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Question code(201A) I'm 21 years of age and my question is mostly about my cousin and what I can do to help her since I feel it my responsibility. 15 years ago I was raped by my uncle and this happened over and over again. He made me do things for him and he also photographed me and made videotapes of him and me having all kinds of sex. This stopped six years ago. Now I've got a cousin age 11 who might be in danger and I'm really frightened of what could happen to her. I'm afraid to tell my story and can't do that but I'm so scared that the same thing is happening to her. Please, answer...!

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Question Code(201B) HI ! I am male in my thirty's. I have been married for twenty years.My wife was sexually abused as a child. She has never enjoyed sex. After the second year of our marriage we stopped having sex all together.It has been 18 years and I have never cheated on my wife and I still love her very much. Any one else out there been sexless  for 18 years or is it just me.

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Question code (201C) I live in Alabama and several years ago I took my uncle to court for sexual abuse.He really did not get punished at all,they said he had to go to jail for less than a year and while there have shock treatments. Since the treatments took longer than sentenced he stayed in county jail about a month or two.My question is how can this happen ; wouldn't the Judge know his laws and how can you not serve what was giving? The law does not work for us. Is there anything that can be done now?

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Question code (201D) I was abused by a priest when I was in kindergarten and my mother cleaned the rectory at Holy Trinity Church in Des Moines, Iowa in 1972. I am now 30 and have done therapy with an awesome Doc who actually recommended this website. I remembered the abuse when I was 28 or so. I need to know if there are others out there who were also abused by this guy. #1 Where do I start looking for others (if they exist) and #2 do you recommend I share my story with the diocese, Rome, that specific pedofile, other website etc.?? I know the abuser's name and that he left the priesthood, is married with children, and is in Monterey, CA. #3 Isn't he still a threat (esp. to other kids)? Any advice is welcome. Your site feels most welcoming. Thank you.

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Question code (201E) I am years old and I am a survivor of domestic violence. I was married for 2 ½ years to a man who beat me on what seemed to be a weekly basis. (sometimes severely) I am divorced now for a little over a year and I am trying to put my life back together and put things back in perspective. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that I still love my ex-husband and I miss him terribly. He was my knight in shining armor until he started to beat me. I am so afraid that I will never find someone who will ever love me the way that he did.(when he wasn't drunk or beating me up) I often think "how could I still love him so much when he hurt me so badly?"Am I just crazy or what? Could anyone out there shed some light for me?

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Question code (201H) I am here searching on the web as this is my last resort. My husband has been abusing me since we were married and I have always made excuses for him. When we lived in Saudi Arabia I said "Oh, it is just because he is protective of me here and the country is at fault", then when we moved back to the USA I said " Oh, well at least he doesn't hit me." Well last night he did "beat me" and I guess I sort of "woke up", I have to admit now that he is an abuser. But I can't. The children adore him, this is my second marriage, my mother was divorced and I am so tired from life already I don't know if I can go through another big change (divorce, etc....) . My first husband beat me and I left after the second beating. I was not going to stay around for more, but now with the kids I am not sure what to do. Plus I almost feel like perhaps I am an intolerable person. If my first husband beat me and now this one, perhaps I am just too hard to live with and I drive people to violence. I have to admit I am not easy to live with sometimes....Anyway, I could go on and on. He has done everything on all the "typical abuser" lists I have found on the web, but at the same time he is such a good husband in other ways. I am afraid if I leave him I will regret it for the rest of my life. Do you know anyone who has stayed IN an abusive relationship and survived? I don't want to leave.

