Welcome to Survivors Across America And beyond

Hello; welcome to Survivors Across America And beyond

SURVIVORS POEMS

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Chill By MS BARBARA MCCREADY

There is a definite chill in the air
today although it is warm outside.
a chill that permeates everything
I don to ward it off.
the sweater I wear does nothing,
the light I bathe myself in with does nothing,
the heat raised to hellacious heights does nothing,
against this feeling of cold that is surrounding me....
encompassing my thoughts
and interrupting my dreams,
waiting it seems for any weak moment to pounce
and send a shiver of apprehension through my body
and waiting for me to lessen my vigil
of watchfulness and let down my guard.
but should I? should I let this chill invade me?
just to see what it may bring to my sight?
should I let this abhorrent frightening sensation take over,
just for a minute....
or maybe just a second...
just to see if I might gain insight to the
reasons that this invasion of my soul is taking place...
why now, at this moment in time would
this un-nuorishing power come forward
to claim my attention? why can’t I
move on towards the warmth of tomorrows promise
of joy and love and security....?
is there a part of me that really doesn’t want that?
or is it just that part of me that doesn’t feel that I deserve it...?
I have to know, now, today, here...
I feel you, chilling me throughout as you invade me,
washing violently into the farthest reaches
of my sub-concious mind..... Diving deeper,
ever deeper, lowering yourself to the utmost depth,
digging for shreds of self-doubt,
shards of the self-hatred planted there so
many years ago..... Come,
expose yourself to the anger there,
see if you can withstand the violent,
dark, putrid memories of my childhood....
and the senseless, lost stroll that is my adult life....
I dare you, chill, to stake your claim inside these walls that
resemble lifeform! now is your time
to reach far and grab firmly... because,
I say to you, you will not be allowed to
take this journey again....
it is your turn now to feel the pain and endless silent
weeping of the child hidden there
in the farthest abyss.... Aspire to it, chill,
climb into it and feel the terror she felt those
days and nights yesterday... Ready yourself, I warn you,
put on armor for protection from the dank,
stagnant, damnation buried there...
Don’t weep now, you began this journey,
and now you will end it....
You will feel it now, you will see it now you will not deny it anymore....
I feel you now I see you now I do not deny you anymore....
Warmth, welcome into my soul.....
Light come into my life...
Love fill me with your healing....
Chill, you may go now...
You aren’t needed anymore...