in the darkness,
where I feel my voice is heard...
Screaming into the night,
in the silence
where only you and I dwell
and feel safe.
the closet
I'm hiding in the closet again
amongst the shoes
head pressed hard
against the wall
my feet
tucked in
just another pair
of size sevens
my skirt
blending with
the colors of many
my tears
held tightly in their place
determined
not to let weakness
slip and show.
You feed on that
don't you?
My pain
my heartache
my weakness...
Like a parasite,
like a vulture,
like the hyenas,
you feed upon
the flesh of the dead
and dying
and bask
in the knowledge
that your words
have again
pierced
my soul.
SeaDreams, 1-4-99
tables turned
How quickly
the stinger
rises and strikes
almost like it has
been laying in wait
to strike out
the Offender,
and not the
innocent victim,
as many might think.
SeaDreams, 1-4-99
a simple pawn
You play well...
a master, in fact
of the craft
you seem intent
to conquer.
And I
a mere pawn
in the game
in which you are King.
SeaDreams, 1-4-99
silent screams
Can you hear my screams
in the silence?
Help me!
I feel so alone!
I feel so afraid!
It is as if I,
by some divine illusion
am left alone
on the face
of the earth,
devoid of all that blooms
and shines,
and is good.
My screams
echo through the darkness
until they become lost
until my voice
becomes silent
and no sound
escapes my lips
and still I scream.
SeaDreams, 1-4-99
you call this love?
Another long night
on the couch.
Whatever happened
to respect
and self-control?
When, so many times,
I have told you
the things
that I find off-limits
to attack
under any circumstances,
why is it
that those are the first
you strike upon?
And yet
you
call this love?
...this endless cycle
of broken promises
that leaves our love
mere shards of glass
on cold stone floors?
their crystal spire edges
reflecting in the sun,
little knives
waiting
for a victim.
SeaDreams, 1-4-99
amnesia
If only I could
waken
with amnesia,
forgotten memories
of the day before..
my mind,
a clean slate
my heart,
full and not broken
my spirit,
never shattered
like the rubble of war
in ashes
my hopes,
not razed
by the harshness
of your tongue;
that same tongue
that could bring
such pleasure
on long slow nights
when we bathed in sweat,
our hearts joined
in that elusive state
I thought was love.
SeaDreams, 1-4-99
my father
my father who art in the heavens
Like god in the heavens
the full moon
looks down upon me,
a guiding father
watching over me,
with loving care
he brings me strength
to face another tomorrow.
Sometimes,
it’s those things
most simple
that make us appreciate
all we take for granted
as we travel the path
that is set before us each day.
I look up,
and
for a shining moment
all that pain
and emptiness within me
vanish.
Like the junkie’s fix,
or the alcoholic’s drink,
all that is wrong
is momentarily right.
And,
though not happy,
that simple upwards glance
into the heavens
gives me
the gentle nudge I need
to move ever onward
along the path,
knowing
there is more to see
and more to share
as well as more
that will bring pain.
For such is life.
SeaDreams, November, 1998
gypsy specials
I want you
with a hunger
that consumes my soul
a voracious starving
that radiates
from the depths
of my being.
Like an animal
in the forest,
my thirst for you
is instinctive.
I am driven by a force
I cannot control
and mold like the clay
of a sculptoress
to suit the shape
of my wishes.
It’s as though,
through cosmic mutiny,
a swashbuckling stranger
has materialized, at the helm
of my ship.
My crew is weak,
as we’ve journeyed far,
seeking our dreams
in Cracker Jacks boxes
as foretold in darkened rooms
by the crystal balls of gypsys
running $5 specials.
SeaDreams, November, 1998
mountaintop
From up here in the clouds I see
a million miles in front of me
a carpet green from mountain high
a thousand lives just walking by
Upon a cliff there sits a dove
reminds me of my now-lost love
it looks out on the world below
from mountain high that’s tipped in snow
As I peer out from on my perch
I feel as if I’m in a church
the clouds above, the ground below
I sit and watch the river flow
But all this beauty I perceive
just makes me wish that I could leave
and take the hand of my lost love
and make him share the view above.
For somehow, I feel something’s wrong
I think it’s cause he’s not along
I can’t help feel it isn’t right
to not with you, Love, share this sight.
