2002.12.09 [superman(it's not easy)]

by Five for Fighting 

I can't stand to fly 
I'm not that naive 
I'm just out to find 
The better part of me 

I'm more than a bird... I'm more than a plane 
More than some pretty face beside a train 
It's not easy to be me 

Wish that I could cry 
Fall upon my knees 
Find a way to lie 
About a home I'll never see 

It may sound absurd...but don't be naive 
Even Heroes have the right to bleed 
I may be disturbed...but won't you conceed 
Even Heroes have the right to dream 
It's not easy to be me 

Up, up and away...away from me 
It's all right...You can all sleep sound tonight 
I'm not crazy...or anything... 

I can't stand to fly 
I'm not that naive 
Men weren't meant to ride 
With clouds between their knees 

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet 
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street 
Only a man in a funny red sheet 
Looking for special things inside of me 

It's not easy to be me. 


2002.12.11 [stanford]

got a letter from stanford today... 
sooo sooo freaked out... 
and it said... 

STANFORD 
UNDERGRADUATE ADMISSION 

Dear Stanford Applicant: 

We just wanted to let you know that we have recieved your
application documents and your file is ready to be evaluated. 

We will notify candidates of our admission decisions according
to the following schedule: 

Early Decision mid-December 
Regular Review early April 
Transfer late May 

Thank you for your patience. 

PHEW... for 5 minutes i thought it was my
"rejection of admittance" letter. heh... 

a very, very long five minutes that was... ><   

今天lunch的時候大家在談prom dress還有grad dinner,
grad photo 什麼的東西, 談起了我跟emily都很喜歡的
那件Jacob的黑色小禮服... 談起flabby arms... 哈哈~ 
我低頭看了看自己手中的那碗macaroni and cheese,
停頓了一下, 又開始吃... 
回家睡完豬頭覺以後, 看了看很久以前存檔的幾個減肥食譜... 
oh my god! 全部都是烤吐司, 燙青菜... geez. 
看了差不多五分鐘之後, 我跑去挖出一包150g的M&M吃了起來. hahaha~ 
真是的!! who would give up food for appearances! yum yum   


2002.12.19 [stanford again]

Dear Melody, 

I write to tell you that we are unable to offer you admission
to Stanford for the fall of 2002. I appreciate the thought and
effort you put into your application and into selecting Stanford
as your first choice school. Your commitment to Stanford makes
the task of disappointing you especially difficult. 

Unlike many other schools, we defer only a small percentage of
Early Decision applicants to regular review. Although our
decision may be deeply disapppointing to you, I think we serve
you better by giving you our decision now and allowing you to
pursue other options vigously. This in no way reflects on the
strength of your application; rather, it reflects our commitment
to giving you an honest and prompt decision. 

You are an exceptional student, highly thought of by your teachers
and advisors, and based on your application, we can only agree.
I am confident that other schools will be delighted to offer you
a place in the freshman class; we wish that we had room enough
for everyone with talent and energy like yours. 

Sincerely, 
Robin G. Mamlet 
Dean of Admission and Financial Aid 

======================================

ai~ need to brace myself for more letters like these in April... ha 

Anyway, whatever~ 
6 more days till christmas 
5 more days till i'm back in taiwan 
just 3 more tests to go... 
all's good, all's good~ 

no wait... YIKES! only 2 more hours till my calculus test!!
better go study... *yawn*   


2002.12.30 [@taipei]

終於把application都寫完寄出去了... 
雖然還有很多事要忙, 把申請美國大學的事都搞定了真好. 
oh no, 還有financial aid forms...:( 

anyway... 週末大家都又相約出來玩了, 這樣的感覺才像回台灣... 
久違的西門町和阿宗麵線... :) 
也不是很久違, 事實上感覺像才剛離開 
好像, 在溫哥華的那四個月根本沒發生過 
其實, 除了跟比鼻在一起的時光之外, 沒有太多起起伏伏... 
在溫哥華, 生命真的只是讀書... 馬不停蹄的為考試準備... 
忙到累到週末都沒氣力去好好的過... 
以前無輪讀到多麼累都會告訴自己說, 在台灣的會更苦ㄝ; 
今年, 我不再那麼想了... 

回來之後第一次搭捷運, 忍不住想著: 
"這就是我整天懷念的捷運啊!!" 
不知道為什麼那麼愛捷運, 那麼愛聽著音樂往車外看. 
我期待看見什麼...? 

還沒去逛夜市, 五分埔, Kiki, , 魚窩 II, 芙蓉冰, 
還有always always 不停直奔西門町~ 
就要2002了, god... 真快... 我好像在西門町連過了兩次新年了... 
ㄟ, 沒有, 我去年新年病厭厭的在家... 
>___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___< 


2002.01.06 [Vanilla Sky 香草天空]

"Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around." 
-- Sofia (Penelope Cruz) 

"Even in my dreams,
I know I'm an iddiot about to wake up to reality." 
-- David Aames (Tom Cruise) 

"We create our own realities whether we know 
it or not, the film seems to say, and yet 
control can be snatched from us in seconds 
by a wrong choice or a twist of fate." 
---- Marshall Fine, "The Journal News" 

記得在MS Word裡面打上某一串字, 再按"ENTER", 
就會出現好多好多頁的"機會稍縱即逝機會稍縱即逝 
機會稍縱即逝機會稍縱即逝機會稍縱即逝機會稍縱 
即逝機會稍縱即逝機會稍縱即逝機會稍縱即逝..." 

