Condoms?  None for me, thanks!

(With thanks to Kitty for this gem)

    A co-worker of my best friend and fag hag Kitty Catastrophe came into work one day looking distraught.  "What's wrong?" kitty asked.  He told her about a friend of his who had gotten himself into a bit of trouble.

    It seems that his friend, let's call him Berny P. Ness, met up with a really hot chick and he had sex with her a few times.  The problem was that she was very promiscuous, and a hard core IV drug user who didn't mind sharing those needles.  This was all fine and dandy in January when Berny was banging her, but about a month later he didn't feel so well.  Berny had a fun painful burning and discharge when he urinated.  He ignored it and it went away, but it came back a few months after that- and it was even worse.  Berny was in tears, he didn't want AIDS- he was to young to die.  (But not to young to got schtepping without protection.)  What was he to do?

    So being a good friend, (and an avid condom user) Kitty's co-worker volunteered to go get an HIV test with Berny for support.  He scheduled off of work that Thursday so they could to to the clinic together.  Thursday came, but Berny, who was in tears a week before, decided not to go.  It seemed that Berny's symptoms had cleared up, so he figured that he was fine.

    So what are the morals to this story.  First, don't sleep with slutty IV drug users; that's just common sense.  Even if they don't have disease, that's a complication that you probably don't want in you life.  Second, always use a condom- gay or straight- when you have sex.  Even if the person isn't slutty, and IV drug user, and clean- that doesn't mean that he or she isn't carrying something and they ever so rarely tell you.  Third, even though he probably just got gonorrhea, an STD is no laughing matter.  Gonorrhea can make you sterile and insane.  Any STD infection raises your risk of seroconverting (contracting HIV), and no orgasm is worth that.

    I guess that the all-encompassing lesson to be learned here is: "Safer Sex- it's not just for homosexuals anymore."

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