When you think of December, what comes to mind? Christ's birth, shopping in crowded malls, gift giving? The list is endless. When I think of December, I think of past holidays with family. One particular memory seems to stick out more than any other. December 1998, God delivered me from something that I thought I could never get over. The pain was so unbearable at times, I would cry, late at night, and express my anger to God. Sure, I am a Christian and love the Lord, with all my heart. Still, there was a burning pain that laid awake inside me, trying to get out. I cared more about my feelings than wanting to really be delivered. "I hurt God!" "Why did this happen to me?" "What did I do, to deserve this pain in my life?" I asked God these questions and yet, I was not willing to let go of the pain. This went on for 7 years, until November 1998, the day after Thanksgiving. I lost a dear, sweet friend, Stephanie Jefferson, to child bearing. This is when things began to change in my life. For 7 years, I had such anger and hatred in my heart. Anger, I thought God took away. I really thought I was delivered. I realized that life is too short. One day we're talking on the telephone, making plans to do more things together, the next day, she's gone. I decided I had to take a closer look at my life, and find the things that are most important. I knew I had to get rid of this pain. The pain I speak about is a bit common in some households, but I didn't want any part of it in mine. I knew I had to make things right in my life and my family.

I am talking about a child that was fathered by my husband, from another woman. I will call her Debra, to protect her privacy. My husband had an affair with Debra and she became pregnant. My husband and I have been through so much, it's not possible to write everything in this one article. For years, I thought I forgave him. I did, on the surface, because I had to have a smile on my face, in front of our families. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to have reconciled with him, but I knew I wanted my marriage to work, and I knew that God would help me. My sweet loving husband, tried to do everything he could to reassure me that he loved me, and that I was important to him. I did not want him communicating with Debra because of my insecurities. So, being the loving man he is, he would only communicate with his child once and awhile, to keep the peace. I didn't like him talking with Debra because there was a lot of history and drama that played out over the past few years. To be honest, I was jealous. Not because of her looks or anything like that, but the fact that she had a child, with my husband. That's what upset me. When Stephanie died, I knew I had to let go of the pain and give it completely to God. God showed me the love I had for Stephanie, and then he asked me this question, "How can you say you love Me and you don't even love your sister?" (Debra) I was devastated, but it was true. God immediately showed me my real feelings, and delivered me from the pain, hatred and jealousy. I knew I had to start building relationships. First, I had to build the relationship between my husband and his son. Then I had to build the relationship between Debra and me. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I did it with God's help I had to yield myself to God's authority and give up my feelings. Yes, I was in pain and wanted sympathy, at times, but it was time out for letting the devil control my life. I called Debra, and asked her to forgive me for all the mean or bad things I may have said to her, in the past. I asked her to forgive me for not showing her my godly character. I thought I would never get those words out of my mouth, but when I did, I felt a release that I've never felt before. I was nervous, but God turned that around and gave me freedom. I was surprised that in her next sentence, she apologized to me and we both began to talk and share or feelings with each other. I was talking with Debra, the woman who had an affair with my husband, and I wasn't angry or bitter.

God told me to do something else, and that was to buy her a gift. At first, I said, "Are you sure God?" "Is this really you, Holy Spirit?" I can laugh about it now, but back then I really had to ask. I bought her a crystal heart shaped jewelry box. To me, it signified my heart being made clean, by God. The crystal signified the precious and fragile relationship we had. Now, we talk to each other, and I'm able to share God with her and she is receptive to hearing the Word.

This December is an anniversary to remember, because we celebrate Jesus' birth. And by His death, I have life, deliverance and peace. During this holiday season, continue buying gifts and shopping in those crowded malls, but please don't forget the most important things in life, someone else. Share your faith and love with someone you may not have spoken with, whether it's 2 days or 2 years. God is still asking us the question, "How can you love Me when you don't even love your brother?" Read I John 2:10, 1 John 3:10, 15, 18 and I John 4:20.