retrieve his belongings.

Bob's stuff is being kept at the Broken Dreams Storage Lockers, "The most depressing place on earth." The owner of the leads Bob, "Okay, here's your storage locker, just the way you left it."
"Thank you, Raphael. Now this is a ticklish question, but..."
"You wanna live in the box? Cost you two bucks a day."
"Oh thank you, kind innkeeper."
Raphael grabs his broom and asks, "You gonna want a wake-up jab?"
"Please."
"No problemo."

Later that day Bob is sitting in his locker writing and humming when Gil steps in for a visit, "Hiya, neighbour! Hey, wa-wa-wait, whatcha writin' there?"
"If you must know," Bob scowls, "it's an exquisite scheme for revenge."
"Oh, revenge, huh? Half the guys in here are working on that." Gil points out the other storage lockers, where we see guys brandishing schemes, guns, knives, and even a bomb!
"Well, mine's better." Bob says as he slams the door shut in Gil's face.

Bob arrives outside Springfield Elementary and announces, "Phase one begins in... ten, nine, eight... Oh, I can't wait!" and he runs into the building.
He meets with principal Skinner, who is surprised that such a highly educated person is applying for assistant janitor. Bob chuckles and says, "My blushes."
Skinner adds, "But I am a bit troubled by your constant attempts to murder people."
"To be fair," notes Bob, "Most of those people were Bart Simpson."
Skinner laughs and says, "Good luck! That kid's like the Road Runner, he won't go down."
"Tell me about it." Bob says, and they laugh together.
Principal Skinner notices Bob's gentle laugh, and notes that he would be perfect for the morning announcements. Bob mimics some announcements, "Attention, the French club picnic has been cancelled. Quelle dommage!"
"You're hired!" Skinner says.
Bob forgets himself and mutters, "It begins," laughing evilly, then stops and adds, "I mean, my announcing career. That's what's beginning." Principal Skinner just nods.

The next day, Bob makes the morning announcements. "Good morning, Springfield Elementary. In the lost and found today we have one plaid kilt..." Willy is seen raking in his underwear, and looks up hopefully, "I believe the clan is Graham of Montrose." Willy looks dejected and goes back to raking.
Meanwhile, in Mrs. Krabappel's class, Bart thinks he recognizes the voice of the new morning announcer. Bob finishes up the announcements with, "And finally, Bart Simpson should immediately proceed unescorted to the old sports equipment shed behind the school." followed by evil laughter.
As Bart leaves the room, he insults his classmates, "Ha! So long, suckers."
Bart heads across a creepy playground, and we can hear the ghostly voices of young children singing "Ring around the rosy". Bart walks into the abandoned shed.
"Hello, Bart." Sideshow Bob greets his young enemy.
Bart turns around, relieved, "Oh, it's you, Bob. How you doin'?"
"No screams? Not even an eep?"
"Hey, I'm not afraid of you. Every time we tangle, you wind up in jail. I'm six-and-oh."
"I'll admit that the record is a little one-sided. But this time I cannot fail." With that, Bob begins to advance menacingly, but steps right into a rake, "Rakes, my old archenemy."
"I thought I was your archenemy."
"I have a life outside of you, Bart."

We find young Bart tied to a chair, and he asks, "What are you going to do to me?"
"Oh, believe me, I have a plan. Let's see..." Sideshow Bob pulls his plan out of his pocket and starts to read it, "Get job as school announcer...lure Bart to shed...secure same to chair, with a rope...ah, here we are! Have Bart kill Krusty."
Bart cries, "Krusty? That's the one man I would never kill!"
"Oh, you will kill Krusty. During his final show. And you won't even know you're doing it." Bob pulls a coin out of his pocket, "Watch the shiny quarter, Bart. That's it," he fumbles the quarter, "Oh damn it, where'd it go? I needed that for laundry!"
"Hey stupid," Bart says, and Bob looks up, "Ha ha, you looked!"
Bob grumbles and takes an old dart board off the wall and spins it around, "Yes, that will do. Watch the spiral Bart. Let it entrance with it's twirliness, twirliness. You are in my power."
"I am in your command."
"I didn't say anything about command. If you're in my power, say so."
"I am in your power."
"Excellent. Actually, go back to command. No, power, power.

That evening, the Simpson family is looking at invitations to Krusty's final episode, when Bart returns home.
"Hello family." Bart says robotically.
"Where have you been young man? It's nearly bed time." says Marge.
"I was... I was..."
Bart imagines Bob telling him, "If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop."
"I was at the flower shop."
Homer says sarcastically, "Oh yeah, uh, I was at the flower shop too. Yep, getting drunk at the old flower shop."