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Question code (201I) I'm a 26-year-old female and was molested by a female friend of the family when I was 4-8 years old. I repressed these memories for many years. I first started remembering when I was 17. I spent the first few years in denial, and the next few years trying to make sense of what had happened. I saw a counselor a few times several years ago but then stopped going -- things got too scary when she asked me to keep a journal about what I was feeling. Somehow I can't bring myself to write about it. In a way I feel like this is something that happened long ago and shouldn't have any effect on my life today. On the other hand, I sometimes get angry because part of my childhood was stolen and I don't really know who I am. Does that make sense? My question is how do I know if I've dealt with this as much as I need to. This isn't something I think about everyday, but it's often in the back of my mind. How do I know if I'm not in a crisis situation because I've handled things as much as I need to, or if I really haven't handled things at all? I'm feeling confused about the "right way" to deal with my feelings. Mostly I'm confused because I don't know if it's all downhill for here, or if I've just scratched the surface and am going to dig up things I'm not ready to deal with. Also, I'm not feeling the need to confront my abuser who I've not had contact with for 17 years. Is this okay? Is it possible to forgive without confronting? How do I know if I don't want to confront because that's not something I need to do for my own aware of? I feel like my recovery has been in limbo for several years -- I go months without thinking about it, and then the flashbacks start again? Is this common? Is it not going away because I haven't really come to terms with it, or is this something that will never go away?

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Question Code (201J) I am a female sexually abused as a child by my stepfather. I am experiencing problems with sexual functioning. It has taken me three years to finally be able to initiate and enjoy sex again. Lately I have been having strong urges to masturbate but can't seem to get past the idea that it is dirty and wrong, so I have not done it. I'm not even sure if this is a normal urge to have or if other people do it. Also I can only have an orgasm when I fantasize about being raped or some other violent sex act. I would like to know if anyone else has experienced these things and if so how do I deal with them? I am in therapy and have asked about this but I'm not satisfied with the answer I got.

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Question code (201K) I was sexually abused as a child by my father. He says that he doesn't remember doing this! My mom and aunt seem to accept this explanation because, " he worked long hours and and was in a state of exhaustion all the time" (He was <I feel ~ pretending> to be sleeping) Is this possible?! Can someone perform sexually abusive acts repeatedly for years to a child and not know it because he is sleeping?! Am I the crazy one? Or What?

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Question code (201L) I have been in counseling for two months now. For twenty years I dealt with flashbacks on my own, the best that I could, always alone. My husband of eight years knows about my sexual abuse history and has always been understanding and supportive. There have been several occasions since I have been in therapy that I have had flashbacks and panic attacks. They used to occur when I was alone, or when I could get away from everyone and deal with them alone. Now it has gotten more difficult to do so. When I have flashes or panic attacks, I get very tense and "freeze up". I can't talk or look at anyone. All I can do is cry. Recently, this has happened in my husband's presence. I know it scares him to see me like this; it scares me too. He wants to help, but I don't know what to tell him. He gets frustrated and angry because I won't tell him what to do to help. He expects me to explain why I cry and why I can't stop. When I flash, everything is intensified, overwhelming. I have to concentrate on breathing and I really can't pinpoint what sets me off, let alone explain it to anyone else. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain this to my husband? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated.

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Question code (201M)I am a 28 year old female survivor of repeated molestation by my father and uncle. I felt so alone for so long and I don't want to be isolated any more. I am having a hard time forgiving myself and other people in my family that knew this was happening and did nothing. Please e-mail me, we will talk.

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Question code (201N)Hello- I'm a 23 year old married female, and I believe myself to be a survivor of child sexual abuse. I use the word "believe" as I don't have any specific memories to back up this assertion. My question concerns the debate over recovered memories. While I was talking to my therapist, he asked me to recall what might have happened on a typical day of abuse. At this point, a funny little thought, or image, flashed through my head depicting my father abusing me. I told him about it, but was certain that I had made it up. I have every symptom in the book (dysfunctional, sexualized family; father with history of sexual offenses; lack of interest in sex; self-mutilation; no memory of father in childhood and little memory of childhood at all, Obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.) I struggle tremendously with the fact that I do not remember my abuse. How have others with little or no memories dealt with this struggle? How do you believe when you have no concrete evidence? Any suggestions are welcome.

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Question code (201O)What are some of the psychological effects survivors of domestic violence live with ?

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Question code (201P)I was a victim of date rape. As a result of this I became pregnant. I am hoping to hear other survivors wisdom on how to deal with the rape plus a pregnancy. I am looking for personal stories on how others in this same situation have dealt with this issue. I would like to know if you chose abortion, adoption, or to keep the child and even why. Thanks for any advice, knowledge or help.

