Well, I've been staying at Mom and Dad's now for about 2 months. Everynight I help Mom get her gown on and help her dress in the morning. It is just like dressing a child, getting her to put her arms up to slip the gown on or coaxing her to sit while I put her socks and shoes on her feet. I am so confused and so distraught, I don't know what to make of life anymore.
Mom has started doing the strangest thing! She comes to me holding her hands as though she has something in them. She'll say "Here, I want you to have this" or something like that, so I'll hold out my hand and she touches it as if she were giving me something. Sometimes the things she does is downright eerie.
I get so angry sometimes I want to scream and never stop. My once vibrant and alive mother now wanders from room to room asking "where's my momma". She spends hour after hour pacing the floor or sitting with a vacant look in her eyes. Sometimes that look changes to fear. She's not even very coherent anymore. She will make sense with her words maybe 25% of the time. It seems as though when she has these coherent thoughts is when she looks the most afraid. She doesn't understand what is happening to her and why any more than the rest of us do. This bothers me so much, because I don't want my Mom feeling scared like that. I am helpless to do anything for her except attend to her basic needs and keep her company.
At this point in time my Mother is a very sick lady. This disease has taken over completely, leaving no relief, no hope and no more Momma.
The doctor has diagnosed Mom with Parkinson's Disease also. We took her to the doctor because she was having horrible tremors in her hands. She had been trying to still feed herself, but she couldn't hold onto anything. Daddy has been feeding her for quite sometime now. I am no longer living there, I got married and still live only a couple miles from them. I can be there at any given moment. I felt very bad for leaving, but I was dying inside from being there all the time. Is that selfish of me? Yes, I know it is. I tend to escape into unhealthy attitudes under heavy pressure and I thought I could hold up for them better this way. Daddy knows he can always count on me to be there for him though. I will not leave here and leave him alone for ANY reason.
My sister and I have convinced my Dad that he needs some outside help. We contacted a home-health agency through the recommendation of the doctor. A girl is going to come out for an hour everday now and get Mom bathed. That will be a big help to my dad. He is 80 years old now, although to see him you would never guess it! He is a very nice looking man and still strong and healthy. but I have already been cautioned that this will eventually all catch up to him.
The home health aide is terrific! Her name is Shirley and we all just love her. She has become very special to us and I feel we are so fortunate to have her. She keeps Daddy company and she takes excellant care of Mom.
Things aren't going so good, Momma has declined so badly. She is in the bed all the time now. Shirley thinks we should get a hospital bed for her. It's not easy to sit her up and feed her. That is becoming a problem too, she doesn't swallow very well. I'm told this goes with the disease, the parts of the brain allowing certain functions is deteriorating. I have to wonder what could be next?
We went ahead and got the hospital bed, it's so much easier to take care of Mom and feed her now. The aide still gets her up and sets her in a wheelchair and takes her to the kitchen. Daddy wants her there while he eats lunch, he says she enjoys it. I guess I am feeling bitter about the disease, but I wonder how she can enjoy it when she is not even aware of where she is. The ONLY reason I am still able to be sane through this is because I have to for Daddy. My sweet, little Daddy is so dedicated and I believe still hanging on to hope. I must stand beside him and swallow my pain in order to absorb some of his.
