Mom is not any better than she was. In fact, she's worse. She repeats herself constantly, and I try to be patient, but if I'm having a really bad day it's hard.
Mom gave daddy the keys to her car today, I guess she just doesn't trust herself to drive anymore. I cried when he told me, I don't understand what is going on and I don't guess she does either.
It looks like they won't be doing the things they used to talk about doing together when us girls were grown and gone. You can't even have a real conversation anymore with her. Either she doesn't remember what you say, doesn't understand what you say, or everything you say agitates her. Oh God, help me deal with this.
Daddy told me today that mom cussed him out for something she imagined he did. I went over there because he sounded upset. Boy, she was on one, starting saying we were ganging up on her. I've never seen her like this, and it scares the hell out of me.
Daddy wants to go to the hills so bad, but mom doesn't and I feel so sorry for him. I know how much he loves that place, but he loves her too and he will do what she wants. He said she actually didn't know him this morning! Poor daddy, and he stays in the shop all day and she goes out the front looking for him and out the back door looking for him. Sometimes she gets it right and goes direcly to the shop, then she gets mad! There he is innocently working and she flies into him because she wants to know where he's been all this time!"
Daddy took momma with him to price some furniture today just like he always does. He said she wouldn't get out of the car. Normally, she's always the "social butterfly" and never meets a stranger. Lord, that woman will talk to anyone. She's always been that way, friendly with everybody. She is talking less and less, and not making a lot of sense when she does talk. I feel as though she is disappearing before my eyes.
~1993~
Mom went back to the doctor today. I do not want to say what he told us. I don't want to make it real. I have not stopped crying and cannot stop crying since I got to my house, where I can do it alone. What the hell is Alzheimer's? "In his professional opinion", he says! But wait, there's more...he said an absolute diagnosis can't be made except through an autopsy of the brain! What is this like and how long will it last, me and dad ask him.
