Welcome to Survivors Across America And beyond

Hello; welcome to Survivors Across America And beyond

SURVIVORS POEMS

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I SURVIVE

The time seems far away, a memory

Not far from consciousness. Only a child

Of innocence at the age of seven.

The summer days were bright and full of life.

The air was sultry and damp. Unaltered

Today as I resign to my noon nap.

The cool escape between the sheets forming

My entrance into sleep disencumbered.

I was awakened, a presence near by.

I could see a shadow upon the wall

Where once the sun was cheerful and alive.

The weight fell upon the bed with the squeak

Of every spring. Th sheets were no longer

Cool, only hot and sticky; my body

Was ice cold with sweat as fear swept through it.

The touch at my knee. The hand traced my leg

And rested upon my hip. I, with wild

Imaginations of a child, was sure

There lay a monster beside me, ready

To devour me at any moment.

I must face my enemy. I rotate

Only to see my stepfather there

Beside me. He too must need a restful

Nap as his eyes are closed. I then close mine

Without fear, those childhood fears, I return

To my slumber. Only moments later

His hand drew me into a vast darkness.

I cry! I cry! That afternoon was one

Of many nights, month, years. Chained to the dark

Fear of a child which I still hold nearest

To my heart. Lost years, worthless from fear, anger

And guilt. Lost innocence, experience

Gained. Lost heart, ston walls, unbreakable, thick

As the walls of a church. Lost innocence,

Gained wisdom. Why me? Why won't anyone help

Me? Can you help me? It hurts please make him

Void. Pretend he'll depart? Will someone come

And take him away? Where is my Savior?

I pray! I pray! I felt abandoned, one

To this man. Swept into dark quiet

World where the most innocent memory

Eludes my reasons. Only memories

Of this day stay forever and cover

Those of a child whose laugh may have brought joy.

Whose tears may have brought pain, who would never bond

With another one of the same being

Until adulthood. A child who never

Played child games. A child lost forever, grow

Never and always remain in the breast

Of the one who really knows. Time of joys

Unremembered, lost family events

And holidays, forgotten schools and friends.

A time I can not egain, to suppress

And bring back for strength, bravery.

Oh, do not feel pity. Do not look sad

Or weary as I have survived. This time

Made me today, the pursuer of dreams,

Goals and aspirations. The person who thrives

On the faith of the One who a few know.

Now, today. I retain this time in depths

Of my mind. Not thought of frequently. This

Time to those who recognize me less may

Think of it with compunction. Do not, for

Those whose friendship is long think of this time

For me as strength. My life perpetual

Then, no world outside my mind. I was self

Contained, held by my own fears. Realize now

Years ago this was unspoken, unheard.

So, sad, for many of us live today

With this past. Years have gone to realize

I only wanted help, help which escaped me.

For only a child can see so far. Now,

There seems much help, but unbelief. Many

Go unheard, childish dreams and revengeful

Mothers cause harm. More pain to those like I.

Now I feel the hardness of my heart, able

Still to love. I still feel fear, but can live.

I will always be haunted and strengthened.

Feeling helplessness, only a helper.

Respectfully anchored meditation

For guidance from me or He? My soul will

And existence I find here forever.