Turning Tables (not tricks)

Ever pass a streetcorner, see some ladies of the night, and feel a combination of pity/contempt/envy? Sure what they do can be seen either as reprehensible, a public service, or just plain dumb, but the amount of cash they get must be obscene.

Well, on a different tack, I am always seeking out the backrubs (be nice). As living in the citay gets me knotted up and consensual human contact is not a regular thing, it's nice to pop into a holistic parlour and get the shoulders, scalp or feet kneaded out from time to time and leave sweet-smelling and relaxed.

So I pop into one of these Qi Gong massage parlours. I instantly recognize it as a previous palm reader's space (right up to the storefront curtained off) and see separate booths with tables and curtains for privacy. I'm thinking, uh-oh, could this be a wack palace?? But low rates and curiosity got the best of this kitty.

I get a Chinese gent who proceeds to ask me about my nationality and then his hands travel down Mexico way. I surmise that in certain cultures, Americanized, 2nd G or haoles ("half-breeds") get dissed even more than the regular women do (look at the plight of half-gringas in Cuba, par example).

Um, I didn't ask for a 20 minute assrub, either that or he's got a serious communication problem, so I ask him to stay at the shoulders. But apparently he can't keep his hands off my ass, so when we finished the session, I charged him $50.

So there you have it, girls. I'm just an accidental ho'. But just think of how many times you've gotten your ass grabbed in the subway or at some sleazy bar (not that you frequent them or anything) and felt mildly violated. Think if you had the prescience to grab the offender's wrist and snap "Hey! That'll be $25 bucks, asshole!" You could own your own cottage-by-the-sea...

Today's gem: Pity the poor fools that can't even ask for or purchase the pooty. But think of them as an untapped market...

Next week: 40 days and really long-ass nights...

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