©SeaDreams, November, 1998
bubble dreams
Emptiness echoes
in the crossroads of my heart
today’s dreams
become tomorrow’s disappointments
casualties litter the chambers
where once we laughed
and dreamed.
Dreams, foolish illusions
pumped with false hope
broken promises
and wilted flowers
that’s sweetness once
filled the air
intoxicating us
and stirring hope.
Yet all is hopeless
and dreams are just bubbles
waiting to pop
leaving only the emptiness
silence where once there was music
hopelessness where once
sandcastles were built of dreams
SeaDreams, Sept. ‘98
The face in the mirror
There hides in all of us
the face of another
just under the surface
waiting for that trigger
that releases him.
He is of the darkness;
a pilferer of all that is good.
He is the hurricane
flattening all in his wake;
a rotting corpse of existence
feeding on the infection
deep within our soul.
He turns our smiles to frowns
and clouds our blue skies to gray,
turning our joys to sorrows
and our dreams to nightmares.
He resides in all of us.
Yet he flourishes in you
as if he has found his home
and dwells there in comfort.
I see past his face to yours
yet it becomes lost in the storm
SeaDreams,Dec.1998
faces in the darkness
Is it you I see
through the darkness
Peering through the trees?
Do you watch me
as the guardian,
or the predator…
lying in wait to pounce?
Do you eye me with paternal warmth,
or lustful greed?
Do you want me
as a man wants a woman,
or as a wolf views his prey?
Do you want me by night?
Do you want me by day?
SeaDreams, Dec. ‘98
our lonely existence
we are borne of it
and remain there
evermore...
ALONE...
Our lonely existence
occasionally touched
by another
yet always
abandoned
and alone
in the end.
We go on...
trudge onward
carrying the weight of the world
upon our shoulders
bearing our loads:
too proud to ask for help
too hurt to share our burdens
and too scarred to try again.
SeaDreams, Dec. ‘98
Killing me Slowly
I want you
hard and fast
pound me
with your arrow
as I wail
into the night.
my screams,
like rainstorms come
from the center of my being
rhythmically beating
in frenzied song.
Those drums
of passion
and pain
beat me
until I am no more.
Oh, Kill me quickly,
my love,
because this road
of slow death
is destroying my soul within.
SeaDreams, Dec.’98
river of tears
barren and hollow
you leave me
drowning in my pain.
You turn and walk away,
a bit of a smile upon your lips
as my lifeblood pours forth from me,
a river of tears
washing salt
through the wounds
of yesterday.
Tomorrow
will be left for healing.
But tonight is mine,
to bend and twist
your heartstrings
at my leisure,
at my pleasure
to pierce you
with my knife
and watch you bleed,
a deep red.
SeaDreams,Dec.'98
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Loneliness hangs
like the weight of the world
upon my heart.
A burden of
memories
and
could-have-beens.
In an instant
yesterday becomes history;
its tales left
etched amongst
the pages of the past
leaving today
an empty shell.
Oh,if only we could cling
to the richness
of our yesterdays
and
carry them
into the morrow!
We would never be alone...
SeaDreams,Dec.24,1998
Home Sweet Home
(how I miss you!)
The solitude
of winter:
blankets of snow
tucking the world away
in the warmth of the fireplace.
sleigh bells
and children,
drinking hot cocoa,
wearing smiles
and mittens
as they pull their sleds
behind them.
Carolers
with neckscarves long
echoing
through the crisp night air.
Neighbors,
with warm greetings,
drop by
bearing gifts of cookies
and fudge.
The cold night air
is full
with the scent of pine trees
and the warmth of love.
SeaDreams, Dec.24,1998
my life
here in pieces lies
scattered
in the darkness
for all the world
to see
while I sit here
alone...
All materials written herein are ©1998, 1999 SeaDreams, and may be reprinted with written permission only.
[My Words-Poems] [From the Heart-Poems 2] [Sad Song-Poems 3]
[Tears-Poems 4] [Sunset-Poems 5] [Longings-Poems 6]
[Desolation-Poems 7] [Promises-Poems 8] [Silent Whispers-Poems 9]
[Reflections-Poems X] [Realm of the Paradox-Poems XI]
[BLACKNESS-Poems XII] [Dust in the Wind]-Poems XIII [Peter]-Poems XIV
[The Rainforest] [Sunshine, Daydream] [Sea’s Links]
[Grateful Dead] [People HELP!] [gods?]
[Last Stand]
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