Awakening into a black, starless night, I sighed. The moon shone and filled the night with music, yet it was silent. I listened to the words in the darkness; I listened to that silver moon. Her voiceless words begged me to roam the night and dance to her noiseless songs. Her silent songs filled me with a longing. I yearned to follow her path through the heavens, to dance with her through the skies. I longed to wander through her kingdom and let my soul roam free.
With a quiet smile, this goddess of the night, opened her doors to me. I stumbled into the open arms of the night. A foreign joy filled me and brought burning tears to my eyes. Finally, I felt complete again, yet I felt as though the joy was not my own. My wondering eyes scanned the night and fell upon the moon. I traced her edges in my mind and returned the dreamy smile she gave me. Her silver stare poured thousands of images into my mind and ceased the yearnings within me at last.
The moon's dreamy smile led me from my dwelling. With each step another image flashed before my mind's eye. From her sky, she lent her hand. I was awed by her gentle touch and I longed to dance around her sky. My being burned to leave the confines of my body and waltz through her stars. That beautiful moon entered my veins; she pulsed, she swam. The very essence of my being was now merely a shadow of her.
The stars danced in the arms of angels. The clouds became giant pools of mirrored beauty. All around me creatures of every color and size, danced and paraded through the sky, yet I stood alone. Alone in the center of all the earth, merely a spectator to the celebration of night. But then, all at once, the creatures surrounded me and the moon.....The moon and all her glory smiled upon me and with that smile, the wondrous beasts converged on the spot that I held. Claws grew from fingers, horns sprouted from skulls and their teeth became daggers in the gaping pits that were their mouths.
A purple gryphon caressed my cheek with a single, monstrous paw and blood ran forth from a painless wound. The radiant Pegasus bowed her head and my body began to flame. Each in turn, those beautiful creatures tore at my soul until I could no longer feel my entrails strewn about their altar; I could no longer hear their teeth rip the flesh from my bones and I could no longer see the joy in their eyes as my body was devoured. Yet as they feasted, the moon rose over me. Her brilliant silver eyes met mine and once again she smiled. She smiled her blessed smile and let me go....
I fell through that starless sky to the ground from which I came. For hours I lay in a peaceless slumber. I dreamt of waltzing gryphons and a smiling phoenix. They all just smiled at me and turned away and as I woke I watched them go back to their goddess, the amazing moon...and as my eyes opened to the world, they searched through the night for that sacred moon, yet she was gone. I stared into the ebony sky and nothing moved, nothing sung, nothing danced. I just sat and listened to the blood rush from my heart to the gaping wound in my middle, yet no one smiled, no one cared.....and no one knew....

4/28/98
Shame

The sweat was beaded on his forehead. His pale hands trembled with every breath. All around him life when on, but he, alone in the world, was dead. Bloodshot eyes searched the darkness for an opening. They searched for some little hole through which to escape that hell. Living in that darkness, isolated from all the sounds, all the colors, all those people... Beads of sweat ran down his cheeks and bred with the tears. The streams continued, singing, screaming on his empty face and fell to the oblivion of his soul.
The glint of metal attracted his attention. Robotically, he turned his head to watch the creature do its work. The tiny dagger crept from its sheath and began its journey over his skin. With each little step, the blade dug deeper and with each passing second, the blood bubbled closer to the surface of his salty skin. The screams broke loose as the tears fell down his cheeks once again. Another slice, another tear, the blade plunged through his skin to those fragile veins. Blood boiled from his laboring vessels and finally dammed the ever-flowing tears. A stream of crimson blood began its downward trek from his arm. Waves of terrors crashed against his mind. Flashes of the past corroded him and still, the blade dug deeper.
Staring into the wound of his doing, the shattered mind released his past. Memories flooded his consciousness and swam with the blood from his aching carcass. Thoughts of remorse began to fade as his mind drowned in the sorrow that had been uncaged. His body shook with new waves of regret, pushing, ripping, tearing his soul from hope. A trembling hand reached toward the knife that now lay, bloody in his lap. Closing his eyes, the broken man gripped the slippery handle. Final tears splashed onto the eager blade and for a final time, the knife began its journey. With a painless thrust, the entered his shaking body. A tiny moan escaped his lips, but the knife paid no attention. The silver jaws climbed through his innards and looked on toward his ribs. His heart thundered in anticipation of the deadly kiss of the deadly kiss it would soon receive.
Parched lips kissed the wound that bled on his forearm, ignoring the void within his middle. Screams of ecstasy erupted from his throat and still, the knife dug deeper. The silver jaws met ribs and began to tunnel toward his waiting heart. The deadly kiss met his lungs, and tore the breath from his throat. Gasping for a scream, the knife finally met his thundering heart. Silent cries pierced his mind and his once-gray eyes met those of his lover as the blood ran forth at her feet. The woman watched as the knife ceased to cut and wiped away tears as she saw he lover bleed, mercilessly before her. His shame bled from that mountainous gorge in his middle, yet she smiled as she watched. Surrendering to the blackness that encompassed him, the lifeless man was finally set free.


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