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SURVIVORS STORIES

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HI MY NAME IS JILL. I AM 18 YEARS OLD AND I LIVE IN CONNECTICUT. I AM CURRENTLY A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE. I GO TO UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT. I HAVE HAD SOME STRUGGLES THROUGHOUT MY TEENAGE YEARS AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THEM. I HOPE MY STORY HELPS YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM WRITING THIS STORY TO GET MY STORY OUT AND GET OTHER PEOPLE AWARE OF THE DANGERS IN THE WORLD THAT TEENAGERS OFTEN HAVE TO FACE. IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS 13, I WAS AT MY FRIENDS BIRTHDAY PARTY IT WAS A CHURCH LOCK IN WHERE U SLEEP OVER IN A CHURCH. MY FRIENDS OLDER BROTHER WAS THERE WHO I HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO. WELL IT WAS EARLY IN THE MORNING WHEN I WAS TRYING TO GET TO SLEEP MATT WAS BOTHERING ME HE WAS UNTYING MY SHOELACES SO I TOLD HIM TO STOP AND GO DO SOMETHING ELSE. HE DIDN'T BOTHER ME FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES SO I THOUGHT HE GONE. HE THEN STARTED PUTTING HIS HAND UP AND DOWN MY LEG SO AGAIN I TOLD HIM TO STOP HE WOULDN'T STOP SO I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL HIM AGAIN SO I STARTED TO GO TO SLEEP. WELL SOON ENOUGH HE WAS TIRED OF STROKING MY LEGS SO HE WENT UP TO MY ASS AND MADE HIS WAY UP TO UNDER MY SHIRT AND CHEST AND THEN EXPLORED OTHER PLACES AS WELL. I FROZE I WAS SO SCARED I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I COULDN'T MOVE A MUSCLE IN MY BODY. I THEN FELT 4 OTHER PAIRS OF HANDS TOUCHING MY BODY. I HEARD PEOPLE LAUGHING AND MAKING SEXUAL COMMENTS ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO. I DON'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE. I THINK THEY WERE MATT'S FRIENDS. I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT I WAS AWAKE BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WOULD DO AND ALSO MY FRIEND KRISTEN MATT'S YOUNGER SISTER WAS SLEEPING RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE HER. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE MOLESTED ME . THERE WERE PLENTY OF OTHERS HE WOULD CALL ME UP OR EVEN COME TO MY HOUSE WHEN MY PARENTS WEREN'T HOME. IT HAPPENED IN EVERY PLACE YOU COULD IMAGINE IN MY BED, AT SCHOOL, HIS HOUSE, IN HIS CAR. HE WOULD ALWAYS THREATEN ME NOT TO TELL ANYONE. MATT IS A GREAT GUY IN SOME WAYS HE IS SENIOR CLASS PRESIDENT FOOTBALL QUARTERBACK HE WRESTLES HE IS IN THE HONOR SOCIETY HIS FAMILY IS A WELL KNOWN MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY IN MY TOWN SO I NEVER WANTED TO TELL ANYONE SO I KEPT IT A SECRET FOR 6 YEARS .IN A WAY I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL BECAUSE I WAS WITH HIM HE REALLY MANIPULATED MY MIND INTO THINKING THIS WAY. THEN GROWING OLDER FEELING DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF AND KEEPING IT A SECRET I WAS THEN RAPED BY MY BOYFRIEND WHEN I WAS 17 THIS GUYS WAS A PERFECT GUY TO HE WAS IN COLLEGE GOT GOOD GRADES DIDN'T DRINK OR SMOKE WELL ON OUR SECOND DATE HE WANTED TO HAVE SEX AND SAID NO BUT HE WAS BEGGING ME TO AND STILL I SAID NOSO HE SAID I AM NOT LEAVING THERE TONITE WITHOUT SOMETHING SO HE PINNED ME DOWN IGNORING MY SCREAMS AND CRYS AND COMPLETED HIS JOB. THIS TIME I WAS MORTIFIED I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I WAS FREAKING OUT. SO I KEPT THAT AS A SECRET TO STARTED MY SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL I COULDN'T DO MY HOMEWORK OR COULDN'T CONCENTRATE IN MY CLASSES MY GRADES STARTED TO SLIP FROM A'S TO C'S THAT IS WHEN I BROKE DOWN I OVERDOSED FOR THE SECOND TIME WAS PLACED IN A HOSPITAL . THROUGHOUT THIS TIME SINCE I WAS 12 WHEN I WAS MOLESTED I HAVE BEEN CUTTING AND MY FIRST OVERDOSE WAS WHEN I WAS 17 BEFORE I WAS RAPED . I WAS THEN BASICALLY PUT THROUGH MANY HOSPITALS BUT IN THE MIDST OF A HOOSPITAL STAY I PERFORMED WORST AND MOST DEADLY OVERDOSE WHICH THAT KEPT ME IN THE HOSPITAL EVEN LONGER BUT I SOON BECAME A DIFFERENT PERSON IN SOME WAYS I AM MORE STABLE NOW THAT I AM FINALLY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL IN MY EIGHT MONTH STAY. I AM STILL STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION, MY TRAUMAS, PTSD BUT I AM A LITTLE BIT STRONGER AND I AM ABLE TO HANDLE MORE STUFF I HOPE THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF MY TUNNEL OR THERE IS HOPE FOR ME TO LIVE AND GET THROUGH THIS BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I DON'T SEE IT.