是真的呢... 每一個小決定, 都關係著將來的發展 
你不知道現在做的事對未來有什麼影響那到底該不 
該做, 怎樣才是太過分, 太過頭, 將來會不會後悔, 
會不會找到更好的, 會不會這一輩子不再見...??? 

做人, 做決定, 真的很麻煩. 
人生是不是一連串對的和錯的決定? 
就算你說"我一切順其自然", 你還是做了一個決定 
之後你還是有可能後悔 "為什麼我沒有積極一點" 
也有可能是慶幸 "還好我沒有堅持" 

到底怎樣做最好的選擇?? 

其實人真的能從錯誤中學習嗎? 
因為每一次的狀況都不一樣, 類似的情況也有很多因素不一樣,
像是那個Galileo還是誰, 第一個主張 
有基因的那個人, 如果他用的不是那種豆子, 實驗]出來的結果也會完全不同..

唉唉唉唉唉唉... no wonder Humanities isn't an exact science... 
philosophy, life... 沒有定律的... 

(我是每看完一部電影就會苦思一些有的沒的的人, 哈) 


2002.04.25 [mel quotes]

it's ironic 
the more self control u have 
the faker u become 

i dun't care what u think 
cuz u sure as hell don't care about what i think 

u're eating 
but u're not digesting 
u're playing 
but u're not enjoying 
u're nodding 
but u're not agreeing 
cuz 
they're listening 
but they're not hearing 
they're looking 
but they're not seeing 

tresure those who go out of their way to help u 
these ppl are few and if u dun watch out 
they will become extinct 

why is it that no one seems to be able to 
remember the names of all seven dwarfs...?   


2002.04.25

放在床頭的那本書 
剩下幾頁卻一直沒去看完它 
那部影評棒口碑佳的電影 
上演下片又出了錄影帶 
還是沒空租來看 

當生活中失去了期待 
當生命開始呆滯徘徊 
嗚呼哀哉, 嗚呼哀哉... 

久違的熬夜趕工 
之後的那一碗水餃 
好香好香 

it's the little things that count 
the little little things...   


2002.04.26

it's that old fav cd collecting dust on the shelf 
it's that old song playing on the radio at midnight 
it's that yellowing photo of good ol' times 
it's all the things u can't get back 

not try at all or to try too hard 
expecting failure as closure 

i am not really ur friend 
i am the demon who feeds on happiness   


2002.04.27 [the road not taken]

The Road Not Taken -- Robert Frost 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood 
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveller, long I stood 
And looked down one as far as I could 
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair, 
And having perhaps the better claim, 
Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 
Though as for that the passing there 
Had worn them really about the same, 

And both that morning equally lay 
In leaves no step had trodden black. 
Oh, I kept the first one for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 
I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh 
Somewhere ages and ges hence: 
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- 
I took the one less travelled by, 
And that has made all the difference.    


Robert Frost said : 
"Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
But knowing how way leads on to way, 
I doubted if I should ever come back." 

就是這種遺憾... 
what if i had gone the other way? 
就像"時光機器"裡的男主角一樣... 
不停追逐著他一個答案, "what if?" 
這種沒意義的問題, 卻困住了多少人啊? 

我知道世事不可能完美 
我知道人不能隨心所欲也不能擁有一切 
我知道世界不公平的很殘忍 
我知道人生就是必須做出許許多多困難的抉擇 
可是我不想去面對 我不想這樣子 
為什麼不能兩條路都走走看 
為什麼不能家庭朋友學業愛情健康全部都兼顧 
又還有剩餘的私人空間? 
為什麼總是忙到沒有自己的時間空間 
卻還是無法顧到一切, 滿足到每個人? 
I know that by attemping to juggle everything all at once, 
I am taking a stab at the impossible; 
But why does the impossible have to be impossible? 
為何天似乎總愛違人願? 
為何人永遠無法被滿足? 
為何生命中總是少了些什麼? 

埋怨我走的這條路 
但如果我選的是另一條 
我有把握我能不反悔嗎? 

最近一切都亂了 
懶的去理出什麼頭緒來 
忙了幾年為了我那所謂光明的將來 
砸了多少錢與時間在SAT與申請書上 
最後終究也是白忙一場 
也許人真的不該挑戰自己的極限 
只會更難受然後開始懷疑自己的能力罷了 

又是那種"一切都變到好陌生"的感覺 
看看短短幾個月前寫的grad write-up, 
覺得豈只是變了, 還是面目全非呢 

o-e... 
maybe this is just another phase 
as experience and history shows 
it'll pass... it'll all pass. 
現在緊緊握在手掌心中的 
總有一天會捨得放下,放手. 
...是這樣的吧?