Welcome to Survivors Across America And beyond

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SURVIVORS STORIES

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I am a 20 year old college student who nevr sleeps more than 2 hour without waking up crying. When I was 12 years old I met this boy who I fell in love with immediately. We got to know each other and we ended up sleeping together on the Fourth of July. Everything was perfect. I started spending more time in his apartment with him and his friends hanging out. Then I day as I was leaving his apartment I bumped into his landlord who proceded to drag me into his place and rape me. Afterwards he took me home. He told me that if I told anyone he would evict my friend who was already several months late on rent. I kept me mouth shut and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. I stopped visiting my boyfriend as often but evrytime I went he always cornered me and became extremely brutal. When my boyfreind asked about my bruises and I wouldn't answer him he assumed it was someone in my family. He never pushed me to answer and was always very gentle and kind. Most days we couldn't have sex because i was so badly bruised and we would just cuddle in bed together. I would just block it out. My nightmares began and I couldn't hide from it anymore. So after over 6 months of this I couldn't take it anymore. The next time he dragged me into his apartment I fought like hell and ended up throwing a pot of hot water in hs face. I ran upstairs as fast as I could. My boyfriend took me into the bedroom and tried to understand what I was saying between sobs. When he finally got my meaning he went pale. He rocked me back and forth and then asked me to go get him a six pack at the store. I went by his friends in the living room and as I left the building I heard a single gunshot wound. I raced upstairs to find his friends blocking the bedroom door and all I could see was blood splatterd on the ceiling. One of his freinds carried me downstairs and drove me home without saying a word. He told me he'd call me later. He called me a week later in which time I had not told anyone what happened. His freinds arranged everything including getting the landlord arrested. They got a girl they knew to charge him with rape which he didn't argue with because it got him a lighter sentence than if I had charged him since I was a minor. I have only told a couple of people about this and I go through my days pretending everything is normal and my nights huddled in a ball. I blame myself for my boyfriends death. I shouldn't have told him.