The next day finds Sideshow Bob and Bart together. Bart is blindfolded and armed with a bat, and Bob says, "Now to see if you will really attack your hero." and takes off the blindfold.
Bart uses his bat to whack a Krusty statue outside the Krusty Burger in the crotch. Bob laughs maniacally, "Yes! Yes! Workt he groin." Cletus walks by, and Bob asks him, "Excuse me, could you take our picture?"
"Ah-yaah." Cletus replies and takes Bob's camera.
"It should focus automatically." Bob tells him.
"It do."
Meanwhile, inside the restaraunt Wiggum and the boys are eating, and Eddie notices Bart and Bob outside, so he asks Wiggum to have a look.
Outside Bob is shouting, "That's it, kill Krusty, just like you'll kill him tomorrow night!"
Wiggum says to the boys that it's great to see a kid using an old-fashioned wooden bat for a change, while Bob laughs wildly and Bart mangles the Krusty statue.

In the next scene, Bart is at Krusty's retirement show, sitting in a balcony with a sniper-rifle. The rifle turns into a flame thrower, and Bart burns Krusty to a crisp. Bob walks in clapping and says to the audience, "Marvelous, marvelous. He was funny 'til the end. Moment of silence... Well it's my show now." Everyone cheers and Bob says, "Thank you, thank you..." then finds himself awakening in his storage locker.
"Just a dream, but tonight I will taste the sweet nectar of vengeance!" he begins to laugh maniacally, but his locker fills up with bug spray from a fumigator as he's laughing and he chokes.

Friday night finally arrives, and we see Gary Coleman and Rainier Wolfcastle arriving at Krusty's big show. Sideshow Bob sneaks in from an alternative route.
Inside, the announcer says, "And now, retiring for the fifth and final time... Krusty the Klown!" Krusty's chimp, Mr. Teeny, comes on-stage to do a striptease.
Bob appears in a vent underneath Bart's seat, "Bart... Bart... It's time Bart. Time to blow up the clown."
Bart mutters, "Time to blow up the clown."
"Go! Blow!" Homer grunts, and Bart wanders away.
On the stage, Krusty is showing us his first TV debut, where he made fun of Russian Cosmonauts and had a terrible accident. His second chance came years later on Laugh-In, but his door wouldn't open and he went a bit nuts, setting himself back another 15 years.
While the show continues, we find Bob missing some ingredients in a bowl. He tastes it and imitating Jackie Gleason he says, "Mmmm, that's good plastic explosive!" He chuckles to himself as he pours the explosive into test tubes tied around Bart's body. "Now, my little hypno-assassin, your cue to attack will be when Krusty says, 'I've never had such a great audience.' You will run up and hug him blowing each of you to Smithereens."
The hypnotized Bart says, "Whatever."
Back on the stage, we find Dr. Hibbert making a special speech. He tells the audience that Krusty pledged to give a large amount of money to a kids hospital program, but they have yet to receive it. Krusty writes him a cheque, and says that if his bankers are watching, "Let nothing stop payment of this cheque!"
Bob crosses the catwalk above the stage, "Ah, the catwalk. The perfect vantage point...for revenge!" He sits down and opens a bag of chips, "Ah, kettle chips, the perfect side-dish...for revenge!"
Below, Krusty tanks the audience and tells them they're the best he's ever had. Bart gets up from his seat and approahes the stage.
Bob says, "Well, Krusty, this is your Waterloo. Soon you'll be Napolean Blownapart."
A guy next to him says, "Ugh, terrible!"
"Oh, hush up, Leo."
Krusty thanks God, and starts his concluding speech, "...there's only one thing I'm ashamed of..."
Bob leans forward and wonders, "Ashamed?"
Krusty continues, "There's a man who used to work for me. A man of grace and humour. But I mistreated him, and drove him to a life of crime. So wherever you are, I just want to say Sideshow Bob, I'm sorry." a picture of Krusty and Bob together appears over the stage, and Krusty breaks into song, "Oh Bob, you repaid my abuse with raw hatred. But I need you today! Oh Bob, well you went to Apu's and you framed me. So they locked me away!"
Bob says, "Oh that sweet, funny man," then spots Bart, "Oh no! My boy bomb!"
Krusty is about to hug Bart, and Bob shouts "NO!" as he tries to get to the stage.
Luckily, Mr. Teeny spots the explosives and grabs them, tossing them into the network execuves' room and saving the day.

Later we find the Simpsons, Krusty, and both Sideshow Mel and Bob together. Marge gets up to take a picture, "Say funny!" They all say funny and Marge gets a horrible snapshot.
Bob says, "Krusty, I'm so sorry about the attempted murder."
"Will you stop with the sorry?" Krusty says, "Every time you try to kill me, my ratings go through the roof, you nut!"
"We are good together, Krusty." Bob says.
"It makes me sad that you're getting the death penalty." Krusty replies.
"Don't remind me."
Wiggum brings in a guillotine, "Okay, where do you want to do this thing?"
Bob asks, "Isn't it customary to have a trial?"
Wiggum says, "Oh, a wise guy huh?"

*One of the executives is Lindsay Nagel, she's a generic female character that appears on the show regularly. Go Back

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