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Question code (201Q)Hi, I volunteer w/ young people and I am doing some research. Do you know where I can find info about laws statutory rape, and other stats about teen sex? Any help would be great. Thanks Alan

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Question code (201R)I cannot remember most of my childhood (which makes me very sad). I am in therapy, and we are just beginning to explore my childhood, I was abused in my marriage, and raped in college. I just recalled something disturbing that my mother did that could be a sign of sexual abuse, though, I would hate to give in to that thought. I know there is no tell tale list to tell me whether I was or I wasn't and the after effects list I have tells me I have 30 of the 34 characteristics of being a sexual abuse survivor. Is it possible, though I only recall 1 incident of abuse with my brother, considered it innocent, and have never forgotten that incident, could there be more? AND my main question, where can I find a good list of characteristics of aftereffects? Appreciate any input...can't fathom the idea

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Question code (201R)Hello...I was engaged to a wonderful woman in her early forties who is a  victim of childhood sexual abuse. She could not recall the  abuse until several years ago (before I met her) ... when her uncle admitted to it. She was in therapy before I met her and, after we met, she regularly called her therapist whenever she felt a need to. She seemed to be "handling" things okay... and it was a subject  she rarely brought up. However, just as our relationship had seemed absolutely wonderful for many months... she sent me a  "dear John" letter... ending the relationship because she felt it was best for her to go on alone. Her main complaint was that I didn't openly express my feelings. I had a tendency to "stuff" my negative feelings in favor of being a "nice guy" (a way I was brought up). My role  as a "nice guy" originated from my own childhood emotional abuse. I can understand that she wanted to know "all" of me... not just the funny nice guy. And, I realize that always being a nice guy was not always integrity to her, myself or the relationship. I wanted her to be happy... and I felt responsible, in some  ways, for her happiness. She took this to mean that I  "expected" her to always be happy and that I didn't accept, or  love, her when she wasn't. This is not true - I loved her  always... no matter what mood she was in... no matter how she treated me. I tried everything I knew to "win" her back. I knew that she'd  loved me very much and I couldn't understand how she could just  give up on me and our relationship. But, she wouldn't see me...  she said it would be to hard or painful for her. It is just more recently that I realized many of her issues with  me and our relationship originated from her abuse. I recall  hearing her use the words "afraid"... "safe"... "play".... etc.  But, I didn't realize the significance of them until now. I  wish we'd talked more about her abuse, her feelings about it ...  and I wished I'd asked more questions. Since, I've read articles and poems written by victims of child  sexual abuse... and I've gained a better understanding of what  they are going through. I wish I'd known what I know now... and that my fiancee and I could have attended support groups or whatever to allow us to make things work. But, she rarely complained about the actual issue and I thought everything was wonderful and okay.. until the "dear John" letter. I still love this woman very much. We had many very wonderful  times together. I had every indication that we both shared a  very glorious vision of our relationship. I looked forward to  marrying her and being with her and her 10 year old son. I thought everything was great. But, obviously, things weren't. I  tried very hard to "do things right"... but apparently I did  some things wrong... or didn't do anything at all. Do you have any ideas as to what I might do to convey to her my sincerity and commitment? How can I contact her without causing  her to feel unsafe? Or, do I just "let go" as she asked me to  do?

Thank you for your time...

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Question code (201T) I have already sent my story in, but I still have a problem. I was raped by my boyfriend when I was 13 years old, and I am 17 now. I have not told anybody, not my family or friends. I am very very good friends with a recent ex-boyfriend and I always tell him everything, and I have tried numerous amounts of times to tell him, but I can't...Its not like I wish to stay silent, but I just can't seem to tell him...how do I do this?

Chrissy

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Question code (201U) I am a 28 year old male and strongly suspect that I was sexually abused. I have had some, albeit very few flashbacks or memories over the last number of years. I have suffered from low self esteem for most of my life. I also have "textbook" problems in many sexual situations and that makes it difficult as I am now married. I only want gentleness in lovemaking and my anxiety takes control of me if things get rough even a little. There are many other issues for me around sex, too numerous to mention. I have talked to enough people, including therapists that have confirmed my suspicions. My unconscious seems to have pushed this very deep. My question is...how can I recover more of the memories from my childhood? I am ready now, after many years of repression & denial. I know there is something inside of me but I don't know how to get it out. Any insight from similar situations would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance...

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