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SURVIVORS STORIES

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I was raped and abuse when I was 14 by a close family friend who was practically my big brother. My parents and I were at a party with him and a bunch of people one night. He wanted me to come outside and talk, which was nothing unusual because we were always so close. He had just gotten his first full-time teaching job at an elementary school in our small town and wanted to talk about it. We were outside for quite awhile when my parents came out and said it was time to go. I really didn't want to go because I was having fun. Everyone at the party was drunk, I wasn't drinking. He told my parents that I could just spend the night with him and his wife and they would bring me home in the morning. My parents didn't have much of a problem with that because we were so close to him and his family. His dad and my dad are best friends. It was the end of October and where we're from it's pretty cold, if it hasn't already started to snow. We were talking and he thought he saw someone behind this house across the driveway watching us. By this time he had poured us both a beer but I left mine on the hood of the truck. We walked around to the other side of the house we were at so we could see behind the other house. When we got there I saw nothing and he said that he had to pee. I started to turn around because I had no interest in watching him do this. He kept making sick comments and then he told me to slap his penis so he could go. I told him no but that wasn't the appropriate answer. I ended up doing it just because he wouldn't let me go. After that everything was fine. I wasn't really scared because he was like that once in awhile, so I thoght nothing of it. He decided that we needed to walk behind these neighbors' storage shed because he swore up and down that there was someone in their back yard. He had to go get another beer first. We walked up there and there was no one there. I was freezing and he had to pee again so I was just going to walk back to the house. I was just walking out from behind the shed when someone at the party started their vehicle to leave. He pulled me back because he didn't want anyone to see me with him. We got behind the barn and I noticed that his pants were down and he told me to give him a hand job to help him pee. I said no. He had a pretty good grip on my arm so I couldn't get a way from him. I finally gave in and he wrapped my hand around it and made me rub it. He let go of my hand and wouldn't continue the motion so he got mad. He decided that I needed to give him oral sex. That didn't last very long and there was the opportunity for me to get away. We struggled a little bit and the next thing I knew he stabbed me in my upper arm with a knife that I never knew he had. That stopped my struggle because I was so shocked and the next thing I knew he was picking me up overhead, (he is 6'4" tall and weighs about 280 lbs), and he threw me down on the gravel ground and the force shatterd my tailbone. He then raped me really bad, I was a virgin and he was a very big man and didn't care how bad he ripped me up. When he got done raping me he decided to rape me with his knife a couple of times. I have never felt such an awful pain. Then he was done and he left. I was so confused I didn't really understand what had just happened or what I had done to deserve this. I finally gathered myself up. I was bleeding so bad and it hurt so much I could hardly walk. My arm had a pretty bad cut on it too. My uncle was at this party also because they were good friends. I went inside and got really drunk to take the pain away and made my uncle take me to a teacher's house who I was really close to. I never told anyone at the party what had happened. I got to this lady's house and she took me to a nurse friends she had who stitched my arm up(6stiches, big scar today) and also checked to make sure that I was not internally hurt too bad. The next day I had to go to the hospital because I couldn't stop bleeding. Well to find out, he had cut my cervix really bad and tore it away from the wall among other things. I was going to be okay though. The teacher reported to DFS that I had been molested by this man and they did an investigation. We didn't tell them I had been raped because it was too much for me to handle. My parents didn't believe me and to this day still won't admit that they believe anything happened, even though the man admitted to the molestation that I reported. All he had to do was resign from his teaching job and move out of state. That all was done and then I started getting sick, I was bleeding really bad and could hardly move. My teacher frined who helped me took me to a clinic out of state and got me checked. I had a miscarriage. Oh my God, I was only 14 and I was pregnant! I could not comprehend everything at the time. It was just too much. Upon further examination the Dr. told me that I would never be able to have kids unless I got surgery to repair all the damage the knife had done to me. That is why I had the miscarriage in the first place. I was a mess. I never showed much on the outside though, I just kept it all bottled inside. I was a freshmen in high school when this happened. The next three years of school sucked. Since he was a teacher everyone at the school knew the accusations and the outcome. But none of them knew my whole secret. I got called a slut and a whore by teachers on a daily basis who knew him. No one ever thought I would even graduate because I was so messed up. Well I decided to show them a thing or two. I buried my emotions in school work and tried to get on with my life. By the time graduation came around, I was going to graduate with a 3.8 GPA. I was so proud of that. What's more is that I also had a full time job where I generally worked 40-50 hours a week all through high school. My senior year was when I was finally able to tell one of my friends what had really happened to me. It was really hard and took a lot but I did it and I felt better talking about it. He still comes to our town every year and harrasses me at my job, but where I work now, the Store Manager escorts him out if I see him in there. I told her because I didn't want to deal with him anymore. Now I have a really great boyfriend who I've been with almost a year. He was my best friend before we started dating and he has been by my side from day 1. He is always willing to listen and never pushes me. I love him so much. I couldn't ask for anything more. I don't know if marriage will ever be in our future, but I do know that he will always be my best friend. 'm doing pretty good now and am more open to people about what happened to me. I still haven't told my parents because I'm not ready to lose the only family that I have. Maybe after more healing I will be able to tell them but right now I am just worried about making myself feel good. Thanks for listening, Dawn