|
|
Call me PissedoffstoneWho Wants to Be Completely Immoral?
Have you ever had a nightmare so vile, so horrific, that no matter how hard you screamed, kicked, thrashed, or fought; you couldn't wake up. I have, and it's called The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas . This movie is so foul and frightening that they couldn't even get John Goodman, Rick Moranas, or Rosie O'Donnled (my favorite heterosexual, who is in no way a lesbian) back to reprise their roles from the first wretched movie. (The studio said that they wanted younger people to play the roles, but I for one don't buy it.) And to make it even better, this time they put in the Great Gazoo. Why not add in a Scrappy Doo cameo to complete a sucktastick cavalcade of cartoon characters that just shouldn't have happened, and wouldn't have happened in a sane society?Oh boy, maybe those creative giants at Hannah Barbara will make a Jetsons live action movie next. You remember the Jetsons don't you? For those of you who have forgotten (or blocked it out of your memories) it was another idiotic Hannah Barbara cartoon, but instead of being set in the stone age, it was set in the future. And instead of those cute animals saying those funny sidelines, like on the Flintstones, robots and computers said them on the Jetsons. That's that sort of timeless originality that keeps both shows fresh countless decades after they were either pertinent or entertaining.
PUTI- People for the Unethical Treatment of Imbeciles
They started with the "Got Beer?" campaigning. Then one of their members threw a pie at the Secretary of Agriculture. Then they stood outside of CBS headquarters chanting "Rats are people too" What's with these morons? Publicity is one thing, but public stupidity is an entirely different matter. "Got beer?" How about "got brain?" Sure, we need more kids dropping dead from alcohol poisoning, plus beer gives you zero percent of your recommended daily allowance of every vitamin and mineral. Healthy! If you want to make a political statement, throw a pie at someone's face- that's smart! Everyone will take you seriously. And after that rat-eatingly good episode of Survivor they were changing "Rats are people too" and "Rats have rights" Rats are not people, rats do not have rights- they have disease! Ever hear about the bubonic plague? It was a laugh riot.My question is, who is the deranged moron whipping up the advertising and public relation strategy for this group? If you want people to give a rat's ass (and not have aforementioned rat's ass eaten) about your cause, perhaps you should focus on education over shock value. Shock gets you headlines in the short term, but it gets you forgotten and dismissed in the long run.
The Worst Criminal of All:
Child molesters, extortionists, kidnappers- amateurs. Murderers, rapists, arsonists- small time. No, there is a crime so horrifying, so destructive that it degrades the whole of society. We, as citizens of the United States of America, all suffer from the effects of this menace. What is this villainy, this scourge that is so destructive? Cable theft, the crime we all pay for.Or at least this is what the cable monopolies, lead by AT&T Cable Services, would like us all to believe. I don't know how many commercials, that we as cable customers have subsidized, are paraded across America's screens. How stupid and gullible do they think we are? How many newspapers would have nothing better to do than publish the names of cable thieves? "But those darned cable thieves ruin our reception" the masses scream out for justice! "They drive up our prices" because the cable monopolies would give cable away for free if not for those damndable thieves.
So am I advocating cable theft? No, not really. But how much money could a cable monopoly lose a year to theft- a drop in the bucket to what they fleece from us everyday. I doubt that they loose as much as they spend on those idiotic commercials. Probably also not as much as they pay out in settlements, since they are trying to foster a false sense of diversity. (Denny's anyone?)
Fox Television "Network", never one to be far from the gutter, let loose a whole new horror upon the world- yes a show even more derogatory toward women than Ally McBeal. Take one man with a questionable temper, add a bunch of wannabe gold diggers, throw in a beauty pageant, and then add in a quickie Las Vegas marriage and divorce- shake well and you have Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?. Yes, we gather a bunch of wannabe gold diggers onto one stage, have them prance around the lek, and then our bachelor gets to pick the one that is preened the most. But the show doesn't stop there! Of course, since this was on Fox, they didn't bother to check into the groom's past, so there was a nice surprise just waiting for them. His past come out, and our revolted new bride told the horror of their marriage. Alas, how she suffered. She just wanted to be left alone, to resume her private life. She really didn't want to get married anyway- that's why she quit her job. Besides, it wasn't a real marriage, since it wasn't in the eyes of God. So how does the poor lady try to pick up the pieces of her life torn apart by the burning glare of the evil media? She poses for Playboy! Makes sense to me, why not pose for Hustler and Nugget too?
What really annoys me about this whole gold digging episode is that the wedding between two complete strangers that deteriorated in at best fifteen seconds was perfectly legal. People bitch about how gays and lesbians couldn't possibly respect the institution of marriage, we would destroy the sanctity of this most cherished event. But there the divorce rate is over fifty percent, people marry to steal money from each other, and domestic violence and child abuse run rampant. But I personally am going to ruin the whole thing- I'm a bastard like that. I'm not saying that gay marriage is going to be any more successful than straight marriage, but we at least deserve that chance to screw up our lives with a bitch ex who demands alimony on the first of the month- and don't dare be a minute late with it!
Fox asked the "blushing groom" (I don't care enough to remember his name) if there was anything in his past that would embarrass the network. (As if you could embarrass a network with no standards.) But guess what, anyone who would actually want to be on a show like that must have something horribly, horribly wrong with him or her. Before the blushing groom's past was revealed, I told one of my co-workers that there was a really good probability that he had an abuse charge filed against him with a past relationship. He wasn't interested in finding a woman to love, he wanted in image, and perhaps a possession. Not that the "loving bride" was any better. "I didn't consider it a marriage because it wasn't a marriage in the eyes of God." No, she considered it a stepping stone for her career, or perhaps a lucrative book and movie deal. She said that when she was on the show that she was terrified and had absolutely no intention of marrying him. Why did she quit her job right after the wedding? (Hell, why was she there in the first place?) She said that she wants to put the whole thing behind her. Then give back your prizes and get off of my television.
What really disgusts me is that television has sunk so low as to not only show this garbage, but to condone and sanction a marriage of convenience. He got a trophy, she got a meal ticket. Everybody won. Darva asked the question, "When did opportunist become a bad word?" Gee Darva, was opportunist ever a good word?
Reality Television Bites:
"This is the annoying story of seven deadbeats picked to live in a fat ass pad and have every boring second of their dismal lives taped to see what happens when people stop being nice, and start getting whiny- the Dumb World" About a decade ago it stared with seven diverse people picked to live in a loft to see the spontaneous situations that may have happened. Now, 392 seasons later, seven pretty stereotypes who want to get acting careers are specially picked and groomed to live in a mansion and play in contrived stories.
But that isn't enough "reality" for the American viewing public. Then came Road Rules, When Animals Attack, World's Scariest Police Chases, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?, and Making the Band. But the America thirst for entertainment at other people's expense is still not quenched. Now there is Survivor and what promises to be the worst of all, Big Brother. The producers of Big Brother brag that there were cameras in each and every room of the set, including the bathrooms, so that every potential conversation, every potential action, every potential dalliance could be caught on tape.
Am I the only person chilled to the bone at the thought of this sort of voyeurism being considered good television? How far has our society fallen that this is considered entertainment? Is this the sort of complacency that proceeded the fall of the mighty Roman Empire?
Why is that so many people find this entertaining? This harkens back to the dark days of the O.J. Simpson trial. People claimed that they didn't watch it, yet the ratings said otherwise. Maybe if people started getting their own lives, they wouldn't be so concerned about anyone else's.
 |
