My diary entries were beginning to get
a little long. I have divided them up into yearly segments. This page begins early into my Mom's disease. If you would like to view other years or just the most recent updates, the links are located at the bottom of this page. Thank you for sharing this difficult time with me.I have always kept a journal and as my mom became ill, I tried to keep up with the progression of
her disease. Sometimes my heart hurt too much to write
things down, I knew it would forever be in my memory
whether I wanted it there or not. I have gathered my notes
and I have choked up these memories from the awful pit of
my stomach in order to give an overview of these past 10
years. My mother and I were very close, we almost shared
the same birthday even. She was born the 27th day of
February, and I the 28th. She sometmes told me she was
psychic when it came to me. She always knew if I was
hurting or sick wherever I was. Sometimes I wonder if I
could deal with her being gone better if she had already
passed on. There is no dealing with how she is now. Only an acceptance that I cannot change facts and the continued
pain I feel when I look at her now.
~1989~Someting has
got to be wrong with momma, she can't remember ANYTHING!
She got mad at me today because she insisted I hadn't seen
her yesterday! Me and India were there after school and she didn't even remember it.
Somebody saw mom in town today, said she was going the wrong way on a one-way street, a street she uses a LOT! Where was her mind?
Momma told daddy she lost her way going to Kroger today. She seems confused a lot lately and very forgetful. I made the tiniest suggestion today that maybe she should go to the doctor, that was a mistake! "Doctor" she yelled, "What do I need a doctor for, I'm just gettin old!" Lord, she's only 66, that's not old! But I didn't argue with her.
People keep coming up to me and asking if I'd noticed a
change in her and how forgetful she is. It's kind of
making me mad, I guess I feel like I have to come to her
defense.
~1990~We finally
got mom to a doctor and she actually liked him! He said
her thyroid levels were off and put her on medication.
Thank goodness! Maybe now she'll be back to her old self.
One thing he said that bothered me is she is possibly
experiencing some symptoms of eary-onset senile dementia.
He didn't think it was serious though, just forgetfulness
mostly. I can't think of momma getting old, she looks too
young for her age now.
Well,momma came home from shopping today with a wild
story about waiting for a train. All of a sudden she said,
a man was at the window asking if she was ok! When she told him she was just waiting on he train to pass, he told her
it had already passed a long time ago, and people had been
going around her! I think she's getting afraid to drive now and she acts paranoid all the time. I mean this is a woman
who drove to New York in a convertable with her girlfriend
before she was 30! Momma has always been strong willed and
tough because she had to be, growing up with 7 brothers.
I'm really worried about her.
