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You have to do something if you think that he is doing it again. You are strong enough to get through it. you can still press charges against him, which is probably what you are going to have to do in order to get him away from your cousin because she is alot younger and is probably terrified to say anything if he is doing the same things to her. We all have to stand together to stop these creeps from hurting anyone else. if you stand by and do nothing, knowing that it may be going on you may not be able to live with the guilt later on. I know one of my problems was that I thought no one cared, and I think I was right as far as my family was concerned, which left me with a deep feeling of rejection, I am 30 years old now and still deal with the pain of being hurt by someone who was suppose to love and protect me. If you would like to be responsible for helping to ruin one more childs life just go ahead and be silent. I hope and pray that you will do the right thing.

Have just reported a similar problem on behalf of one of the victims I work for. Teach her the word NO, tell her that her body is hers and no one can touch it if she says no, try to find someone to report your uncle on your behalf. Good Luck. Penny

Once it will happen again and again and again........It is a cycle that once is in motion will never stop unlless YOU stop it NOW.

Please come forward with your story, I never came forward with mine and my little sister was abused too. She was 16yrs. younger than I and I just wanted to leave and forget and that is what I did. Now I am dealing with healing myself and seeing her life a shambles when I know if I had come forward then it wouldn't have had to happen. I wish I would have dealt with the pain and anguish then instead of this tremendous guilt now.......

My name is Lani. I have MPD, due to a nightmare childhood of satanic abuse. The cult is still screwing with my head. I am 39, and live in Salt Lake City. I have been happily married for seven years to a good man. Everything is ok except the sex. I'm so messed up. I go through extremes where I don't want to be touched at all - can't stand oral. Then I go through periods where what we have is not enough and I am desperate to cheat on my husband in order to find more aggressive sex. I feel so lost. I guess I just wanted you to know that I can understand some of your issues. Thanks for listening. :)

Hello, It's been fourteen years for me.

I read with much interest your short note on abuse and no sex in a 20-years marriage. I am the partner of such a personal like yourself.  You see, my husband (46) was sexually abused on and off by a "friend" of the family from the time he was about 8 until puberty! When we met six years ago, I sensed that he didn't really feel real comfortable while having sex. Oh, this is so personal (he would kill me...anyhow)...I just figured, "well, sex isn't everything and we had, and do have a great relationship. After about 3 years, the sex got less and less until it ceased totally. He has talked openly before about the abuse, what it entailed (grrr...I could kill that guy who abused him, but he's already dead), but I think he is in some kind of denial about how MUCH it affected him (and us). Believe me, I have read a lot of books on the subject, and I understand the whole gamut from the trust issue, on up. At one point when the sex started decreasing, I suggested he join a survivor's group. He DID NOT want to hear about it...again the denial. I, on the other hand have NO problems with sex and really wish we could express our love for one another physically. I don't think this is to be. I think 20 years from now, the situation will be as static as it is now. I wish you could give me an idea of the kinds of feelings he is experiencing. I don't really understand it all. I mean zilch sex-drive. Was he getting flashbacks when we had sex (in the past)? All he has ever admitted to me when we did have sex, that the feeling wasn't any "big deal". I mean even an orgasm...no big deal. (Made me feel real good about my own sexuality and attractiveness <sarcastically>.I do not want to leave this man (not a first marriage for me) and to behonest I have had plenty of "great sex" in my life, but I still wish that facet was a part of the wonderful relationship we have.

I am so sorry to hear that, you sound like a kind and good man. I too was abused as a child I never told anyone until after seveenteen years of marriage my husband had an affair and I totally lost it. We did have a sex life and I thought it was good, but I was really spacing out and not really giving, I have always had trouble being close to people and trusting people. I finally told my husband about the abuse he was so upset that I never trusted him enough to tell, but he had to understand that I was severely abused and never trusted anyone my whole life. Anyway I finally got counseling and have read a book called " The courage to heal" it is at Amazon" I found a counselor that deals with child sexual abuse and she recommended it. It has assignments in it to help get in touch with what happened and how it made you feel and essentially to take back the childhood that was lost to you. I planted a sun garden last year and each new one I add is a tribute to the new feelings that I have come in touch with. I now know what love is and when I make love with my husband it is like a brand new thing and I have such a feeling of pleasure as I never had before he is so happy for me and for himself. It has been very painful getting there and sometimes I wanted to just make it all go away because I thought I had dealt with it by forgetting it. So please tell your wife she is missing out on a very wonderful vital part of her life and herself and she must make a decision to heal and take back the love, feelings, pain , and anger that are rightfully hers and turn them back into the whole happy person she can be. Good Luck I know she can do it!! :)

After 18 years it might be harder. Speaking from one who has been there,,,,, Everyone says "Counsling". I personly haven't met a counsler that know"s what a person has been thru. My advivce would be LOTS of love and take the time to let her "vent". It may get ugly and you may hear things that you would rather not... but it should help her unleash some of the baggage that she has been saddeled with and give you a better understanding exactly where she is at ( and coming from)

I seem to have alot in common with your wife. While my husband and I haven't stopped altogether, there are some very long stretches in between. Sometimes I feel very close to him and want to share this intimacy with him. Other times, I don't want him to touch me at all. I can't ever initiate foreplay, and when he does, sometimes I dissociate. Sometimes he does things, or wants me to do things that trigger flashbacks. Intercourse has never been important to me and I feel that I'm not always able to please my husband. He's very understanding and has never made me do anything that I didn't want to. I think his attitude is what has allowed me to have a sexual relationship with him, even if it isn't as active as it used to be. The simple fact that I have a choice and a say in the matter is very important to me. I would much rather just be held, than worry about experiencing a flash or dissociating. I commend you for supporting your wife and not giving up on her. From personal experience, I know how important that must be to her.

201C

This is not unique to AL , it is happening all across this country. Child molesters are not being punished for thier crimes. There are child advocates fighting to end this injustice but they need help. They need people to write thier legislators and request mandatory, long-term prison sentences for first offenders

201D

This is a link I found that you can privately submit, your perps, name & they will try to link you up with other survivors of him. I am going to send my information in to them, when I get it all together. I am sorry about what happened to you, but am very glad you are getting good help & now want to take control of this. Once & abuser, always & abuser is pretty much how it goes, pedophiles don't stop. If you put his name anywhere I am not completely sure, but you may be sued for slander, but that may only count if you are going to take him to court, which you should check Iowa's laws, you might be able to sue him for money to pay for counseling. Not sure what you want to do there, worth a check, dr's cost a lot. Anyway, hope something I said helps you.

Lynette2

http://www.brown.edu/Departments/Taubman_Center/Recovmem/Archive.html

In order for us to determine if the same person is being identified by two or more survivors, it is usually necessary for us to have more identifying information than just the person&rsquo;s name. Helpful information includes where the abuse occurred, the year or years, the age of the perp, date of birth or social security number of the perp, the perp&rsquo;s job, last known address, etcetera - if the information is available to you.

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